I tried to be nice...

[ravfour4]

How long did you and your ex ex date for, how long ago did you break up, what was the break up like and have you missed her this whole time?

[hotmrw]

How long did you and your ex ex date for, how long ago did you break up, what was the break up like and have you missed her this whole time?

 

We dated for a couple of years, we just drifted apart really, but still kept in contact, I always knew she held the torch for me.

 

We broke up a few years ago, but as stated we still stayed in touch, she is such a good egg.

 

I never really missed her as we remained in contact...

[Rajaâ]

I think you should take it super slow this time, don't promise her anything and let her know and understand what your situation is right now. you have a child which is not an easy thing to start with, have her by your side, and see what kind of a relationship she will build with your kid, and slowly things will all clear up for you, just don't rush into anything, not yet. i wish you the best of luck choosing what's right

[Chi townD]

I agree. Be honest with her. She'll appreciate the honesty. Tell her that you're still healing and that you DO have a child. She needs to absorb the enormity of that. But, you don't have a problem taking it slow and getting to know each other again. A lot of time has gone by and you two aren't the same people that dated back then. You need to get to know each other; the new people that you are.

 

 

Tell her that there's no pressure. And the only thing you'll promise her is a good time out on the town.

[hotmrw]

Hi each and all, as you all probably know my ex dumped me for some other dude, we were together for 2 years, we have a 13 month old daughter, she has moved her new bloke in, got engaged to him, agreed to marry him, cut me off cut me out, banned me from her house, I have not seen my daughter in over 3 and a half weeks, this bas**rd picks my little girl up from nursery every day, they all go home and have tea together............ BRUTAL I KNOW

 

Now I seem to have transitioned from feeling so depressed and needy to hating her f**king guts, I am so angry at how this woman ( well girl she is only 22 ) has treated me, I never deserved to be treated like this, I may not have been the best boyfriend but I never hit her, never took her money, never drunk, never took drugs, never went pubbing/clubbing or running around with women and this f**king idiot demands we remain friends and that I have to message her every day about my daughter, I am fu*king fuming tonight, I dont even want to speak to her again, who does she think she is, I feel like going round booting her door in and then beating f*uck out her 5 feet 5 inch boyfriend, talk about downgrade, I always thought it was men that walked out on women with kids, mind you when I got with her she was with a guy, and dumped him to be with me, I remember pulling her up months later saying you might do to me what you did to him she said I wouldn't because I love you, little fu*king rat is what she is, god I hope the Karma bus is parked outside her house, I am so angry, never in my life have I been made to feel so worthless, and she rubs everything in my face, telling me she has been here, telling me she has been here and been there, silly b*tch, she even had the cheek to tell me she bought some of that cream stuff you rub on each others bodys then lick off ( thanks for that love ) what an evil little c*w, and I have been taking all this crap, I want to spit in her face and beat f*ck out of her boyfriend, if only things were as they used to be ( ME RUNNING A NIGHTCLUB - HEAD DOORMAN, money in pocket and driving round in a BMW Convertible ) god I am sooooooooo angry is this normal from feeling depressed..

[dyna85]

Um, yeah, I would say your feelings are completely normal. Dat girl is a beeatch. No, but for real, that girl has some issues. Some serious issues. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I cannot fathom the pain you're experiencing and the rage and fuming and all that is to be expected.

 

 

I truly do believe in karma, so yeah, I think some day she'll get what she deserves.

 

 

Anyway, I think that Winston Churchill quote couldn't be more on point.

 

 

I truly don't know how people can act like this and it's a shame they don't come with some sort of warning label.

 

 

Just be strong for yourself and your daughter. This storm shall pass eventually. Just be strong and don't act upon impulse. To feel the rage is normal. To act upon it is harmful. Above all, you will get through this if you keep going. Some day it will all make sense.

 

 

Take it as a lesson learned.

 

 

Again, I'm very sorry for your situation. That is god awful for someone to treat another this way.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Feeling is very normal, I went through a similar situation 5-6 years ago.

 

Best advice, man to man, father to father. Don't let her bring you down to the point it effects your child. Don't talk bad about your childs mom in front of your child. Be the bigger person. It's hard when there's emotions involved and she pulled what she did but your child needs to be your focus.

