I tried to be nice...

[hotmrw]

MODERATION NOTICE: THIS THREAD IS A COMPILATION OF SEVERAL THREADS ON THE SAME SITUATION. THE SUMMARY QUOTED BELOW WAS POSTED JUNE 22.

Hi everyone, I just need peoples opinions on my totally messed up situation, I cant go on like this, I will keep it brief

 

Me & My EX have broken up AGAIN, I love her and she IS IN LOVE with me, we have a one year old child, I told her I am moving on with my life, as I am sick of her behavior with other guys, she claims it is because I give her no attention, and she has a fair point there, I told her I need to go away for a while to recharge my batteries, and I really do, but she said if I do i will never see my daughter again, so unfair, I really need to go away for a while but she doesn't want me to, even though we are not together, i even said I will be back to have my daughter Monday and Tuesday, and then go back to my holiday

( 100 miles away & where all my friends live ) she still refuses, when asked why she says because she doesn't want me to walk out of "Their" lives, but we are not together, we both agree that we have love, but nothing else

so how does this even work? also I told her I will be back for my daughter, and she still refuses

she usually texts me at the least every other day, she rung me yesterday for no apparent reason that i know of, she uses my daughter as the way to contact me, does anyone have a clue what is going on with this woman? I am so confused right now, i love her but she has hurt me a lot, I feel I need so much to go away and recharge my drained batteries.

 

Hi each and all' date=' I will break this down as much as I can, I hope someone can give me some honest answers, my head feels like a carousel, treated my woman not very good, by that i mean never showed her the love and attention she deserved, I kept pushing her away, we were together for just under 2 years, we have a 13 month old little girl, she left me for another guy, i think she was seeing him before we split, all we did after we finished was argue and argue and argue, things have quietened down now and we seem to be getting on better, now I love this girl i really do but this new guy seems to be living with her, or at least there every night ( kills me ) me and my ex have started hanging out a few times,( ON HER DAYS OFF - WHICH MEANS HER BF IS AT WORK ) first was a day in the town, went quite well she was quite flirtatious, second time was not such a good day she seemed very distant, since then we have met for coffee again and my word was she flirtatious, we got on really well, i enjoyed it so much, third time I expected her declining my offer for coffee, she accepted and we met again, this time she was even more flirty, I caught her staring at me at least three times and then she looked away really quickly, we got on great and I offered to drop her off, she agreed, she continued flirting in the van, she then said she wanted to play me a song on her phone AND SHE SANG TO ME, i then played her one, held her hand and squeezed it hard when the lyrics were " it hurts knowing you love another" she said nothing but gave me that kinda stare, the next time I was supposed to be walking to town with her to get our daughter a new coat, she was getting the train to a nearby city to go shopping, she asked if I wanted to go with her, I agreed, we got on like a house on fire, it was great, but her flirting was even worse than before, we had a fun day really, laughing, she said I had something on my face and wiped it off, then wet her finger and wiped it off more, she said she likes looking at my eyes because they look like the word and there is a little dark spot on one eye, I was talking to much and said sorry if i am boring you, she said no i like hearing you talking, on the way back she grabbed hold of me hugged me and gave me a big kiss on my cheek, not sure why, then she was rubbing my face and said i wanted to see if it was smooth, lots of eye contact, then she stuck her finger in my ear as there was something in there she said, then she had a panic attack in the car ( never known her to have one of these all the time i have been with her ) I held her hand and comforted her, she was happy to be with me i sensed, I then asked if she wants to go for a meal on Wednesday she said yes I am off work, lets see if she sticks to it, lol, my problem is her boyfriend, she never mentions him, ever, in fact she talks as though she is single, she is going to Thailand soon, I assume with him, we message a little when she is at work but when she finishes he picks her up and she is invisible the rest of the night, not a word from her, I know i MESSED UP AND REALLY WANT HER BACK, i dont know weather to just continue doing what I am doing or to try something else, I just dont know what to do, I dont really want to move on I want my little family ( her and my daughter ) I just feel she is really into this other guy, has moved on, but I hope she still loves me and will come back, I used to have my daughter 3 times a week, but she has taken her off me and has put her in nursery on my three days, she says I can see her on Wednesday and Thursday if I want, strangely this is her days off, not sure how this is going to work, it was my daughters first day at nursery today, and my ex rung me twice ( i ignored her ) I just cant speak to her knowing that guy is there, I know I should be stronger, she has damaged me forever, I feel I will be stuck in this cycle forever because I will always have contact from her either about my daughter, or using my daughter to contact me and all the time she is with this other guy, breaks my heart, I feel so sad that I have let my little girl down, HELP[/quote']

