I was totally being ignored by my date in front of his friends

[misspond]

To my mind, if someone invites you to spend time with them and their friends when you have been dating - because this is what this is about isn't it? you are dating, you're not just "mates" - and then ignores you, doesn't spend time with you, doesn't introduce you to people..... the game they're playing isn't a fun one that you're both enjoying and if the OP feels unhappy about it then she should just say adios. He acted like a tw@t.

[Strahatmak]

And most importantly, he didnt know why I was confused and was clueless that he was the one brought in the confusion. Not only to me BUT ALSO TO SOME OF HIS FRIENDS. Yes, I heard someone was talking like, "is that his girl friend?" Sound bad enough now?

[Gary S]

So why did HE invite her?????

 

I would REALLY like to know the answer to this question!

 

- He just did not know any better. Okay, so he's not a rocket scientist

 

She made the mistake also....she could have turned down the date and countered with a one-on-one date for another day.... if only she knew better.

 

I hope OP takes stock in what I've said here.... there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

[Guilty Good Girl]

Women forget to be objective when dating. We should be looking for something that we want. A few dates is enough to know how he will continue to act. Don't think his character will change. But if you insist on doing so, do the same. Aloof is better so you can decide if he is good enough for you, not the other way around.

[katiegrl]

- He just did not know any better. Okay, so he's not a rocket scientist

 

She made the mistake also....she could have turned down the date and countered with a one-on-one date for another day.... if only she knew better.

 

I hope OP takes stock in what I've said here.... there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Sorry, there is something seriously seriously wrong with you if you truly believe that.

[katiegrl]

And most importantly, he didnt know why I was confused and was clueless that he was the one brought in the confusion. Not only to me BUT ALSO TO SOME OF HIS FRIENDS. Yes, I heard someone was talking like, "is that his girl friend?" Sound bad enough now?

 

Maybe he has Asperger's.

 

It's possible.

[Strahatmak]

Maybe he has Asperger's.

 

It's possible.

 

Lol

I knew men are bad in guessing.

[kendahke]

Is this the same guy from your last thread who was only looking for fun and you wanted to dump negativity on him because your past boyfriends did and he didn't respond to that text?

 

Has he asked you for exclusivity/commitment yet?

[Iron Bubba]

If they're ignoring you they don't you.

 

just walk away and find people who won't be so rude.

[kendahke]

He sounds totally like he was testing you to see if you were one of those girls who can entertain herself and take the initiative or if he has to be by your side during the whole evening. Some people are naturally outgoing and would have mingled. You're not one of those people. FWIW, I think his behavior was beyond rude, but then again, he's a guy you even said in your first post about him was only about having fun. If nothing else will do it, his behavior should be screaming and yelling at you that you are an option to him, and not even an important enough of one to him to even check himself to make sure you were enjoying yourself with his friends, none of whom you know.

 

And you want to continue dating him why, exactly? Are you really that hard up for a boyfriend?

[katiegrl]

- He just did not know any better. Okay, so he's not a rocket scientist

 

She made the mistake also....she could have turned down the date and countered with a one-on-one date for another day.... if only she knew better.

 

I hope OP takes stock in what I've said here.... there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Gary, are you a father? If you are, would you be giving this same advice to your daughter?

 

Read jen's post again breaking down how this guy treated her....and get back to us.

 

I know my own father would be furious! And would be advising me to ditch him pronto!!!!

[Strahatmak]

Is this the same guy from your last thread who was only looking for fun and you wanted to dump negativity on him because your past boyfriends did and he didn't respond to that text?

 

Has he asked you for exclusivity/commitment yet?

 

ThAnks for follow my post. Yes it was him. He responded after a quite while. A short one, though I did appreciate that.

 

Not yet, like I said, I would like to take things slowly but with a bit intellectual and emotional connection gradually. I can tell this is all he can take - the 10% version of a really tough situation of mine. I understand that he isnt ready down for more support. But this time, it just reassures me that he is only down for fun and want me to down for fun as well at least for a few more months before he is moving me to a more prioritize level.

[kendahke]

it just reassures me that he is only down for fun and want me to down for fun as well at least for a few more months before he is moving me to a more prioritize level.

 

So, you're going to stick around for this to happen?

 

You do know that doing that is telling him it's OK for him to treat you like he did, right?

 

You can't possibly need a boyfriend that badly...

[Strahatmak]

He sounds totally like he was testing you to see if you were one of those girls who can entertain herself and take the initiative or if he has to be by your side during the whole evening. Some people are naturally outgoing and would have mingled. You're not one of those people. FWIW, I think his behavior was beyond rude, but then again, he's a guy you even said in your first post about him was only about having fun. If nothing else will do it, his behavior should be screaming and yelling at you that you are an option to him, and not even an important enough of one to him to even check himself to make sure you were enjoying yourself with his friends, none of whom you know.

 

And you want to continue dating him why, exactly? Are you really that hard up for a boyfriend?

