Husband won't put me on title of our home

[ElinK]

 

 

As far as putting your name on the house. You just said something about you are selling the house you are living in and then moving back into another house he owns that has been renovated. Which house was he supposed to put your name on, the one you are selling or the one you are moving into after major renovations?

 

 

He promised before we married to add me as a joint tenant to the house we are currently living in after we got married. This is the house that we looked for together while we were engaged.

 

He moved out of his home in the city to move into the house in the suburbs we found together. He rented the city house.

 

We are doing major renovations to the city home (basically a scrape). We will move in once it's done and sell the home we are living in now.

 

He said earlier last month that he would make me joint tenants on the city home rather the suburban home since we will be moving anyway. He said he'll file the paperwork after we move in later this year. I asked why wait? He said he guessed there was no reason to wait and that's when he promised to file the paperwork by the end of last month, which never happened.

 

I don't want to nag him about it. I won't nag him about it. I can, however, do things on my own end to act accordingly.... which I am beginning to finally do.

[nittygritty]

Absolutely, that's the difference, your husband felt like you considered him and you TRUST him. That's all it took and he was satisfied, it wasn't about the money.

 

Do you trust your husband? Does your husband feel like you trust him?

 

Other than not putting your name on the title of the house or making you a joint tenant, it sounds like he has been very supportive of you and your kids the last five years. I understand that you have worked part-time for him without a paycheck but you stated that he also paid for you to go to college. Has he also paid the mortgage, bills and other expenses for you and your kids the last 5 years?

 

If you truly do not want a divorce then you should not make demands prior to you being in a position to finally financially contribute to the marriage. Because it sounds like your husband has carried the bulk of the financial burden and been supportive of you while you went to college the last 5 years. Once you graduate and get a paying job (not for your husband) then you should start financially contributing to the marriage in the same way that your husband has done for the last 5 years. It doesn't matter if it is an equal amount if he will still earn more. But you also shouldn't view it as your money is your money and he can pay for everything else since he won't put your name on the title of the houses he owned prior to marriage.

 

It may not have been about the money to you because it was his money being spent to buy the house that the two of you looked at while you were engaged. Is that right? Or did you also spend an equal amount of your own money towards the down payment of the house that you all are currently living in that he plans to sell? If that is the case then he is being dishonest and untrustworthy. Or do you feel like he used the promise of putting you on the title of the house that you didn't pay for or making you a joint tenant as a trick to get you to marry him?

 

If it really is about "the money" then look at the last 5 years of tax returns that he filed either jointly or separately. That should tell you most of what you need to know. Make copies and take them along with the copy of the pre-nup to a really good divorce attorney. Be prepared to get a divorce if he finds out because nothing says how much you truly love your spouse like getting advice from a divorce attorney.

 

Your husband may or may not be able to give you the validation that you need. Perhaps he does not want or is not ready to intermingle the money or properties he owned prior to the marriage. But from what you have stated it sounds like he has been really supportive of you and you of him. Once you get your degree and a job and start financially contributing a good portion of your paycheck then talk to him about estate planning, wills etc. If you feel comfortable talking to him now about it (which you should) then go ahead. It just would probably go smoother if you were in a better financial position and earning your own money.

[nittygritty]

I did not owe IRS. My ex committed fraud and he was liable for hundreds of thousands of dollars and I was awarded Innocent Spouse.

 

I paid for my own schooling until a year and half ago. My husband pays for my education. I feel that my contribution to working for him pays for tuition and then some.

 

So you came out of your first marriage with enough savings and cash to pay for your college education (minus the year and a half of college that your current husband paid) and support yourself and your kids but your first husband owed hundreds of thousands of dollars from the liability of committing fraud? So did you work earning a decent amount of income during your first marriage and keep it separate from your first husband's income?

[nittygritty]

I have zero debt and had zero debt when I entered this marriage. I had a nice savings account. I am in school full time and work for and grow my husbands business. I believe we together (my husband and I) have a sweet deal in regard to contributing to the family unit.

 

Before we got married, I was also in school full time and working. I did not need to be financially supported. I am retooling to increase my earnings.

 

Okay but how did you have "a nice savings account" but your first husband "owed hundreds of thousands of dollars"?

[ElinK]

Okay but how did you have "a nice savings account" but your first husband "owed hundreds of thousands of dollars"?

 

I had premarital accounts before my first marriage.

 

The fraud was through his company (which I was not part of) and IRS agreed with a heck of a lot of documented proof.

[nittygritty]

I had premarital accounts before my first marriage.

 

The fraud was through his company (which I was not part of) and IRS agreed with a heck of a lot of documented proof.

 

So you were wise to not co-mingle your premarital assets. Which is most likely what your current husband is doing by not putting your name on the title of the properties he owned prior to marriage. He paid the down payment on the current house you live in and is the only one liable for the mortgage. Which has probably been a good thing for you since you have been going to school full-time.

