I was totally being ignored by my date in front of his friends

[Strahatmak]

First bolded...yes my boyfriend and I are the same... but that's because he has ALREADY introduced me to all his friends and family and I have interacted with them many many times, so of course I am comfortable doing my own thing at events with friends and family.

 

 

However, when I first started dating him and he invited me to meet his friends FOR THE FIRST TIME, you better believe he introduced me to everyone including the host, asked me if I would like some food, maybe a drink...and made sure I was comfortable.

 

 

He DID NOT just go off and mingle with his friends and leave me alone all by myself WITHOUT introducing me to people.... and making sure I was comfortable - I HAVE NEVER MET THESE PEOPLE AND DONT KNOW THEM -- for god's sake Gary what are you thinking? Are you okay? Seriously...come on now.

 

 

Re second bolded -- no this is not a "man" bashing thread...this is just us bashing this particular guy because he behaved like a total twit!

 

It's fine he's just out of words. No one brings that to sexist level but himself.

[Strahatmak]

Okay...too late now, but lesson learned for next time this happens with another man (since you are dumping this one).

 

 

After only 6-7 dates, you say NOTHING! The above makes you sound needy and demanding.

 

 

Yes he was a total twit, but the correct response would have been for you to say NOTHING, and walk out (like I suggested) ... or afterwards say NOTHING and just PULL BACK or next him altogether.

 

 

It is TOO EARLY to be calling him out on this....what did you expect him to say? Of course he was gonna get defensive and try to turn it all around on you.

 

 

Sweetie, pls try and learn from this. These early dates are the time to assess whether or not HE is right for YOU. It is not the time for you to be calling him out on bad behavior. If he behaves badly, you dump him! It does NOT get better.

 

Thanks for the tip. I was moody and didn't know what I should do.

[h0000]

you are bringing a friend, who may be asking to meet new friends, to your social group. Will you leave your friend, just friend okay not special people, not introducing him or her to any one, not making sure that he or she knows where to find food or drinks, not asking him or her to join in the card game or board game or movie or just a chat, and pretending not knowing him or her the rest of the night?

 

Please answer. and No, it's not about sex. I just didn't see any of my guy friends did that to their newly dated girls when introducing the girls to our social group. My ex's and ex-dates didn't do that, too.

 

If it was just a friend, yeah I would leave him to social with the rest of the group by himself. I would introduce him at the beginning to whoever we meet, but later as the party gets busy, I'd imagine we'd be both busy doing our own thing.

 

If it was a guy I have high interest in, I would check on him more often.

 

But if it was a guy I knew for 2 weeks, I would not invited him to meet my friends at all.

[Gary S]

I think it would have been classy if he introduced you to everybody.... usually someone, or the host will introduce, or you introduce yourself. Did you introduce yourself, or just sit there like a bump on a log? How old are you two?

 

I still say, no group dates for six months - half the blame belongs to the OP.

[kendahke]

We had an argument in the car after.

"I feel awkward. In the end I don't even know your friends!"

"Why?"

"You don't even introduce me!"

"They know your name!"

*Silence*

"Did you ever tell your friends that you are bringing a friend ahead?"

"No. Why do I need to do that? What's the point?"

"So what were they expecting when they saw me?"

"Just... I don't understand! They don't expect anything!"

"I told you someone was saying if I was your girlfriend! I don't even know myself! So tell me how shall I approach your friends?"

*Silence*

 

Ouch. That was a swan dive off the high dive into the shallow end of the pool.

 

I wouldn't have even bothered with arguing with him. Waste of energy. He wasn't your boyfriend and he made damb sure everyone got that message.

 

I'd have just said "you know, I think we want different things. I won't be seeing you anymore after this. Don't call or text anymore. I'm moving on..." and just let him sputter.

[Gary S]

Listen, group dates in the beginning are problematic.... you don't know the guy well enough....... plus people relate differently in groups. Finally, if you are judging this man's intentions toward you based on what happened in the group, you are doing yourself a disservice, because it's hard to judge.

[katiegrl]

I think it would have been classy if he introduced you to everybody.... usually someone, or the host will introduce, or you introduce yourself. Did you introduce yourself, or just sit there like a bump on a log? How old are you two?

 

I still say, no group dates for six months - half the blame belongs to the OP.

 

Why? For accepting an invitation by a new guy she is dating to spend some time at an event and meet his friends?

 

 

Had she known prior that HE was gonna be so inconsiderate and dismissive and RUDE by not introducing her to his friends (which again HE invited her there to meet), then perhaps she would have declined HIS invite.

 

 

But how was she to know that?

 

 

Frankly I don't know any man who would behave like he did (not in my world anyway) -- common courtesy and basic etiquette dictate that at the very least, when you invite someone (especially a woman you just started dating) somewhere where she will NOT know anyone, you introduce her to your friends, who you invited her there to meet, remember?

 

 

Okay once you introduce her to your friends and realize she is comfortable interacting and mingling with them on her own, THEN if you want to go mingle with your friends, that's okay.

