girlfriend camping with other men

[jen1447]

Maybe, but I think you have to at least allow for the possibility of danger, being as it does happen, even if it doesn't happen at yours. In that sense, I think OP's somewhat justified in his concerns.

[Chi townD]

I agree, team building camping trips for work sounds boring as hell. Much rather have a team building seminar in Vegas.

[smackie9]

I don't think i've ever heard of a company camping offsite retreat.

 

That being said, I wouldn't worry about it. You gotta trust her and honestly, the chances of something happening on a camping trip compared to an offsite at a resort are much lower. She wouldn't be able to pull off anything with any discretion on a camping trip vs. being in some guy's hotel room.

 

 

My company has had them in the past. Drunk fest it was BUT with people I have known for years and it was mixed. I shared a camp site with two other ladies....away from party central. We love camping here in Western Canada.

[veggirl]

Is there a reason you can't talk to her about this? Why do you sound so afraid to ask her for the details?

 

A forced camping trip sounds stupid...honestly can't they just have meetings during the day? Sheesh. I can't imagine working somewhere that forced me to go camping. Sorry but ew!

[jen1447]

Is there a reason you can't talk to her about this? Why do you sound so afraid to ask her for the details?

 

A forced camping trip sounds stupid...honestly can't they just have meetings during the day? Sheesh. I can't imagine working somewhere that forced me to go camping. Sorry but ew!

 

'Team building' is a big thing in some corporate environments. I don't have to go camping but they do make us go to these silly faux-casual coffee clatches and silly stuff like that. No one ever does any 'team building' at them, they just goof off away from the office.

[Try]

Hi I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and she's just got a new job and she told me she has to camp with her work people. She hasn't known them long and they are all males, I'm not invited as its work related and I won't have any contact with her, I don't know if she will be in a tent on her own or with someone.. should I be worried

Heck yes you should be worried. No employer has the right to ask this of her. This is unreasonable. Basically what she is saying is that if one of her bosses is interested in her, that they have the right to demand overnight time with her away from the office, and away from her significant other, so as to give them the opportunity to court her. She needs to find a new job with people that have respect for normal employer boundaries.

[Try]

Thanks guys, basically she is training as a college tutor for a autistic college as I'm aware she told me she has to do it, no choice. If I ask her about it like who's their, where she sleeping and getting changed etc she thinks I don't trust her, I do but she doesn't know the people that well and I have never met them. I don't like the sound of it to be perfectly honest

It is not about trust. It is about respect for normal boundaries.

[Radu]

Do you really think so? If you wouldn't cheat in a hotel, would you really be more likely to cheat in a camping situation in a tent? Why? Why would a tent make you want to cheat whereas a hotel wouldn't? I don't get it.

 

Well, hotels have doors and overall a more generous private space; camping has none of that ... you end up intruding more often than not on someone's private space.

Men in rugged area are somewhat more good looking.

Camping out in the wild can make a woman feel more ... vulnerable and create a need for a bond.

 

I'm not saying that being in a tent will make you cheat, i'm talking probabilities ...

And this sounds a bit more likely for cheating than if it were in a hotel.

 

So they are not the same.

[No Limit]

It's not sketchy or she or them can't be trusted, it's just inappropriate. Please discuss this with her. Point out how this makes you uncomfortable, and how it is pushing boundaries with your relationship. Just because it's a "work thing" doesn't mean you can't come and pay your own way if activities are paid for by the company. I'm sure this all male staff would feel the same way if they were faced with their GF or wife going on a all male camping trip. I agree with Chi townD, if it was the other way around I'm pretty sure you GF wouldn't feel right about it. This isn't a trust issue, it's a respect issue. You GF needs to respect your relationship.

 

It is sketchy because she refuses to talk about it - and apparently she also won't be available for contact during the trip. She might as well ask OP for a few condoms while she's at it.

[Friskyone4u]

amping usually means alcohol, alcohol means lessening of inhibitions. Combined with many possible suitors (most likely all of whom 'would' if they got the chance ), the opportunity of being away, and very lax, casual, easy access sleeping accommodations ....yeah.

 

The above says it all. Add into it that she refuses to talk about it and you have a big reason to be worried. the real question here is which one of these co workers is she really interested in. Any idiot boss that would force one women to go camping with a bunch of men is a lawsuit waiting to happen and a nightmare for any business.

 

Your GF wants to go on this trip. No contact for you, totally free to do what she wants all under the guise of team building.

 

Now you can play mr. nice Guy, not wanting to be overprotective, and if you do, you better be ready for the consequences of this little boondoggle.

