This feels like a power play

[spiderowl]

because they are thirsty and they are looking to get some? Thirsty = man who hasn't had sex in a long while, a month or more. Look, they are trying to see if you find them attractive enough to have sex with them outside of a relationship. Not every man likes veg food, but you can be sure that's what I'm eating if there's no other type of food near me. You are going to have to get used to it. Due to women's high selective process, a lot of men don't get some for a long time. They're going to try any chance they have to get laid, and many of those have had the bad luck of providing something, a relationship for example to someone, and not getting anything in return. So they are going to try to make sure that the women they are talking to are interested in them, or in what they can provide(attention, money, gifts, dinners etc).

 

Yes, there are men in relationships who don't get laid or get any other sort of similar thing. A friend of mine is not ugly nor short, nor is he fat, and he's been in a 6 month relationship with an average woman and its been 6 months since he last got any. Some guys want to avoid that if they can.

 

 

I see what you mean but there is no indication this guy is offering anything but sex.

[Elam]

I see what you mean but there is no indication this guy is offering anything but sex.

 

Then move on to another guy and forget about this? Life is too short to wonder why people act in a certain way. Honestly? People are whack. Emotional, hormonal, entitled. We can't decipher why they are like they are. Find someone who wants what you want. Might take some time but its better than to end trying to get something out of a guy who doesn't want to give to you what you want.

[Shining One]

The very act of contacting someone who wants something different then testing them out. Why do this if they have indicated they are not interested?

They do this because sometimes a woman will accept what they are offering. Consider the possibility that he is trying this same approach with nine other women. You and eight other women were not interested, but one of them took him up on his offer. His goal is accomplished. He has no way of knowing until he asks.

[oldshirt]

Point is, why get in touch if you know the other person is not seeking a FWB situation? I find this irritating. It's a bit like poking you in the back and saying 'I'm here but I know you don't want the same as me'. Why bother doing that?

 

Because if men took women at face value when they said they wouldn't hook up, then they'd never have sex except within serious LTRs.

 

 

A big part of this is every day all across the world, millions of people are hooking for casual, noncommitted sex. In pretty much every single one of those hook ups, the woman said she wasn't looking for casual hook ups and was looking for more than a quick hook up. For all practical purposes ALL women initially say they aren't looking for a quick hook up, yet all across the world people are hooking up every single day in every single country, state, province, city, village and mud hut across the face of the earth. And in every one of those instances, the woman said she wasn't into that at one point or another.......yet did it anyway.

 

 

If guys took women saying they weren't going to hook up seriously, there'd be no hooking up. But obviously there is so that means if guys try hard enough and cast a wide enough net, and just happen to hit the right combinations, they'll get laid anyway despite women saying they aren't looking for quick and casual hook ups.

 

 

And just about every woman of adult age has been in some form up FWB/FB scenario at one point or another in their life despite saying they aren't into that.

 

 

And most adult women at some point in their life and gone home with someone after just meeting despite saying that they aren't into that.

 

 

So what it all boils down to is you can go ahead and post on your OLD profile that aren't into FWBs and aren't into hook ups all you want, but be aware that every single other females profile says the exact same thing, yet all across the globe people are hooking up and getting into FWB situations anyway. And despite you saying that, guys are still going to try because they know everyone says that but everyone also makes exceptions and maybe, just maybe, they will be that exception this time.

 

 

And they also know that they will never hook up if they take people at face value and walk away any time someone says they aren't looking for hook ups.

[RedRobin]

Thanks, I completely agree that's all he's looking for. Of course that's not what he said initially. He said he didn't want casual, but almost everything about his phrasing and responses suggested the focus was on sex. Sex is what most seek in a romantic relationship so it's false to suggest that someone who needs more than tha does not like sex. But whatever, it really feels like these guys are goal-focussed. As soon as they realise you are not in it purely for that, they then throw in these 'test' messages, like the 'aroused' one above. I think they do it because they want to get to their goal quickly and don't want to waste time. I also feel they are controlling guys, that it's not just about being a hot-blooded male, it's about control. If you defy them, they react in a mean way.

 

I don't think those guys deserve further conversations with you. No need to explain. Just cut them off and block them. You see the pattern, you just need to trust your instincts.

