minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Get a lawyer! She can't legally keep you from your child. And, for future reference, you should probably record those phone calls and keep all texts she sends when discussing your child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 When you have a child together, you don't get the option of ignoring her calls! I know you want to do right by your child and that means communicating with your ex about your child. Answer her calls/FB messages and ask her specifically if she's calling/messaging about your daughter. If she isn't, tell her that you will only talk about your daughter from now on. Then hang up/delete the message. Definitely get a lawyer involved with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Hi everyone, I have posted previously regarding the sorry situation with my EX, who dumped me for another guy, we have a 1 year old little girl, I have told her tonight not to contact me unless it is an emergency regarding my daughter as I need some time alone to heal, I am so heartbroken, I cant stop crying, I said to her I cant be friends at the moment because it is to painful, she said if we are not friends now then she doesn't want to be friends in the future, she is going to Thailand in September, probably with her new partner, but leaving our daughter here, I never said anything but what mother would go away for 11 days and leave there daughter, anyway, I think me asking her not to contact me will cause her a problem as she usually rings me every day, but I am doing no contact for me, will it help me heal? I would like to be her friend after I have healed because I do care about her still and we have a daughter together, it is not nice for my daughter when she gets older to see her mammy and daddy not liking each other, I just want the pain to subside, I am not doing no contact to get back with her I am doing it to heal, someone said 30 days is a good figure, I feel really low, just want someone to tell me it will be ok and that I will get through this mess, she has damaged my soul, she did day she loves me to pieces, and the crazy thing is I know she does, am I right in doing no contact? I am bad with my nerves to start with and have panic attacks, I am coping but hope I will feel better as the days tick on, I have started a 3 month body transformation course at the gym which I am enjoying, but when I told my ex about it she went crazy and jealous, has anyone on here done no contact? did it get any easier? sorry for going on I just need a little support and reassurance THANKS EVERYONE Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 hotmrw, I am sorry you are in this very sad situation. It is quite natural for you to feel down, lost, sad, frustarted and angry all at once. You are doing the right thing by going to the gym. Exercise is good for depression and stress, (and panic/anxiety attacks) so stick at that. There is no way that anyone can say how long it will take you to heal, but you will heal. At this moment you probably don't believe that you will ever laugh or enjoy life again, but believe me you will. If you feel that your panic/anxiety attacks are interfering with your life and stopping you functioning properly, you must speak to your GP/Physician. At the moment you need to be strong for your daughter and give her as stable an environment as you can. I am sure there will be some more posters along soon who will be able to give you support as well. You can do this, you can survive this and you can come through this. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you for your kind words x Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am having doubts as to weather i have done the right thing My ex dumped me for another guy, was still calling me and texting me every day, i told her i need to walk away and heal and asked her not to contact me again, now we have a daughter together so it is a bit difficult i am thinking, i have gone 1 day no contact and so has she and i feel sh*t, i know i know not long, i really do want to heal, and would like to think we can be friends after i do heal, we have a daughter so i know it is the best thing for her, I am very non confrontational, I dont like bad feelings and want to forgive her so I can move on, am I right doing no contact? when my daughter gets picked up I have arranged for my mother to collect her and then my ex collects her from my mothers house when she finishes work? ANY ADVICE IS REALLY APPRECIATED Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am having doubts as to weather i have done the right thing My ex dumped me for another guy, was still calling me and texting me every day, i told her i need to walk away and heal and asked her not to contact me again, now we have a daughter together so it is a bit difficult i am thinking, i have gone 1 day no contact and so has she and i feel sh*t, i know i know not long, i really do want to heal, and would like to think we can be friends after i do heal, we have a daughter so i know it is the best thing for her, I am very non confrontational, I dont like bad feelings and want to forgive her so I can move on, am I right doing no contact? when my daughter gets picked up I have arranged for my mother to collect her and then my ex collects her from my mothers house when she finishes work? ANY ADVICE IS REALLY APPRECIATED I know it hurts and sucks but if you want to worry about what's best for YOU, then you really need to go NC. She left you for someone else. That's saying she didn't love you anymore and wanted someone different, better, etc.. At this point, you owe her NOTHING. I understand you're anti-confrontational and NC is perfect for you. If you want to get over the pain, heal and move forward with your life, NC is the only way to go. Any contact w/her is only going to keep you stuck where you are. Time away from her and this past relationship is going to help you feel better. After you've moved on and have no emotional feelings towards her and hopefully have someone new in your life, then you can consider occasional contact for the sake of your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Torii Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I am having doubts as to weather i have done the right thing My ex dumped me for another guy, was still calling me and texting me every day, i told her i need to walk away and heal and asked her not to contact me again, now we have a daughter together so it is a bit difficult i am thinking, i have