always.1985 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I went to visit a friend today in the same city that me and my partner had a lot of memories. It was awful. I cried in the restaurant we were in but I just didn't care. On my drive home I was thinking about how I'm glad I don't live near him as I'd find it so difficult. That lead me to think about your situation and how hard it must be. You know I think it is a blessing in disguise that this has happened to you You deserve someone who is going to totally love you and want to build a future with you. They will come along all in good time. I think the best thing you can do for now is concentrate on becoming the best you that you can possibly be. You are clearly a smart person, I think you know what you need to do now. I know you say your whole life is where you are right now, but have you ever thought about taking some time out to travel? moving to a new city? I am looking to move to a new city with my friend who is also going through a breakup. It's like a new adventure for us both and I can't wait Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 That's really lovely. Moving to a new city sounds really great, I hope it actually materialises because it will definitely be a fresh new start for you, one that's needed! I'm sorry you had to experience the whole crying in the restaurant moment. I think I've done that one too many times but sometimes it's just good to let the tears out - I sometimes feel better. Thanks for being so sweet and being such a positive energy. I wish I saw things the way others saw them. I'm so stuck being in a funk that I can't look at my situation with any other perspective. I know what we deserve, I just don't know if I'll get it you know? Perhaps I was only meant to love this hard once and that's all I get in this lifetime (certainly seems like that now). I hope you've been feeling better. You sound a lot more positive and brighter - send some of that energy this way please!! Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You know I think you need to force yourself to see it from anyone else's perspective. Try to imagine one of your friends is going through the exact situation you are, what would you say to them? No one deserves to be treated how you have been treated EVER! I have no time for people who cheat, I think they are disgusting. Of course you will love again! And when you do, you'll look back on this and you'll realise it happened for a reason so you could be with someone so much better! However, your priority right now is YOU and your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I think cheats are disgusting too! Worst part is that my ex is glad he cheated and I don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong. Horrible isn't it. I always wish karma comes and gets them but I guess it doesn't for some. And yes I agree, I have to work on me. How silly is it that I'm 23/24 and I haven't experienced my own happiness. I realise now that all my happiness was based on this one guy because I wake up every morning feeling really ****ty and can't bring myself to truly be happy. I think it'll take a while but I need to be my own security. Thanks for being here and talking to me about all of this btw. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
ladybug7000 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Gosh I'm so sorry sweetie pie. That guy is a real dick for cheating on you! And had nerve to say sorry! he isn't sorry. Because best believe all the stuff he did to you he will do to that new girl. You haven't don't anything but love, care, trust, and been loyal to this fool. You will find your soul mate. I trust that. And I hope the guy gives you everything in return. It is so much better to just have no contact. I'm doing that right now with my ex and he tricked me throughout the whole relationship and is now getting engaged due to an arranged marriage his parents are making him do. He couldn't even fight for me and is still womanizing while he is engaged! 6 years is truly a lot and this guy seems like all you know but you will get better I swear honey. Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I think cheats are disgusting too! Worst part is that my ex is glad he cheated and I don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong. Horrible isn't it. I always wish karma comes and gets them but I guess it doesn't for some. And yes I agree, I have to work on me. How silly is it that I'm 23/24 and I haven't experienced my own happiness. I realise now that all my happiness was based on this one guy because I wake up every morning feeling really ****ty and can't bring myself to truly be happy. I think it'll take a while but I need to be my own security. Thanks for being here and talking to me about all of this btw. I really appreciate it. I guess you'll never know exactly what he's thinking, but if that is the case, would you want to be with someone who thinks cheating is acceptable? Because I sure wouldn't. I kinda feel that any relationship he has in the future will be tainted by this... I'm sure one way or another they will find out what he did to you.... and If I knew a guy had cheated in the past I wouldn't want anything to do with them and I'd find it hard to trust someone like that. I don't think it's silly at all, it happens to so many people, including myself. You make this one person your world and as soon as they aren't there you feel lost... But that is not a healthy way to live. I see this as more of a wake up call for you (and me) that you need to be able to make yourself happy and do things for you instead of always putting someone else first. I think you need to find out what makes you happy.... I hope you have support from friends and family, but ultimately it's down to you to find the strength to get yourself through this, and you will. These things just take time. I think you're going to be absolutely fine Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Gosh I'm so sorry sweetie pie. That guy is a real dick for cheating on you! And had nerve to say sorry! he isn't sorry. Because best believe all the stuff he did to you he will do to that new girl. You haven't don't anything but love, care, trust, and been loyal to this fool. You will find your soul mate. I trust that. And I hope the guy gives you everything in return. It is so much better to just have no contact. I'm doing that right now with my ex and he tricked me throughout the whole relationship and is now getting engaged due to an arranged marriage his parents are making him do. He couldn't even fight for me and is still womanizing while he is engaged! 