 

 

But again common courtesy and basic etiquette would AT LEAST warrant your introducing her.

 

 

Gary you asked how old she was....well I have a question for you (with respect), how were you raised?

 

 

My parents raised me to be courteous and considerate when bringing a guest to an event where they WILL NOT KNOW ANYONE....and introduce them and make sure they are comfortable before dodging off leaving them to their own accord.

 

 

I don't think anyone would expect that your guest should mingle around alone and introduce herself....that's really over the top and pretty freakin rude IMO.

 

 

I am really REALLY surprised by your comments here....

Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[h0000]

Why? For accepting an invitation by a new guy she is dating to spend some time at an event and meet his friends?

 

 

Had she known prior that HE was gonna be so inconsiderate and dismissive and RUDE by not introducing her to his friends (which again HE invited her there to meet), then perhaps she would have declined HIS invite.

 

 

But how was she to know that?

 

 

Frankly I don't know any man who would behave like he did (not in my world anyway) -- common courtesy and basic etiquette dictate that at the very least, when you invite someone (especially a woman you just started dating) somewhere where she will NOT know anyone, you introduce her to your friends, who you invited her there to meet, remember?

 

 

Okay once you introduce her to your friends and realize she is comfortable interacting and mingling with them on her own, THEN if you want to go mingle with your friends, that's okay.

 

 

But again common courtesy and basic etiquette would AT LEAST warrant your introducing her.

 

 

Gary you asked how old she was....well I have a question for you (with respect), how were you raised?

 

 

My parents raised me to be courteous and considerate when bringing a guest to an event where they WILL NOT KNOW ANYONE....and introduce them and make sure they are comfortable before dodging off leaving them to their own accord.

 

 

I don't think anyone would expect that your guest should mingle around alone and introduce herself....that's really over the top and pretty freakin rude IMO.

 

 

I am really REALLY surprised by your comments here....

 

I don't think he consider himself dating her. Seems like he thinks she is a friend he likes and him inviting her is like "just adding another friend to this friends party." He did introduce her to some people, just did not stick around the whole night so he can introduce her to everyone. Obviously he think shes old enough to social herself lol

 

I almost feel he was testing if you can make yourself popular among his friends, by yourself

Edited August 3, 2015 by h0000

[katiegrl]

I don't think he consider himself dating her. Seems like he thinks she is a friend he likes and him inviting her is like "just adding another friend to this friends party." He did introduce her to some people, just did not stick around the whole night so he can introduce her to everyone. Obviously he think shes old enough to social herself lol

 

I almost feel he was testing if you can make yourself popular among his friends, by yourself

 

I wouldn't even treat "just a friend" that way. I was raised when you invite someone (even just a friend) to an event where they won't know anyone, you introduce them around, make sure he/she is comfortable in that environment before leaving them to mingle around on their own. I can't even imagine doing otherwise.

 

 

If it was a test, she should still dump him...even more so...because that's a pretty crappy test if you ask me...and does not speak well to his character IMO.

 

 

Next.

[Gary S]

Originally Posted by Gary S

 

half the blame belongs to the OP.

 

 

Why? For accepting an invitation by a new guy she is dating to spend some time at an event and meet his friends?

.

 

- That's what I'm sayin' precious. She should have conterofferd with another day for a one-on-one date. Next time she'll know better. Hey, look at the bright side, she learned something today.

 

I agree with you that the guy seemed to lack class..... but the main issue is, the group date was a bad idea from the beginning, it was all downhill from there.

[mrldii]

Actually, years ago, I accepted a date with a guy I'd just met; he told me he had a "reunion" to go to that Saturday night and asked if I'd like to go.

 

I accepted. Knowing that "reunions" are typically where you want to show your friends how well you're doing, I was extremely flattered that he wanted me to go...on our first date, to boot. When he picked me up, I [seriously] asked him, "Since this is your reunion, how do you want me to act?"

 

He [kiddingly] responded, "Like you're in love with me." I thought he was serious, so when we got there, I did. I hung on his every word, I laughed at his jokes, I touched his arm, I gazed lovingly into his eyes...just like he asked me to. He, not realizing I was 'acting', responded to my 'love' act...and started 'acting' like he was *in love*, too. Later in the evening, his life-long friends were shocked to discover it was our first date, and couldn't believe how made-for-each-other we were.

 

We stayed together for 5 years. Yup, yup...all from falling in love *by accident*.

 

 

By the way, all of my four serious relationships introduced to me to their friends pretty early on. It's a pretty good indication how serious a guy is with you...most want the *thumbs-up* from their friends; it's what *allows* them to fall even more in love with the woman.

 

[h0000]

I wouldn't even treat "just a friend" that way. I was raised when you invite someone (even just a friend) to an event where they won't know anyone, you introduce them around, make sure he/she is comfortable in that environment before leaving them to mingle around on their own. I can't even imagine doing otherwise.

 

 

If it was a test, she should still dump him...even more so...because that's a pretty crappy test if you ask me...and does not speak well to his character IMO.

