Timmos Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). To paraphrase, "They were never his [The OM's]." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 The love for a child is different than the love for a spouse, no one in their right mind would walk away from children they raised for 14 years. I walked away from my ex's affair child, he wasn't quite one year old when I found out he wasn't mine and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I chose to not have O/M in my life because he too had rights to his son. I could not have walked away if I found out at age 3 or 4. lifedestroyed, my ex intentionally had O/M's child and I think yours did too. She had no intention of leaving me but wanted something permanent of O/M's. She never thought she would be found out and I think this is the case in your situation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Seriously you're going to defend the affair partners? It's not OPs problem to deal with THEIR mess. It's up to them what they decide to do with their kids, not OPs. That's not even relevant to what i'm asking anyway. I think OP can speak for himself regarding the kids being a constant reminder in his life about the affair. NoC, I am going to put this to you as nice as I can. A REAL man does not abandon their responsibility, love and care to their children. Especially after they have raised them as their own for several years. There is no worse pain for a child, then to be abandoned by one's mother or father or as you advocate - both. As for "being a constant reminder in his life about the affair." You go trough life with pain, you can not escape it, be it physical, emotional, or what ever. It is part of the human condition. I, for one, will gladly accept this pain, as the joy and love from the children I have raised, will far out weight the pain of being reminded of the affair. I suggest you look deep inside yourself, as this question you have put out, shows what type of man you are. Maybe your issues in life spring from this fundamental life outlook. I wish you luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 OP I strongly suggest you try to stop turning your personal story into a sequel to Breaking Bad by continuing to implicate yourself about knowing intimately about clearly stated intentions to commit murder. I thought you understood this from people's previous posts. LS is a public forum and it just does not serve you in the future to say certain things about retribution in a language that Google indexing will easily make available in about 2 weeks time. Interestingly enough, another board of which I was a member had a situation where an OW killed her MM in the chicago area some years back. I believe they used some of the posts on the forum as evidence...... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Wow things are moving fast! An arrest warrant has been sent for the WSs. OBS and I have not heard anything from our WSs, we are going for temporary custody of our kids. OBS and I had a get together with our kids and it felt nice to laugh again, to briefly forget about everything that's happening. I know everything is moving so fast, but I often find myself wondering if I subconciously had feelings/attraction for OBS while I was blissfully married? Or maybe it's because of the intense bonding we shared while vulnerable that's making me feel strongly for her so soon. I don't know, all I know is if OBS was to make a move on me, i'm not sure I could resist. Thanks everyone who has echoed my feelings to NoC regarding me raising my daughters. I consider them mine and no DNA will ever change that. They see me as their daddy and I will never walk away from them no matter what. I love my kids and they are my reason to live right now, if OM tries to take them away from me.... I don't know what I would do and don't even want to think about that. I have already been a cuckhold for the last 15 years so I don't care if i'm gonna be a so called beta cuckhold for the rest of my life because of my children. As for my kids being reminders of the affair, not even close! I take it you don't have kids of your own to say something like that. At this time, my kids are the ones that are keeping me going, they are the ones that are my joy, they are the ones who melt my heart with love and peace during this difficult time, they are the ones keeping me sane and grounded, they are the ones who are worth living for, they are the ones who make me FORGET about the affair. They are mine and I love them more each and every day. hashtag aparentslove haha 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 The arrest warrant may be a bit of a silver lining. The idea that Mom left because she had committed a crime and was running from the law may be a little easier for a child to take than the more common divorce scenarios (Mom left because she's a crook, not Mom left because Mom and Dad are fighting and if I was a better kid they wouldn't be fighting). Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Also, you may want to start seeing yourself as unwitting hostage in a 15-year criminal enterprise, not as a cuckold. The way things appear to be turning out, I think that's a more accurate description. Think: "Bonnie and Clyde came in with their kids to rob the bank, took you and the OBS hostage, then escaped, leaving their kids behind." That the crime took a decade and a half is unusual but it doesn't change the nature of the thing. That you've decided to take care of their kids just makes you a good guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Wow things are moving fast! An arrest warrant has been sent for the WSs. OBS and I have not heard anything from our WSs, we are going for temporary custody of our kids. OBS and I had a get together with our kids and it felt nice to laugh again, to briefly forget about everything that's happening. I know everything is moving so fast, but I often find myself wondering if I subconciously had feelings/attraction for OBS while I was blissfully married? Or maybe it's because of the intense bonding we shared while vulnerable that's making me feel strongly for her so soon. I don't know, all I know is if OBS was to make a move on me, i'm not sure I could resist. Thanks everyone who has echoed my feelings to NoC regarding me raising my daughters. I consider them mine and no DNA will ever change that. They see me as their daddy and I will never walk away from them no matter what. I love my kids and they are my reason to live right now, if OM tries to take them away from me.... I don't know what I would do and don't even want to think about that. I have already been a cuckhold for the last 15 years so I don't care if i'm gonna be a so called beta cuckhold for the rest of my life because of my children. As for my kids