gone 1 day no contact and so has she and i feel sh*t, i know i know not long, i really do want to heal, and would like to think we can be friends after i do heal, we have a daughter so i know it is the best thing for her, I am very non confrontational, I dont like bad feelings and want to forgive her so I can move on, am I right doing no contact? when my daughter gets picked up I have arranged for my mother to collect her and then my ex collects her from my mothers house when she finishes work? ANY ADVICE IS REALLY APPRECIATED Being hurt sucks. No matter how we try to justify those feelings or make excuses for behaviors that made us hurt. I would suggest that you move on with your life. Your ex clearly already has - and whether you like this idea or dislike it - you still need to keep casual contact with this woman for the sake of your daughter. You need to set an example for her and be there for her. You don't need to be in a relationship with the mother to set good examples for your daughter at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 As my previous posts show, my ex appears to have dumped me for some other dude, cant really blame her I never showed her the love and attention she deserved, I wished she had done it in a different way, but it is what it is, we still communicate every day usually, ( Usually her kicking off about something ) such things as she thinks I am talking to other women on Facebook or ignoring her calls, the latest one is because she wants me to have our daughter overnight ( between homes at the moment ) so cant, I have told her that I am moving away, about 40 miles away, will still have my daughter the three days A week that I have her and when I get in my new place I will have her overnight, clearly she is not happy with this, yesterday she was clearly in a right foul mood when she collected our daughter, then messaged me saying f**k you Darren (me) I am having a breakdown watch this space, anyway I have managed to get to the truth as to her behavior now and it is because she thinks I am leaving ( not my daughter ) why the hell should she be bothered if I am moving somewhere else? she is now threatening me with my daughter saying big changes are coming at the end of the month regarding our daughter, why the hell is she acting like this? I thought she would be happy that I wont be around she can move on with her new partner? I am confused, any advice? in my opinion of knowing her this has nothing to do with my daughter it is to do with her........... Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Anything other than communication about your daughter is unnecessary and counterproductive. You're no longer in a relationship, so why communicate everyday? Stop setting yourself up for more pain. No contact. Edited June 13, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Not really in pain now, kind of on my way to being ok with everything, just trying to understand that if i chose to move away why she chooses to threaten my contact with my daughter, she is with some other dude, hence my question 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Not really in pain now, kind of on my way to being ok with everything, just trying to understand that if i chose to move away why she chooses to threaten my contact with my daughter, she is with some other dude, hence my question I guess because at 40 miles distant, you will not be so available and she probably feels she will be "alone" with the daughter, instead of having you around the corner if an emergency arises or if there is an unexpected change of plans. You are already saying you cannot have her overnight, just now, and I guess she may envisage it all getting easier for you and tougher for her, once you move away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Hi each and all, I will break this down as much as I can, I hope someone can give me some honest answers, my head feels like a carousel, treated my woman not very good, by that i mean never showed her the love and attention she deserved, I kept pushing her away, we were together for just under 2 years, we have a 13 month old little girl, she left me for another guy, i think she was seeing him before we split, all we did after we finished was argue and argue and argue, things have quietened down now and we seem to be getting on better, now I love this girl i really do but this new guy seems to be living with her, or at least there every night ( kills me ) me and my ex have started hanging out a few times,( ON HER DAYS OFF - WHICH MEANS HER BF IS AT WORK ) first was a day in the town, went quite well she was quite flirtatious, second time was not such a good day she seemed very distant, since then we have met for coffee again and my word was she flirtatious, we got on really well, i enjoyed it so much, third time I expected her declining my offer for coffee, she accepted and we met again, this time she was even more flirty, I caught her staring at me at least three times and then she looked away really quickly, we got on great and I offered to drop her off, she agreed, she continued flirting in the van, she then said she wanted to play me a song on her phone AND SHE SANG TO ME, i then played her one, held her hand and squeezed it hard when the lyrics were " it hurts knowing you love another" she said nothing but gave me that kinda stare, the next time I was supposed to be walking to town with her to get our daughter a new coat, she was getting the train to a nearby city to go shopping, she asked if I wanted to go with her, I agreed, we got on like a house on fire, it was great, but her flirting was even worse than before, we had a fun day really, laughing, she said I had something on my face and wiped it off, then wet her finger and wiped it off more, she said she likes looking at my eyes because they look like the word and there is a little dark spot on one eye, I was talking to much and said sorry if i am boring you, she said no i like hearing you talking, on the way back she grabbed hold of me hugged me and gave me a big kiss on my cheek, not sure why, then she was rubbing my face and said i wanted to see if it was smooth, lots of eye contact, then she stuck her finger in my ear as there was something in there she said, then she had a panic attack in the car ( never known her to have one of these all the time i have been with her ) I held her hand and comforted her, she was happy to be with me i sensed, I then asked if she wants to go for a meal on Wednesday she said yes I am off work, lets