6 yrs together, he dumped me & he cheated

[pillowpuffs]

Oh.. Im so sorry for everything that happened to you.

 

First of all, how dare him to tell you that you shouldn't have touched his phone? Is he insane? Im sorry to tell you this, but i think someone who says that after the were caught cheating, is a really shady person.

 

I know that getting no closure is the worst, because it has you hanging in there and you just don't know if its really over, you just can't believe it, i have been there.

 

After all i read, i would recommend to you that you try to move on, i know you had no closure, but its easy to see that this guy does not want to be in a relationship with you anymore... I know its hard, but at least by reading your story, thats the conclusion i have. Because, first of all, you guys were in a relationship for 6 years, yet you never met his parents? I would believe him about the conservative parents, but SIX YEARS? thats SHADY. And about him saying you guys had no future, that is NEVER good sign. I think you pictured him and your relationship as something that was actually NOT, because you really loved him...

 

I understand that you probably want to text him, and ask him a thousand questions and try to calm your pain, but it won't help! If he hasn't shown any interest in a month, he hasn't tried to contact you, is because he is fine like that. If you text him, in the most probable scenario, you guys will talk, and he will apologize for cheating on you but the problem won't be solved... in other scenario, theres the possibility that you will convince him to get back together, BUT not for the right reasons. I read your story and i see it this way: YOU WERE THE GLUE THAT KEPT YOU GUYS TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, HE DID NOTHING FOT HE RELATIONSHIP, YOU WERE THE ONE KEEPING THE PIECES TOGETHER. So yeah, i don't think is healthy for you to get back to a relationship where you guys are on different pages... Like, will you truly be happy next to someone who doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved? If you say yes, you will only be fooling yourself.

 

My advice is to try and keep yourself away from him. You deserve something better, you deserve someone who will introduce you to his parents, someone who actually cares about you and your relationship and that can see himself with you in ten years, not someone who thinks "theres no future"...

 

I know it feels like you're dying, that your pain will consume you and you probably wish you were in coma or something like that, because heartbreaks, specially the ones you get after a long relationship where you loved so much all you wanted was things to work out, are the worst... But believe me... Theres so much more than him out there for you.

 

He was your first everything... And now its time for you to move on, use this as a lesson, im pretty sure you are a wonderful girl... im saying it because when we are on our first relationship, we are all innocent and kind... Im sure you were. But sadly, most of the times, we are not with the right person.

 

All i can say to you, is that life gets better, it will hurt for some time, but then.. It will be alright. Right now, you should go NO CONTACT with him... And try to be okay with yourself.

 

You can do it!

 

Hi thanks for your comment! I hope it does get better, I will be honest and say I'm in the dumps right now but if everyone is telling me it'll get better, I'm starting to feel a little more hopeful. Btw the part highlighted above really struck a chord with me - I really was the glue holding it together without any real work from him. That hit me today. It wasn't entirely one-sided but it may as well have been. Without me, there wouldn't have been a relationship and although I stupidly have regrets and wishes that I did certain things differently, I hope one day I'm able to look at this all and see that if I'm the only who is holding it together then that's no point - and I hope I have some comfort in that. Right now it's kind of hard to believe that but maybe one day...

 

I must be honest and say I don't know if I'll find better. I come from a smallish community and so it's a bit hard to feel like there's many fish in the sea but I guess I have to work on me first anyway.

 

Thanks again for your comment!

[Carla B]

Sorry that you are going thru that. No one deserves a bad ending to a relationship. All you can do now is learn from this and keep moving. When people do things like cheat and deceive you its just something they need to learn and it will come back to them. You deserve better

.

[pillowpuffs]

Sorry that you are going thru that. No one deserves a bad ending to a relationship. All you can do now is learn from this and keep moving. When people do things like cheat and deceive you its just something they need to learn and it will come back to them. You deserve better

.

 

Yea, I never thought it'd end badly with him and I. I always thought we would be friends and in each other's lives. Now when I think of him, i hate him and for some reason, I hate myself too. I really don't know if I'll move on and find someone else and I don't know if I will get anyone better too. Sorry I'm such a pessimist but thanks for your comment.

[Friskyone4u]

Pillow puffs

You are a very young woman with your whole future in front of you. There are very few people who go through life without a serious breakup or getting hurt in some way . You will survivor and congratulate yourself for not getting pregnant and having a child to care for as well as this break up.'

 

Tell your friends to stop giving you the play by play of where he is and what he is doing . If they are truly your friends they will honor that request. It will take time but you will learn to function and have other boyfriends and some day a good husband if you want one . The lesson to be learned is that it take two trying equally to make a relationship work and he did not do his 50%.

 

Your college may have some therapy services . If so use it .

[pillowpuffs]

Pillow puffs

You are a very young woman with your whole future in front of you. There are very few people who go through life without a serious breakup or getting hurt in some way . You will survivor and congratulate yourself for not getting pregnant and having a child to care for as well as this break up.'

 

Tell your friends to stop giving you the play by play of where he is and what he is doing . If they are truly your friends they will honor that request. It will take time but you will learn to function and have other boyfriends and some day a good husband if you want one . The lesson to be learned is that it take two trying equally to make a relationship work and he did not do his 50%.

Your college may have some therapy services . If so use it .

 

Thank you for you reply. The part highlighted in bold is really something that I need to watch for in the future. I was silly and foolish with this one.

 

I have decided to make myself an appointment with a psychiatrist because I don't want to be feeling like this anymore. I've been in this position with him before. When we were first dating, we broke up for 6 months (after being together for 10 months) and I was really really down about it but I didn't speak or tell anyone about it because I thought I was being silly for being so torn up. I can't go through this one more time. He's not worth it.

[pillowpuffs]

Today hasn't been a good day. I had nightmares of my ex with his current girl.I haven't broken NC. I don't plan on it at all. But I'm really hurting today. Feel slightly overwhelmed and just thought I'd vent here.

 

Hope everyone reading this is having a better day than me.

[DexterLS]

You're not alone.

 

My friend just told me she is travelling to UK on Thursday and sent me her ticket. As soon as I saw she is going through Dubai, I got overwhelmed. My ex works in that airport and the other guy as well.

 

I also have my ring with her. I considered briefly to ask her to get the ring for me then decided it's going to do me more harm than good in asking my ex about the ring.

 

Stay strong.

[pillowpuffs]

Im sorry little things like that get to me as well. When I drive by a restaurant we used to eat at or drive past his place (we live pretty close by) - I well up and it feels like I'm going to die right there. Today I was looking for a piece of jewellery and while looking for it, there was this small little charm that he had given me when we were just friends that's in my dresser. Because he had given it to me, it was the first time I knew he liked me. Anyway, it's gone missing from my dresser. I am so upset because I kept it so well for the past 6.5 years and now it's just vanished... That sort of triggered all of the emotions and I honestly didn't feel good at all anymore after that. It was just a silly little trinket but I treasured it. Really did.

 

Honestly, one day I hope you feel good and strong enough about yourself to ask for that ring back and I hope it doesn't hurt you/you don't feel anything when it happens. Thanks for being here for me btw. I really appreciate it.

[pillowpuffs]

So I graduated from law school yesterday and stupidly hoped I would hear from my ex because he'd been with me throughout my time in school and he was supposed to be there anyway with me at my graduation. Needless to say he didn't contact me and I spent the night before my graduation crying, spent some time at my graduation crying and got home crying. I know it was supposed to be a happy occasion and I genuinely always thought that I would be beyond happy when I finally graduated but it's funny how things work out isn't it? I was miserable.

 

Was glad to be there with my family though and I know I have great support in them but why does it feel like I'll never get over him? I know one day I'll forget more and more and one day in the future the pain will not be as intense (I hope so at least) but I can't shake the feeling that I will always be in love with him, , I'll always have wanted a partner in life with him and I know it's never going to happen and that makes me profoundly sad.

[DexterLS]

So I graduated from law school yesterday and stupidly hoped I would hear from my ex because he'd been with me throughout my time in school and he was supposed to be there anyway with me at my graduation. Needless to say he didn't contact me and I spent the night before my graduation crying, spent some time at my graduation crying and got home crying. I know it was supposed to be a happy occasion and I genuinely always thought that I would be beyond happy when I finally graduated but it's funny how things work out isn't it? I was miserable.

 

Was glad to be there with my family though and I know I have great support in them but why does it feel like I'll never get over him? I know one day I'll forget more and more and one day in the future the pain will not be as intense (I hope so at least) but I can't shake the feeling that I will always be in love with him, , I'll always have wanted a partner in life with him and I know it's never going to happen and that makes me profoundly sad.

 

Your mind is playing tricks with you. You will learn to love again, believe me

 

Go through the threads I made on here. I was a wreck 2-3 months ago but I can honestly tell you, it does get better.

 

Stay strong!

 

PS: Congratulations on your graduation!

[pillowpuffs]

Hi again! Firstly thanks for the congratulations

I have actually gone through a couple of your threads on here already. Especially the ones in this forum. I am glad to know that you're saying it does get better but in a couple of your posts (not just in my thread but in others too) you have recentlyish mentioned that you were going through hell. Not that I want you revisit those feelings at all but I just want to understand better what you mean by that.

 

Is it that generally you're feeling better yet you're still torn up about it or is it just a moment/a day of weakness that you've experienced and you happened to have made a post? I know generally my condition has improved. I'd gone from not eating or talking to anyone and just crying to talking a lot more and crying a little less... But the pain is still the same. It's like my reaction to it is changing a bit but the pain is still of the same intensity, perhaps because I'm getting accustomed to the pain? I dunno. Anyway my point is, I want to know, with you being a few months past your BU, is the pain still the same as before and is it just the reaction to the pain that's become better? Or are you generally telling me you feel better about it all and more hopeful?

[DexterLS]

I do feel a lot better compared to how I was 2 months ago.

 

I was going through hell because my ex kept stringing me along even though she is in a relationship with the other guy.

 

I was going through hell because I stalked her social media accounts and saw her having fun, saw her whole family adding the guy on social media (they used to love me!) and stuff like that.

 

I was going through hell because I let myself be there!

 

I will not lie to you, it hurts that my ex is going on a trip with her new boyfriend for her upcoming birthday (this Saturday). It's the first time in 6 years that we won't be together on that day and it does sting a little.

 

I also can totally relate to you because we have both been cheated on. You don't really realise how messed up it is right now because you're hurt but I can assure you, after around a month of strict NC, you will start to look at the relationship a bit more objectively. You will start to think that "Maybe he is not good for me after all, Maybe I deserve better..". Then those maybes will turn to "Definitely..".

 

This "I will always love this guy" thing is just temporary. Your mind is playing tricks with you. You will find someone else. You just graduated from law school and you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Don't wait for someone who disrespected you, cheated on you and left. You deserve so much more and I hope you know that.

 

All the best

[pillowpuffs]

You make a lot of sense. I have been one month or a bit more even strict NC and last night while talking to my mom, I realised I started to look at things differently.. I haven't gotten to that definitely stage where I'm sure that this was for the better but I guess like you said, I will get there. I think you're especially right about letting yourself be in that hell, I think I indulge myself quite a bit.. It's good that I can talk it out and explain how I'm feeling but I think I need to slowly ween myself off of that and realise this happens, it happens to a lot of people and I will be okay one day.

 

It is my birthday soon too and I guess it will also be the first time in 6 years that we aren't together :/ but it is what it is right?

 

Anyway can I also ask, and I'm not sure if I have before, but did you ever feel afraid to be happy? That's what I can identify as seriously hampering my progress. Every time I'm with friends and I crack a joke or laugh a little, I stop myself because I feel like any happiness I have can be taken from me so easily (and maybe I won't be able to recover from it)... Did you/do you experience that?

 

Btw, thanks for always being here DexterLS

[DexterLS]

You make a lot of sense. I have been one month or a bit more even strict NC and last night while talking to my mom, I realised I started to look at things differently.. I haven't gotten to that definitely stage where I'm sure that this was for the better but I guess like you said, I will get there. I think you're especially right about letting yourself be in that hell, I think I indulge myself quite a bit.. It's good that I can talk it out and explain how I'm feeling but I think I need to slowly ween myself off of that and realise this happens, it happens to a lot of people and I will be okay one day.

 

It is my birthday soon too and I guess it will also be the first time in 6 years that we aren't together :/ but it is what it is right?

 

Anyway can I also ask, and I'm not sure if I have before, but did you ever feel afraid to be happy? That's what I can identify as seriously hampering my progress. Every time I'm with friends and I crack a joke or laugh a little, I stop myself because I feel like any happiness I have can be taken from me so easily (and maybe I won't be able to recover from it)... Did you/do you experience that?

 

Btw, thanks for always being here DexterLS

 

You're welcome. I genuinely want to help you.

 

I am not afraid, no. Happiness comes from within. If you depend on someone else to make you happy, you will always be disappointed. So this is what I am doing right now, I am just trying to be happy alone, for now, before looking at another relationship.

 

The greatest piece of advice I can give you is, you should just believe that nothing is permanent. The pain you are feeling right now, will fade away soon. Give it time.

 

Don't avoid the pain. Embrace it and feel all the feelings. However, just know that it will be over soon. I know this sounds so cliche right now but you have to believe in it.

 

Moving on is a process, and a hard one at that. I am always around if you need help

[brokenangel99]

I do feel a lot better compared to how I was 2 months ago.

 

I was going through hell because my ex kept stringing me along even though she is in a relationship with the other guy.

 

I was going through hell because I stalked her social media accounts and saw her having fun, saw her whole family adding the guy on social media (they used to love me!) and stuff like that.

 

I was going through hell because I let myself be there!

 

I will not lie to you, it hurts that my ex is going on a trip with her new boyfriend for her upcoming birthday (this Saturday). It's the first time in 6 years that we won't be together on that day and it does sting a little.

 

I also can totally relate to you because we have both been cheated on. You don't really realise how messed up it is right now because you're hurt but I can assure you, after around a month of strict NC, you will start to look at the relationship a bit more objectively. You will start to think that "Maybe he is not good for me after all, Maybe I deserve better..". Then those maybes will turn to "Definitely..".

 

This "I will always love this guy" thing is just temporary. Your mind is playing tricks with you. You will find someone else. You just graduated from law school and you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Don't wait for someone who disrespected you, cheated on you and left. You deserve so much more and I hope you know that.

 

All the best

 

 

we are in the same boat, cheated on and left for someone else. it's been two months since the BU and the first month.. going through hell and couldn't function properly. my ex keep stringing me along and she's with another guy. i'm doing NC to heal but she keeps texting me two three times a week, asking me about stuff that need to be answered. the last time we met she told me she always love me and care about me, and told me to give us time for a while. what does it even mean? give us time while she's with another guy? they are living together now. and seem happy.

 

my birhtday is coming i dunno what to do if she text me, we used to spend time together on my birthday, now looking at it that it won't be the same makes me sad.

 

after two months of BU i feel better, but still have this feeling of sad and anger.

[DexterLS]

we are in the same boat, cheated on and left for someone else. it's been two months since the BU and the first month.. going through hell and couldn't function properly. my ex keep stringing me along and she's with another guy. i'm doing NC to heal but she keeps texting me two three times a week, asking me about stuff that need to be answered. the last time we met she told me she always love me and care about me, and told me to give us time for a while. what does it even mean? give us time while she's with another guy? they are living together now. and seem happy.

 

my birhtday is coming i dunno what to do if she text me, we used to spend time together on my birthday, now looking at it that it won't be the same makes me sad.

 

after two months of BU i feel better, but still have this feeling of sad and anger.

 

I was told the same thing too. She told me to let us be friends and work our way to a relationship again. I can't be friends while she is sleeping with someone else.

 

So I declined the offer. I don't want to be her comfort pillow and help her through this breakup.

 

I feel a lot better now and looking forward to a lot of positive things in the near future.

[pillowpuffs]

Just an update on how I'm feeling, it's really just me rambling to be honest.

 

I am an in a lot of pain today. I teared up several times during lecture and class because I felt so alone. I am so unhappy. And I'm so hurt. Today I thought a lot about my ex. A lot. And what bothered me the most is that he disappeared on me. He cheated, he broke up with me, and then he gets to disappear? I hate him so much. It is not fair. And I know that's life... but today I got hit real hard by it all. I know he had to leave me, but why did he have to hurt me so bad in the process?

[DexterLS]

Just an update on how I'm feeling, it's really just me rambling to be honest.

 

I am an in a lot of pain today. I teared up several times during lecture and class because I felt so alone. I am so unhappy. And I'm so hurt. Today I thought a lot about my ex. A lot. And what bothered me the most is that he disappeared on me. He cheated, he broke up with me, and then he gets to disappear? I hate him so much. It is not fair. And I know that's life... but today I got hit real hard by it all. I know he had to leave me, but why did he have to hurt me so bad in the process?

 

Well, my ex is very vindictive as well. She sent me photos of her and her new boyfriend without me asking for it. She said it's part of her revenge because I "harassed" her when I asked for my ring back. I think, she just wanted to do it anyway and found the perfect pretext to do it.

 

I hope you feel better as soon as possible. Certainly, NC, however hard it is right now will make you get there. Believe in it!

 

I am here for you

[always.1985]

I am so so sorry that you've had to go through this. You sound like a great person who has put a lot of time and effort into a relationship to get treated like ****! This is a total reflection of what a horrible person he truly is.

I know its hard to turn your feelings off for someone no matter how they've treated you, but these feelings will fade in time. I can imagine your confidence has taken a real beating over the last 6 years and especially recently. I think now you need to really focus on yourself and your life.... I see you've recently graduated (congratulations:D) what are your plans now? When me and my ex broke up my mum said to me that this was time for a fresh start and that I now had a blank canvas in which I could do anything I wanted with my life. It is the same for you now too:) From reading your post it didn't sound like a very healthy relationship at all. It takes two people to make a relationship work and it looks like you were the one putting in all the effort (this is very similar to me and my ex). I made so many silly decisions during my relationship because I put my ex first instead of myself and he only thought of himself. My ex was good looking, clever, good background and I always felt he was too good for me despite how he treated me. I think that's probably why I didn't end things myself because I thought I could never do any better. Which I've realised is totally ridiculous... Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the same impression from your post?

 

I know this is the wrong way to go about things but I'm finding at the moment that I'm wanting to show my ex what he's missing. It's pushing me to go to the gym, to finish a course I'm currently completing and to really look after myself. I know I should only be doing this for myself but I'm hoping that by the time I have achieved my goals that I won't even care about him any more anyway. I guess we all deal with things differently

 

Anyway I think that this is a blessing in disguise for you, you deserve a lot better!

[pillowpuffs]

Well, my ex is very vindictive as well. She sent me photos of her and her new boyfriend without me asking for it. She said it's part of her revenge because I "harassed" her when I asked for my ring back. I think, she just wanted to do it anyway and found the perfect pretext to do it.

 

I hope you feel better as soon as possible. Certainly, NC, however hard it is right now will make you get there. Believe in it!

 

I am here for you

 

Seeing the pictures must have been so hard, I'm so sorry. I hope you deleted all of them?

 

I feel so lousy. I thought a lot about him and this other girl and a lot about him with other girls (we come from a small town) and it just made me sick I know I've got to stop hurting myself... Tried to block it out today but I haven't been able to.

[pillowpuffs]

I am so so sorry that you've had to go through this. You sound like a great person who has put a lot of time and effort into a relationship to get treated like ****! This is a total reflection of what a horrible person he truly is.

I know its hard to turn your feelings off for someone no matter how they've treated you, but these feelings will fade in time. I can imagine your confidence has taken a real beating over the last 6 years and especially recently. I think now you need to really focus on yourself and your life.... I see you've recently graduated (congratulations:D) what are your plans now? When me and my ex broke up my mum said to me that this was time for a fresh start and that I now had a blank canvas in which I could do anything I wanted with my life. It is the same for you now too:) From reading your post it didn't sound like a very healthy relationship at all. It takes two people to make a relationship work and it looks like you were the one putting in all the effort (this is very similar to me and my ex). I made so many silly decisions during my relationship because I put my ex first instead of myself and he only thought of himself. My ex was good looking, clever, good background and I always felt he was too good for me despite how he treated me. I think that's probably why I didn't end things myself because I thought I could never do any better. Which I've realised is totally ridiculous... Correct me if I'm wrong but I get the same impression from your post?

 

I know this is the wrong way to go about things but I'm finding at the moment that I'm wanting to show my ex what he's missing. It's pushing me to go to the gym, to finish a course I'm currently completing and to really look after myself. I know I should only be doing this for myself but I'm hoping that by the time I have achieved my goals that I won't even care about him any more anyway. I guess we all deal with things differently

 

Anyway I think that this is a blessing in disguise for you, you deserve a lot better!

 

Thanks very much for your reply. It means a lot that you took the time to read everything! I am sorry you are dealing with your own break-up.

 

I highlighted everything in bold that was on point and really spoke to me. I am currently finding it very hard to look at all the bad stuff that he's done. It's hard to remind yourself that they weren't that great for you even when you know it, because I miss him so much. I wake up every morning with this awful pain in my chest, knowing that he's gone for good and that I was worthless to him/ didn't matter to him.

 

As you can imagine, because I am referring to myself as worthless, my self-confidence is really in the pits. I used to dress decently and bother with my appearance but yesterday an acquaintance of mine actually came up to me and pointed out that I look like I'd given up on life. And it's true... I sort of have, for myself at least I have. For my friends and my family, I am starting to pretend I'm okay so that they don't have to worry about me.

 

I did put in all the work for the relationship because I was so afraid of losing him. I knew I would always love him and care for him and that perhaps we are only blessed with this sort of love and care for someone once in our life, so I tried to hold on as much as I can... stupidly enough. He was also, like you pointed out, someone who was attractive, came from a good family and all and I too, thought that he was too good for me and although he never made me feel that way, I think he thought it too. Anyway, like you said, I don't think I can do any better (not that I'm looking at all right now) but I have little hope for the future. I come from a small area so I guess that's why I feel so hopeless? I don't know.

 

I think it's also because with him, I felt very secure. In a lot of ways, he was everything I wanted. The way he was with me, before he went away, I think he really did love and care for me. I was so happy that I was his and he was mine. And I genuinely don't think I'm going to get that again.

 

And about what you said about wanting to show your ex what he's missing, I completely get it. Sometimes I feel like that but I've hardly been able to find the motivation to really truly do anything. In my case, I know he's not going to even bother if I look great because he told me to find someone else who can give me what I've wanted from him so if I did look good and got anyone else's attention - I think he'd actually be happy for me.

 

I wish I could erase him and anything to do with him from my memory and past. I know this is bad, because there's a lesson learnt everywhere and we did have good times but he marred them by being so selfish and thoughtless that I feel nothing but hatred for him and what he's done to me.

Edited July 23, 2015 by pillowpuffs

[always.1985]

Yeah I totally get how you're feeling. Im not working at the moment so I have a lot of free time that I should be using to do my coursework. Instead I stay in bed until about 11/12 everyday because I can't bare the idea of getting up and facing the day knowing he didn't want me anymore. I'm guessing there will come a time when I realise I am wasting my life moping around when I know he is absolutely fine. I hope that day comes for you soon as well.

 

I know it's hard when you feel so **** about yourself but I've found that making an effort with the way I look (the few times I have been out) really made a different with how I felt about myself... For a short period anyway. Give it a go and see how you feel

 

He is not the only guy in the world to be attractive and to come from a good background. There are so many nice people out there... Ones that will be able to bring a lot more to your life and make you feel happy. I know you're not looking now and I completely understand that.... The idea of being with anyone else right now makes me feel very odd. But I know eventually I will find someone and so will you!

 

I know I said that I want to make my ex see what he's missing. I've made a plan of what I want to achieve....but the truth is the only thing I've been able to stick to is going to the gym as I find this a good way of taking out my frustration. It's strange because my ex said exactly the same thing to me. He could never give me what I needed.... Even though I wasn't asking for much at all. It made me feel so sad that he didn't even mind the idea of me with someone else. Yet to me the idea of him with someone else made me feel so sick.

 

I agree with that last part. We broke up once before and I wish I could go back in time and not take him back. I wouldn't be going through this now otherwise.

 

You say you live in a small area.... What's keeping you there? You've just finished studying? What are your plans for the future?

[pillowpuffs]

Yeah I totally get how you're feeling. Im not working at the moment so I have a lot of free time that I should be using to do my coursework. Instead I stay in bed until about 11/12 everyday because I can't bare the idea of getting up and facing the day knowing he didn't want me anymore. I'm guessing there will come a time when I realise I am wasting my life moping around when I know he is absolutely fine. I hope that day comes for you soon as well.

 

I know it's hard when you feel so **** about yourself but I've found that making an effort with the way I look (the few times I have been out) really made a different with how I felt about myself... For a short period anyway. Give it a go and see how you feel

 

He is not the only guy in the world to be attractive and to come from a good background. There are so many nice people out there... Ones that will be able to bring a lot more to your life and make you feel happy. I know you're not looking now and I completely understand that.... The idea of being with anyone else right now makes me feel very odd. But I know eventually I will find someone and so will you!

 

I know I said that I want to make my ex see what he's missing. I've made a plan of what I want to achieve....but the truth is the only thing I've been able to stick to is going to the gym as I find this a good way of taking out my frustration. It's strange because my ex said exactly the same thing to me. He could never give me what I needed.... Even though I wasn't asking for much at all. It made me feel so sad that he didn't even mind the idea of me with someone else. Yet to me the idea of him with someone else made me feel so sick.

 

I agree with that last part. We broke up once before and I wish I could go back in time and not take him back. I wouldn't be going through this now otherwise.

 

You say you live in a small area.... What's keeping you there? You've just finished studying? What are your plans for the future?

 

I completely get you.. Right now I am studying for the bar exam and while it is tough on content, there aren't many classes and stuff to attend so I do have a lot of free time which just results in me sleeping in till late (when I can sleep that is - ever since the breakup I have had a lot of trouble sleeping) and not being very productive at all. I think there will be a point in time where we'll just have enough. When my ex and I first broke up a few years back, I was a complete doormat until I told myself I had enough because something switched in me where I was determined to get over him. Hopefully I get to that point again... it doesn't look like its happening now because I feel so alone and so hurt by his actions... but here's hoping.

 

I have tried going out and honestly the moment I touched alcohol I was in tears! I associate going out and having a good time with my ex so the moment I'm out, it hits me really hard. I do go out and meet friends for dinner and coffee though, thats about all that I can manage. And for that I don't really put in too much of an effort, perhaps I should.

 

The part in bold really gets to me too! I think about it constantly... he will have no trouble finding many other girls regardless and has already found someone too, I think that bothers me a lot. I imagine him with other girls all the time

 

Anyway, I read your original thread and also agree with you. You weren't asking for much at all. I genuinely think (in hindsight) that if a guy doesn't want all these things with you (like he doesn't celebrate things or says he doesn't need to show his affection), it sadly means he isn't that into you yet he strings you along for so many years for god knows what? I think if a guy really wanted you in their life, they would share it with you.. I didn't really get that with my ex, he was all words and no action.

 

Anyway my current plans are that I am sitting for the bar exams to qualify as a lawyer. After that is done, I will practice here. My whole family is here, my whole life is here, really.

[always.1985]

I decided to go out with my friends for some food and then to the cinema tonight. Before we met I was so happy, confident, easy going.... I honestly just feel like a shell of the person I used to be.... It's like he sucked everything good out of me and I don't know how to get it back.

 

"The part in bold really gets to me too! I think about it constantly... he will have no trouble finding many other girls regardless and has already found someone too, I think that bothers me a lot. I imagine him with other girls all the time"

 

I do this too, it's silly because I'm only hurting myself by thinking about it.

I don't know how to stop?

 

I guess I'm just having a really bad day today.... How can one day I be thinking about all the good things about our relationship and all the things I could have done differently or reacted to differently? and then the next hating him for everything he put me through. Sorry to have taken over your post I just needed to rant somewhere.

[pillowpuffs]

No don't worry about that at all! The whole point of this forum is to share and help each other through our experiences.

 

We all have bad days and we all think about what we could have done different and how we could have salvaged a situation even if the situation was bad and almost sort of doomed anyway. I get what you mean about feeling conflicting emotions. It affects me all the time. Sometimes I wish he was back to just be there and then sometimes I'm cursing him out in my head because the pain is overwhelming.

 

It will be like that.. God knows for how long.

 

I'm a shell too. I do things that I'm told otherwise I'm finding it hard to get anything done on my own.. I just don't feel like the same person. I want to be happy so desperately but I don't think I'm going to be, not for a while at least. I feel like he took the best of me while I got the worst of him and I'm terrified that now he's the best version of himself for someone else while I'm just here... Suffering. The pain is unreal.

 

I hope you're feeling a bit better. Mine comes in waves. The past few days before I posted, I felt a bit stronger and now it feels like I'm back at the start.