[RedRobin]

Because if men took women at face value when they said they wouldn't hook up, then they'd never have sex except within serious LTRs.

 

 

A big part of this is every day all across the world, millions of people are hooking for casual, noncommitted sex. In pretty much every single one of those hook ups, the woman said she wasn't looking for casual hook ups and was looking for more than a quick hook up. For all practical purposes ALL women initially say they aren't looking for a quick hook up, yet all across the world people are hooking up every single day in every single country, state, province, city, village and mud hut across the face of the earth. And in every one of those instances, the woman said she wasn't into that at one point or another.......yet did it anyway.

 

 

If guys took women saying they weren't going to hook up seriously, there'd be no hooking up. But obviously there is so that means if guys try hard enough and cast a wide enough net, and just happen to hit the right combinations, they'll get laid anyway despite women saying they aren't looking for quick and casual hook ups.

 

 

And just about every woman of adult age has been in some form up FWB/FB scenario at one point or another in their life despite saying they aren't into that.

 

 

And most adult women at some point in their life and gone home with someone after just meeting despite saying that they aren't into that.

 

 

So what it all boils down to is you can go ahead and post on your OLD profile that aren't into FWBs and aren't into hook ups all you want, but be aware that every single other females profile says the exact same thing, yet all across the globe people are hooking up and getting into FWB situations anyway. And despite you saying that, guys are still going to try because they know everyone says that but everyone also makes exceptions and maybe, just maybe, they will be that exception this time.

 

 

And they also know that they will never hook up if they take people at face value and walk away any time someone says they aren't looking for hook ups.

 

Oh baloney.

 

So, what you are saying is that all men are dirtbags and all women can't be trusted to know her own mind. Whatever.

[RedRobin]

It wasn't a power play. He was in the market for something different than you.

 

He didn't 'punish' you. He just moved on to look for someone that was offering what he was looking for.

 

Think of it as walking into a doughnut shop little for a creme filled doughnut and all they have a jelly filled.

 

Saying thanks but no thanks and walking on down to look for a shop that has creme filled is not a power play nor is it punishment to the first shop. It's just continuing the search for what you are in the market for.

 

No, he was a liar. He claimed to be looking for something more serious, then tried some other move. I say the OP treat those men with all the disdain she would offer any LIAR.

 

I am with you, OP. He was being an ass. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those types of men online. I agree with another poster that you ought to parse out your time there carefully.... And move on quickly from those who aren't who they claim to be.

 

I don't agree with the other posters that this is something you should get used to from men. Not all men act like this. There are deceitful people in the world, and it has nothing to do with gender.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[salparadise]

Because if men took women at face value when they said they wouldn't hook up, then they'd never have sex except within serious LTRs the species would be in danger of extinction.

 

^^^ fixed that for ya.

 

Women are so conditioned by society, the Catholic church, parents and other women to feign demure, chaste, not a slut... but all it takes is to catch'm sufficiently primed, maybe buy a few drinks, be an attractive guy with a smooth approach and those panties slide off with amazing ease. People work awfully hard supporting their delusions.

 

For every guy who gets his weenie wet with someone he's not in a relationship with, there's a woman feigning demure while accommodating him and making excuses to convince him that it's so out of character... because the pressure to be seen as a good girl is in direct opposition with what is biologically determined.

 

It must be terribly difficult to have this conflict going on within all the time.

[RedRobin]

^^^ fixed that for ya.

 

Women are so conditioned by society, the Catholic church, parents and other women to feign demure, chaste, not a slut... but all it takes is to catch'm sufficiently primed, maybe buy a few drinks, be an attractive guy with a smooth approach and those panties slide off with amazing ease. People work awfully hard supporting their delusions.

 

For every guy who gets his weenie wet with someone he's not in a relationship with, there's a woman feigning demure while accommodating him and making excuses to convince him that it's so out of character... because the pressure to be seen as a good girl is in direct opposition with what is biologically determined.

 

It must be terribly difficult to have this conflict going on within all the time.

 

No, I think it must be terribly difficult to be a guy and be conflicted about going for women who are also looking for the same thing he is.

 

It is the men with the Madonna whore issues who are the problem. There are many places men could go for sex if that is what he is looking for. No need to lie and manipulate.