being reminders of the affair, not even close! I take it you don't have kids of your own to say something like that. At this time, my kids are the ones that are keeping me going, they are the ones that are my joy, they are the ones who melt my heart with love and peace during this difficult time, they are the ones keeping me sane and grounded, they are the ones who are worth living for, they are the ones who make me FORGET about the affair. They are mine and I love them more each and every day. hashtag aparentslove haha I'm glad you're having a good time, even in the middle of this! It wouldn't be a good idea to start anything with OBS, at least not until after the Divorce is final, best to wait til you marry her, but in any case resist! I would encourage you to tell your cousins to not do anything to OM while he's in prison as you wouldn't want them to have to face justice themselves for someone who's not worth their time or effort. Besides, OM will most likely be in the present company of a "New Lover" in prison;), not that OM would like it:rolleyes:, but hey, what can he do, or she, or something, I don't know! Bring it up to the cousins, who knows, they may find the punishment fits the crime and decide he's already got what's coming to him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Fighting side by side in battle does bond people. But don't rush into anything, especially not before the divorces are finalized - don't threaten your "innocent betrayed spouses" card, otherwise should your WSes ever get a lawyer he'll try to turn things around saying you two had an affair first etc. Keep things simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 lifedestroyed, I have been here and there on this forum yet somehow completely missed this thread. I just want you to know that as I looked here and there on it, it really touched me how crappy it would feel to be in your position. Sometime I'll read it all, but it's a monster and I can't read it now. Therefore I'll just say I'm truly sorry this happened to you and while you still have a huge amount of pain to work on ahead of you, I'm happy that you chose the path you did and that now you can at least begin the healing process. If it didn't go as dramatically as it did and you just confronted her but tried to figure out how to make it work, you would be living in purgatory for a very long time! I agree that you are blessed with the wonderful children. Hold them near and dear during this Father's day weekend! They are victims too, and it's great that you have each other through this difficult time. Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I know everything is moving so fast, but I often find myself wondering if I subconsciously had feelings/attraction for OBS while I was blissfully married? No. Or maybe it's because of the intense bonding we shared while vulnerable that's making me feel strongly for her so soon.Yes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Sorry LS things have been rather chaotic, I will update you on everything shortly. I need some advice on a couple of things. OM took the cowards way out and commited suicide, I feel so sad because of this. I feel so many mixed emotions torwards this whole situation. I never wished such a thing upon him. OBS and WW are in hysterics, understandably so. I don't know how to move forward anymore. As soon as I heard the news I immediately lost all desire to be vengeful in the divorce. OM took the fall for siphoning the company money right before he took his life, so WW is legally in the clear. How do I move forward? Both women are looking to me as the "leader" now and i'm just so confused how to conduct myself. WW came crying to me and I literally froze, had no idea what to do. How does one support their WS at the death of their affair partner? Anyone been in such a situation? I am now worse off emotionally than I was before! I liked hating them and being angry at them! I liked being vengeful torwards them and now I just don't know... and oh our dear kids, distraught by all that has recently happened they have to take this on too? How can I be strong for the children when i'm weak myself? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 You be strong for you and the kids. Look friend, you didn't put a gun to this mans head and pull the trigger. HE TOOK HIS OWN LIFE. Your wife comes crying to you? She's the reason the guy is dead friend. She not only destroyed her family but the OM's family as well. There comes a point in time when you damn well better start thinking about you and your kids. The kids come first and you come second. Your wife never gave a rats ass about you from the get go and now she comes crying on your shoulder? What's the matter with you? You keep this up and your going to wind up with nothing and not even the kids. Your wife made this mess so let her clean it up. Enough of feeling sorry for her. She would have run you down like road kill if you got in her way and don't you ever forget it so wise up friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 IIWY, I would round up any family you can and have them come and be with you guys. In shifts, so someone's with your WW at all times. Let her deal with THEM, not you. You have your own crap to deal with. As for OMW, I ASSUME you haven't been 'dating' her all this time. At least I hope so. Regardless, IT IS NOT your place to be comforting her. I don't care HOW much you think you two 'clicked.' It is wrong, wrong, wrong. Let her family and his family comfort her. That's their job. Not yours. If you continue to associate with her, YOUR ass is grass. You will get caught and YOU will get ruined. She has no place in your life. Got it? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 You still don't know very much about what has been going on in your life since WW + OM began their A and their criminal enterprise. Until you figure out what has really been going on in your life for the past 15+ years you really aren't in a position to make any further decisions, at least as far as your WW is concerned. WW may turn to be a good source of information, but that remains to be seen. If I were you, I'd give her a pad of paper, a pen, and a pot of coffee, and tell her to start writing and don't stop until it's all written down. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I don't know anybody who's been in this kind of situation, exactly. But have heard of people "being there" for the AP instead of their BS when the AP was dying. And a couple of WWs who were killed by their APs. So, your WW is more distraught over the OM's death than she is over what she did to your marriage. At least you know where her loyalties are - with the dead guy. Take care of your kids and forget about the WW and the OMW. If you don't, you'll just be feeding the drama (yours as well as theirs). -10th Engineer Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 And... exactly how did the OM "take the fall" for the embezzlement before committing suicide? I can't believe the law will let her off the hook that easily. What happened to the money? if the OM didn't return it in full, and your wife was an accomplice... -10th Engineer Harrison 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 @lifedestroyed "How does one support their WS at the death of their affair partner? Anyone been in such a situation?" I hope I'm never in a situation remotely similar to yours. My insight may be limited, but I will let you be the judge of that. It's up to you what you do about your WS's loss. Are you still going to divorce her? If so what I would do is to "support" her in a way that makes the divorce easier, so both of you can move on swiftly from this f*ckfest. After that, she can go to her family for support. If you still want and plan to divorce your wife, that means she will not be your wife anymore. Supporting her is not your role. "How can I be strong for the children when i'm weak myself?" I haven't read all the posts, but it seems like your driving force during the last weeks has been revenge. Now, without that drive, you feel weak. While you may feel weak now, there have been times where you have been able to carry a great deal of responsibility. You have been married for 18 years to a woman and had a family with her. I would say, that requires lots of strenght. You need to find that strenght again for your children. Your relationnship with your wife may be irreparaby broken, but you still have your children. They need you to be strong for them. That drive you used for revenge, can be used to protect what you have left. Think of your children, go to them, look at them, listen to them, be there for them. Just like you have always been. Be a protector to your children, as they are the reason you can (and have to) be strong. Hang in there! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 And... exactly how did the OM "take the fall" for the embezzlement before committing suicide? I can't believe the law will let her off the hook that easily. What happened to the money? if the OM didn't return it in full, and your wife was an accomplice... -10th Engineer Harrison There is no way that her being off the hook is accurate. It would take his wife's previous firm to take his story at face value and make a legal decision in a few days. Furthermore, the firm will likely have financial backers (insurance mostly) who may want to come at her (and OP) as an Avenue for recoupong the missing funds. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Wow, I don't even really know what to say. I am sending you, your kids, OBS and her kids lots and lots of internet hugs. That must be so hard. You will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
OldLady Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 LD, I have been following your nightmarish story and I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for the way you have handled the situation. Your job now is to take care of yourself and your children. Your wife made her choice in a split second when you exposed her and went with her soul mate. Suicide is a personal choice and in this case, the cowards way out. He could have behaved like a REAL man and faced the consequences of his actions. Be prepared for the possibility of the MMW blaming you for exposing them and had you kept quiet, he would still be here. Rubbish! And now your wife is turning to you to be consoled? Looks like you're plan B to me. If in the future you accept her back into your life, you are indeed a very rare breed. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Living a 15 year lie, having two children stolen from you is all you need to think about. She is a liar, a thief and a cheater and chose him over her family, she is back because he is gone, you win by default. Finish what you started, get rid of the cheater, take your life back because you will always be in the shadow of the other man, she will blame you for destroying what they had. She is still a thief, a liar and a cheater and you need to remove yourself from her association or you will be deemed as she is. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Let your wife begin to figure out her messes in her own way. She is still responsible for participating in the missing money. She will have to answer questions and be accountable for how she participated. Where did they run away to? She knows where the money went - their own home perhaps? Fifteen years of deceit to many people. Leave her to live with her own self and her own lies. Continue with the divorce. It's her mess to figure out now. Be with your kids now - even if it means taking a vacation with the kids only. Continue separating all assets from the wife and allow her to get out and on her own. She has a lot to sort through and you can't do that FOR HER. You can't do that for the OM's wife either. Stay focused on getting as far away from this chaos as possible. You need your sanity and a clear mind to navigate yourself and your kids to a calmer future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 First, bury the results of the DNA paternity test. Your wife will most likely never bring this up even in a divorce as it will not benefit her. Your kids don't have to know, at least until they are much older and can process the information. As far as your wife goes, well, she was never actually your wife spiritually was she? Continue the divorce to simply make physical reality jive with spiritual reality. Remember, she is devastated because her *real lover*, the OM is dead. You are simply her cuckold. This is *your* reality, and realizing this should give you the strength to proceed with things. If you decide to take her back, she will blame you for her real lover's death, and make your life a total living hell on earth. Don't do this to yourself... Like others have said, use this unfortunate turn of the screw to get her to give you information. You will get information now that you will never get otherwise, at least until the shock of her lover's death begins to wear off and her wits return... also, her legal culpability may not be over. The law cares nothing if one of the criminals happens to die. In fact, the wheels of justice may even roll over her harder because she is the only one left to accept punishment. Divorce her. Then, get as far away from this person as you can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Not sure 15 years of paternity fraud / child identity fraud makes one "legally in the clear". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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