[Fleur de cactus]

I worked with people with disabilities I never thought that overnight camping is something that could help us with our work!

We used to have staff retreat to talk about work and thank staffs for their hard work. But it was daytime retreat. Asking people in relationship to go camping for as work related activity is unusual. I don't even see how working with autistic population has anything to do with overnight camping.

[drifter777]

If my girlfriend told me she was going camping with a bunch of guys from work and I wasn't invited and she would be the only girl there I would give her an ultimatum: if you go we're through.

 

Actually I think that even if she changed her mind and didn't go I would break up. The fact that she wanted to do it would speak volumes to me.

[Keke1]

And what have you done to verify that this is not a private camping trip with a co worker that has nothing to do with outside????

 

I do not know where she works or where you are but I find it hard to believe that a woman in the workplace would be forced to go on an overnight camping trip with all male co workers unless she is in the military.

 

There is something here that you do not know going on

 

With no outside contact. She at war?

[GemmaUK]

I find some of the responses here ridiculous to be honest.

 

Surely the point here is the integrity of the girlfriend and stability of the relationship, not the trip at all.

 

I've been on plenty of training courses, work seminars and yes a few camping trips too where no shenanigans happened.

Most of these were when I was in a long term relationship too.

 

Even those since and when I have been single it's not as if I go into auto 'I suddenly can't say no to a guy' syndrome for goodness sake!

 

I dated a guy, I had declined a work do that was coming up due to the fact I was going to be away that weekend with him at a party.

This was a work seminar - employees only then late afternoon a few daft games and then a dinner dance.

The guy I was dating went ballistic because no partners were invited and I was totally offended that he figured I could not actually make a sensible choice and go off to my room alone.

He said 'Everyone sleeps with everyone at these things so I will never allow you to go to one, if ever you do I will find out where it is and turn up for the evening.'

Fess up time- yep I have had 'chat ups' but I have enough noddle to not to anything and following the trips there has also been no issues.

I was 23 on my first work trip..the last one I was 45 (and I am single and yes I still get chatted up at work).

 

I should have dumped him right there and right then for his lack of respect for me.

I've never cheated on anyone and never gave him reason not to trust me.

Stupidly I didn't dump him at that point and his controlling nature manifested, grew, he became emotionally abusive and if I am very honest physically abusive on three occasions.

 

I'd never dealt with someone like that before and I was baffled by him..stressed to the max too by the end of that 7 month relationship.

 

Give your gf a break, she probably doesn't know a heck of a lot about the trip until it happens.

If she has cheated or given you cause to be so worried then talk to her.

But..don't assume she has no integrity.

[rester]

I find some of the responses here ridiculous to be honest.

 

Surely the point here is the integrity of the girlfriend and stability of the relationship, not the trip at all.

 

...

 

Give your gf a break, she probably doesn't know a heck of a lot about the trip until it happens.

If she has cheated or given you cause to be so worried then talk to her.

But..don't assume she has no integrity.

 

I agree. If she's going to cheat, why would she need to go away on a work camping trip to cheat? And why would she choose to cheat with a coworker at a job she is new to?

 

I do think the situation is a bit odd, and it's maybe worrisome that she won't tell you any details about it, but if you trust her I don't understand what the issue is.

 

Would it make any difference if there was another woman present? What is acceptable and what is unacceptable? Hotel vs. tent? Alcohol vs. no alcohol?

 

I think there are larger problems in the relationship if this is a big deal, although everyone has their boundaries and ideas on what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable. I wouldn't expect her to be sharing a tent with a male coworker, and I would agree that that would be unacceptable.

[jen1447]

I agree. If she's going to cheat, why would she need to go away on a work camping trip to cheat? And why would she choose to cheat with a coworker at a job she is new to?

 

I do think the situation is a bit odd, and it's maybe worrisome that she won't tell you any details about it, but if you trust her I don't understand what the issue is.

 

Would it make any difference if there was another woman present? What is acceptable and what is unacceptable? Hotel vs. tent? Alcohol vs. no alcohol?

 

I think there are larger problems in the relationship if this is a big deal, although everyone has their boundaries and ideas on what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable. I wouldn't expect her to be sharing a tent with a male coworker, and I would agree that that would be unacceptable.

 

To play devil's advocate, why? If he trusts her, the principle should apply across the board.

[ascendotum]

If my girlfriend told me she was going camping with a bunch of guys from work and I wasn't invited and she would be the only girl there I would give her an ultimatum: if you go we're through.