 

But they do it because of attitudes like yours and oldshirt. No respect, and a lot of underlying hatred for women is what I observe. That is why they lie. That, and immaturity.

 

Some of you get a kick out of stealing, or at least, the feeling of getting away with something. The smug tone gives that away.

 

Anyway, pay attention, OP. When you catch a whiff of any of this ^^ kind of attitude or history, walk.

[oldshirt]

I don't have an attitude, I was simply addressing her question without the sugarcups and sunshine. It's just a simple truth that one of the reasons men hit on women even though they say they aren't into hookups is because sometimes they go for it anyway.

 

Before this day is over there is going to be a million hook ups out and in pretty much every single one of them the woman said she isn't into casual hook ups.

 

......and the guy nodded his head and said, "yeah me either."

 

And then the clothes hit the floor.

[salparadise]

No, I think it must be terribly difficult to be a guy and be conflicted about going for women who are also looking for the same thing he is.

 

It is the men with the Madonna whore issues who are the problem. There are many places men could go for sex if that is what he is looking for. No need to lie and manipulate.

 

But they do it because of attitudes like yours and oldshirt. No respect, and a lot of underlying hatred for women is what I observe. That is why they lie. That, and immaturity.

 

Some of you get a kick out of stealing, or at least, the feeling of getting away with something. The smug tone gives that away.

 

Anyway, pay attention, OP. When you catch a whiff of any of this ^^ kind of attitude or history, walk.

 

RR, I do wish that you could find the one who would give you what you want and make you able to love and appreciate men again. How interesting that you so perfectly project your feelings and accuse me (and oldshirt) of hating women.

 

Men and women just have an offset in priorities, and it's nobody's fault... it's just the way it is, the natural order. Women dangle sex to get relationship, men dangle relationship to get sex... and at the same time, men actually do want relationships and women actually do want sex. Neither automatically gets exactly what they want all the time, yet you have this way of believing that men should play by your rules, and seeing any man who doesn't give you exactly what you want and deserve as the devil incarnate. We're all just people hoping to find love and not have to live out our time on this earth alone.

 

When I look back, I can't recall a single time when I've lied or deceived a woman about my intentions... stolen her virtue as you characterize it. I've had relationships where we dated and waited for sex, and I've had relationships where it started out sexual and evolved into love and deeper affection. And with pretty much all of them (except the ex-wife) we parted on friendly terms and maintained the respect and goodwill.

 

Dating really doesn't have to be a competitive, adversarial situation, and men and women can actually like and trust each other... but you pretty much have to drop the expectation that the other is always going to play by your rules, give you exactly what you want, and subjugate their own needs for yours. You have to crate a positive flow of energy and hold the other in positive regard.

 

When the focus is on getting what you demand, you set up this dichotomy

where there is either resentment if he doesn't play by your rules and give you everything you want, or lack of respect if he's quick to subjugate himself. It's a delicate balance... you have to find a way to dance together, and that means someone leads, someone follows and the two together feel the rhythm. If you resent the man who tries to lead, and can't respect a man who is content to follow, where does that leave you?

[RedRobin]

I don't have an attitude, I was simply addressing her question without the sugarcups and sunshine. It's just a simple truth that one of the reasons men hit on women even though they say they aren't into hookups is because sometimes they go for it anyway.

 

Before this day is over there is going to be a million hook ups out and in pretty much every single one of them the woman said she isn't into casual hook ups.

 

......and the guy nodded his head and said, "yeah me either."

 

And then the clothes hit the floor.

 

Most people don't occupy the swinger world, or have open relationships, so I'd argue that your perspective is a bit skewed.

 

 

I don't know how many people have hookups, but I bet it isn't the majority.

[RedRobin]

RR, I do wish that you could find the one who would give you what you want and make you able to love and appreciate men again. How interesting that you so perfectly project your feelings and accuse me (and oldshirt) of hating women.

 

Men and women just have an offset in priorities, and it's nobody's fault... it's just the way it is, the natural order. Women dangle sex to get relationship, men dangle relationship to get sex... and at the same time, men actually do want relationships and women actually do want sex. Neither automatically gets exactly what they want all the time, yet you have this way of believing that men should play by your rules, and seeing any man who doesn't give you exactly what you want and deserve as the devil incarnate. We're all just people hoping to find love and not have to live out our time on this earth alone.

 

When I look back, I can't recall a single time when I've lied or deceived a woman about my intentions... stolen her virtue as you characterize it. I've had relationships where we dated and waited for sex, and I've had relationships where it started out sexual and evolved into love and deeper affection. And with pretty much all of them (except the ex-wife) we parted on friendly terms and maintained the respect and goodwill.

 

Dating really doesn't have to be a competitive, adversarial situation, and men and women can actually like and trust each other... but you pretty much have to drop the expectation that the other is always going to play by your rules, give you exactly what you want, and subjugate their own needs for yours. You have to crate a positive flow of energy and hold the other in positive regard.

 

When the focus is on getting what you demand, you set up this dichotomy

where there is either resentment if he doesn't play by your rules and give you everything you want, or lack of respect if he's quick to subjugate himself. It's a delicate balance... you have to find a way to dance together, and that means someone leads, someone follows and the two together feel the rhythm. If you resent the man who tries to lead, and can't respect a man who is content to follow, where does that leave you?

 

 

To keep this on topic... It's not the 'natural order' to be a liar, no matter how you spin it.

 

 

Not everyone feels the need to be manipulative to get what they want, no matter how you spin it.

 

 

Lying isn't being a 'leader', no matter how you spin it.

 

 

Getting to know someone isn't subjugating anyone. Not everyone thinks with their genitals, no matter how you spin it.

 

 

I don't respect people who feel the need to be sneaky, are passive aggressive, can't communicate, or show with their actions that they are dismissive of what I tell them I am looking for. It sounds like the OP feels the same way.

 

 

This approach applies for all of my relationships... business and personal.

 

 

If a guy is having sex with strangers or trying to, then we aren't a match. It's not that complicated. If he tells me he is looking for a serious relationship, then tries to sweet talk me into bed ASAP, I would consider him a liar... or confused.... and I have time for neither. I'm not judging men who are looking for sex right off the bat. There are plenty of women who want that too... so those guys should go after them, not women who are looking for a relationship. There are plenty of hookup sites out there.

 

 

What you and Oldshirt are saying is that women don't know their own minds and that men should make a habit of stomping on their boundaries. This is not behavior I find appealing from 'men'.

 

 

A real 'man' has ways of showing his interest without being so crude, and also has his own reasons for wanting to take time as well. All of the best men I know are not running around screwing any woman who will let them.... or using manipulation and weasel words to convince her of intentions he doesn't have.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[oldshirt]

Another thing we all need to keep in mind is all across the world there are millions of happy, healthy marriages that started out as a hookup. There are many relationships and marriages that started out as a ONS where someone came back for seconds.

 

A hook up means there was an attraction and chemistry and with attraction and chemistry anything is possible. A hookup certainly does not guarentee that a relationship will follow, but neither does it mean that one won't.

 

As a guy, I would want to ensure that there was at least a baseline level of attration and chemistry before spending an exorbanent period of time getting to know someone.

 

That doesn't mean I'm going to send dick pics (never did it, never will). But it means if there aren't any indications that a woman is attracted to me or that there is any chemistry between us, then I'm moving on.

 

If there is A&C, then I'll give it an honest chance even if we have different tastes in music and politics and even if she doesn't like puppies and moonlight walks on the beach.

[RedRobin]

Another thing we all need to keep in mind is all across the world there are millions of happy, healthy marriages that started out as a hookup. There are many relationships and marriages that started out as a ONS where someone came back for seconds.

 

 

Those would be the exception. A pretty rare exception at that.

 

 

Most people would be wise not to bank their health (emotional or physical) on exceptions.... I don't play the lottery either.

 

 

Anyway, there are lots of ways to test out attraction and chemistry without having sex. People did it for centuries before birth control pills and condoms came along. Not that I'm knocking those things... I'm glad we have those things... but it has made people lazy in lots of ways.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[oldshirt]

Those would be the exception. A pretty rare exception at that.

 

 

Most people would be wise not to bank their health (emotional or physical) on exceptions.... I don't play the lottery either.

