Deanster Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Take Downtown's input VERY seriously. He gave me the pointer I needed a couple years back to understand what is/was going on with my wife. BPD (or 'BPD-like traits') is a serious thing, and it's a giant mess. It's NOT getting better, in fact it's going to get worse, almost certainly. You and she need some help. Go to Amazon and order 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', ASAP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 OK, this is weird question... My wife has difficulty controlling her temper so when we have an argument it blows out of proportion. Sometimes she threatens to punch me or actually punches me and sometimes throws stuff at me. I don´t hit her back but it does make me angry. Anyway as time goes on this seems to be escalating. Over the last couple of weeks shes hit me in one argument, thrown a TV remote at my face in another and in the last one, punched me in the face quite a few times and scratched me too - not really bad scratches but a few of them drew a little blood and 2 are on my face which is a little awkward to explain to friends or family. but does it turn you on? rawr... i'm just a glutton for punishment! . do you have make-up sex after a big quarrel. lol. may be she's a dom and hidden behind that angry exterior is deep seething desire pleasure from pain. bring out the toys, buy her a whip and see. or just get anger management. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 When your wife punches you with her hands, you duck, turn around, or take the sucker punch. YOU DO NOT HIT HER BACK However, she needs to get to IC because if she picks up something like a pot or pan or bat or something that can cause extreme injury, you do not stand there and take that. Until you figure what can stop her from this behavior and anger, if her anger is just expressed through hitting, buy yourself a good ice bag to keep the swelling down and keep your hands off her. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 During her moments of uncontrollable rage, she doesn't give a damn about you as a living being. Just know that these moments will grow longer with time if she doesn't get the therapy she needs. Sooner than later her angry mode will become her default mode when around you. Do you want to deal with that? Physical abuse is the ultimate betrayal, Imo. It's by far the worst thing a person can do to another aside of actually trying to kill them. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 but does it turn you on? rawr... i'm just a glutton for punishment! . do you have make-up sex after a big quarrel. lol. may be she's a dom and hidden behind that angry exterior is deep seething desire pleasure from pain. bring out the toys, buy her a whip and see. or just get anger management. One of the most ridiculously insensitive posts I have ever read. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 As a handful have pointed out, this thread would have gone waaaaay differently had the title been "When your husband punches you...", whether there was a pregnancy or not, signs of BPD, previous abuse, etc. Like others, my advice would be the same: Get Out. You two want to work it out from afar, go for it. Make sure she has a LOT of counseling and anger management sessions and HAS learned better ways to comport herself before you even think of returning under the same roof. My biggest concern is for the child...and the belief that "she would never abuse a child". I can not imagine a single person telling an abused wife and mother "Sure, he should exclusive/primary custody of the child...after all, he only punches YOU and would never hurt his child..." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Adam777 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I didn't read past page 2 so apologies if I am duplicating any comments. If you're not going to leave her (and I think you should even if she is pregnant but I accept that's easier to say than do) the call the police next time and make sure this is behavior on her record. What if she hurts the kid and blames you? she's an abusive woman that needs help, abusers transfer blame all the time. My future EW once raised her hand to hit me during an argument, I told her the marriage was over (and I should have stuck to that at the time). Abusers don't think straight so protect yourself or you and your child will suffer hugely, you may need to file for divorce and sole custody from this slap happy woman in the future, so build your case now and hope you never need it. Start counseling asap as well. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Next time she hits you call the police so it can be on her record. Amuse, she's the woman, you're the man. You need to show her you're stronger than her without actually hurting her. Don't just stand there if she's punching or throwing stuff. Drag her to the bed or the couch (in a way that doesn't hurt ), let her work out her aggression with you in a controlled environment. Wrestle a little bit maybe. Pin her arms if she tries to punch you. Once she loses she'll feel a lot better. It's what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Call the police, she has a personality disorder. If a woman has an ounce of sexuality in her and you're not a milquetoast guy odds are she's gonna get mad and want to whack you at some point. It's perfectly normal and guys need to learn how to deal with it again because it seems like it's become a lost art based on the replies here. And just for the record, I'm not talking about anyone in particular from my own personal life, I'm just speaking of women in general. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Respect people!!! Stop violating people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
