Successful OLD date today

[bluestealth]

Thanks! It might be good to have a pause since we've gone on three 4-5 hour dates since Friday, though I wish it wasn't over a week. Since we first started communicating about 2 weeks ago we've stayed in some sort of contact every day. On days we didn't see each other we'd at least send a few texts at the end of the day. Given this is it a good idea not to continue this? I wouldn't want her to think I'm starting to fade on her.

[lionheart153]

A few days ago I clicked with a girl online and we ended up talking on the phone for an hour and a half. Today I met with her and things went really well. We met for ice cream at around 3PM and the weather was so nice we sat outside and enjoyed it. After we finished I suggested we take a walk, so we did that for a while. The conversation flowed so well that it got close to dinner, so I suggested we grab something to eat and she agreed. After we ate and talked more we parted ways at around 7PM with her initiating a nice hug (before I could!). I sent her a text when I got home saying I had a wonderful time and that we should do something again. She happily agreed and I let her know I'd be thinking of the next plan.

 

It's so nice to finally have a great connection from OLD since I've been using it for over a year with this only being the second girl I've met. So far she seems like a keeper!

 

Careful dude, I have gotten burned before even after it seems like everything was great but I wish you good luck!

[bluestealth]

It sucks that I'm posting this, but things aren't looking so great at the moment. We were both out of town for several days and we both got back on Wed this week. We stayed in touch a little every day with some fun and flirty texting (equal amount of messages with her initiating as much as me). Before we both went out of town we were talking about going to the zoo for the fourth date when we got back. This Wed I asked when she'd like to go and she said she was free Fri and Sat. I let her know Fri would work for me and she agreed and said how super excited she was. Fri morning she sent a text saying she had completely forgot about some appointments that day because of being gone and that she had to cancel and asked me to forgive her. I told her it was okay and if she'd like to shoot for Sat. She said she'd let me know by that evening because she had a project to complete (probably school) and that she was sorry and felt bad. I told her no problem and to just let me know. I didn't hear anything until this morning when she said she was going to stay home and get homework done since she'd be out of town next weekend. Instead of replying to her text, I called about 45 min later. It rang a few times, it sounded like she picked up, and then the call cancelled. I called back a couple minutes later, went to vm, and I just left a short message to call me back and she hasn't all day.

 

It's odd that she seemed so excited and now she's cancelling twice in a row and not suggesting another time. She's also still on the dating site, which I stopped using since I wanted to focus on her. It's been 10 days since our last date so she should want to see me (she even said she missed me a few days ago). Something is definitely off here and it doesn't seem she's being open about it. At this point I doubt she'll call, so I thought about replying to her text and asking her to be honest if everything was ok. Thoughts?

[KatZee]

You're overthinking and really jumping the gun. This is still VERY, VERY new. You need to relax. The thing with OLD is that people tend to rush relationships and just shoot out of the gate at a thousand miles an hour.

 

You still don't really even know this person. She has other obligations at the moment, so you just have to leave it alone. At this point, you guys are not a couple, not in a relationship, not seriously dating.

 

On the totem pole of priorities, you're at the bottom. This is something that changes over time, as you date more, become closer, the amount of seeing each other, and talking will increase. But for right now, go slow.

 

She's also on the dating site still so she is most likely circular dating as well, and really figuring out who her best fit is. It's not smart that you had a couple dates and automatically stopped OLD just for her. Don't do that. Keep all options open.

 

Remember, this is not a thing, until it's a THING. When you start idealizing someone, having very high expectations, rushing, putting a higher importance on very new people, you tend to crash and burn.

 

If you text her asking if "she's OK" you're going to come off super needy and insecure. Don't do it.

[katiegrl]

Yeah does not sound promising.

 

She may have met another guy she feels more of a connection with...and is trying to let you down slowly and gradually....so as if not to even notice.

 

It happens especially with OLD where people are circular dating.

 

Sorry.

[bluestealth]

I agree now that I shouldn't ask if everything is ok. I'm thinking I should reply to her text though, but with something casual like how's the homework going and maybe even ask when she'd like to go out again.

 

I've been doing OLD for just over a year and this is only the second girl I've been able to meet, so it's not easy for me to just move on to the next prospect. I also can't stand doing OLD so as soon as I find a good match like her I want to stop! I'm reluctantly back online though. I'm not writing her off just yet, so we'll see what happens.

[katiegrl]

I agree now that I shouldn't ask if everything is ok. I'm thinking I should reply to her text though, but with something casual like how's the homework going and maybe even ask when she'd like to go out again.

 

I've been doing OLD for just over a year and this is only the second girl I've been able to meet, so it's not easy for me to just move on to the next prospect. I also can't stand doing OLD so as soon as I find a good match like her I want to stop! I'm reluctantly back online though. I'm not writing her off just yet, so we'll see what happens.

 

I would not ask her when she would like to go out again.

 

She has already broken one date (Friday night) turned down your offer for another date (tonight) without offering an alternative time when she IS available...and now doesn't even have the courtesy, let alone interest, to call you back in response to your voicemail...asking her to!

 

Why would you want to call or text her again? You have done enough, the ball is in HER court now.

 

As a woman, I will tell you when a woman is interested, they do not behave this way.

 

Let it go....if she contacts you (in response to your VM)....take it from there.

 

Otherwise let it go.

[Gary S]

Listen to Katie

[bluestealth]

I would not ask her when she would like to go out again.

 

She has already broken one date (Friday night) turned down your offer for another date (tonight) without offering an alternative time when she IS available...and now doesn't even have the courtesy, let alone interest, to call you back in response to your voicemail...asking her to!

 

Why would you want to call or text her again? You have done enough, the ball is in HER court now.

 

As a woman, I will tell you when a woman is interested, they do not behave this way.

 

Let it go....if she contacts you (in response to your VM)....take it from there.

 

Otherwise let it go.

 

 

It'll be tough for me to follow this advice but I think you're right. Thank you.

[katiegrl]

It'll be tough for me to follow this advice but I think you're right. Thank you.

 

May I ask why? I dunno I would think a woman blowing you off like that would be somewhat of a turn off...unless you are intrigued by the challenge?

 

I don't see anything positive happening if you called her again. She would probably ignore it or just give you another excuse...don't understand why you would even want to quite frankly.

 

But I hope you can control the impulse. If she is interested, she will get back to you...

[Cowboysnation]

Yeah does not sound promising.

 

She may have met another guy she feels more of a connection with...and is trying to let you down slowly and gradually....so as if not to even notice.

 

It happens especially with OLD where people are circular dating.

 

Sorry.

 

That sucks for a guy because he is paying during all of this and to have something like this happen may make all men afraid to do OLD.

[Cowboysnation]

I agree now that I shouldn't ask if everything is ok. I'm thinking I should reply to her text though, but with something casual like how's the homework going and maybe even ask when she'd like to go out again.

 

I've been doing OLD for just over a year and this is only the second girl I've been able to meet, so it's not easy for me to just move on to the next prospect. I also can't stand doing OLD so as soon as I find a good match like her I want to stop! I'm reluctantly back online though. I'm not writing her off just yet, so we'll see what happens.

 

Well you definitely probably should take a break especially since you paid for all those dates. But I agree with you it's not easy to jump back online after something like that

[Cowboysnation]

It'll be tough for me to follow this advice but I think you're right. Thank you.

 

Just try to occupy your mind with things you enjoy doing so you won't think about calling her.

[katiegrl]

That sucks for a guy because he is paying during all of this and to have something like this happen may make all men afraid to do OLD.

 

I hear ya.... That is why it is recommended that a guy keep those early dates inexpensive.... until something between them is established. Save the expensive dates for after they are a couple.

 

Definitely sucks though regardless...and not to minimize the OP's experience... but from what I have heard and read here women don't have it easy either.

 

But yeah totally sucks for the OP..I hope she calls him back!

[Cowboysnation]

I hear ya.... That is why it is recommended that a guy keep those early dates inexpensive.... until something between them is established. Save the expensive dates for after they are a couple.

 

Definitely sucks though regardless...and not to minimize the OP's experience... but from what I have heard and read here women don't have it easy either.

 

But yeah totally sucks for the OP..I hope she calls him back!

 

But a woman is not losing anything but time unlike the men.

[watsonyards]

OP, you are putting way too much mental work into this.

 

In fact, this whole scenario (even before she blew you off) sounds like too much work, especially since you didn't even get sex yet.

 

Next!

[katiegrl]

But a woman is not losing anything but time unlike the men.

 

Again, make the first couple of dates inexpensive....like maybe some ice cream....a picnic...get creative....gauge her interest and compatibility.

 

There is no reason to be doling out money on a chick you just met and had a couple of dates with.

 

Find other ways to impress her. Plus it weeds out the golddiggers or women simply looking for a free meal or free whatever.

[Cowboysnation]

Again, make the first couple of dates inexpensive....like maybe some ice cream....a picnic...get creative....gauge her interest and compatibility.

 

There is no reason to be doling out money on a chick you just met and had a couple of dates with.

 

Find other ways to impress her. Plus it weeds out the golddiggers or women simply looking for a free meal or free whatever.

 

I;m guilty of this and that's why I decided to take a break from dating until August. lol

[bluestealth]

Her not calling back is definitely a turn off but I'm a little attached so it's hard to let it go. It's not right to leave someone hanging after three dates. Why not be honest and tell me it's not working out so I don't have to waste time wondering? The first date was ice cream + dinner, second was bowling + dinner, and third was a candy museum tour + dinner. All were 4-5 hour dates. I actually already bought the zoo tickets online and they expire (she knows this), so that's unfortunate if I don't get to go with her. I personally don't agree with multi or circular dating, especially after 2-3 dates with someone. You're just going to hurt people, and that kind of thing does make me afraid to date people from OLD.

Edited June 7, 2015 by bluestealth

[ZA Dater]

The positive part of this was great to read, see that as being positive the fact she choose to behave incredible badly subsequently should be inconsequential to you. Feel you are the better person and either see her lack of communication as a challenge or if there are other prospects move on to those.

[bluestealth]

She sent me a text today saying she didn't think things would progress further even though she thought I was really great and handsome. She feels we're on different paths where I'm ready to settle down and she's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Even though I'm disappointed because I like her, I have to give her credit for being nice and honest about things. I'm grateful for the time I spent with her and the experience.

[katiegrl]

She sent me a text today saying she didn't think things would progress further even though she thought I was really great and handsome. She feels we're on different paths where I'm ready to settle down and she's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Even though I'm disappointed because I like her, I have to give her credit for being nice and honest about things. I'm grateful for the time I spent with her and the experience.

 

Good I am so happy she sent you that and that you are cool with it! :)

 

It sucks to be ignored... people have no idea how horrible that feels.

 

You seem like an awesome man bluestealth....confident, caring and sensitive, and now we discover you are handsome to boot....I don't know why women aren't snatching you up....but keep going, she is out there!

[watsonyards]

She sent me a text today saying she didn't think things would progress further even though she thought I was really great and handsome. She feels we're on different paths where I'm ready to settle down and she's still trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. Even though I'm disappointed because I like her, I have to give her credit for being nice and honest about things. I'm grateful for the time I spent with her and the experience.

 

Okay.

 

What have you learned from this?

[fitnessfan365]

You seem like a good guy man. That's why I want to be honest and shoot straight with you. After all, letting you continue to be naive and overly nice will not be doing you any favors in the long run.

 

This girl isn't being "nice" or "honest" with you. She's feeding you a line of crap sugarcoated with compliments. It isn't that she isn't ready for anything in general. It's just that she doesn't want you. Look at it this way. You win the lottery. Are you going to burn the money afterwards because it's too wonderful being a multi-millionaire?

 

Now could I theorize as to why she rejected you? Sure.

 

1) Coming on way too strong and getting invested way too fast

2) Planning over the top/expensive dates for a woman you barely knew

3) Treating her like a GF and talking with her daily while on vacation

4) Trying to call/plan a date when she said she'd rather do homework

 

But that's really all just speculation. Only she knows for sure why she didn't want to keep seeing you. However, at the very least you should save your good nature for a woman that actually deserves it. Not one that lies to you and blows you off.

[bluestealth]

Good I am so happy she sent you that and that you are cool with it! :)

 

It sucks to be ignored... people have no idea how horrible that feels.

 

You seem like an awesome man bluestealth....confident, caring and sensitive, and now we discover you are handsome to boot....I don't know why women aren't snatching you up....but keep going, she is out there!

 

 

Well thanks, you're too kind! For me ignoring is the worst so I'm glad she sent me something. I'm sure she's out there too, so the search continues...