Revenge [pertaining to infidelity]

[velvette]

Your last part could pretty much be repeated by most AP or WS

 

 

 

Yes it could. But the things I don't give a fig about what society says are not hurting anyone, so there is a huge difference.

[trippi1432]

When a WS says "well, she shouldn't have starved me sexually", we call that blameshifting.

 

What do we call it when a BS says, "well ,they shouldn't have cheated if they didn't want their tires slashed/name in the paper/job lost/ etc"

 

But there's really no sense in beating that dead horse. The bottom line is, nothing anyone else does will ever be as bad as the cheating. And the cheater/AP will always be relegated to a different part of societal value once they have tarnished themselves. That is how it works.

 

LOL!! I'm sorry, but even men in divorcing situations say that to women. Anything "new" to a man who is "starved for affection or sex" doesn't mean he is unhappy with his wife....it's just that he is unhappy momentarily.

 

I worked with a lot of men......heard this BS all the time, relegate it to what it is.....BS.

 

In defense to women who fall to this BS, stop trying to fix broken men. What they weren't happy with was themselves.

[Noirek]

Yes it could. But the things I don't give a fig about what society says are not hurting anyone, so there is a huge difference.

 

Umm except this whole topic is about hurting someone... And usually because of crossfire more than just one person.

[AnotherSadSong]

Badkarma

 

I remember your story very well. I guess THE OM wanted to destroy you with pics of him and your wife , but it came right back at him.

 

It seems some people think you should have just smiled at the pictures. He sent them to hurt you, knowing that you couldn't reconcile with your wife after that.

 

He deserved everything you did to him.

 

I recall you were still very bitter and me saying that you needed to now get the best revenge by letting your ExW see you living well, otherwise you'll forever be consumed by it. I honestly can't imagine the devastation the whole A caused you. I'm sure the OM told your WW how special she was during the A, but he couldn't care less when he gave you the pics.

 

Anothersadsong

 

I recall the case you mentioned. The woman's name was Clare Harris and it was her stepdaughter in the car. It was very sad indeed. She claimed it was an accident , she was convicted. I remember that she asked her H what he liked about the OW, he said her boobs and she's slim. Clare got a boob job , lost the weight and the affair went underground . She just lost it when she found he was still cheating. They had 3 year old twins left as orphans.

 

The poor man faced the ultimate price and he didn't deserve it. She really should have just divorced him and let the OW have him. I have to say, if I was the OW in this case, I would personally feel guilty for the my involvement. The fact that the story cannot be told without mentioning me as the OW, would definetely affect me.

 

 

She went around in doughnut circles hitting him so many times, an accident? I felt for her because of the way the husband treated her, but his young daughter being in the car, I could not understand that. People are different with their impulses. I have been infuriated but I am able to think clearly and would never physically hurt someone much less kill them unless it was self defense.

 

 

She got off relatively easy compared to Betty Broderick. I think Betty was off the charts and her revenge was long standing and relentless. Her husband was an a__ too.

[velvette]

Umm except this whole topic is about hurting someone... And usually because of crossfire more than just one person.

 

The topic is about revenge.

 

 

Your point I was responding to is that people who say they don't care what society says really do. I disagree.

 

 

I am not doing anything that intentionally hurts other people and therefore I do not care if society raises its eyebrows at anything I do or don't do.

 

 

If I carelessly or thoughtlessly hurt someone as we all do from time to time, I address it with that person.

 

 

To the extent that I hurt an OW who was intentionally hurting me, I think most rational people would not find fault with that. But, whether they agree or not, I do not care. I view it then and now as self defense and I have no remorse. I would do the same thing again and I'm not losing any sleep over it.

[SolG]

She went around in doughnut circles hitting him so many times, an accident? I felt for her because of the way the husband treated her, but his young daughter being in the car, I could not understand that. People are different with their impulses. I have been infuriated but I am able to think clearly and would never physically hurt someone much less kill them unless it was self defense.

 

 

She got off relatively easy compared to Betty Broderick. I think Betty was off the charts and her revenge was long standing and relentless. Her husband was an a__ too.

 

Clara Harris was found guilty of murder, but awarded a lessor sentence on the grounds of 'passion'. Her WS was absolutely abusive in my estimation. She actually ran over, and ultimately killed him, as he was exiting a hotel with his OW after a tryst on the night he had promised his W that he was to meet the OW platonically to end the A.

 

Is it excusable. Absolutely not. However, is it understandable... In my estimation it is. I'm not a proponent of violence or revenge. That does not mean I cannot understand that it is possible within the permutations of human nature that such things can, and do occur.

 

Luckily, they are the very rare exception.

[AnotherSadSong]

It is late and thought I was done with this thread, but have been dying to ask this. Many of you believe in revenge in any format unless it is murder. I think we have all gotten along for a minute about that.

 

 

So you must have an understanding if a BS turns around and exacts revenge on her spouse and has a multitude of revenge affairs to watch him suffer. Would I be correct in thinking this?

[AnotherSadSong]

Clara Harris was found guilty of murder, but awarded a lessor sentence on the grounds of 'passion'. Her WS was absolutely abusive in my estimation. She actually ran over, and ultimately killed him, as he was exiting a hotel with his OW after a tryst on the night he had promised his W that he was to meet the OW platonically to end the A.

 

Is it excusable. Absolutely not. However, is it understandable... In my estimation it is. I'm not a proponent of violence or revenge. That does not mean I cannot understand that it is possible within the permutations of human nature that such things can, and do occur.

 

Luckily, they are the very rare exception.

 

I wonder if Betty Broderick would have gotten a lesser sentence with that same jury or if she was just an unlikable character.

[SolG]

I wonder if Betty Broderick would have gotten a lesser sentence with that same jury or if she was just an unlikable character.

 

The difference with Broderick was that she over a long period threatened and harassed. She was served, and then wilfully defied many restraining orders. With no prior interest in firearms, she bought a gun whose sole use months later was to shoot her xWS and his new W (xOW). Which she did after driving to their house and letting herself in in the early hours of the morning with the key she obtained from her daughter. Very difficult with all this planning and behavioural history evidence to show even a modicum of impulsive passion. Even her own son testified she was dangerous.

 

Whereas Harris' crime was an on the spot once off. Same nexus (that is infidelity) but entirely different circumstances.

 

It had nothing to do with the jury or likability, and everything to do with the evidence.

Edited July 12, 2015 by SolG

[velvette]

It is late and thought I was done with this thread, but have been dying to ask this. Many of you believe in revenge in any format unless it is murder. I think we have all gotten along for a minute about that.

 

 

So you must have an understanding if a BS turns around and exacts revenge on her spouse and has a multitude of revenge affairs to watch him suffer. Would I be correct in thinking this?

 

I personally would not involve a third party in a R to try to exact revenge on my H.

 

 

If I wanted revenge I'm sure I could come up with something much more creative without involving myself or someone else in drama and more complications.

 

 

I don't think most so called revenge affairs are really about revenge. More about people trying to reclaim themselves or their self respect.

 

 

I never felt my H affairs were a reflection on me, so I cant see the need to seek validation from someone else.

[sandylee1]

Actually, I know people who have said they would rather their CHILD died than be cheated on. Chew on that. In light of that nugget, revenge doesn't seem so bad.

 

I question the sanity of someone who would rather their child die , than be cheated on. My children are everything to me.

[AnotherSadSong]

I personally would not involve a third party in a R to try to exact revenge on my H.

 

 

If I wanted revenge I'm sure I could come up with something much more creative without involving myself or someone else in drama and more complications.

 

 

I don't think most so called revenge affairs are really about revenge. More about people trying to reclaim themselves or their self respect.

 

 

I never felt my H affairs were a reflection on me, so I cant see the need to seek validation from someone else.

 

 

Revenge affairs are done often to exact revenge against a wayward spouse. The question was for those who are dead set that revenge is okay as long as it isn't violent or murder, this revenge should be acceptable too. Some want revenge against the OW as well as some want revenge against the wayward. They need to accept it the same as the OW has to accept it.

[LivingWaterPlease]

"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: '"It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"' says the Lord.'"Romans 12:19 NIV

 

"It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them." Deuteronomy 32:35

 

I can attest this is true as I have watched it happen many times most personally to my own ex WH who suffered terribly after he betrayed and left me.

 

I sent him kindly on his merry way with all of our assets because I knew he had been deceitful in hiding them and that the money I should have would be spent on lawyers fighting for it. I decided to put my energy in a positive direction to rebuild with God and allow God to deal with ex H.

 

I can assure you God did avenge me, but good! And I didn't get my hands dirty doing it. I just sweetly built a new life as his crumbled year after year after year. We're the same age but he could pass for my father, he looks so bad having been through disaster after disaster.

 

Go ahead and mete out your own revenge if you want to. Just know you can never do as good and thorough job of it as the Lord can and WILL, if you don't do it yourself. If you decide to go ahead and seek your own revenge you'll never see your ex suffer to the extent they would have had you waited for the Lord to do it.

[velvette]

Revenge affairs are done often to exact revenge against a wayward spouse. The question was for those who are dead set that revenge is okay as long as it isn't violent or murder, this revenge should be acceptable too. Some want revenge against the OW as well as some want revenge against the wayward. They need to accept it the same as the OW has to accept it.

 

So you say, but I have never seen a story where someone had a so called "revenge affair" that was really about revenge.

 

 

If you pay attention to these stories, they are more about people having affairs thinking it will allow them to reclaim themselves in some way after being devastated by an affair.

 

 

In fact, most of them are conducted in secret the same as other affairs, with no plans for the BS who was formerly cheating to find out, so how is it really revenge if you don't plan for your spouse to find out.

 

 

I think they are understandable. They are not conducive to reconciling a M imo. If they happen, the other spouse has no choice but to accept it and either forgive or move on same as any other affair. Whether or not its acceptable is only relevant to the person whose being cheated on.

[AnotherSadSong]

So you say, but I have never seen a story where someone had a so called "revenge affair" that was really about revenge.

 

 

If you pay attention to these stories, they are more about people having affairs thinking it will allow them to reclaim themselves in some way after being devastated by an affair.

 

 

In fact, most of them are conducted in secret the same as other affairs, with no plans for the BS who was formerly cheating to find out, so how is it really revenge if you don't plan for your spouse to find out.

 

 

I think they are understandable. They are not conducive to reconciling a M imo. If they happen, the other spouse has no choice but to accept it and either forgive or move on same as any other affair. Whether or not its acceptable is only relevant to the person whose being cheated on.

 

 

I have seen it personally and have read about them regularly on another board which has been closed for awhile. People said a lot there and were quite open about their situations. Some were made very aware to the WS and others were not. But those whose were private said they were getting the sweetest revenge, that it felt good. These were revenge affairs not personal growth or validation affairs.

But you did answer my question without rewording or changing definitions. Thank you.

The affairs are understandable to you.

[Susmay]

It is late and thought I was done with this thread, but have been dying to ask this. Many of you believe in revenge in any format unless it is murder. I think we have all gotten along for a minute about that.

 

 

So you must have an understanding if a BS turns around and exacts revenge on her spouse and has a multitude of revenge affairs to watch him suffer. Would I be correct in thinking this?

 

 

What! (re bolded) I don't think anyone said this. Your headache and lack of sleep must be affecting your ability to understand the written word.

 

 

In answer to your second point, yes I'd understand why a BS would have revenge affairs. Revenge affairs weren't for me though as I intended to keep my promises to my H. As for the OW we'd made no promises to each other and I treated her with the same lack of respect and consideration she'd shown me. No wait, in fact she got a lot more respect and consideration than she'd shown me. At least I never went to her home to have sex with her spouse or partner in her bed, I didn't pump her for information about what her spouse was doing, I didn't encourage her to badmouth her spouse and much more. She was a horrible woman.

[Susmay]

Actually, I know people who have said they would rather their CHILD died than be cheated on. Chew on that. In light of that nugget, revenge doesn't seem so bad.

 

 

Actually I know of no people who have said this. And certainly not on this forum. I suspect it's rubbish or the person had other serious issues, unrelated to infidelity.

 

 

Why the "chew on that" comment, as if it's a "so there, take that".

[AnotherSadSong]

What! (re bolded) I don't think anyone said this. Your headache and lack of sleep must be affecting your ability to understand the written word.

 

 

In answer to your second point, yes I'd understand why a BS would have revenge affairs. Revenge affairs weren't for me though as I intended to keep my promises to my H. As for the OW we'd made no promises to each other and I treated her with the same lack of respect and consideration she'd shown me. No wait, in fact she got a lot more respect and consideration than she'd shown me. At least I never went to her home to have sex with her spouse or partner in her bed, I didn't pump her for information about what her spouse was doing, I didn't encourage her to badmouth her spouse and much more. She was a horrible woman.

 

 

Headache is gone. And it was written with eyes rolling about the topic of the severity and types of revenge which has been regurgitated as much as my headache had my stomach doing the same.

 

 

So you except affairs as revenge acceptable. I would think sleeping with an estranged step brother who the wayward has a hateful relationship with and brought the kids over for him to raise 50% of the time would be the greatest of revenges even though I do not practice the act myself.

[goodyblue]

No the consequences to my WH were quite different. It included exposure of him to our families but not to his workplace. By the time D-day occurred they no longer worked together, but the OW still worked with the other MM she was having an affair with.

 

 

We were reconciling a marriage after all. I'd made promises to him that I had every intention of keeping. On the other hand I'd made no promises to the OW, and she clearly considered she had no obligations to me. So many OW say that "the MM is the one who made promises to the BW, and is responsible for breaking them, not the OW". In the same way I had not made her any promises and had no obligations to her and certainly was NOT a hypocrite for treating her differently. My H and I are now reconciled many years later. Why on earth would you expect a wife to treat an OW exactly the same way as she treats her WH. Maybe if she'd reached an agreement to be loyal to me from now on...