6 years is truly a lot and this guy seems like all you know but you will get better I swear honey. Thank you for saying all of that. It helps when people hand me a little ray of sunshine during this dark, dark period. I hope I find my happiness although I'm having a hard time believing so now. I'm sorry about what you're going through. It sounds really tough! What do you mean by he tricked you throughout the whole relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I guess you'll never know exactly what he's thinking, but if that is the case, would you want to be with someone who thinks cheating is acceptable? Because I sure wouldn't. I kinda feel that any relationship he has in the future will be tainted by this... I'm sure one way or another they will find out what he did to you.... and If I knew a guy had cheated in the past I wouldn't want anything to do with them and I'd find it hard to trust someone like that. I don't think it's silly at all, it happens to so many people, including myself. You make this one person your world and as soon as they aren't there you feel lost... But that is not a healthy way to live. I see this as more of a wake up call for you (and me) that you need to be able to make yourself happy and do things for you instead of always putting someone else first. I think you need to find out what makes you happy.... I hope you have support from friends and family, but ultimately it's down to you to find the strength to get yourself through this, and you will. These things just take time. I think you're going to be absolutely fine Who really knows? The girl he cheated on me with knew he had a girlfriend, knew we'd been together for 6 years and still did what she did... :/ I agree with the whole wake up call thing. I really based all my happiness on him and now I've got to learn to be happy on my own, which I hope I can achieve one day. Although honestly this is really not an easy task at all! I wish I had the faith that I was going to be fine! Every time I leave my house, I just think oh god this is a never ending nightmare. The pain is just too crazy. But I guess I have to remember that regardless of how I felt, I made it through that day. Btw I hope you've had a decent day! Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hey, I was at a wedding these last few days so haven't been on here much. I actually only came by to see how you were doing? These last few days have been a god send to me as It's forced me out of bed and out of the house! I'm finding that each day I'm thinking of him less and less which is so nice. I really hope that you are starting to feel better about everything. I think you need to realise that there are so many amazing people out there who will treat you so well... and you will find that person. But you really need to think about yourself now. I really do have faith that you will get through this and you will become a much better, stronger and happier person because of it Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 Weddings are a really good way to keep busy! I'm so happy that you've felt some progress and that your thoughts are less clouded with your ex. Thanks for checking up on me, your kind words and for having faith in me I would say some days are good, some days are bad. As per usual. I feel stuck. Like if I feel happy even for a moment, I automatically remind myself how ****ty of a situation I'm in and I feel bad all over again. I just went out with friends and it was good, but now I'm back home and I'm all alone the feelings creep back in and I am randomly bursting into tears. Gosh.. I sound pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
always.1985 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I thought given the situation I'd find it really hard to be at a wedding but I just didn't even think about it. Once I was back in bed alone after I few drinks I did nearly text him.... But I didn't and I'm so proud! haha When you look back at your previous posts you actually sound so so much better. I'm glad you are having some good days, soon they will all be good! It is a ****ty situation, but there's also so many positives to take from it. You know the relationship wasn't right and you were putting in more effort than he was. You deserve someone 100 times better than that. It's not pathetic at all, it's pretty normal! I feel the same when I'm on my own. I'm just trying to keep my mind as busy as possible! Do you read by any chance? If you do, you should read the girl on the train! It's really good! Kept my mind occupied for a few days 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pillowpuffs Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Yes actually, I can imagine being at a wedding could also be painful! But sometimes weddings are so beautiful - it injects you with hope doesn't it? Good on not texting him though, I can imagine being vulnerable while tipsy and wanting to text an ex. I wish I could say I felt better. Wasn't very good the past few hours. Don't know why I just felt a load of pain overwhelm me. I guess I should do more to keep myself busy!! Just wish I had the motivation. I don't feel like going out/getting active. Just feel like staying home tbh but I have a run planned for later with my mom so hopefully thats good. And I just downloaded girl on the train! Been hearing lots about it. Will start reading it asap and let you know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
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