Author E-Heart Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 A woman who wants the man for herself is not the person to seek advice from!!!!! I am confused by this comment? Link to post Share on other sites
BROKENOW Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 7 years we had breaks. Always when it was a birthday celebration I realised later. I thought he was finding it tough the emotions etc. Turned out he was wanting guilt free periods to enjoy his family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Day 1!!! I don't want to call it NC because we work together, therefore will be hard to not see him and talk to him! But I feel free and lighter and as much as it hurts, and I'm sure that it will get even harder in the next few days, it's a pain that's not caused or controlled by someone else and it makes it that much easier to deal with it. I've been depressed for over year to a scary point now, and I can't can't can't can't go on! It's all about me now! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Congrats. Please remember to get IC if you aren't already, eat well, get rest, meet friends for lunch, try yoga it was incredibly healing beyond anything else I tried. Please take care of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Congrats. Please remember to get IC if you aren't already, eat well, get rest, meet friends for lunch, try yoga it was incredibly healing beyond anything else I tried. Please take care of you. I will! Thank you! Yoga is definitely on my list! Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Good luck, it will be hard but I'm almost 4 weeks in and it's getting a little better. One thing I've found is when I start missing him and thinking about the good times, I have a list I saved on my phone of all the crappy things he did that brings me back to reality and reminds me of why I did this to begin with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Good luck, it will be hard but I'm almost 4 weeks in and it's getting a little better. One thing I've found is when I start missing him and thinking about the good times, I have a list I saved on my phone of all the crappy things he did that brings me back to reality and reminds me of why I did this to begin with. Good idea!!! Link to post Share on other sites
winterkeep Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I think this is a really positive step, I've been reading your posts and you seem very conflicted and almost as though you are waiting and hoping that he will make the decision for you, by being the decisive one you are taking the power back. I don't mean this in a manipulative way, I mean the power over your own life you deserve much more then to be an option for some guy when there are millions out there who would make you a priority. It's going to be a rollercoaster - believe me at day 4 I KNOW this! At times it's going to hurt like hell and seem impossible but you CAN do this and your life will be better for it. See how many women and men keep themselves in these painful situations for years only to end up alone and regretting the missed opportunities on the other side - don't accept that for yourself. (I hope this does not offend anyone who has lived the life described above, I am not attacking anyone for their choices it's just the pep talk I give myself when I waiver) Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Congratulations. It's a very freeing feeling to get rid of such a toxic person. I saw a saying yesterday, that makes complete sense "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes" Spot on, for real! !! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
laurar Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I'm glad you have chosen the NC route. It can only get better. I'm coming up on 3 weeks NC. Slowly improving. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 I think this is a really positive step, I've been reading your posts and you seem very conflicted and almost as though you are waiting and hoping that he will make the decision for you, by being the decisive one you are taking the power back. I don't mean this in a manipulative way, I mean the power over your own life you deserve much more then to be an option for some guy when there are millions out there who would make you a priority. It's going to be a rollercoaster - believe me at day 4 I KNOW this! At times it's going to hurt like hell and seem impossible but you CAN do this and your life will be better for it. See how many women and men keep themselves in these painful situations for years only to end up alone and regretting the missed opportunities on the other side - don't accept that for yourself. (I hope this does not offend anyone who has lived the life described above, I am not attacking anyone for their choices it's just the pep talk I give myself when I waiver) I think that is bang on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 Having angry conversations with him in my head! I'm trying to think of everything he could possibly blame me with and have an answer for it! GGGggggrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ifalltopieces Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 I hope you maintain your strength and stay away from him. It's going to be more difficult because you work together but the best revenge is being happy. When you see him, hold your head high and smile. Even if inside you wanna die! The best revenge is when he sees you vibrant, excited and happy. He is probably expecting you to hang your head and look sad. Don't give him the satisfaction. You get the last laugh and you get to move one step closer to the happy, fulfilling life you deserve. I'm excited for you...this is just the beginning!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 He is going to blame you...because that's what they do. If he wasn't a coward he would have been honest with his wife by now. He is waiting for someone, ANYONE else to be the bad guy. How are you doing today? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 He is going to blame you...because that's what they do. If he wasn't a coward he would have been honest with his wife by now. He is waiting for someone, ANYONE else to be the bad guy. How are you doing today? I've been wanting to come on here all day, but I have so much homework and actually need to rush out for a lab! YUCK!!! I'm doing good! I actually saw MM at the gym yesterday...Although I said I just couldn't do this anymore, looks like his deadline is still end of September! Maybe this is just him trying to get me "back" by showing me that he's set about this deadline! But I'm not falling for it...I'm not expecting anything to change; I'm expecting what has always happened....wanting more time! As I see it...if he leaves her, he knows where to find me! And if he doesn't, then I'll wake up October 1st with an extra push to just move on even further! I have a sushi date (not with a guy...with a girl friend of mine tonight) and looking forward to it! YUM YUM YUM!!!! Off to my lab! Yey!!! (NOT!!! lol!