 

Actually I think that even if she changed her mind and didn't go I would break up. The fact that she wanted to do it would speak volumes to me.

 

Its quite possible for these team building exercises to be legit as a number of others have said, they have been on outdoor adventure camp ones. I have to but at a hotel. The organisation she works for assists autistic kids so maybe it is not flush with funds, so the boss has gone the cheaper camping version. Often they are compulsory and you dont come off as a team player or do your career much good if you refuse them. I'm sure a lot of people would rather lounge in the comfort of home than spend weekend at a camp with co-workers. Partners are not invited to these events either.

 

It is unfortunate that she will be the only female there, but she could have told him otherwise. I personally don't believe a tent creates much more opportunity to cheat than if she was in a hotel....maybe even less since there will not be much privacy there and I doubt she wants to start her new job off with her boss & other co-workers knowing she had sex with one of them.

Edited July 10, 2015 by ascendotum

[veggirl]

And btw why would she not be able to contact you during this? That sounds made up as hell. This company is forcing their employees to go camping over night and telling them they can't contact family/SOs during that time? YEAH RIGHT.

[rester]

To play devil's advocate, why? If he trusts her, the principle should apply across the board.

 

Well, I suppose those are boundaries that need to be established by the couple in the situation. I know that in my relationship, going camping with members of the opposite sex is not a cause for concern in the least, but we would both find it unacceptable for the other to share a tent (or a bed if in a hotel) with a member of the opposite sex. That would be crossing our established relationship "rules".

 

I get where the question is coming from, but in my opinion there is a big difference between going camping or to a conference vs. sleeping right next to someone, although you could certainly make the argument that there is no cheating if all they are doing is sleeping next to each other.

 

Come to think of it...there would be cases where I could see either myself or my girlfriend sharing a tent with someone and it being okay, but those would be extenuating circumstances, such as a mountaineering emergency. I've shared hotel rooms with female friends, and she has been okay with that, but I have slept on the floor because that is what we decided is acceptable.

 

 

And btw why would she not be able to contact you during this? That sounds made up as hell. This company is forcing their employees to go camping over night and telling them they can't contact family/SOs during that time? YEAH RIGHT.

 

There are still a lot of wilderness areas without cell service. Not sure what part of the world OP is in, but I regularly lose service in the mountains.

[Spectre]

I agree, team building camping trips for work sounds boring as hell. Much rather have a team building seminar in Vegas.

 

Yeah but here is now the problem: what if these people agree? What if the idea is..well hey camping will be boring...but not if we have a lot of booze!

 

I think anyone has to admit that is a possibility. Also depending on where they go..sometimes camping they are a lot more isolated then staying in a hotel. Mix that, with booze..stuff can go down.

 

Doesn't necessarily mean she is going to cheat, but I do find it to be a red flag for her to apparently get upset for asking questions over something any guy with half a brain would ask about. It suggests a guilty conscience.

[Spectre]

I find some of the responses here ridiculous to be honest.

 

Surely the point here is the integrity of the girlfriend and stability of the relationship, not the trip at all.

 

I've been on plenty of training courses, work seminars and yes a few camping trips too where no shenanigans happened.

Most of these were when I was in a long term relationship too.

 

Even those since and when I have been single it's not as if I go into auto 'I suddenly can't say no to a guy' syndrome for goodness sake!

 

I dated a guy, I had declined a work do that was coming up due to the fact I was going to be away that weekend with him at a party.

This was a work seminar - employees only then late afternoon a few daft games and then a dinner dance.

The guy I was dating went ballistic because no partners were invited and I was totally offended that he figured I could not actually make a sensible choice and go off to my room alone.

He said 'Everyone sleeps with everyone at these things so I will never allow you to go to one, if ever you do I will find out where it is and turn up for the evening.'

Fess up time- yep I have had 'chat ups' but I have enough noddle to not to anything and following the trips there has also been no issues.

I was 23 on my first work trip..the last one I was 45 (and I am single and yes I still get chatted up at work).

 

I should have dumped him right there and right then for his lack of respect for me.

I've never cheated on anyone and never gave him reason not to trust me.

Stupidly I didn't dump him at that point and his controlling nature manifested, grew, he became emotionally abusive and if I am very honest physically abusive on three occasions.

 

I'd never dealt with someone like that before and I was baffled by him..stressed to the max too by the end of that 7 month relationship.

 

Give your gf a break, she probably doesn't know a heck of a lot about the trip until it happens.

If she has cheated or given you cause to be so worried then talk to her.

But..don't assume she has no integrity.