see if she sticks to it, lol, my problem is her boyfriend, she never mentions him, ever, in fact she talks as though she is single, she is going to Thailand soon, I assume with him, we message a little when she is at work but when she finishes he picks her up and she is invisible the rest of the night, not a word from her, I know i MESSED UP AND REALLY WANT HER BACK, i dont know weather to just continue doing what I am doing or to try something else, I just dont know what to do, I dont really want to move on I want my little family ( her and my daughter ) I just feel she is really into this other guy, has moved on, but I hope she still loves me and will come back, I used to have my daughter 3 times a week, but she has taken her off me and has put her in nursery on my three days, she says I can see her on Wednesday and Thursday if I want, strangely this is her days off, not sure how this is going to work, it was my daughters first day at nursery today, and my ex rung me twice ( i ignored her ) I just cant speak to her knowing that guy is there, I know I should be stronger, she has damaged me forever, I feel I will be stuck in this cycle forever because I will always have contact from her either about my daughter, or using my daughter to contact me and all the time she is with this other guy, breaks my heart, I feel so sad that I have let my little girl down, HELP Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) Apparently she likes you and the bad blood fade away. It's nice of you to be flexible and let her dance on both parties - living and $^%^ing with her new guy, and having you as a good friend on the side. But now it's time to be grown ups. In your next meeting have a serious talk with her. In the conversation be very lovey dovey and be nice but say tough words. Tell her that this situation is not acceptable by you. That you've been patient with her because you've waited something to happen but this is the end. From now on things are going to change. You are going to move on and start dating (I advice you to try to arrange a real date so you could say that you've already started dating). From today there will be no more "mom and dad having fun together with your daughter". You want to be with your daughter only you on the days she works, and you need to set visitation arrangements - the common is your daughter sleeps at your place 2 nights a week and every other weekend, but of course you can set other arrangements that both sides are comfortable with. From today, the only times she will see you at all, are for 2-3 minutes are when you come to take and return your daughter, and on birthdays and so... But other than that, she will not see you anymore. Then kiss her goodbye and leave. Unless you agree to be her doormat, of so, continue to do exactly what you're doing now. Edited June 22, 2015 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 clearly her heart wants you, but her wisdom won't allow it because you don't get along together. That is such a shame Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 She moved 5 hours away. In November 2012. How is any of this possible? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 That was my previous relationship, not my recent one, I muct be unlucky in love... Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 My apologies for confusing the two relationships. You are not unlucky in love, most relationships fail otherwise most people would have one relationship for their entire lives which is of course not the case at all. Unfortunately you made the unwise decision to bring a child into a short, unstable relationship- you must have gotten her pregnant within 6 months of meeting her- and now you are bound to this woman for another 17 years so it will be more difficult to break away but it can be done. It takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 She committed herself to another man. Time to let go, dude. Just remember when you're laying alone in bed at night, she has another warm body next to her at that very moment. How is that fair to you? How are you being fair to yourself? She's using you an you're allowing it to happen under the false hope that she's providing you. You need to start backing off, becoming distant and only responding to issues dealing with your daughter. Start making positive changes in your life and think about going into individual counseling to help with your grieving. Also, to maybe discover the reason why you always seemed to argue with her while you were a couple Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 My little kerry i made you cry and made you sad and never got things right but i always loved, i always cared i hope you feel my plight it breaks my heart and kills my soul to see that you have gone i should have shown you what was true - you were my number one i miss your hands i miss your voice i miss your fragranced skin i miss your stare i miss your touch i even miss your grin my heart was yours i should have shown and now it is to late i got things wrong, and now i lost my lover my friend my fate deep in my heart and in my veins is where you shall remain i have to leave it breaks my heart i just can't deal with pain i will be back i don’t know when but yourself i shall seek out with a ring and still in love this i have no doubt Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Seems like a bad idea to me if the point of this poem is your last ditch effort to try to persuade someone back, good thing you're posting it here instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just expressing my emotions really, Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just expressing my emotions really, Also known as singing the blues, a rite of passage. Whack BB on the six string and you got yourself a winner You're gonna be alright, fella. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Good apart from the last part of the poem, don't go seeking her out on day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotmrw Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 I know it is early but I am proud of myself, I am taking it 1 day at a time, I have set a target of 14 days ( We Have a Child ) I need to gather my emotions the days has gone quite well, I had my top off in town and got some nice stares which boosted my confidence as it has been shot since she dumped me for another guy, I will see how day 2 goes and let everyone know Take care everyone, Love Darren 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts