GF chatting with guys..

[Gaeta]

If she needs therapy, she needs to get that herself. She has to prove to OP that she WANTS to get better by seeking therapy herself. No need for OP to hold her hand. Otherwise, if OP is the one making appts for her etc... it's never going to work.

 

Lets face it here, this woman does not have the emotional maturity to seek professional help on her own.

 

OP made the choice to date a woman with no education, job, or car. He chose to date a woman emotionally immature and financially unstable. Now she is pregnant of him, so yes, I think he needs to hold her hands because she doesn't know any better.

[barcode88]

On a closer read through, I think she holds a bit more blame... Not so much for going on POF and chatting with 2 guys (which I think is trivial and stupid especially since she came clean and showed everything and it was platonic) but mostly for how she conducts her life.... So yeah I don't know, its a tough decision.

 

The biggest red flag is she doesn't trust the OP... Can't have a relationship without trust.

[MovingOnIsHard]

Lets face it here, this woman does not have the emotional maturity to seek professional help on her own.

 

OP made the choice to date a woman with no education, job, or car. He chose to date a woman emotionally immature and financially unstable. Now she is pregnant of him, so yes, I think he needs to hold her hands because she doesn't know any better.

 

Um... I still don't see why he has to hold her hand.

 

I don't think OP has confirmed that it is his baby. There needs to be DNA testing done to confirm that. Otherwise, assume it's not his. For all we know, this woman was out sleeping with other guys.

 

Also, this woman is not his relative, his wife, his child.. nor is she a minor. Really, the onus is not on OP to get her professional help. If OP is feeling generous send her to a social worker and let them deal with her. They will follow up on her.

[Omei]

On a closer read through, I think she holds a bit more blame... Not so much for going on POF and chatting with 2 guys (which I think is trivial and stupid especially since she came clean and showed everything and it was platonic) but mostly for how she conducts her life.... So yeah I don't know, its a tough decision.

 

The biggest red flag is she doesn't trust the OP... Can't have a relationship without trust.

 

Well, she came clean after trying for two hours to convince him that she had some impersonator only when he refused to be gullible did she finally give up I wouldn't call this coming clean to me its a massive red flag that she will do anything in order to save her own ass.

[Gaeta]

The biggest red flag is she doesn't trust the OP... Can't have a relationship without trust.

 

That's where therapy is a must (for her) if he wants to salvage the relationship. She needs work on her issues and mature.

[barcode88]

Well, she came clean after trying for two hours to convince him that she had some impersonator only when he refused to be gullible did she finally give up I wouldn't call this coming clean to me its a massive red flag that she will do anything in order to save her own ass.

 

Yeah, if she wasn't pregnant I'd say with that many issues to run for the hills, but i'd at least entertain the thought of making it work if I got someone pregnant.

 

Just my .02 otherwise I agree.

[Gaeta]

Also, this woman is not his relative, his wife, his child.. nor is she a minor. Really, the onus is not on OP to get her professional help. If OP is feeling generous send her to a social worker and let them deal with her. They will follow up on her.

 

So he gets her pregnant and then drops her at social services building, nice.

[Omei]

Yeah, if she wasn't pregnant I'd say with that many issues to run for the hills, but i'd at least entertain the thought of making it work if I got someone pregnant.

 

Just my .02 otherwise I agree.

 

But should he really have to settle for someone who might break his heart over and over again just because she's pregnant? he can be an amazing father without being romantically involved as I said previously being a parent has nothing to do with a romantical relationship the guy deserves happiness in life as well in his personal life and as a father.

[Omei]

So he gets her pregnant and then drops her at social services building, nice.

 

If she's not working and isn't common law with anyone it's likely she's already on social services for income and already does regular check ups because she already has a child if I understand correctly.

[MovingOnIsHard]

So he gets her pregnant and then drops her at social services building, nice.

 

Like I mentioned, OP has not 100% confirmed it's his baby!!!

 

There are social services that have professionals follow up on individuals like these. Seriously, OP shouldn't have to burden himself too much. Can you not see how manipulative this woman is??

[Gaeta]

But should he really have to settle for someone who might break his heart over and over again just because she's pregnant? he can be an amazing father without being romantically involved as I said previously being a parent has nothing to do with a romantical relationship the guy deserves happiness in life as well in his personal life and as a father.

 

He is not settling, he's in love with her.

[Omei]

He is not settling, he's in love with her.

 

I guess, after knowing what he knows now I would call staying with her settling for less than what you deserve

[barcode88]

But should he really have to settle for someone who might break his heart over and over again just because she's pregnant? he can be an amazing father without being romantically involved as I said previously being a parent has nothing to do with a romantical relationship the guy deserves happiness in life as well in his personal life and as a father.

 

I'm not saying he needs to settle if things don't work out, I would just try hard before giving up. At the very least he should do it for his unborn child.

[MovingOnIsHard]

If she's not working and isn't common law with anyone it's likely she's already on social services for income and already does regular check ups because she already has a child if I understand correctly.

 

Exactly. She existed before he met her, so she'll continue to exist without him.

[Gaeta]

I guess, after knowing what he knows now I would call staying with her settling for less than what you deserve

 

Well, I call settling being with someone without being totally in love with them just to not be alone.

 

With all her problems he must be really in love with her.

[Gaeta]

Like I mentioned, OP has not 100% confirmed it's his baby!!!

 

It's just an unfounded worry he got after catching her on pof. The relationship was doing 'very well' as per his own words before this incident. His worry this is not his baby is minimal. That's how I read it.

[blackout02]

The baby is mine, I'm positive of that. We were together almost everyday and when we weren't we were chatting on the phone. Plus she has no car to go anywhere.

 

When I first met her she was great. I felt bad for her situation and yeah I probably missed or subconsciously ignored the red flags. Like not having a car, job, nothing. But she was awesome. Funny, cute, we had crazy chemistry. All she wanted to do was please me. She would cook, do my laundry, serve me food, everything to make me happy. She never asked me for money. Every time a guy from her past tried initiating contact she would show me.

 

So all of this was so surprising to me.

 

I knew she had trust issues and I did what I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough.

 

And one thing she keeps telling me. She forgave me when two of my ex's contacted me and I replied. But I felt so guilty I came clean. And this was before we knew she was pregnant.

 

Oh and she's 23, I'm 28.

 

This community is awesome, thank all of you. This a rough time and you guys have helped a ton. Thank you.

 

Now to decide what to do...I plan to give it time and see what happens.

[Omei]

I'm not saying he needs to settle if things don't work out, I would just try hard before giving up. At the very least he should do it for his unborn child.

 

It's not going to matter to his child when its born if he's romantically invested in the mother, all he needs to do is support the child and give that child his love and care if anything if he wanted something better for himself now would be the time before he's trapped himself in a situation where the children are grown attached to the idea of them together and he's stuck in something that makes him unhappy out of guilt and spending his weekend on craiglist explaining to woman he's taken but it's a dead relationship and cheats on her while she cheats on him.

 

Hahaha I know it's really far fetched into the future but they all start this way.

[barcode88]

The baby is mine, I'm positive of that. We were together almost everyday and when we weren't we were chatting on the phone. Plus she has no car to go anywhere.

 

When I first met her she was great. I felt bad for her situation and yeah I probably missed or subconsciously ignored the red flags. Like not having a car, job, nothing. But she was awesome. Funny, cute, we had crazy chemistry. All she wanted to do was please me. She would cook, do my laundry, serve me food, everything to make me happy. She never asked me for money. Every time a guy from her past tried initiating contact she would show me.

 

So all of this was so surprising to me.

 

I knew she had trust issues and I did what I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough.

 

And one thing she keeps telling me. She forgave me when two of my ex's contacted me and I replied. But I felt so guilty I came clean. And this was before we knew she was pregnant.

 

Oh and she's 23, I'm 28.

 

This community is awesome, thank all of you. This a rough time and you guys have helped a ton. Thank you.

 

Now to decide what to do...I plan to give it time and see what happens.

 

Give her a chance and try work things out... At the very least you're ensuring that your child gets brought into this world in a stable environment.

 

 

It's not going to matter to his child when its born if he's romantically invested in the mother, all he needs to do is support the child and give that child his love and care if anything if he wanted something better for himself now would be the time before he's trapped himself in a situation where the children are grown attached to the idea of them together and he's stuck in something that makes him unhappy out of guilt and spending his weekend on craiglist explaining to woman he's taken but it's a dead relationship and cheats on her while she cheats on him.

 

Hahaha I know it's really far fetched into the future but they all start this way.

 

Not quite what I meant, I basically meant that if she's got no job or money, she won't be able to care for herself as well if he kicks her to the curb... Not good for a baby.

[MovingOnIsHard]

The baby is mine, I'm positive of that. We were together almost everyday and when we weren't we were chatting on the phone. Plus she has no car to go anywhere.

 

When I first met her she was great. I felt bad for her situation and yeah I probably missed or subconsciously ignored the red flags. Like not having a car, job, nothing. But she was awesome. Funny, cute, we had crazy chemistry. All she wanted to do was please me. She would cook, do my laundry, serve me food, everything to make me happy. She never asked me for money. Every time a guy from her past tried initiating contact she would show me.

 

So all of this was so surprising to me.

 

I knew she had trust issues and I did what I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough.

 

And one thing she keeps telling me. She forgave me when two of my ex's contacted me and I replied. But I felt so guilty I came clean. And this was before we knew she was pregnant.

 

Oh and she's 23, I'm 28.

 

This community is awesome, thank all of you. This a rough time and you guys have helped a ton. Thank you.

 

Now to decide what to do...I plan to give it time and see what happens.

 

You must also consider that when you first met her, it may have just been the honeymoon period.. she had to be in her best behaviour. This is exactly how my ex treated me... he'd buy me roses, cook for me, please me anyway he could.. until he showed his true colors.

 

If someone can't trust you, that's a big red flag. They will assume you will do them wrong, and act on it (whether it's imagined or not).

 

She's accused you of cheating when you weren't. Made elaborate stories to cover her own ass.

 

This is a hard decision to make, I understand that. Hopefully with our analysis of the situation here it will help you make the right decision.

[endlessabyss]

OP is a pretty selfish guy to being a child into this world through a women like that.

 

 

Hopefully this is a troll account.

 

 

The story bothered me to a degree, but some of the comments were even more disgusting:

 

 

• adoption?
  
• co-parenting?
  

 

This child has lost before its life has even began.

 

 

My advice to OP would be to be more responsible in the future, in all facets of his life.

[Omei]

Give her a chance and try work things out... At the very least you're ensuring that your child gets brought into this world in a stable environment.

 

I wouldn't call what she has, nothing, a stable environment if she has this child it's likely shes going to use the next 9 months as an excuse to not find a job and whatever some time after OP has a lot ahead of him it's likely he will end up being the sole provider with her/or not with her unless she starts doing something for herself but that's a gamble since she's already had a child and still has nothing going on.

 

I still think 100% hes being suckered into supporting this woman by her manipulation of his feelings. Until she got a job or schooling I couldn't see it any other way

[Gaeta]

But she was awesome. Funny, cute, we had crazy chemistry. All she wanted to do was please me. She would cook, do my laundry, serve me food, everything to make me happy. She never asked me for money. Every time a guy from her past tried initiating contact she would show me.

 

She gave you back the only way she could, that's love.

 

I knew she had trust issues and I did what I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough.

 

Of course it's not enough, her problems run too deep she needs real help.

 

Oh and she's 23, I'm 28.

There you go, I had this feeling she was very young. She is young and troubled, she needs guidance. It's not your job to raise her but she is the one you chose to love and now she is pregnant.

 

Good luck with everything. You sound like a man with a good head on his shoulders.

[veggirl]

I'm sorry but how does she support her current child without a job or any education???

 

Honestly I'd suggest she get an abortion. 23 and already going on 2 kids by 2 different guys...ffs. She is nowhere near ready for one kid, much less TWO.

 

Was she not on birth control??

 

She's not ready to be a good mom and she's not ready to settle down and be a wife. Pointless to continue this. She should abort and get an IUD or something.

[joseb]

OP is a pretty selfish guy to being a child into this world through a women like that.

.

 

OP, was this pregnancy planned by you two?

 

Or was it an 'oops' pregnancy?