 

 

Anyway, there are lots of ways to test out attraction and chemistry without having sex. People did it for centuries before birth control pills and condoms came along. Not that I'm knocking those things... I'm glad we have those things... but it has made people lazy in lots of ways.

 

It's not very exceptional at all, it's actually quite common that many couples had some form of romantic/sexual "event" that set off a chain of events that lead to their relationship/marriage. It's actually quite common, it's just that people don't readily admit that is how they started seeing each other.

 

People use euphemisms like, "we met in collage," rather than, "we got it on standing up in the broom closet at a frat party."

 

I guarantee you that there are a number of solid, happy couples that you know personally that started out under such circumstances.

 

And yes there are other signs of A & C but actions actions always speak louder than words. Lots of people talk the talk but untill someone actually walks the walk, you never know. And that applies to both men and women.

[oldshirt]

.....and also the vast majority of normal men are not lying or manipulating when they say they are looking for or open to a relationship. It's simply that they are going to want to establish that a woman has A & C with them before they devote months of getting to know them and solidifying the R.

 

It's a fine balance between establishing that chemistry exists vs rushing things or coming off looking like a playa'.

 

Pretty much all adult men have been burned by spending months courting a woman and being the "nice guy" only to find there is no real attraction.

 

Many even find out after years of marriage.

[oldshirt]

Now I will admit this - men will go to bed with women that they would never date or enter a relationship with by the light of day. Women do need to be vigilant and protect themselves from that.

 

However women will date and even marry men they have no sexual attraction to and men need to be vigilant and protect themselves against that as well.

 

So it's all a fairly complicated dance where people try to peel through the layers and smoke and mirrors and find someone captain lie to their own temperments and compatibilities.

[RedRobin]

.....and also the vast majority of normal men are not lying or manipulating when they say they are looking for or open to a relationship. It's simply that they are going to want to establish that a woman has A & C with them before they devote months of getting to know them and solidifying the R.

 

It's a fine balance between establishing that chemistry exists vs rushing things or coming off looking like a playa'.

 

Pretty much all adult men have been burned by spending months courting a woman and being the "nice guy" only to find there is no real attraction.

 

Many even find out after years of marriage.

 

 

I haven't had any problems finding men who can establish A & C while also getting to know each other.

 

 

I have stuck around a few times and dealt with the pressure from guys who share your philosophy... invariably, I find out they have some other issues using discretion... (ie financial issues, substance abuse, etc).

 

 

For alot of guys, their desire for quick sex might also come from a misguided idea that it will 'lock a woman down', and if they are good at it (sex) then she can't help but fall for him... even if he's the kind that plays the field... those guys want her to be monogamous even if he isn't.

 

 

Or they are hiding something, and think that jumping in the sack ASAP will again, lock her down. I'd rather not find out after the fact that he's got a couple of bankruptcies under his belt or is a 'recovering' alcoholic, or whatever. I've solved that problem mostly be requesting STD tests in advance. Even the most hard-core player or dude out to wear me down isn't going to take a day off and get his blood drawn if he's not serious.

 

 

So, meh, just not attracted to guys who have little or no discretion. No matter how suave they think they are. These days, I just dump a guy if he pushes for sex ASAP. I already know where it is going, and I've lost respect for him... not to mention I just don't want to be bothered by guys who have nothing else to talk about except what goes on below the belt. Boring.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[oldshirt]

I haven't had any problems finding men who can establish A & C while also getting to know each other.

 

 

I have stuck around a few times and dealt with the pressure from guys who share your philosophy... invariably, I find out they have some other issues using discretion... (ie financial issues, substance abuse, etc).

 

 

For alot of guys, their desire for quick sex might also come from a misguided idea that it will 'lock a woman down', and if they are good at it (sex) then she can't help but fall for him... even if he's the kind that plays the field... those guys want her to be monogamous even if he isn't.

 

 

Or they are hiding something, and think that jumping in the sack ASAP will again, lock her down. I'd rather not find out after the fact that he's got a couple of bankruptcies under his belt or is a 'recovering' alcoholic, or whatever. I've solved that problem mostly be requesting STD tests in advance. Even the most hard-core player or dude out to wear me down isn't going to take a day off and get his blood drawn if he's not serious.

 

 

So, meh, just not attracted to guys who have little or no discretion. No matter how suave they think they are. These days, I just dump a guy if he pushes for sex ASAP. I already know where it is going, and I've lost respect for him... not to mention I just don't want to be bothered by guys who have nothing else to talk about except what goes on below the belt. Boring.

 

 

And just what is my philosophy exactly???? I didn't realize I even have a philosophy.

[oldshirt]

I haven't had any problems finding men who can establish A & C while also getting to know each other.

 

 

I have stuck around a few times and dealt with the pressure from guys who share your philosophy... invariably, I find out they have some other issues using discretion... (ie financial issues, substance abuse, etc).

 

 

For alot of guys, their desire for quick sex might also come from a misguided idea that it will 'lock a woman down', and if they are good at it (sex) then she can't help but fall for him... even if he's the kind that plays the field... those guys want her to be monogamous even if he isn't.

 

 

Or they are hiding something, and think that jumping in the sack ASAP will again, lock her down. I'd rather not find out after the fact that he's got a couple of bankruptcies under his belt or is a 'recovering' alcoholic, or whatever. I've solved that problem mostly be requesting STD tests in advance. Even the most hard-core player or dude out to wear me down isn't going to take a day off and get his blood drawn if he's not serious.

 

 

So, meh, just not attracted to guys who have little or no discretion. No matter how suave they think they are. These days, I just dump a guy if he pushes for sex ASAP. I already know where it is going, and I've lost respect for him... not to mention I just don't want to be bothered by guys who have nothing else to talk about except what goes on below the belt. Boring.

 

 

In regards to the rest of your post. I think you are giving men too much credit and are doing some projecting from a female perspective.

 

Men are simple creatures and your whole theory on men "locking down" women with sex is way to complex and diabolical to be from a man's perspective. Men don't give things that much thought or planning. It's chicks that do that.

 

Guys try to have sex with chicks as soon as they can because they dig it. It really doesn't go much deeper than that.

 

If a man wants to "lock down" a woman, he marrys her.

[Elam]

No, the desire for many men to have sex as quick as possible has more to do with men wanting to have sex than it does with any attempt to lock a woman down. I hardly believe having sex with a man would make a woman incapable of finding another guy attractive enough to dump the men they are having sex to be with because we see plenty of women who give up on long-term relationships to be with guys they barely know, but who are exciting.

 

And I don't know about that. Wanting to lock-down a woman. Is it even possible to lock-down an attractive woman? Women have offers from every man and the man's dogs. I even see men who are in their 80s and barely able to walk still notice women so I fail to realize how one would be able to lock-down a Jennifer Lawrence or a Natalie Portman. Unless the guy was a 10 like them, which most guys aren't.

[RedRobin]

In regards to the rest of your post. I think you are giving men too much credit and are doing some projecting from a female perspective.

 

Men are simple creatures and your whole theory on men "locking down" women with sex is way to complex and diabolical to be from a man's perspective. Men don't give things that much thought or planning. It's chicks that do that.

 

Guys try to have sex with chicks as soon as they can because they dig it. It really doesn't go much deeper than that.

 

If a man wants to "lock down" a woman, he marrys her.

 

 

Don't think so. That viewpoint was developed from observing lots of men over the years (I work with all men), and even here on LS.

 

 

You forget, perhaps conveniently, that if a woman dumps a guy shortly after having sex with him, or engages in ONS/FWB, she's a 'slut' and he's a 'stud'... so lots of women stick with guys after learning something repulsive about him just to avoid that label.

 

 

I'm also thinking of the handful of men I came across in my dating life who pursued me hard, talked about sex ASAP, and I discovered either from them or my social circle that they had issues XYZ that I mentioned earlier. In fact, I can't think of even one guy who had that MO who wasn't a cheater, an alcoholic, had some kind of criminal history, a bankruptcy, etc.

 

 

It makes sense to me... the guys with the least to lose are the ones doing the risky behavior.

 

 

I get the creeps thinking that anyone thinks I might have slept with those guys just because I was seen with them somewhere.

 

 

So, yea, for lots of reasons, those guys get dumped ASAP from me now. Most of them ARE losers, and I'm not taking chances of even being seen with them.