 

I 100% hated my daughters mother after she cheated on me and started dating some douchebag. We argued tooth and nail. It was the ugliest point in my life now that I look back at it. The one thing I can say about us is we always kept my daughter #1. We're at a civil point now where we actually spend time with her and do favors for each other. I hope you can get to that point some day too.

[elaine567]

The 7 Stages of Grieving a Breakup

[hotmrw]

I am hearing you mate, the thing is this silly c*w does not even ut her own daughter first, she is going to Thailand with this crank for 11 days and leaving our daughter with her sister, what mother would leave a child of 13 month old and go swannying off round the Far East, I have been removed from Facebook so now I cant even see pictures or videos of my little one, probably removed because she is a greasy a*se licker around her new fella, I am fuming, and whilst the midget is bonding with my little girl I am not even seeing her, I hate her f**king guts, after Wednesday I will tell her you can go and f*ck yourself if you think I am contacting you, give me my set days with my daughter and f*ckoff, if you stop any of my days I will be taking it out on your new boyfriend

[Learningtowalkagain]

I am hearing you mate, the thing is this silly c*w does not even ut her own daughter first, she is going to Thailand with this crank for 11 days and leaving our daughter with her sister, what mother would leave a child of 13 month old and go swannying off round the Far East, I have been removed from Facebook so now I cant even see pictures or videos of my little one, probably removed because she is a greasy a*se licker around her new fella, I am fuming, and whilst the midget is bonding with my little girl I am not even seeing her, I hate her f**king guts, after Wednesday I will tell her you can go and f*ck yourself if you think I am contacting you, give me my set days with my daughter and f*ckoff, if you stop any of my days I will be taking it out on your new boyfriend

 

Not sure how child custody works in the UK, but I live in the US...and the first thing I did after we split was file for a custody agreement. That way it's a written agreement. She wouldn't be taking my daughter out of the country with out my permission. You're letting that happen. Again, I'm not familiar with the child custody laws in the UK but they can't be much different than the laws in the US. Take her to court, get something in writing. Don't bad mouth her or her new boyfriend in court. Show the court you want to be a good Father. Leave your ego at at the door. I can tell from your posts it's bruised right now. Very normal. By letting her effect you this way she's getting the better of you. Don't let her.

[frigginlost]

Hi each and all, as you all probably know my ex dumped me for some other dude, we were together for 2 years, we have a 13 month old daughter, she has moved her new bloke in, got engaged to him, agreed to marry him, cut me off cut me out, banned me from her house, I have not seen my daughter in over 3 and a half weeks, this bas**rd picks my little girl up from nursery every day, they all go home and have tea together............ BRUTAL I KNOW

 

Now I seem to have transitioned from feeling so depressed and needy to hating her f**king guts, I am so angry at how this woman ( well girl she is only 22 ) has treated me, I never deserved to be treated like this, I may not have been the best boyfriend but I never hit her, never took her money, never drunk, never took drugs, never went pubbing/clubbing or running around with women and this f**king idiot demands we remain friends and that I have to message her every day about my daughter, I am fu*king fuming tonight, I dont even want to speak to her again, who does she think she is, I feel like going round booting her door in and then beating f*uck out her 5 feet 5 inch boyfriend, talk about downgrade, I always thought it was men that walked out on women with kids, mind you when I got with her she was with a guy, and dumped him to be with me, I remember pulling her up months later saying you might do to me what you did to him she said I wouldn't because I love you, little fu*king rat is what she is, god I hope the Karma bus is parked outside her house, I am so angry, never in my life have I been made to feel so worthless, and she rubs everything in my face, telling me she has been here, telling me she has been here and been there, silly b*tch, she even had the cheek to tell me she bought some of that cream stuff you rub on each others bodys then lick off ( thanks for that love ) what an evil little c*w, and I have been taking all this crap, I want to spit in her face and beat f*ck out of her boyfriend, if only things were as they used to be ( ME RUNNING A NIGHTCLUB - HEAD DOORMAN, money in pocket and driving round in a BMW Convertible ) god I am sooooooooo angry is this normal from feeling depressed..

 

I'm confused. Did you not just start a thread today saying she wants to get back together?

 

Edit: Nevermind. It's a different ex.

 

And yes, your feelings are normal.

Edited July 13, 2015 by frigginlost

[hotmrw]

She had the cheek to unfriend me on Facebook, but still talked to me there on Chat, her unfriending me however meant that I cant even see pictures and videos of my daughter now, I have BLOCKED her, thank you and goodnight...

[hotmrw]

I am at my tethers edge with this lot, I just cant seem to do anything right, could someone please explain my ex behavior because I cant

 

we have a little girl together so any contact I initiate with her is only about my little girl ( who I have not seen for 3 and a half weeks ) I will give you the conversation and see what you think.. now remember that this woman insists that I contact her every day to ask about my daughter, she said this after I never contacted her for 5 days, she was really pissed off

 

Now to her understanding I am moving away to another City, 100 miles away on Friday, when I initially told her she got upset started crying saying that she wanted me in Ella's life

 

this is the conversation, word for word this morning I hope you can help.

 

Me: Hi this is only Darren, are you working Wednesday?

 

Her: Yea Ella's in nursery why ( Ella is our little girl )

 

Me: its OK it wasn't important

 

Her: OK well why ask

 

Me: It was nothing important but we NEED to chat sometime Thursday, have a nice day.

 

Her: Need to chat, I don't think so

 

Me: I was hoping to get some days set regarding my daughter

 

Me: My "WE NEED TO CHAT" was solely regarding Ella, we can have this chat here and now instead of here and now on Thursday, I just want some set days regarding seeing Ella, then I will not bother you anymore, I PROMISE, i DON'T BOTHER YOU MUCH NOW ANYWAY and if you don't want me to see her anymore at least have the decency to tell me, thanks, Darren

 

her:What the fu*k is going on Darren you said you was moving 100 miles away stop f*cking your daughter about

 

Me: I don't f*ck my daughter about, you f*ck my contact about, the only reason I even contemplated moving away is because you keep f*cking my contact up, I have not seen her in three and a half weeks, this might be great for all you lot but it isn't for me and Ella, so I will ask, can I have her every Wednesday and Thursday, if you don't want me to see her at least have the decency to tell me because this is how it is starting to look to me

 

Her: I will speak to you on Thursday about it, I didn't stop you seeing her you didn't ring me to say you were having her, f*ck sake Darren your doing my f*cking head in and its all your fault, you could have seen her at the weekend but you bum your mates 100 miles away

 

Me: I am doing your head in, lol, what a joke, just give me Wednesday and Thursday with my daughter, you say you want me in her life, it seems you want me in her life when it suites your diary

 

Me: DO YOU WANT ME IN ELLAS LIFE YES OR NO, because I am f*cking confused, I know other people probably don't want me in her life but I couldn't give a f*ck about nobody's, she is my flesh and blood, answer me please because I don't know weather I am coming or going with you

 

Her: for f*cks sake leave me alone, I will sort it on Thursday with you and I don't care what anyone else says you will see Ella OK

 

Me: here I am trying to sort access to my daughter out and you speak to me like that

 

Her: I fu**ing busy at work Darren, I cant talk to you all f**king day

 

Me: your clearly deluded, we will sort everything out Thursday then that is me, PLEASE DONT REPLY

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

whats your opinions?

[Starks]

you both need to grow the **** up and learn how to have a civilized conversation for the sake of this child

[ravfour4]

You seem emotional in your texts and like you all of sudden get angry. Also no one likes being asked are you busy? Followed by never mind it's not important, followed by actually it is important and about our daughter. How are you going to see her every Wed and Thurs if you're moving 100 miles away? Are you really moving because she's "messing your contact about" (whatever that means).

 

It's all confusing and I think her texts make more sense than yours, she's saying wtf are you doing one second you tell me you're moving and the next you want to see her and keep flip flopping between how you feel about everything. Keep it simpler next time "hi, can we talk about Ella? I really miss her and would like to come up with a plan to see her even if I end up moving" boom, done, one text.

[frigginlost]

You seem emotional in your texts and like you all of sudden get angry. Also no one likes being asked are you busy? Followed by never mind it's not important, followed by actually it is important and about our daughter. How are you going to see her every Wed and Thurs if you're moving 100 miles away? Are you really moving because she's "messing your contact about" (whatever that means).

 

It's all confusing and I think her texts make more sense than yours, she's saying wtf are you doing one second you tell me you're moving and the next you want to see her and keep flip flopping between how you feel about everything. Keep it simpler next time "hi, can we talk about Ella? I really miss her and would like to come up with a plan to see her even if I end up moving" boom, done, one text.

 

That.

 

Seriously, if I were to get a text asking if I was busy and then told to never mind, I would be pissed off.

 

Stop playing games. This is about your little girl and nothing more. Remember that.

[ZiggyZoo]

SERIOUSLY...post number THREE about exactly the same thing. And you're receiving exactly the same advice. What the f*ck do you want to hear? Yes, it sucks that she left you for another man. And it sucks that he's around your daughter more. But you're just as responsible for this mess as your ex is.

 

The big thing I don't get is WHY its such a hardship to call about your daughter every day. Don't you want to know how she is and what she's doing? Most parents would, I don't see what you object to here.

 

As far as this whole "moving 100 miles away" thing goes, I'm confused. Is it to get your sh*t together like your first two posts said, or is it because your ex is preventing you from seeing your daughter and you're being a pissy sissy like in this post? Either way, it's a terrible, selfish idea. But I've already weighed in on it, no need to re-iterate.

 

I do completely agree with the others. You need to grow up. This is your daughter you're talking about, and you needs you to suck it up and make an effort to see her. Not texting and demanding, while threatening to move away. But being a reasonable ADULT and going to court, or mediation, or whatever and whomever it takes talking to and doing to establish your visitation.

 

Honestly though, I'm starting to think that you like this drama. Otherwise you would've followed some of the excellent advice you've already received and would be making some positive steps to resolve the situation. Instead, its just one post after another about the same thing. Stop engaging in this passive-aggressive BS, stop goading your ex, start showing that you're actually interested in being a positive influence in your daughter's life, and I bet things will change. Arguing and storming off to sulk in another city will not do anything positive, I guarantee.

 

Grow up.

[hotmrw]

@ZiggyZoo, Thanks for that, many of us come here for support as we have been emotionally leveled, a place to vent, maybe you would have been better saying nothing rather than attempting to tear strips off me, YES I am struggling with my current situation, YES I am so confused with my current situation

YES I am in debilitating pain because of my current situation, responding in such a way that you did is not helpful in any way shape or form.

[sandylee1]

Why don't you get formal visitation sorted out to prevent this?

 

It sounds like you're moving away because she's not letting you see your daughter? How is that helping the situation ?

 

By moving away , the message you're sending is that Ella isn't that important to you.

 

You need to spend quality time with her and be consistent in her life, otherwise you won't have a close relationship with her.

[frigginlost]

@ZiggyZoo, Thanks for that, many of us come here for support as we have been emotionally leveled, a place to vent, maybe you would have been better saying nothing rather than attempting to tear strips off me, YES I am struggling with my current situation, YES I am so confused with my current situation

YES I am in debilitating pain because of my current situation, responding in such a way that you did is not helpful in any way shape or form.

 

Once again, you're missing the point...

 

Why does none of this "click" with you? Ziggy has done nothing but "up the tone" of the same advice you have been given since the very start. I'm starting to believe she may be on to something as you seem to love drama.

 

You are acting like a complete child. Nut-up and be a man *for your daughter*. Swallow whatever the hell you have to in order to be that little girls father. Your ex seems to want you to be part of her life, but you keep trying to play games with her. Knock it off. Swallow your pride and make that little girl of yours smile...

[hotmrw]

@ Sandylee1

 

I totally agree with you regarding how it looks regarding me moving away, I am just struggling so much with all of this, my little Ella is my heartbeat, I am hopefully going to get something sorted on Thursday when I speak to my EX

She is just such hard work, plus I am still totally wounded from how she treated me, I know I need to be stronger, I am just finding everything so difficult, still not got my head around this train wreck, I know I will eventually and I probably do make rash decisions, my reasoning for moving away was because I never see my daughter, 3 and a half weeks and counting, I really want to go no contact but I cant, I want to walk away from all this mess but I cant, I just want to feel happy again but I dont, this is the biggest hit I have taken in life and I have no shame in admitting I am not taking it very well, I keep obsessing over how I must have meant nothing, how was I replaced so easy, how can I be cut out of my daughters life like this, it brings me to tears, I am all man but this has really damaged me

sorry to go on, and thanks for your advice

 

God bless, Darren.