Edited July 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[David87]

She needs attention dude like anyother woman and you dont give it to her. Look you two have a kid together and my opinion is to give it another try....

[Stercrazy]

Legally she can't keep you from seeing your daughter. You can file a petition with the court which will also include child support but the bottom line and HUGE red flag is she is using your daughter as a weapon which of course a judge is not going to entertain lightly. With that said your relationship with your ex is a separate issue.

[joseb]

Hi. Is this the same ex you wrote about in 2012?

[hotmrw]

I am so down and really need someone to talk to, please give me your honest opinions, I treated my ex GF really badly, i am discusted at myself, we were together for 2 years and have a 1 year old child, she has been trying to find someone else for a while i think, and i cant blame her as I never showed her love, pushed her away, i was a total *******, now she has left me and is with another guy and i realize that i messed up big time, I have begged and pleaded with her to get back with me but she says I have had enough chances, I love her and she says she loves, and is in love with me, she texts me all day from work, and calls me ( twice today ) even when she was shopping, no real reason to call me, she rung me the other morning and invited me round and when i got there she was telling me to sit next to her, flirting with me, and hinting ( i think ) for us to go for a walk with our daughter, i did notice the i love you sweets had gone off the top of the tv she just said she packed some things away, we are going out on thursday for something to eat and a chat at my request not hers, i told her i would pop in her shop today and say hi as i was in town and she asked for a bottle of water and a surprise so i got her some choclate, she came to my house the other night as i wanted to chat and she was emotional and crying we had a little dance really closely held each other, but i know she is going home to the other guy, i am not sure if she is trying not to hurt my feelings as best she can but i looked in her eyes and asked if she loved me she said YES, i also aske if she was in love with me she said YES I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE ME, do you think there is any chance I can get her back? i have told her i will make her happy but she just says i have had enough chances, then later she said she is confused and that she is scared that it will go back to how it use to be within a week and she will get hurt again, i sometimes think she is saying anything to not hurt me, but she cant stop contacting me( during the day ) and speaks as if we are together, do you think i have a chance or have i blown it? please be honest I am ready for the truth thanks everyone

[Satu]

You should find a therapist and start working on yourself.

 

The things that have happened between you and your ex are not the problem. They are the results of your problem.

 

Once you get your thoughts and feelings sorted out, you'll be in a better position to make some decisions about how you want to relate to your ex and your child.

 

Things can be better and you can feel better.

 

You just need some support.

[aloneinaz]

Agree with Satu-

 

Also, you need to have a direct conversation with her. Tell her you want her back, you know you screwed up but.. you need to step away until she makes a decision on giving you another chance or staying with the new guy. Either way, until she makes a decision, you should stop all the friendly communication, texts, calls, visits, etc.. Only discuss the child when you have to but keep you contact at the very minimum. Give her a chance to miss you.

 

Right now, she's having her cake and eatting it too. You've fallen in to her "back up" plan. Don't let her do that to you.