MelodyRye Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Definitely call the police next she hits you. What you don't want to do is hit back harder like a male poster suggested. It's not in you to hurt her. It's in you to control the situation without scooping to her level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I had an ex that would on occasion punch me in the face. She'd then egg me on to hit her back saying **** like "will it make you feel like a man!?" I never did but after tensions cooled I'd tell her about how it was completely inexcusable to do that, etc. She would then proceed to question my manhood telling me I'm not a real man if I was unable to take a beating from her. I was pretty young at the time, early 20's. Looking back on it I feel embarrassed with myself that I even tolerated that one time let alone multiple times. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Any ideas what I should say or do to try and improve this situation? If my husband ever punched me or ever hurt me (which he has never ever done and I would be completely shocked if he ever did such a thing), then I would tell him, "If you EVER do that again, I will call both the police and my Dad." I personally think you should tell your wife that if she ever did that again, that you would call the police. If she does, then find a safe place and call the police. There is no excuse for abuse, whether the abuser is man or woman. P.S. Make sure not to hurt her. Abuse is no excuse for abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 If my husband ever punched me (which he has never ever done and I would be completely shocked if he ever did such a thing), then I would tell him, "If you EVER do that again, I will call both the police and my Dad." I personally think you should tell your wife that if she ever did that again, that you would call the police. If she does, then find a safe place and call the police. There is no excuse for abuse, whether the abuser is man or woman. P.S. Make sure not to hurt her. Abuse is no excuse for abuse. If a man punched me....he'd need to be way more scared of my dad than any police :) I totally agree with this advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) If a man punched me....he'd need to be way more scared of my dad than any police :) Lol!!! Yeah, my Dad too lol. My Dad is not a pacifist, by the way. We agree to disagree but my parents have always been my #2 (after God) go to for emergencies, including heartbreak. Their love is priceless. While I understand why a man might not want to threaten to call his Dad if his wife physically assaults him, I have no problem doing that if my husband would ever assault me. However my husband's love prevents him from ever doing such a thing, though I can be a pill sometimes. (Mom likes to call me a pill... ) but we love each other ! What's more, I am a lot like her! Anyways OP, your wife needs therapy because it's not healthy to want to hurt one's loved one when mad at them. Edited August 6, 2015 by BetheButterfly Link to post Share on other sites
Malini Bhatia Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 OK, this is weird question... My wife has difficulty controlling her temper so when we have an argument it blows out of proportion. Sometimes she threatens to punch me or actually punches me and sometimes throws stuff at me. I don´t hit her back but it does make me angry. Anyway as time goes on this seems to be escalating. Over the last couple of weeks shes hit me in one argument, thrown a TV remote at my face in another and in the last one, punched me in the face quite a few times and scratched me too - not really bad scratches but a few of them drew a little blood and 2 are on my face which is a little awkward to explain to friends or family. So now I am in this weird position of covering for her like you would hear about abused wives doing. She says she is sorry but at the same time when we talked about it a little she started blaming me, saying that what I said in the argument made her so angry she just wanted to hit me. She is not strong enough to really hurt me and its not scaring me like it would if someone much stronger was doing that to you but, of course, I would prefer it to stop. It is confusing me because it is a strange situation. If a guy hit me I would just hit him right back but here my hands are tied so I have tried putting it to her like this - if it were me punching her in the face would that be acceptable? She agrees that it would not but that is not changing anything the next time she gets angry. In fact as I see it, it is getting worse. Any ideas what I should say or do to try and improve this situation? This is a serious concern and one you must not take lightly. She clearly has anger issues and needs help. It's not okay to say that she's sorry and then do the same thing over and over again. You both are married and will most certainly have your share of disagreements and arguments. Will she continue to throw things at you? How can you deal with this? What if one day you lose your calm and hit her back? This is a dangerous situation and one that must be addressed pronto. You need to communicate your anger and frustrations in a positive and constructive way. If you feel that you cannot or will not be able to handle this situation on your own, then I highly recommend using the services of a marriage therapist or counselor. Go for marriage counseling right away. You cannot imagine how this would be able to help your wife and marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Chriskey2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Kiss her! Link to post Share on other sites
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