Author farmtomarket Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 I just don't know why I often feel nostalgic about how things used to be. Is that normal? I know I have severe I dependency from my therapist... It must be why I feel this need to take care of them. Yesterday I asked my ex for my child to move with me and we split 50/50 custody from there. He said well you said when we divorced last year you wanted our child and I to have this nice 2 bedroom apartment and you'd help pay. I said yes while I was working 24/7 I was paying for a nice place because I didn't want our child in a shoe box. He said so now I'm supposed to move into a small apartment and you take our child??? I said so this is all about the fact that YOU want me to pay for your nice house and make me suffer? He said well I'll talk to my lawyer Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 What are the specifics of your support and custody agreement? Have you thought about seeking to have them modified? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) I say make peace for a year or two. Create a positive co-parenting situation and take enough time to do so. Put a check on your own criticism and scolding of your son’s primary caregiver. Also, try to see your own circumstances objectively. You say that you have a fiancé and that you two have a lot of drama. So, realistically, is a judge going to look favorably at the situation you offer your child? Is a judge likely to view your son’s father as a comparative risk to your son? The best way to increase parenting time is to have an exemplary living situation yourself and not be focused on the flaws in the other parent. Most courts require that you make a preliminary showing that there is a significant change of circumstances warranting modification of parenting time and/or support before they will consider modification. This is because high-conflict parents will run to court over minor things and eat up the court’s time and taxpayers’ dollars, exacerbating the conflict that is ultimately damaging to the child. Keep in mind what family courts have to deal with: children who are not fed or properly housed, children who are beaten, not sent to school, exposed to drugs, alcohol, and criminal behavior, and on and on. Whether your son’s dad believes in aliens or wants to maintain the current support level is trivial in comparison. So be very realistic before filing something in court. Edited to add: your divorce was final only last year. That’s not enough time, in my opinion. Give it three years, at least, of focusing your energies on cooperation and mutual respect. Conventional wisdom is that conflict is damaging to children: http://www.apa.org/about/gr/issues/cyf/divorce.aspx Edited July 24, 2015 by BlueIris Link to post Share on other sites
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