[hotmrw]

Strangely she called me at 730 this morning, for no reason really and just talked small talk, I collected my daughter at 800 and had a cigarette with her ( not my daughter ) I was running round my van playing with my daughter and she ( the ex ) said I have a nice little arse, then she heard a beeping from my engine and said in a suspicious tone, is that your phone ringing, which it wasn't, this is getting stranger, also she hasn't told me she has another guy I am just assuming based on her previous behavior

but still favor she has, she never messages me on a night only during the day but when she rung me this morning she said she was ill last night and got an early night and then just went on about unimportant things, it becomes more confusing by the day

[hotmrw]

Hi each and all, this is more of an update to my last post, hoping someone can give me there opinion, me and my ex split about two weeks ago, it was kind of mutual, I treated her really really bad when we was together which resulted in her looking to other men for the love and attention I never gave her, long story short I begged and pleaded her back, she refused, we have stayed in contact, ( her contacting me ) we were together 2 years and have a beautiful little 1 year old daughter, I just have this feeling she is seeing someone else even though she has said nothing whatsoever about it, this is where it gets strange, because over the last few days we seem to be very close, she rings me as soon as she wakes up in the morning before she goes to work, small talk chat really, she wanted me to go to the doctors with her, she wanted me to go to another place with her, she tells me she loves me and is in love with me, we dance, kiss, touch, hold, she constantly calls and texts me, she wants to go away Sunday with me, just me and her on Sunday for the day out ( Meal - boat ride etc etc etc )

and without our daughter, which she knows as well as I do will lead to a romantic day between us, yesterday she rung me as soon as she left work and I asked if she wants picking up and dropping off at home to save her taxi fare, she said yes, I took her shopping, in the shop I seen a girl i used to work with and said hi, my ex got really jealous and asked who is she, on the way home and then went to drop her off, she then said "ohh" I will come back to your mothers with me ( where our daughter was ) so i said OK, she came back and was fine, had a cup of tea, we went outside and she sat on my knee and again mentioned about going away Sunday if she is not working, I dropped her and my daughter off at hers ( i never went in ) and left, about an hour later she rung me again - small talk, do you think I have a chance to get back with this girl? I love her to pieces and I know I really messed up, in my opinion her behavior goes beyond friendship, I know she both loves, and is in love with me 110%

[Hawaii51]

You always have a chance.

 

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[La.Primavera]

You need to sit down and have a frank discussion about what is going on. Discuss what it is you both want from each other and what your individual needs are.

 

If you are both willing to commit to each other again you need ground rules, open communication and a desire to meet each others needs.

 

Good luck.

[hotmrw]

My ex who dumped me after a 2 year relationship and a 1 year old daughter has moved her new boyfriend in, ( although when i told her she denied it ) she had the cheek to say she is waiting for her Taxi when the pr*cks car is outside every time I go, so painful, we still speak, only when she is not with him though, like 731 in a morning when he has gone to work, I feel so sh*t, used, a failure, I cant stop looking in the mirror asking, what was it about me that made her do it, I have not eaten in three days and she is having the time of her life, I lost my job, became reclusive, suffered depression and then she leaves me for another guy, my plans and hopes shattered, I still see my daughter who is the other half of me, I love her so much and trust her as I know she would not hurt her daddy, I think I need to implement no contact, I need to heal, she is quite happy contacting me when it suites her, I hope I can get some support from people on here and I will also support you

 

Thanks, Darren

[Tone Loc]

My ex who dumped me after a 2 year relationship and a 1 year old daughter has moved her new boyfriend in, ( although when i told her she denied it ) she had the cheek to say she is waiting for her Taxi when the pr*cks car is outside every time I go, so painful, we still speak, only when she is not with him though, like 731 in a morning when he has gone to work, I feel so sh*t, used, a failure, I cant stop looking in the mirror asking, what was it about me that made her do it, I have not eaten in three days and she is having the time of her life, I lost my job, became reclusive, suffered depression and then she leaves me for another guy, my plans and hopes shattered, I still see my daughter who is the other half of me, I love her so much and trust her as I know she would not hurt her daddy, I think I need to implement no contact, I need to heal, she is quite happy contacting me when it suites her, I hope I can get some support from people on here and I will also support you

 

Thanks, Darren

 

Is the ex the mother of your daughter?