 

Uh but her reluctance to talk about it tells us all we need to know. So "giving her a break" is silly. She should be an open book about this. That is what a person respectful of their partner would be.

 

Also just because you resisted some d-bag hitting on you..doesn't mean she will.

 

Oh and if you were having "chat ups" with dudes at work while dating your boyfriend I can see why he was pissed off. I mean, I assume you did do it whilst dating him, because right after you talked about him getting pissed you said "fess up time" and what would there be to fess up to if you were single. So do you feel that telling this guy that women in relationships will totally let other dudes "chat" them up at these things..is going to make him feel better just because *you* had enough self respect not to do anything?

 

Or I dunno what the heck you consider "chatting up" to be. Since a woman in a relationship shouldn't be letting other men "chat her up" unless you literally mean chatting as in..having any kind of conversation, as opposed to the "chatting up" that implies some flirting back and forth or whatever. So maybe you have a different definition of chatting up, but if you don't then actually what you just said hurts more then helps, because you've shown a woman can be in a relationship and still behave innappropriately and have no qualms about it.

Edited July 10, 2015 by Spectre

[Try]

This was a work seminar - employees only then late afternoon a few daft games and then a dinner dance.

A no spouses allowed work overnight trip and they have a "dinner dance"? You do not really believe that this is a normal practice in business do you? Talk about a lawsuit waiting to happen.

[SoleMate]

Even at kids summer camps, all the counselors do all night once the kids are asleep is drink and bone.

My brother-in-law got a fellow camp counselor pregnant when they were both around 20. (They broke up, she had the kid, now kid is nearly 30.)

[Phoe]

My brother-in-law got a fellow camp counselor pregnant when they were both around 20. (They broke up, she had the kid, now kid is nearly 30.)

 

Annold ex was a church camp counselor. He cheated on me with one of the 14 year old campers.

 

I couldn't even begin to understand.....

[GemmaUK]

Uh but her reluctance to talk about it tells us all we need to know. So "giving her a break" is silly. She should be an open book about this. That is what a person respectful of their partner would be.

 

If you read the rest of the sentence that I wrote you'd see that I said that often employees don't get told the details of these kind of events before they attend. She probably doesn't know the plan.

 

 

Also just because you resisted some d-bag hitting on you..doesn't mean she will.

Doesn't mean she won't either.

 

Oh and if you were having "chat ups" with dudes at work while dating your boyfriend I can see why he was pissed off. I mean, I assume you did do it whilst dating him, because right after you talked about him getting pissed you said "fess up time" and what would there be to fess up to if you were single. So do you feel that telling this guy that women in relationships will totally let other dudes "chat" them up at these things..is going to make him feel better just because *you* had enough self respect not to do anything?

No, it wasn't while I was dating him. I have on occasion had colleagues chat me up or try to and I just cut them off as soon as they try it.

I have never chatted up a work colleague.

I didn't even mention to him where I had been approached, it was meaningless to me and irrelevant since it didn't even happen at any point whilst I was dating him.

This guy also accused me of cheating when I was at home, had been consistently texting and said I was going to be ten minutes late to a Skype call. I was going to be late because I was cutting my toenails.

This guy accused me of cheating when I saw my family when they visited. I hadn't seen my brother in ten years but in my dates view I shouldn't be wanting to spend time seeing my brother, sil nor my niece.

This guy accused me of cheating when I had 20 mins to finish packing before running to the station to catch my booked train (if I missed that train my ticket wasn't valid) to spend the weekend with him because he would not accept that I needed that time to finish packing and also charge my phone (for my personal safety before a 6-8 hour train journey) - he figured I should be free to text back and forth in that 20 minutes. This caused problems every single time I went to visit him.

This guy accused me of cheating if I didn't respond right away to a text between 5.30am and 9am and 5pm and midnight.

This guy accused me of cheating when I worked from 9am until 11pm, got home at 11.20pm and was too tired for an hour long call.

 

 

 

Or I dunno what the heck you consider "chatting up" to be. Since a woman in a relationship shouldn't be letting other men "chat her up" unless you literally mean chatting as in..having any kind of conversation, as opposed to the "chatting up" that implies some flirting back and forth or whatever. So maybe you have a different definition of chatting up, but if you don't then actually what you just said hurts more then helps, because you've shown a woman can be in a relationship and still behave innappropriately and have no qualms about it.

Maybe if you define what you see chatting up versus chatting to as. I'm not keen when someone seems to consistently home in on me, follow me about and try to talk to just me. I'll make sure that others are in the conversation or I'll just walk away and talk to someone else.