[ravfour4]

From reading your messages to her, I can tell you're emotionally destroyed right now. Those texts are not direct and to the point, they are emotionally fueled. Try to step back and treat it like a business deal, you want to figure out a visitation schedule so ask for that. If you say a bunch of "seems like you don't want to talk to me anyways" or "f u" while dodging finding a resolution to your question, she's going to get annoyed.

 

Based on your texts and the way you responded throughout the conversation, your goal seemed to be to make her feel bad while attempting to get some closure, it didn't seem like quickly finding out when you can see your daughter.

[sandylee1]

@ Sandylee1

 

I totally agree with you regarding how it looks regarding me moving away, I am just struggling so much with all of this, my little Ella is my heartbeat, I am hopefully going to get something sorted on Thursday when I speak to my EX

She is just such hard work, plus I am still totally wounded from how she treated me, I know I need to be stronger, I am just finding everything so difficult, still not got my head around this train wreck, I know I will eventually and I probably do make rash decisions, my reasoning for moving away was because I never see my daughter, 3 and a half weeks and counting, I really want to go no contact but I cant, I want to walk away from all this mess but I cant, I just want to feel happy again but I dont, this is the biggest hit I have taken in life and I have no shame in admitting I am not taking it very well, I keep obsessing over how I must have meant nothing, how was I replaced so easy, how can I be cut out of my daughters life like this, it brings me to tears, I am all man but this has really damaged me

sorry to go on, and thanks for your advice

 

God bless, Darren.

 

The most important thing is being present in your daughter's life. You can't run away from her, because her mother has someone else.

 

You need to make sure that you bond with her and as she grows up, she knows that despite any step father she has, you are her real dad. Sometimes I hear girls talk about how their dad was hardly ever in their lives and they grew so close to their step dad , to the point that the step dad walked them down the aisle when they got married. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

 

Just be calm , put your emotions aside and realise that you'll find someone else in time.

 

You're a father to Ella and how will it look when she gets older and her mother says you couldn't be bothered and you didn't want to be in her life. Then she speaks of how you moved so far away.

 

You need to ensure that Ella knows she is a part of you and try and get her close to your family as well. All too often children of single parents barely know their dad's side of the family.

 

I don't believe you meant nothing to her. I haven't read your back story , but lots of relationships end, it's how you handle it that defines you. Your emotion will only show her you still love her , don't give her the satisfaction.

 

You need to put your daughter above going out with the lads. A 13 month old is hard work, so try and do more and be there.

[hotmrw]

Thank you Sandy, that was a very sensible and in depth reply, I know everything you have said is right, and if as I expect my ex gives me 2 regular days with my little Ell I will stay, it will be painful but I need to get through it, my ex wants to be good friends but I kind of hate her for what she has done to me and taken away from me, she cheated on me, dumped me, replaced me, moved the other guy in, banned me from the house, cut me off, cut me out, got engaged to this other guy, he asked her dad if he could marry her, they are going to Thailand together in September, she rubs everything in my face, speaks to me like sh*t, - this dude picks my daughter up every night from nursery, it all kills me, this is a really bad situation, it has hit me for 6

[NopeNah]

Talk to a lawyer or whatever they're called in the UK and have that be your mediator. There's no positive outcome with angry text/conversations. Accept that you Ex is just that...an Ex. Here in the US we have groups that help with "fathers rights,ect.." Maybe look into that? It took me 4+ years to get custody of my daughter, but I was ALWAYS there for her! Her mother was a piece of trash, who I don't even remember. My daughter starts college this year and despises her mother. Not because of anything I ever said.. She formed her own opinion of her as she grew up and witnessed her antics/actions(or lack there of), just like I told my EXW she would. Handle your business with your kid and forget your ex!