[d0nnivain]

If the child is yours you do not get the luxury of No Contact. It's not in your child's best interests.

 

You need to pull yourself up by your boot straps. The being out of work & depression are a vicious cycle. You are depressed because you can't find work but it's hard to motivate yourself to look for work when you are depressed.

 

However your child deserves financial support & when you are working steadily again, doing anything, you will feel better.

 

You are not a loser but you do need to take control of your life for your daughter's sake.

[hotmrw]

Yes she is, strangely, my ex has sent me three text messages and called me tonight asking for me to ring her when I got the messages, I decided to ignore her, then she sent the following on Facebook

 

"Why f***ing ignore my texts but you can go on Facebook"

 

"Answer me"

 

She has not contacted me on Facebook for a long time, I did think it might be about my daughter but I am sure she could have mentioned it in her text messages, I never wanted to ring because her new boyfriend is there, I might be out all night tonight, well that is what she will get told anyway, why the hell she is kicking off I have no idea

[d0nnivain]

Get a lawyer. Work out custody & child support. Go from there.

[Satu]

Mental and emotional health is built on two foundations:

 

1. The acceptance of reality as it is.

 

2. Successful adaptation to that reality.

 

 

There is no way of going around those two things.

[y2k]

My ex who dumped me after a 2 year relationship and a 1 year old daughter has moved her new boyfriend in, ( although when i told her she denied it ) she had the cheek to say she is waiting for her Taxi when the pr*cks car is outside every time I go, so painful, we still speak, only when she is not with him though, like 731 in a morning when he has gone to work, I feel so sh*t, used, a failure, I cant stop looking in the mirror asking, what was it about me that made her do it, I have not eaten in three days and she is having the time of her life, I lost my job, became reclusive, suffered depression and then she leaves me for another guy, my plans and hopes shattered, I still see my daughter who is the other half of me, I love her so much and trust her as I know she would not hurt her daddy, I think I need to implement no contact, I need to heal, she is quite happy contacting me when it suites her, I hope I can get some support from people on here and I will also support you

 

Thanks, Darren

 

Maybe it is a rebound. How long has her new boyfriend been with her?

 

I was dumped a while ago, saw my ex be in a rebound only to see it last 11 days. She is now coming back to my orbit, and I'll be seeing her for dinner this Saturday.

 

Want to know how I did it?? I did it by not contacting her the moment she wanted me gone. She texted me, "I think it's best we don't speak anymore". I texted back "ok", and nothing else. I then didn't contact her.

 

I acted ok with the breakup, acted strong, and displayed my willingness to move on. This got to her, and it made her come back.

 

Bottom line, women only react to DOMINANT superior male behavior. The following makes me think you acted too weak with her to the point of her leaving you:

 

what was it about me that made her do it, I have not eaten in three days and she is having the time of her life, I lost my job, became reclusive, suffered depression and then she leaves me for another guy, my plans and hopes shattered

 

In my case, I hurt my gf without realizing. But by not acting weak, I got to the point where now I'll get her back.

 

Turn yourself into a superior male. Control your behaviors regardless of your emotions. If it is a rebound, then by acting indifferent (wishing her luck, walking away and meaning it) and mature could spark something in her. If not, then accept it and find another woman (easier said than done I know).

 

Women are not logical because they only act on their feelings. The more attractive the girl is, the MORE this will be the case. This is why so many women make the worst decisions in men, then later regret it once those feelings go away. They only react to superior mating behaviors, nothing else. Learn those behaviors, and there is always a chance she can come back or you'll find someone better.