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 When I came on this site...I wanted to share my story and listen/read other people's stories in order to find support and finally move on with my life....away from this A that seems to be tearing me apart half the time, and then making me super happy the other half. And honestly, that's exactly what I found and you are all great and strong people. I realized over the last few days that I am just not ready. MM and I have set up a final deadline which we both finally agree on and I am going to wait until that time passes to go completely NC. (block him on everything, which I have not been able to do yet)....the end of September. I know some of you are shaking your heads right now, and rightfully so. This site has just shown how we all have the same stories and how they are ending all same way. But I really need to go through this last 1.5 month that I have left to finally say that it's over...with no "what ifs, buts...etc." I'm promising myself that I will not look back at that point! Soooo....unless he leaves his W by the end of September (which he seems really sure for the first that it will happen), expect me back at that time! I'll be back at exactly midnight! I will be ready to move on and receive all the support that you have been providing me all this time! I'm going to need all of you...seriously! But at least I'll be ready to help myself too! See you...humm...possibly?.....probably?....in 1.5 months! (Although...I will still be reading your stories stay strong and wishing you all the best) Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 I hope you realize that that, while this deadline is important, even if he goes through with it, there are no guarantees. He might go back to his wife. The guilt might change him forever, etc. You might get what you want yet not end up with what you wanted. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Does he have a plan? Is he saving for a lawyer? Gone for a free consult? Started budgeting for being on his own? Sourced real estate agents to look for somewhere else to live? Printed off divorce packages and started filling them out? What is he DOING? If the answer so far is 'nothing' then I'd say your 'deadline' is just giving him a free pass to eat cake for another 45 days. Good luck though. Sincerely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 You will be in the exact same spot in a month and a half, THE OTHER WOMAN. Why would he change anything? He has what he wants and his goal is more likely keeping it that way. He brought himself 45 day, then he will manage to buy more time when that time is up. Good luck to you, I fear you just have more pain ahead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 I hope you realize that that, while this deadline is important, even if he goes through with it, there are no guarantees. He might go back to his wife. The guilt might change him forever, etc. You might get what you want yet not end up with what you wanted. Good luck. Yes I do realize that! I've read many stories on here that that has happened! We will see when we get there if we even get there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 Does he have a plan? Is he saving for a lawyer? Gone for a free consult? Started budgeting for being on his own? Sourced real estate agents to look for somewhere else to live? Printed off divorce packages and started filling them out? What is he DOING? If the answer so far is 'nothing' then I'd say your 'deadline' is just giving him a free pass to eat cake for another 45 days. Good luck though. Sincerely. He hasn't said much about what he is doing...he might have found a place to stay and hasn't told me about it. (he's like that) I think he doesn't want to say much until it is done. Finances are not an issue for either of them. As for divorce papers...same thing as I said before...not sure if he would tell just now and I'm not going to ask. I'll have my answers to all these questions soon enough! I didn't search for or go see a lawyer until after I told my husband I wanted a divorce. Well...I can tell you this cake isn't as "sweet" as it used to be! Our relationship is more friendly than anything else! I even said that I was worried that he was with me just for the sex. His reply was "Would I have hung out with you - gym, beach, coffee - so much for the last 3 months if I was just in it for the sex?" (knowing that that is not an option until we have a real relationship) Link to post Share on other sites
Author E-Heart Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 You will be in the exact same spot in a month and a half, THE OTHER WOMAN. Why would he change anything? He has what he wants and his goal is more likely keeping it that way. He brought himself 45 day, then he will manage to buy more time when that time is up. Good luck to you, I fear you just have more pain ahead. He's not going to buy more time after that. It's Goodbye after that! Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) He hasn't said much about what he is doing...he might have found a place to stay and hasn't told me about it. (he's like that) I think he doesn't want to say much until it is done. Finances are not an issue for either of them. As for divorce papers...same thing as I said before...not sure if he would tell just now and I'm not going to ask. I'll have my answers to all these questions soon enough! I didn't search for or go see a lawyer until after I told my husband I wanted a divorce. Well...I can tell you this cake isn't as "sweet" as it used to be! Our relationship is more friendly than anything else! I even said that I was worried that he was with me just for the sex. His reply was "Would I have hung out with you - gym, beach, coffee - so much for the last 3 months if I was just in it for the sex?" (knowing that that is not an option until we have a real relationship) To the bold: this is exactly the stuff you WOULD tell your significant other if you were making future plans with them. If for no other reason that to be sure the AP would be waiting for me at the end of it and is on board with my plans. Thats what real couples do. Youre accepting less than what you deserve. As for the cake stuff - Google "ego kibbles". Eye opening. Edited August 11, 2015 by Sassy Girl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Knowing that he can make her dance is a huge ego boost for some men, with or without sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Fortunesfool 79 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Something this painful isn't something you can put a date on and stick to to me. You have to reach a limit inside yourself. You can kick the can on dates all day but when you'very had enough.....it's enough. If you really love someone you don't make them wait and suffer and that includes yourself.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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