surferchic Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Im sure you're still missing your ex as well as his daughter, which means you're still vulnerable if that's the case. I connected with an ex a little too soon and I ended up falling for him all over again because he made a pass at me. We were in public and everything. He was the controlling type as well and assumed that I had forgotten all about his jealous ways. Good to at least be aware of the issues at hand, in order to keep things in perspective to avoid set backs... Sanity Safety Healing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 why did I just watch a movie...great movie until I realize that one of the main characters has his name... What gives! I almost feel like I've been forsaken. Seriously... :sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 Im sure you're still missing your ex as well as his daughter, which means you're still vulnerable if that's the case. I connected with an ex a little too soon and I ended up falling for him all over again because he made a pass at me. We were in public and everything. He was the controlling type as well and assumed that I had forgotten all about his jealous ways. Good to at least be aware of the issues at hand, in order to keep things in perspective to avoid set backs... Sanity Safety Healing Thank you. Much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Did your x used to get mad at you over simple things , leaving you thinking...wtf??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 ...he did actually. That's the hook of the issue I observed with him. He got mad when I worked a little late(so he'd plan stuff for us to do right after I got off so that I wouldn't even have to to do anything else after work), he'd get mad if my electricians/ called my phone (he accused me of doing something to cause them to call me.), he'd get mad if I changed my hair without telling him...then twice when I changed my hair he changed his hair and/or beard&mustache... There were so many things he got mad with me about to the point where I started to tell him he should stop trying to DELIBERATELY find fault and/or pick fights w/me. (To let him know that I'm aware of his behavior being extreme and that I will not take blame for his insecurities/hangups). Link to post Share on other sites
luvflower Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Why are so many men like this? Just angry for seemingly no reason. I read through the BPD info. Very helpful though I realize there seems to be an epidemic of it, BPD. Not sure if my ex guy had BPD, but does anyone else (especially men) know if there are things that we women do to make you angry more often than not? Assuming all men who get moody & angry are not BPD but instead, maybe their just flat out jealous or mean or stressed out or just passive aggressive or poorly equipped to deal with their stress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Well, to be fair either gender can be pretty moody like... Whenever. However, when the hot/cold pattern is more often than not and based on control issues, then you got a problem on your hands, like my ex. I've never, EVER been with a guy with that much anger/insecurity/trust issues ...in my entire life! ...And he let it show within the first 3 months. Other things surfaced within 6-9 months. I brought to his attention the fact that I was aware of some of his issues. ... that REALLY made him more upset. He would do stupid stuff earlier on in the r/s and once he saw that I noticed, he would act like a little boy embarrassed that the girls in classes saw him get chastised by the teacher for taking someone's lunch. (Literally, throwing rocks, pieces of paper, etc as a distraction from his shame). I think the root of much of my ex's anger was embarrassment and/or shame that he'd either done something immature or allowed his jealousy to show. He's expressed this shame verbally a time or two.... HOWEVER, he started shutting down and storming off shortly thereafter. Rather than expressing the real issue, need pretend to be upset about something really dumb and irrelevant to everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Hi guys. I had a date yesterday, went fine. Dinner, then a walk around a lake. Pleasant. He(handyman/artist guy), had been speaking about intense emotions again, same as he did before I met my new ex-fiance. I listened then brushed it off because I never seen to take him too seriously for a few reasons. Nevertheless, he's a good friend. And still, my mind drifted back to my ex last night while with this guy. This is the guy that kept contacting me while I was with my ex. My ex ended up calling him to tell him to stop calling me because he was now my fiance... So that's pretty much the update for now. I just want to emphasize, I don't have a problem seeing other guys. I just keep being haunted by thoughts of my ex. I hate that.... I didn't contact him to see him or his daughter this weekend. I think I'll just let it fade out... Link to post Share on other sites
surferchic Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Do your ex-fiance and ex know one another by face? Be careful. Good you're letting the plan to see your ex-fiance, fade. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 No, I sure would hope not. Then again, how would I know. They could possibly run in the same circles. But how would I know for sure...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 Hi guys. It's been a few months since I've been here. I have an update. Well maybe a few and I reflected back on what another poster said about me putting more pressure on myself to avoid contact, when I was there dumper. LSS recap, I told him I felt we should breakup, hence breaking our engagement inevitably. So, over the past few months we've had light communication to check-in via phone and one face to face. Out of the blue the other day he texted me and says: "hey spacey, there's an Art show downtown this weekend and it made me think of you." Sweet I thought... Yeah, but he never asked if I was going or if I was interested in going. Lss, I've been thinking about him lots and have healed a little. Still that made me miss him more. Is there anything i can or should do to let him know his thought I'd welcomed other than the text i sent saying "awww, i appreciate the thought and yes, that used to be out thing... "...? Link to post Share on other sites
muse08 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Very interesting. I think I understand the nature of your breakup. So, this can serve as an example where things/people can organically come across each other's paths in some context. Emphasis on organically because you can't force anything. Another emphasis on tread lightly, just to keep your heart and soul in tact, i.e. the reasons for the breakup mustn't be forgotten... IMO I don't think you should focus on doing anything extra than what feels natural and right to you. If you have to ask then don't make any moves. However because you dumped him, haves you every apologized for any pain caused on your behalf? That's always a way to give yourself some sleep at night and let's him see you do have a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thespacey1 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I think I'm good but thanks for the reminder to stay level headed. He also took me home from the airport on Tuesday, but I asked him to just drop me off in the driveway so he wouldn't have to come in and neither of us would feel awkward. I'm gradually getting over him, but will probably think about him always simply because he was my closest mate and we were engaged. Oh well... Edited October 29, 2015 by thespacey1 Link to post Share on other sites
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