 

Sometimes one becomes a bit more desparate when things around changed.

 

As i read more threads from jen and katie and others, i am quite sure our personalities and expectations are not matching. I am ready to back out from this dating.

[kendahke]

Sometimes one becomes a bit more desparate when things around changed.

 

As i read more threads from jen and katie and others, i am quite sure our personalities and expectations are not matching. I am ready to back out from this dating.

 

I think that would be a very wise move on your part. He's not at all giving you any indication that he's got enough consideration for you to cover a gnat.

[jen1447]

The only thing wrong here is that two peeps did not have sense enough to stay away from a group date in the beginning of dating.... as this played out, it became an awkward situation, and I'll admit it makes him look like a bad dude... and maybe he is. But I still think you guys are overthinking it.

 

Maybe he was confused on how to introduce her.... she's not his girlfriend yet... so maybe he clammed up? Heck, he really does not know her, they are only acquaintances.

 

I think she should just realize group dates are bad moves in the beginning (and they are both guilty here, this is an area where it takes two to tango)... I say she should let this one slide, not hold it against him, and continue dating, one-on-one for awhile.

 

This is why I have a rule, to avoid confusion like this.... like I said, the rule is, no group dates for six months.

 

- He just did not know any better. Okay, so he's not a rocket scientist

 

She made the mistake also....she could have turned down the date and countered with a one-on-one date for another day.... if only she knew better.

 

I hope OP takes stock in what I've said here.... there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Weak. You're not promoting a lot of faith in the 'House of Gary' here.

[mrldii]

Let's review ....

 

1. got himself food and drinks for himself only.
   
2. He only introduced me to 2 of his friends out of like, 13, 14 friends of his.
   
3. He didn't ask me to join in the chat when I was standing a few feets away all by myself.
   
4. I was standing next to the sofa which he was lying in, occupied all three seats.
   
5. He looked at me and turned his eyes away.
   
6. He didn't at least tell me where to get drinks and food.
   
7. He didn't introduce me to the host, too!
   

 

Is that seriously your idea of "nothing wrong?"

 

 

We recently learned in another class that being rude, obnoxious, and/or exempt of social skills makes one manly; ergo, he was simply exhibiting "masculine energy".

 

[misspond]

- He just did not know any better. Okay, so he's not a rocket scientist

 

She made the mistake also....she could have turned down the date and countered with a one-on-one date for another day.... if only she knew better.

 

I hope OP takes stock in what I've said here.... there's no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

No. Sorry. Six months before you have a date with someone that involves friends? This is not on her at all. He invited her, she said yes and then he acted like a tw@t. What he should have done is had his arm around her and introduced her to everyone that was important to him and spent some time with her as well as chatting to his friends and kept his eye on her so that she didn't end up connecting with someone else because ***he was ignoring her***.

 

Whatever his own reasons for doing this OP I'm sorry it happened to you at a point where you were beginning to feel comfortable with him. Don't ask for an explanation, and don't let him fob you off. He acted like a toddler and not at all like a grown man.

[Strahatmak]

No. Sorry. Six months before you have a date with someone that involves friends? This is not on her at all. He invited her, she said yes and then he acted like a tw@t. What he should have done is had his arm around her and introduced her to everyone that was important to him and spent some time with her as well as chatting to his friends and kept his eye on her so that she didn't end up connecting with someone else because ***he was ignoring her***.

 

Whatever his own reasons for doing this OP I'm sorry it happened to you at a point where you were beginning to feel comfortable with him. Don't ask for an explanation, and don't let him fob you off. He acted like a toddler and not at all like a grown man.

 

We had an argument in the car after.

"I feel awkward. In the end I don't even know your friends!"

"Why?"

"You don't even introduce me!"

"They know your name!"

*Silence*

"Did you ever tell your friends that you are bringing a friend ahead?"

"No. Why do I need to do that? What's the point?"

"So what were they expecting when they saw me?"

"Just... I don't understand! They don't expect anything!"

"I told you someone was saying if I was your girlfriend! I don't even know myself! So tell me how shall I approach your friends?"

*Silence*

 

And most importantly, he was expecting me to tag along with him the whole day. He was expecting me to hang out with his friends more for the rest of the day... I said I didn't know I thought it was just the gathering because that was all he had told me. He said he wouldn't go to the gathering if we didn't hang out with his friends later.

[katiegrl]

We had an argument in the car after.

"I feel awkward. In the end I don't even know your friends!"

"Why?"

"You don't even introduce me!"

"They know your name!"

*Silence*

"Did you ever tell your friends that you are bringing a friend ahead?"

"No. Why do I need to do that? What's the point?"

"So what were they expecting when they saw me?"

"Just... I don't understand! They don't expect anything!"

"I told you someone was saying if I was your girlfriend! I don't even know myself! So tell me how shall I approach your friends?"

*Silence*

 

.

 

Okay...too late now, but lesson learned for next time this happens with another man (since you are dumping this one).