 

 

In fact she did agree to stay away from my family andI said I wouldn't contact her family, but after she started contacting my H again I felt justified in carrying out my intention to expose her.

 

 

It's strange how when you imagine the career of an OW or yourself being at risk you start issuing vague threats such as "you would regret it". Or else what I wonder? I did nothing illegal or that would constitute an offence. What are you threatening? My career was put at risk too. I was so devastated and sick, I was unable to work or care for my family properly after D-day.

 

 

I can express whatever opinion I like about my suspicions about her husband's death. This is an anonymous forum. My H was in no way responsible for the death, and it is quite disgusting and "tripe" as you say, for you to say he was. But of course you can express your opinion too.

 

Someone made comment about OW running out of logic. This is not to you, or maybe to you, but mostly to.them... i haven't run out of logic. I just find it silly to.waste my time. Be mad at the one who screwed you over and threw your vows in the street, ran over them, then backed up and did it again. Misguided anger is a waste of time. I hope every OW that gets demolished in the way others speak, they ruin MM's world. He deserves it too.

[AnotherSadSong]

I read that on an old affair message board that was shut down. My mouth was wide open reading that. The step brother in turn got his own revenge for a huge family rift and I am sure he felt powerful.

[Susmay]

Headache is gone. And it was written with eyes rolling about the topic of the severity and types of revenge which has been regurgitated as much as my headache had my stomach doing the same.

 

 

So you except affairs as revenge acceptable. I would think sleeping with an estranged step brother who the wayward has a hateful relationship with and brought the kids over for him to raise 50% of the time would be the greatest of revenges even though I do not practice the act myself.

 

 

Sarcasm doesn't always come across in writing.

 

 

I didn't say revenge affairs are acceptable, just that I understood how and why they happen.

 

 

I'm not sure where the estranged stepbrother reference came from. It wasn't anything to do with me or my situation.

 

 

Why are you just making up things about me, or is it someone else?

 

 

Edited to add: I see the stepbrother thing was something you got from some other forum.

Edited July 12, 2015 by Susmay

[AnotherSadSong]

Sarcasm doesn't always come across in writing.

 

 

I didn't say revenge affairs are acceptable, just that I understood how and why they happen.

 

 

I'm not sure where the estranged stepbrother reference came from. It wasn't anything to do with me or my situation.

 

 

Why are you just making up things about me, or is it someone else?

 

 

Not you. I read it from another board. I do not see why they wouldn't be viewed as acceptable as any other revenge practice that is not violent, illegal, or results in murder. The saying here is you get what you deserve. They thought their wayward deserved it as others thought the OW deserved it.

 

I saw your edit.

[Tayla]

Revenge affairs are done often to exact revenge against a wayward spouse. The question was for those who are dead set that revenge is okay as long as it isn't violent or murder, this revenge should be acceptable too. Some want revenge against the OW as well as some want revenge against the wayward. They need to accept it the same as the OW has to accept it.

 

affairs, period, Are Not acceptable.

 

Revenge is best served cold... as in cold shoulder.

 

This splitting concepts of revenge being acceptable again, is not for consideration.

 

We can understand what motivates ppl but that doesn't mean we "accept" (give consent to) the decision or behavior. Huge difference.

[velvette]

affairs, period, Are Not acceptable.

 

Revenge is best served cold... as in cold shoulder.

 

This splitting concepts of revenge being acceptable again, is not for consideration.

 

We can understand what motivates ppl but that doesn't mean we "accept" (give consent to) the decision or behavior. Huge difference.

 

Agreed. Everyone will have a different view on what is acceptable to them.

 

 

But, this is really a moot point as revenge affairs are outside the scope of the topic.

 

 

The topic is revenge against BS or OW/OM.

 

 

People who want to talk about revenge against MM should really start a new thread.

[AnotherSadSong]

Agreed. Everyone will have a different view on what is acceptable to them.

 

 

But, this is really a moot point as revenge affairs are outside the scope of the topic.

 

 

The topic is revenge against BS or OW/OM.

 

 

People who want to talk about revenge against MM should really start a new thread.

 

 

BadKarma may a lengthy post regarding revenge against his wayward spouse. I believe that makes him a BH who had exacted revenge on a WW. I did not view it as off topic because it focuses on revenge. There was no mention that the revenge had to be a specific type of revenge.

 

 

As with BadKarma, there are betrayed spouses who feel it is a necessity to get revenge on the wayward.