Edited May 27, 2015 by RedRobin

[oldshirt]

Responses in bold below.

 

 

 

You forget, perhaps conveniently, that if a woman dumps a guy shortly after having sex with him, or engages in ONS/FWB, she's a 'slut' and he's a 'stud'... so lots of women stick with guys after learning something repulsive about him just to avoid that label.

 

 

that just means she's dumb and not some part of a man's master plan. Men can't be blamed for women's dumbness.

 

 

I'm also thinking of the handful of men I came across in my dating life who pursued me hard, talked about sex ASAP, and I discovered either from them or my social circle that they had issues XYZ that I mentioned earlier. In fact, I can't think of even one guy who had that MO who wasn't a cheater, an alcoholic, had some kind of criminal history, a bankruptcy, etc.

 

oh there's plenty of crappy men out there. On that point I won't argue. There's good men that pursue poontang though and crappy men that don't. We all make judgements though on the behavior that we see. If you want to use people trying to get in the sack as an exclusion criteria, that's your prerogative.

 

I think it all boils down to degrees and timeframes. I think it's perfectly legit to "next" someone that sends a dick pick. I also think someone talking seriously about getting into bed in the first few convos is a bit much, but if you are getting upset over guys getting flirty after 3 months of dating and late night discussions, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

 

 

 

It makes sense to me... the guys with the least to lose are the ones doing the risky behavior.

 

 

there could be some truth to that statement but again as in all things, it's a matter of degrees and context. Are you talking about guys getting heavy handed on the first date? Or are you talking about guys trying to make a next step after months of dating and consistent contact?

 

I get the creeps thinking that anyone thinks I might have slept with those guys just because I was seen with them somewhere.

 

 

 

 

So, yea, for lots of reasons, those guys get dumped ASAP from me now. Most of them ARE losers, and I'm not taking chances of even being seen with them.

 

 

if you are involved in a stream of losers, it may be time to reevaluate why and figure out what your role in that is.

 

[MissBee]

OK, yet again I got chatting to a nice guy online. He was local, sounded nice, keen, about the right age and intelligent. We exchange a few messages and I notice the emphasis is on the physical. He doesn't chat about much else. This tells me that's all he's looking for. I'm starting to feel a bit despondent at this point because I'm not looking for shallow, single-mindedness.

 

Eventually, the guy messages me that he's feeling aroused just chatting to me. So I could have responded in several ways. I'm frustrated that he brings this up so early on and at the lack of manners. I know that by telling him I'm not happy with this, he's going to get upset and annoyed. Sure enough he does and says goodbye. I am left feeling hurt and annoyed myself.

 

This happens a lot and I hate it. The guys are clearly only interested in sex and not a person. They don't like it if you try to get to know them. It feels like a power play - talk about sex with me or I'll abandon you. I'm just as interested in sex as anyone else, maybe moreso, lol, but respect comes first and getting to know a person. Why do these guy assume you are not interested because you take care and why do they decide you need punishing because you won't go along with their 'plan' whatever it is? It really feels quite unpleasant and demoralising to be on the receiving end of this kind of thing, especially if the guy sounds nice to start off with.

 

My response is: who cares why? I don't.

 

That's not the kind of man I want so I don't spend time dissecting the methods and motives of men who clearly are on some other shyt that I'm not on. I think you should adopt that attitude as well. I would be relieved that this guy vanished. I like men to show me who they are early before I get invested and find out they are D-bags or on stuff I'm not on.

 

It's immature. It's like in high school I remember I liked this guy who kept pressuring me for sex on the basis that other girls let him do it . I mean..come on. This guy and guys like him are the same juvenile way where they just want one thing and they might pretend for all of 1 hour they don't and then lead the convo into sex territory and hope you will hop on board, literally, then when you don't they get frustrated and pissy. Good riddance I say!

 

There are other men who are interested in more than just sex who won't behave that way. I LOVE sex and after we're comfortable and I know you and trust you then we can have all the sex or talk about sex but if we've just met and that's what you lead with, it's a turn off, and if I steer it away and you keep insisting on talking about your horniness or ask about sexual things I'll cut you off before you can cut me off or if you cut me off, GOOD! Goodbye.