 

 

After only 6-7 dates, you say NOTHING! The above makes you sound needy and demanding.

 

 

Yes he was a total twit, but the correct response would have been for you to say NOTHING, and walk out (like I suggested) ... or afterwards say NOTHING and just PULL BACK or next him altogether.

 

 

It is TOO EARLY to be calling him out on this....what did you expect him to say? Of course he was gonna get defensive and try to turn it all around on you.

 

 

Sweetie, pls try and learn from this. These early dates are the time to assess whether or not HE is right for YOU. It is not the time for you to be calling him out on bad behavior. If he behaves badly, you dump him! It does NOT get better.

Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[smackie9]

Wow this guy is so clueless....he has no manners for f sakes.

[Gary S]

I'll admit, I find it a little odd that nobody, not just him, not even the host, showed her where the food and beverages were.... unless they were all young, classless guys......unfortunately, that I can understand.

 

But honestly, the rest is par for the course... when I would go to my girlfriend's family for the holidays, my girlfriend and I would be separated for hours.... sometimes I would be outside cooking on the grill.......other times, I would be with another group of friends/family at a neighbor's house.......... we would not see each other for hours.......heck, we did not even know if the other was alive or dead ..........that's the way parties work.

 

And I'll tell you something else.......in the OP's opening post, she claims she's not high maintenance........ then why does she bring it up to begin with? I smell a rat.

 

You know I love you ladies, Katie, Jen, and all of you........ but honestly, this sounds like it's turning into a man-bashing thread.

 

And Katie, I'm not a father.........as far as I know! (but I am around lots of kids and am a father-figure to some).

[katiegrl]

I'll admit, I find it a little odd that nobody, not just him, not even the host, showed her where the food and beverages were.... unless they were all young, classless guys......unfortunately, that I can understand.

 

But honestly, the rest is par for the course... when I would go to my girlfriend's family for the holidays, my girlfriend and I would be separated for hours.... sometimes I would be outside cooking on the grill.......other times, I would be with another group of friends/family at a neighbor's house.......... we would not see each other for hours.......heck, we did not even know if the other was alive or dead ..........that's the way parties work.

 

And I'll tell you something else.......in the OP's opening post, she claims she's not high maintenance........ then why does she bring it up to begin with? I smell a rat.

 

You know I love you ladies, Katie, Jen, and all of you........ but honestly, this sounds like it's turning into a man-bashing thread.

 

And Katie, I'm not a father.........as far as I know! (but I am around lots of kids and am a father-figure to some).

 

 

First bolded...yes my boyfriend and I are the same... but that's because he has ALREADY introduced me to all his friends and family and I have interacted with them many many times, so of course I am comfortable doing my own thing at events with friends and family.

 

 

However, when I first started dating him and he invited me to meet his friends FOR THE FIRST TIME, you better believe he introduced me to everyone including the host, asked me if I would like some food, maybe a drink...and made sure I was comfortable.

 

 

He DID NOT just go off and mingle with his friends and leave me alone all by myself WITHOUT introducing me to people.... and making sure I was comfortable - I HAVE NEVER MET THESE PEOPLE AND DONT KNOW THEM -- for god's sake Gary what are you thinking? Are you okay? Seriously...come on now.

 

 

Re second bolded -- no this is not a "man" bashing thread...this is just us bashing this particular guy because he behaved like a total twit!

Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[TouchedByViolet]

His rudeness indicates he isn't that into you. Find someone who respects you and wants you around. Find a new guy.

[Strahatmak]

I'll admit, I find it a little odd that nobody, not just him, not even the host, showed her where the food and beverages were.... unless they were all young, classless guys......unfortunately, that I can understand.

 

But honestly, the rest is par for the course... when I would go to my girlfriend's family for the holidays, my girlfriend and I would be separated for hours.... sometimes I would be outside cooking on the grill.......other times, I would be with another group of friends/family at a neighbor's house.......... we would not see each other for hours.......heck, we did not even know if the other was alive or dead ..........that's the way parties work.

 

And I'll tell you something else.......in the OP's opening post, she claims she's not high maintenance........ then why does she bring it up to begin with? I smell a rat.

 

You know I love you ladies, Katie, Jen, and all of you........ but honestly, this sounds like it's turning into a man-bashing thread.

 

And Katie, I'm not a father.........as far as I know! (but I am around lots of kids and am a father-figure to some).

 

Before you called me high maintenance, you have been dodging my question all the way: you are bringing a friend, who may be asking to meet new friends, to your social group. Will you leave your friend, just friend okay not special people, not introducing him or her to any one, not making sure that he or she knows where to find food or drinks, not asking him or her to join in the card game or board game or movie or just a chat, and pretending not knowing him or her the rest of the night?

 

Please answer. and No, it's not about sex. I just didn't see any of my guy friends did that to their newly dated girls when introducing the girls to our social group. My ex's and ex-dates didn't do that, too.