 

 

Next.

 

It's nice for him to want his friends to know her, but it's odd he behaved that way.

[jen1447]

I wouldn't even treat "just a friend" that way. I was raised when you invite someone (even just a friend) to an event where they won't know anyone, you introduce them around, make sure he/she is comfortable in that environment before leaving them to mingle around on their own. I can't even imagine doing otherwise.

Just basic decency and common sense, nevermind the 'group dating' paranoia.

[dpn4u]

Ah the age old question, to pda or not to pda.

 

Your problem can be solved with simple communication. Not all guys have a high social IQ. In fact women have a distinct advantage, it's been proven scientifically.

 

He may have been ditched by a girl he was overly affectionate with in public (I have!) and now he's overcompensating. Talk to him, tell him you want him to show others that he adores you when in public.

 

Communication...

 

Men want to appear strong. You need to let him know that it takes more strength to give up a little vulnerability than it does to act like he doesn't know you.

Edited August 4, 2015 by dpn4u

[Strahatmak]

I don't think he consider himself dating her.

 

There were too many responds so I might have missed this piece of info:

 

He said he was into me, or else he wouldn't have dated me.

[Strahatmak]

- That's what I'm sayin' precious. She should have conterofferd with another day for a one-on-one date. Next time she'll know better. Hey, look at the bright side, she learned something today.

 

I agree with you that the guy seemed to lack class..... but the main issue is, the group date was a bad idea from the beginning, it was all downhill from there.

 

I still do not understand why the counteroffer on one-on-one date keeps popping up. We had several one-on-one dates already. He clearly said that he would like me to hang out with his friends.

 

Now you said this was the root cause: no seeing date's friends until a later stage. Aren't there enough examples that a few people here have told you that meeting the date's friends isn't a problem? I don't want to go into that extreme - are you selectively reading posts?

 

I don't know what I have learned except what katie and jen and kenda told me. I think there is enough argument here and it won't end because you keep ignoing others' responds and hold tight on the so-called "group dating" thing. If you want me to take the blame, sure why not. Case closed.

[katiegrl]

Ah the age old question, to pda or not to pda.

 

Your problem can be solved with simple communication. Not all guys have a high social IQ. In fact women have a distinct advantage, it's been proven scientifically.

 

He may have been ditched by a girl he was overly affectionate with in public (I have!) and now he's overcompensating. Talk to him, tell him you want him to show others that he adores you when in public.

 

Communication...

 

Men want to appear strong. You need to let him know that it takes more strength to give up a little vulnerability than it does to act like he doesn't know you.

 

^^Was this meant for another thread? The OP's dilemma has nothing to do with PDA.

 

 

Her boyfriend is just an inconsiderate, insensitive boob in general.

Edited August 4, 2015 by katiegrl

[smackie9]

IMO if you really actually cared about someone, and want them to be a part of your life, you would be proudly going around to everyone introducing your new GF/BF, making sure they felt very welcomed.

 

OP you never go by what they tell you, you go by their actions....actions speak louder than words.

 

"He said he was into me, or else he wouldn't have dated me". Well he ain't really showin it now is he...

[Strahatmak]

IMO if you really actually cared about someone, and want them to be a part of your life, you would be proudly going around to everyone introducing your new GF/BF, making sure they felt very welcomed.

 

OP you never go by what they tell you, you go by their actions....actions speak louder than words.

 

"He said he was into me, or else he wouldn't have dated me". Well he ain't really showin it now is he...

 

Well, yes, I won't deny it. He is occupied by his own stuffs. I am not his priority, and I am not complaining about it because I don't need daily conversation or seeing each other more then twice a week even in a relationship. I won't go into details, but I could tell he did his best to see me - HIS best LOL, so it is by his standard. But I was and am still impressed.

 

He could be probably one of those few people who were clueless on things, so we do not match with each other because I definitely need the type with "detail oriented" character. Like one of my ex - when we were still dating - he bought me a bunch of cookies I liked by driving to the only place that sold them, which was one hour away; only because I bought those at a market place while I was going on a road trip with him and others and said that I liked those so much but couldn't find any in the city we were living. My other ex did something similar for me, too, while we were dating. You can say that I am spoiled LOL

[caringsister]

Common courtesy would be to introduce you to the hostess and a few others. Even if he just simply made an informal announcement, hey guys ... This is so and so. He should have acknowledged your existence since he is the one that brought you there. Just because your not his gf doesn't excuse his lack of consideration. If it was one of his male friends I can see where he could have a fend for yourself attitude though rightfully so one should most always make introductions.

 

I find his behavior to be rude & inconsiderate. I definitely would have second thoughts about any future dates. If he can't be conscientious enough to treat you with common decency as a person then I doubt he would if you were his girlfriend. After all even though you are not officially his gf the fact he dated you put you in a different zone then merely friends.One would think he'd want to impress you. I wonder how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Awkward no doubt and a bit confused.

Edited August 6, 2015 by caringsister