elaine567 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I understand that people are flat out opposed in any form, but I think I may have painted the wrong image to you all based on the responses. Poor little boy being hit with belt only 6-8 times on his leg at 16 months!!!! This is sick and is child abuse. Of course he "loves" you, he depends on you, he doesn't know any different. Be a man and stop your wife abusing your child. Start today. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Poor little boy being hit with belt only 6-8 times on his leg at 16 months!!!! This is sick and is child abuse. Of course he "loves" you, he depends on you, he doesn't know any different. Be a man and stop your wife abusing your child. Start today. Actually, they all do it. The OP has used the belt too.... see his first post..... I try to stay away from the belt, if I do resort to it, I try to only do it hard enough for him to feel the discomfort. And this is just... well, I don't know what to call it. She may keep the belt close by and warn with it if he is too whiny as she tries to put him to sleep. He's whiny probably because he's over-tired. At that time of night, kids need a cuddle, and comfort, not threats that the last thing they remember before they go to sleep, is the sting of a blow from a belt!! For heaven's sake....!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Thanks for the words, much appreciated. And no I didn't have to come back but since I started it and I've been active on this site I figured I owed at least a follow up. After watching a client's son of the same age in the office yesterday, I had already decided that we were going to sit down and have a talk, later I came here to vent on it. And please let me clarify if it helps, these are not vicious raged induced beat downs that happen on a whim, they are done controlled and methodically, voices barely raised, basically just what corporal punishment should be (for those the believe in it). My argument to her was that we're starting too soon. I'd say he's pretty advanced for his age but I just think she's holding him too accountable for things he's doing at his age, which she really didn't agree with with but she did concede that we will use the time out method in place of, which seems to work as well. I only mentioned the "frustrating" part as I will tie the likelihood of using this punishment to the level of frustration we may have at the moment, but we may not even show any direct anger towards him. I'm a pretty care free dad and find most of his antics amusing when his mom would be ready to discipline. My gf does not have anger issues and neither do I, the notion of her spanking him when I'm not around is very unlikely and she's big on making sure we're on the same page. I understand that people are flat out opposed in any form, but I think I may have painted the wrong image to you all based on the responses. I used to spank my kids for a very brief time when they were little (started around 3yrs old, not babies and never with a belt). Rarely and my kids didn't really think my spankings hurt much. Intellectually I believed in spanking because that's how I was raised. However, every time I hit them I felt sick about it afterwards. Mentally I thought it was the right thing to do but my gut was saying no so I stopped it. I simply cannot relate to a mother who would hit her own innocent baby with a belt and not feel really horrible about it. By reading your OP not only did she not have any feelings of shame in doing that, it's her preference and she pushes you and her daughter to also hit her baby. I think given her lack of motherly instinct towards her baby it would be best if she never ever hits this child, not even when he is older. I have a feeling her idea of punishment will always be excessive and over the top. The belt needs to be completely removed from her parenting skills toolbox, forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit1 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Poor little boy being hit with belt only 6-8 times on his leg at 16 months!!!! This is sick and is child abuse. Of course he "loves" you, he depends on you, he doesn't know any different. Be a man and stop your wife abusing your child. Start today. This is child abuse. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I am very shocked that OP and his partner believe a belt is appropriate for a 16-month old as a form of discipline! So what would you guys use once this child gets older? say age 6-10 years? a wooden paddle perhaps? And what comes next when he is in his pre-teens? This child is not being taught that words are not enough to behave, it will have to be some form of physical punishment for him to listen and stop what he is doing. While I have resorted to smacking and threats of the wooden spoon, I found a swat on the bum was enough even for my most mischievous child to behave. Thank goodness OP has come to realize that this is inappropriate. I pray you continue to think about protecting your son. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I did speak with her last night about this, she listened for the most part, and we did finally agree to go ahead and fully implement time out punishments for now, which we have started using to a degree. If there is any sort of corporal punishment it will come down the line when his reasoning advances. I mentioned the part about her daughter, who by the way is a sweet girl that loves to play with him and for the record does not actually follow through with it. Moving forward all matters of discipline will be handled by the parents. It did go better than I thought it would. I can say that I wish you the best. Honestly though, this just seems like such a dramatic 180 from the original post. It seems like your family was using such poor judgment regarding discipline the day before you decided to change. How could you have come so far in just one day? And with little resistance from your wife? It seems too good to be true. But like I said, I can only hope for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I can say that I wish you the best. Honestly though, this just seems like such a dramatic 180 from the original post. It seems like your family was using such poor judgment regarding discipline the day before you decided to change. How could you have come so far in just one day? And with little resistance from your wife? It seems too good to be true. But like I said, I can only hope for the best. its a miracle by golly!!! Odd that the op uses the term "the parents" when he is speaking .. he is disassociating. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Parents who make poor choices need parenting help. Yes, correction and intervention can also be in order, but help is essential. Frankly, if I was a parent struggling I wouldn't share my struggles with most of the people on this thread. I'd be too afraid of getting yelled and going to jail, so in all likelihood I would just continue to struggle in secret. Spanking a 16 month old is not appropriate, and using a belt is appalling, but I;m not sure how anyone can think piling on with the abuse and actually threatening to report a stranger if there was identifying information is of any really help to the poster. Sure, it makes us feel all righteous and vindicated, but in the final analysis is doesn't actually help the child everyone says they are so concerned about. The ratio of absolute perfection among forum posters on the internet is just staggering... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I am very shocked that OP and his partner believe a belt is appropriate for a 16-month old as a form of discipline! So what would you guys use once this child gets older? say age 6-10 years? a wooden paddle perhaps? And what comes next when he is in his pre-teens? An iron bar... Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I used to spank every now and then when the kids were 3 and below. After that we put things in timeout. It works great. Something that they like put it in timeout until the behavior changes. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I used to spank every now and then when the kids were 3 and below. After that we put things in timeout. It works great. Something that they like put it in timeout until the behavior changes. I don't know if you meant to write it this way, but it does actually work well. One reason some people hate timeout is because trying to get a 3 year old to stay in a chair or somewhere for even 3 minutes is a nightmare. BUT, if you put their favorite toy or their laepfrog in timeout, like on a shelf, that can be just as effective, and you do not have to monitor a chair. Put the TV remote and the Wiggles video in timeout, and it can really make an impression Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Parents who make poor choices need parenting help. Yes, correction and intervention can also be in order, but help is essential. Frankly, if I was a parent struggling I wouldn't share my struggles with most of the people on this thread. I'd be too afraid of getting yelled and going to jail, so in all likelihood I would just continue to struggle in secret. Spanking a 16 month old is not appropriate, and using a belt is appalling, but I;m not sure how anyone can think piling on with the abuse and actually threatening to report a stranger if there was identifying information is of any really help to the poster. Sure, it makes us feel all righteous and vindicated, but in the final analysis is doesn't actually help the child everyone says they are so concerned about. The ratio of absolute perfection among forum posters on the internet is just staggering... I don't think anyone was trying to be self righteous. I was truly upset at reading that a baby was being hit by a belt. Most of the posters here agree that this is child abuse and I think by calling it what is and saying that we would report the abuse if we could, was meant to illustrate to the OP just how very serious and wrong this behavior is. Helpless abused children need people to passionately stand up for them. I grew up in a era when physical and sexual abuse were routinely downplayed and couched in terms that seemed to protect the abuser more than the abused. That is wrong. When it comes to abusing children there is no room for calling it something else and protecting the feelings of the abuser. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I am not terribly maternal, but reading about a 16month old child being hit with a belt, makes me want to go to that house, scoop him up, take him home with me, and look after him myself. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) Hitting children is never acceptable. When a child is preverbal but able to scoot, move and put themselves in harm's way, the first option is removing the child from the 'attractive nuisance.' A subsequent tap on the bum with a verbal discipline and again removal is not abuse. However, using objects on a child this age is not ok. In all honesty, childproofing and remaining diligent are what is called for a 16 month old child. Diet, appropriate stimulation such as walks, the park, playing and constant parental alertness are all that is necessary to keep a child this age happy and responsive. And...... Love, hugs, kisses, play, eye contact. A consistent and calm presence, routine. Sometimes adults get caught up in their 'worlds' and forget that when you have a child, beside loving and teaming with your SO and co-adult/parent, nothing else comes first. The nurturing and well-being of the child becomes the primary focus and responsibility. If you are in a balanced, healthy relationship, this becomes a shared endeavor and the child ceases to be an obstacle but instead a part of a small loving group . PS- Not to be preachy but diet/sleep schedule is very important. I'm sure OP is not allowing sugary drinks, chicken nuggets 3 days a week and has baby in a bed time ritual (same time, same tuck in routine: forex dinner, bath, book) most nights of the week. :roll eyes: No belts, no hitting!! Edited June 28, 2015 by Timshel Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Oh my god. Hitting a 16 month old baby with a belt?!!!!!! Honestly it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. That poor baby. You and your gf are SICK and abusive. Why did you even have a child??? Doesn't sound like either of you know a THING about their development or capabilities. He's a BABY! Really, really disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself for participating in this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 My folks never raised there hands to me! They took the time to teach me why I was wrong, they didn't except me to simply accept they were right because they were bigger and stronger! Your raising a son who one day will be bigger and stronger than others - is that a lesson you really want to teach.. As long as your more powerful you should be respected. That's not the way I hope my boys grow up to see the world - I hope they seek the truth, I hope they don't consider themselves better than the little guy. I'll teach my kids to box but I hile they'll prove they're right with there mouths not their fists! Link to post Share on other sites
mynailpolishchipped Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I always said I would spank. Then I had a child. It felt wrong, abusive, and ridiculous. My ex spanked, but when I shared my strong anti-spanking feelings, he minimized in compromise. Now that we are divorced, he is no longer adhering to the compromise. Due to the behavioral challenges resulting from divorce and being an overworked, overstressed single mother, I have resorted to its use. I am seeing adverse effects in my children. I have now reverted to my no spanking philosophy. Unfortunately, I have not found time outs to be the most productive. (This resulted in a horrendous time period of waffling back and forth as I tried to solidify a parenting style that worked for both me and my children.) Try reading "The Explosive Child." It's by a Dr. Greene. Wonderful, wonderful book that makes so much sense. Now, my children aren't exactly explosive, but the techniques easily translated. I feel so much more competent. DO you like being hit? If your boss hit you, would it make you more productive? Do you want your child to see you as a source of pain? I know people look back on their own childhoods and say, "Well I was spanked, and look how I turned out." Are these people claiming themselves specimens of perfections? Are they claiming their is no room for improvement? These people turned out ok IN SPITE OF, not BECAUSE OF spanking. Parents spank when they are angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, or lacking another tool to deal with a parent child issue. The fact that you even started this post reveals your intelligence and your loyalty to your child. It reveals the fact that you are self reflective (a trait so many lack.) If there is a better way, why not use it? Why not use techniques that teacher your child strategies that will transfer into adult life rather than authoritarian directives that teacher your child that he/she doesn't have a voice? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mynailpolishchipped Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Oh my god. Hitting a 16 month old baby with a belt?!!!!!! Honestly it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. That poor baby. You and your gf are SICK and abusive. Why did you even have a child??? Doesn't sound like either of you know a THING about their development or capabilities. He's a BABY! Really, really disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself for participating in this. Please don't post things like this when someone is genuinely seeking help. YOU are hurting this child by being judgmental. Posts like this will anger the seeker and perhaps close him off from alternative methods. Link to post Share on other sites
adreamwithinadream Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 i dont think a kid that old would even understand the discipline from a belt. I think its too young. i even think that belt is too harsh at any age. i have disciplined my kid with a slap to the hand but now she is 4 and i have stopped. I feel trying to discipline my daughter by spanking did not help at all and if if anything made her act out worse.i was also finding i only slapped her hand because of my frustration towards her not listening and that is not good parenting , i also was raised by spanking too and i found it normal but i now feel it does not help anything. I find that time outs work well, I now believe that physical discipline works not work but only harms Link to post Share on other sites
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