 

Him selling the house is probably a good thing since there is debt in the form of a loan attached to it. I think you should wait until you get a job working for someone else and see if he has either made you a joint tenant on his other property or is willing to sell that property and buy another home with you. One that you are on the mortgage and title of. If he isn't willing to do that either than it is up to you to decide whether you want to stay married to him under those conditions. You should also be putting money into your own separate, premarital savings account. For your own protection.

[Trimmer]

So you were wise to not co-mingle your premarital assets. Which is most likely what your current husband is doing by not putting your name on the title of the properties he owned prior to marriage. He paid the down payment on the current house you live in and is the only one liable for the mortgage. Which has probably been a good thing for you since you have been going to school full-time.

...advice I might agree with, in a situation where the finances had not been discussed. However, this comes down to a simple fact: When they shopped for that house, he promised her something that he is now dragging his feet on delivering. We can argue all day about how marriage finances should work according to tradition or the law, premarital assets vs. assets acquired post-marriage, etc., but this particular issue of the house boils down to: he promised and is not following through.

 

You should also be putting money into your own separate, premarital savings account. For your own protection.

If she's putting money earned while married into a savings account, then it is no longer a premarital savings account, is it? As a matter of fact, if she has a "premarital savings account", and she deposits money earned after being married, as you are suggesting, that may well "commingle" the funds and mess up the premarital standing of the account. But here's the deal: that's just a warning, I'm not completely sure, and you shouldn't take my advice as gospel.

 

The moral of the story is: don't take technical advice from yahoos on the internet. (And lest that be seen as a swipe at nittygritty, let me point out that I include myself in that group with you...)

 

The only advice that you should take from the internet, on technical issues of finance, law, medicine, etc. is "consult a <lawyer/financial adviser/physician/etc.> that is competent to practice in your jurisdiction."

Edited June 11, 2015 by Trimmer

[ElinK]

Trimmer, you are absolutely right. If my husband never made the promise, I would not have expectations nor would I have posted this thread.

 

He did promise to open joint financial accounts and joint investment accounts and still hasn't. He made a few other promises and hasn't fulfilled them as well. Again, if there were no promises, there would be no expectations. But there are, verbally and he has it written in his own prenup.

 

He's almost perfect in all other ways. It's just with financials, it's as if he dosn't trust me. I understand and yet at the same time it is painful.

[Babs22]

Trimmer, you are absolutely right. If my husband never made the promise, I would not have expectations nor would I have posted this thread.

 

He did promise to open joint financial accounts and joint investment accounts and still hasn't. He made a few other promises and hasn't fulfilled them as well. Again, if there were no promises, there would be no expectations. But there are, verbally and he has it written in his own prenup.

 

He's almost perfect in all other ways. It's just with financials, it's as if he dosn't trust me. I understand and yet at the same time it is painful.

 

What other type of financial accounts and joint investments are you talking about? I thought earlier in the thread, you said there was an account that he put money in which would cover expenses. Was that not a joint financial account or was it an account in your name only for you to use to pay bills?

 

I guess in my marriage we ended up keeping everything separate. Not even sure we discussed it. We just did it. We don't have a joint checking or savings account and don't even have a shared credit card. I have mine, he has his. I pay mine, he pays his. He makes twice as much as I do, and so he takes care of the big bills, mortgage, cars, insurance, etc. He has lots of investments with only his name on them. I'm just super happy he likes to save.

 

I guess with the prenup, I might want to understand what that would mean for you in terms of a divorce. You say he is perfect in all other ways, so I would be curious how this would end up as a divorce. Every year you guys are together, it seems that that is post marital assets become more and more. Again, I am not a lawyer or accountant so I don't know what that means for you. If your marriage is solid, it probably doesn't matter except for the fact that you feel like he doesn't trust you. Do you trust him? Actually, it doesn't sound like you do, or you wouldn't be questioning these things.

 

When you get your degree, get your own job and your own savings account. Put some money in a joint account if it exists, put the rest in your savings. If joint acct doesn't exist, you could suggest starting one so you could add your two cents each month. It sounds like you have a good marriage, but your resentments over these things will build and chip away over time if you let them.

 

So the house he promised to make you a joint tenant of will be sold, so it makes sense not to put you on that one. He told you a month ago that he would put your name on the house you will be moving into later this year. Since it has been only a month since he said he would put you on the new house, I would wait a bit, yes nagging rarely helps.

 

I am hopeful you guys can get your wills written as a married couple. That might put your mind at ease and seems necessary due to the fact that you have children.

 

I hope you can find a way to make this all ok in your mind. Are you questioning your marriage in other ways? Do you feel like its solid? Do you feel like he is in it for the long haul? What about you? I realize this has to do with trust, but it makes me wonder if you think it might all come crashing down. Maybe its just that prenup messing with your head.