[hotmrw]

I went to collect my daughter this morning, and I got a torrent of abuse, she was screaming at me, YOU NEVER ANSWER THE F**KING PHONE TO ME BUT DO EVERY C**T ELSE, ( I was thinking, we are not together dear - You never wanted me anymore ) then she said, YOU WAS PROBABLY OUT WITH WOMEN, YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR PHONE IN CASE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ( but there wasnt ) then she stormed off and shouted this is why I have all the stress, because of you, I replied but I have not done anything, she shouted F**koff, then 20 mins later I get a witheld number call, might not be here I dont know, then I get the following SMS message

 

"Your a f**king liar, you never left your phone at home cause you were on Facebook ( I actually wasnt, i have not been on for days ) she then said your causing me to much stress Darren, and Im not well as it is, im sorting nursery out, i cant go on like this anymore

 

Not sure how putting my daughter in nursery will help anything, it will just remove my contact with my daughter, so I am not sure how to reply to this, ANY ADVICE?

[Ruby65]

You've been getting some excellent advice. Please try to take some of it in.

[y2k]

I went to collect my daughter this morning, and I got a torrent of abuse, she was screaming at me, YOU NEVER ANSWER THE F**KING PHONE TO ME BUT DO EVERY C**T ELSE, ( I was thinking, we are not together dear - You never wanted me anymore ) then she said, YOU WAS PROBABLY OUT WITH WOMEN, YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR PHONE IN CASE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ( but there wasnt ) then she stormed off and shouted this is why I have all the stress, because of you, I replied but I have not done anything, she shouted F**koff, then 20 mins later I get a witheld number call, might not be here I dont know, then I get the following SMS message

 

"Your a f**king liar, you never left your phone at home cause you were on Facebook ( I actually wasnt, i have not been on for days ) she then said your causing me to much stress Darren, and Im not well as it is, im sorting nursery out, i cant go on like this anymore

 

Not sure how putting my daughter in nursery will help anything, it will just remove my contact with my daughter, so I am not sure how to reply to this, ANY ADVICE?

 

The reason she acts the way she acts with you is because you clearly act like a weak man (as I alluded to earlier). Women can be quite mean when they find out their boyfriend/husband's are weak inferior men. You need to put her in her place, demand your rights to see your daughter, and get a lawyer.

 

This is probably why she left you. Women are not nice logical beings. Beautiful women tend to be with tough abusive men for a reason. They hate when men are weak and submissive. This is the bad side of women, and if you don't put your foot down, you'll never get her back (if it's ever possible) or get a better woman. I say this all with respect.

[d0nnivain]

Answer her phone calls in the future by saying Is everything OK with [daughter]? The minute she says yes, say that you can't talk now but you will call back when convenient for her.

 

Now go get a lawyer.

 

The next time she screams at you calmly say, I will answer the phone when you call & act civilized. Until then you can leave a message & I will call back.

[hotmrw]

PHEWWWW - the ex has just rung me, ( ignored her ) then my mother, ( ignored ) then me, ( ignored ) then me on facebook, ( ignored ) I eventually answered to a whole torrent of abuse, I am apparently seeing another woman and was talking to her on Facebook last night ( Never spoke to anyone whatsoever on facebook last night ) never even signed in, I could not get a word in edge ways, she was shouting me down, telling me she hates me and that in a week I will never see my daughter again, when I asked why, she said because you never reply to my calls or texts, god she was irate, proper on one, then she slammed the phone down....

[minime13]

Yes she is, strangely, my ex has sent me three text messages and called me tonight asking for me to ring her when I got the messages, I decided to ignore her, then she sent the following on Facebook

 

"Why f***ing ignore my texts but you can go on Facebook"

 

"Answer me"

 

She has not contacted me on Facebook for a long time, I did think it might be about my daughter but I am sure she could have mentioned it in her text messages, I never wanted to ring because her new boyfriend is there, I might be out all night tonight, well that is what she will get told anyway, why the hell she is kicking off I have no idea

 

Lay down straight lines of when it is okay and not okay to communicate. Those lines being when it is about your daughter. Seek legal help if you need to.

 

She doesn't have the right to question what you are doing or expect you to jump when she says so, as you are no longer in a relationship.

[d0nnivain]

telling me she hates me and that in a week I will never see my daughter again, when I asked why, she said because you never reply to my calls or texts, god she was irate, proper on one, then she slammed the phone down....

 

Get a lawyer! She can't legally keep you from your child.