girlfriend camping with other men

[jen1447]

Well, I suppose those are boundaries that need to be established by the couple in the situation. I know that in my relationship, going camping with members of the opposite sex is not a cause for concern in the least, but we would both find it unacceptable for the other to share a tent (or a bed if in a hotel) with a member of the opposite sex. That would be crossing our established relationship "rules".

 

I get where the question is coming from, but in my opinion there is a big difference between going camping or to a conference vs. sleeping right next to someone, although you could certainly make the argument that there is no cheating if all they are doing is sleeping next to each other.

 

Come to think of it...there would be cases where I could see either myself or my girlfriend sharing a tent with someone and it being okay, but those would be extenuating circumstances, such as a mountaineering emergency. I've shared hotel rooms with female friends, and she has been okay with that, but I have slept on the floor because that is what we decided is acceptable.

I don't think it makes a difference really bc you're still playing to the same concept, just using diff terms. (I'm not accusing you of hypocrisy or even challenging you really bc I know your position is honest, just pointing it out.)

 

Bscly, if a person is trustworthy and that's all it takes to trust them and feel secure, it doesn't matter if they're camping with groups of men, staying at hotels, sharing communal baths or spooning in sleeping bags - their trustworthiness is absolute and all that matters. They don't get less trustworthy based on circumstances, so there's never any risk that should cause you discomfort.

 

If however you feel that compromising circumstances can affect a person's trustworthiness or present other difficulties like temptation, image perception challenges, or conflicts of interest (and no one is utterly exempt or immune from those things no matter how much we might want to believe they are), then you have to allow for a level of discretion to be employed by the concerned partner. e.g. they can say without accusing anyone of cheating or lecherousness that they feel uncomfortable with certain situations ....just like OP is doing with camping here.

[Spectre]

Also hold up, no way: you sleep in the same bed as a member of the opposite sex while in a relationship? That is a no no, even if you don't have sex. So please don't be implying that type of behavior is okay.

 

 

If you read the rest of the sentence that I wrote you'd see that I said that often employees don't get told the details of these kind of events before they attend. She probably doesn't know the plan.

 

A nice theory, but if this was the case she would of just said that instead of acting in a suspicious manner.

 

Doesn't mean she won't either.

 

But see the whole "reluctance to answer questions about it" thing. As I pointed out, your excuse of her not knowing the details does not hold up. She could of just said that, but she did not. So that is already strike 1.

 

 

No, it wasn't while I was dating him. I have on occasion had colleagues chat me up or try to and I just cut them off as soon as they try it.

I have never chatted up a work colleague.

I didn't even mention to him where I had been approached, it was meaningless to me and irrelevant since it didn't even happen at any point whilst I was dating him.

This guy also accused me of cheating when I was at home, had been consistently texting and said I was going to be ten minutes late to a Skype call. I was going to be late because I was cutting my toenails.

This guy accused me of cheating when I saw my family when they visited. I hadn't seen my brother in ten years but in my dates view I shouldn't be wanting to spend time seeing my brother, sil nor my niece.

This guy accused me of cheating when I had 20 mins to finish packing before running to the station to catch my booked train (if I missed that train my ticket wasn't valid) to spend the weekend with him because he would not accept that I needed that time to finish packing and also charge my phone (for my personal safety before a 6-8 hour train journey) - he figured I should be free to text back and forth in that 20 minutes. This caused problems every single time I went to visit him.

This guy accused me of cheating if I didn't respond right away to a text between 5.30am and 9am and 5pm and midnight.

This guy accused me of cheating when I worked from 9am until 11pm, got home at 11.20pm and was too tired for an hour long call.

 

Two possibilities then: he's insecure, or he'd been cheated on in the past, and..fair or not, that carries over into other relationships. Which is just another example of why cheating is so utterly damn destructive. It's even happened to me, though not nearly as severe. Since yeah, it might not be fair, but sometimes when you've been betrayed that badly you worry so much about it happening again you will do anything to protect yourself, even act crazy. I'm not saying what he was doing was right, it was going way too far. But it still sounds a bit like me in the sense I had trouble trusting women after I was cheated on, because I thought I was with one of those "she'd never ever do this to anyone" type of girls, and I wasn't, and it then made me realize that if this girl could fool me..any girl could. So then you meet a new girl and you begin liking her and you think to yourself "she seems trustworthy" and then you have that creeping, nagging second thought in the back of your mind, the thought of "well you thought that about the last one too".

 

But anyways, to get back to the whole her being mad over questioning. We have two possibilities. The first one is, as you suggested, maybe she just doesn't know. The second one is she knows she will be up to something her boyfriend wouldn't like and thus got defensive over it and did not want to talk about it.

 

While the first option is probably preferable, it also isn't without some negatives. Since if it was just the fact she didn't know any information..she didn't say this, she got pissy over it. Which means she felt her boyfriend was overstepping his bounds by daring to question her about it, which is a red flag in itself since it shows a lack of respect and a lack of understanding, since I can almost guarantee if the situations were reversed she would probably ask at least some questions. Most people would, and it's not like these are people who have been married for 30 years.

Edited July 12, 2015 by Spectre

[Friskyone4u]

If you leave the "camping trip" out of it for a second, how about what appears to be her evasive refusal to even talk about it with OP. Does that not sound like it would be easy to perceive that this might not be so innocent????

 

I als find it hard to believe that a woman in todays world just agrees to go camping with five men without finding out ANY details. You mean to sya it is just

"OK, be here at X time and we are going camping, but don;t worry about anything, just show up". I doubt if that is the plan here.

 

So my big problem is that a person in a supposedly committed relationship just tells their spouse or signaficant other that they are taking off for a business event of any kind with five members of the opposite sex, that he will not be able to have any contact with her, and oh, by the way,m don't you dare ask me any questions about it.

 

How that sounds OK to anyone I do not understand if that is the real situation.

[almond]

If you leave the "camping trip" out of it for a second, how about what appears to be her evasive refusal to even talk about it with OP. Does that not sound like it would be easy to perceive that this might not be so innocent????

 

OP has not given very much information at all. In the first post, he says he has no idea if she will be in her own tent or sharing with other men. When I questioned this, it then changed to "I kinda asked her" and she responded that she will have her own tent. He then said the subject changed.

 

I don't think it's safe to assume that she is refusing to even speak about it with the OP, or that she is evading his questions.

 

I'm going to go ahead and guess that there are communication issues here on both sides, and that perhaps the picture that has been painted of this girl, dodging questions and refusing to talk about this trip, may not be quite accurate.

 

Sounds like he's freaking out, and not communicating it well. These two aren't working together on this at all by the sounds of things.

 

If my partner had a team building exercise of this nature, I wouldn't be concerned in the slightest. Sure, we may chat about the trip, but I trust him...I'm not worried. He can control himself around colleagues of the opposite sex. Just because he would be sleeping in a tent near women, doesn't mean he is going to cheat. I am 110% certain that he would feel the same if I were in that situation, and I agree with the posters saying that this comes down to trust and insecurity issues.

[ascendotum]

OP has not given very much information at all. In the first post, he says he has no idea if she will be in her own tent or sharing with other men. When I questioned this, it then changed to "I kinda asked her" and she responded that she will have her own tent. He then said the subject changed.

 

I don't think it's safe to assume that she is refusing to even speak about it with the OP, or that she is evading his questions.

 

I'm going to go ahead and guess that there are communication issues here on both sides, and that perhaps the picture that has been painted of this girl, dodging questions and refusing to talk about this trip, may not be quite accurate.

 

I think this might be possible to ^. Also as someone else said you often do not know whats in store for you with these team building days/weekends.

I find it funny though that she said she will be out of communication at the camp, unless they have been told reception there is piss poor. I still dont think a handful of txt msgs swapped during the day is going to stop anyone who is hellbent on cheating for going ahead with their plans. Alcohol can certainly change people and their good sober intentions. Where I live, laws on company responsibility and alcohol extends to after hours, so I feel a number of companies would be wary letting their employees drink on company time. Even if they drank at the end of the day around the camp fire, I doubt very much she will want to make a good first impression at her new job by getting plastered and banging one/some of her co-workers.

[GemmaUK]

 

A nice theory, but if this was the case she would of just said that instead of acting in a suspicious manner.

 

But see the whole "reluctance to answer questions about it" thing. As I pointed out, your excuse of her not knowing the details does not hold up. She could of just said that, but she did not. So that is already strike 1.

 

Two possibilities then: he's insecure, or he'd been cheated on in the past, and..fair or not, that carries over into other relationships. Which is just another example of why cheating is so utterly damn destructive. It's even happened to me, though not nearly as severe. Since yeah, it might not be fair, but sometimes when you've been betrayed that badly you worry so much about it happening again you will do anything to protect yourself, even act crazy. I'm not saying what he was doing was right, it was going way too far. But it still sounds a bit like me in the sense I had trouble trusting women after I was cheated on, because I thought I was with one of those "she'd never ever do this to anyone" type of girls, and I wasn't, and it then made me realize that if this girl could fool me..any girl could. So then you meet a new girl and you begin liking her and you think to yourself "she seems trustworthy" and then you have that creeping, nagging second thought in the back of your mind, the thought of "well you thought that about the last one too".

 

But anyways, to get back to the whole her being mad over questioning. We have two possibilities. The first one is, as you suggested, maybe she just doesn't know. The second one is she knows she will be up to something her boyfriend wouldn't like and thus got defensive over it and did not want to talk about it.

 

While the first option is probably preferable, it also isn't without some negatives. Since if it was just the fact she didn't know any information..she didn't say this, she got pissy over it. Which means she felt her boyfriend was overstepping his bounds by daring to question her about it, which is a red flag in itself since it shows a lack of respect and a lack of understanding, since I can almost guarantee if the situations were reversed she would probably ask at least some questions. Most people would, and it's not like these are people who have been married for 30 years.

 

OP says she thinks he doesn't trust her. He doesn't trust her.

If he has accused her or been overly jealous and possessive in the past and she hasn't done anything wrong then she isn't likely to be wanting to talk about it as it'll just fire an argument and a pointless one at that as she has to attend.

She is unlikely to want to wreck her new job by getting wasted and sleeping with anyone.

It's actually totally exhausting to be on the receiving end of misplaced distrust over and over and it kills attraction due to feeling smothered and disrespected.

 

I've been cheated on in the past but I don't carry that through into a new relationship. If someone does do that then they shouldn't be dating until they have worked through it for themselves.