Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 He went and came back 3 times!! Was crying through my letterbox how much he loves me and all he wants is 1 chance!!! I gave a chance after the holiday with the wife! I gave another one when he accidentally send me a text intended for his wife!!! Is he for real!! after 3 hours he eventually left but this was when the police arrived. The police called him on his mobile and told him if he continues with this behaviour he will be given an Harassment order. To not text, call of visit my house again. The officer was actually laughing coz MM was crying uncontrollably down the phone. Yeah I was in the house when he posted card and left flowers. Ive not had any more texts or calls but I did receive an email.... i dont know how i managed to drive back as i was an still am crying so much. i nearly fell apart when the policeman rang me. im so sorry chelle. ive never felt pain like this. i wish i could start with you again and i really would give you every promise and dream you wanted. please by my women. i fear ive lost the most important person in my life. im going to divorce diane ok. can i send you the proceedings letter so you know its true? i will also move if you wanted. im sorry about all the calls and texts i just miss you more than the world......i feel so bad. i cant believe what i put you through. but i want you to know none of it is acting. i truly, truly love you deeply with all my heart. please dont have me arrested darling. im losing it already. chelle, i wont call you or text you. i really wont. but will you please know that i want to give you everything and i will. please email me back. if you want could we maybe just meet up in london no drinking and you wouldnt have to tell anyone. but afetr a while you will see that ive cut all ties from diane and would put you 1st in everything. im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry. i love you with all my heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 That's a looooooooooooooot of "O"s. But not one single sincere, trustworthy statement. Stay strong, protect the NC investment you have already made. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 It will be hard but ive done ok so far. What is really annoying is how he is saying he will divorce her!! How about being honest for a change and telling them about me!! There was no mention of that!!! His ideal would be to divorce her....move house and still keep me a secret!! Twat head 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Twat head Good girl! Keep this in mind!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 please dont have me arrested darling. Who would ever say that? Cognitive Dissonance went off the scale. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Empty promises = a liar. Just forward his email to his wife and stick to no contact. The only way he's going to divorce is when she changes things. He's still weak and a cake eater. Still the cheater too, trying to get you back into his OW position. He hasn't changed a thing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 He went and came back 3 times!! Was crying through my letterbox how much he loves me and all he wants is 1 chance!!! I gave a chance after the holiday with the wife! I gave another one when he accidentally send me a text intended for his wife!!! Is he for real!! after 3 hours he eventually left but this was when the police arrived. The police called him on his mobile and told him if he continues with this behaviour he will be given an Harassment order. To not text, call of visit my house again. The officer was actually laughing coz MM was crying uncontrollably down the phone. Yeah I was in the house when he posted card and left flowers. Ive not had any more texts or calls but I did receive an email.... i dont know how i managed to drive back as i was an still am crying so much. i nearly fell apart when the policeman rang me. im so sorry chelle. ive never felt pain like this. i wish i could start with you again and i really would give you every promise and dream you wanted. please by my women. i fear ive lost the most important person in my life. im going to divorce diane ok. can i send you the proceedings letter so you know its true? i will also move if you wanted. im sorry about all the calls and texts i just miss you more than the world......i feel so bad. i cant believe what i put you through. but i want you to know none of it is acting. i truly, truly love you deeply with all my heart. please dont have me arrested darling. im losing it already. chelle, i wont call you or text you. i really wont. but will you please know that i want to give you everything and i will. please email me back. if you want could we maybe just meet up in london no drinking and you wouldnt have to tell anyone. but afetr a while you will see that ive cut all ties from diane and would put you 1st in everything. im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry. i love you with all my heart. What a mess. Was he drunk? You know, he could be emotionally honest here but unable to do anything about it, for many reasons. One in particular is men who want to leave their wives for other women generally would be scared of what the wife will do to them in the divorce BECAUSE they are dumping them for someone else. So it doesn't surprise me that MM don't tell the truth and reveal the AP and desire to be with them. Whether they actually do leave and divorce is a separate issue. Some just can't, can't deal with the stress, don't want to completely change their lives, are scared to take the chance that they will leave the wife and then get dumped by the next woman. So many men I have known have told me how very scared they are of being alone. I personally don't get it but I believe most men are scared of this. Nothing like letting your fears run your life; God, what a prison we make for ourselves! Anyway, I don't know all of your backstory but you have the upper hand here. If it were me, I would reply to his email, "You can contact me after your divorce is final but not until then. Do not call, text me, or visit my house until you are divorced and living on your own or I WILL have you arrested." Then go about making the best life for yourself and having the most fun possible! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Im starting to feel abit drained and upset by it now. The mans persistent that's for sure. He has left me alone all day but has got his friend to call me. His friend stated that he is 100% getting a divorce and cutting all ties. Said that his never heard his pal sound so distraught! I just don't know what to make of it. Is he for real.....genuine....or is this him still trying to play me!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 GirlStillStrong.....no he wasn't drunk 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 GirlStillStrong.....no he wasn't drunk Drunk or not drunk, he sounds tiring, and not conducive to a peaceful day. If I were you, my priority would getting some rest and relaxation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 If you are really done.. and are you?.... do not hesitate to use every resource available to you legally. You will end up a mental wreck if he keeps doing this to you. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Im starting to feel abit drained and upset by it now. The mans persistent that's for sure. He has left me alone all day but has got his friend to call me. His friend stated that he is 100% getting a divorce and cutting all ties. Said that his never heard his pal sound so distraught! I just don't know what to make of it. Is he for real.....genuine....or is this him still trying to play me!! Tell his "friend" to stop it!!! No man who is divorcing goes on vacation with his wife like nothing is going on. He goes because he needs to stay married to her. Get a NEW phone - one that blocks all calls, emails and texts from him or anyone else that intends to manipulate you. It is an investment that's worth it! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 So....quick update!! Ive had no contact since my last post.....I then receive an email with divorce letter documentation! I also receive a voice recording between him and his daughter!! This basically goes as follows. How do you feel about about me and your mum getting divorced? The Daughter: It doesn't really bother me cos your not together anyway!! I really feel like im having an argument in my own head with what to do for the best!! Walk away now and forget it? Or give him that one last final chance, BUT with a list of terms and conditions over a trial period!!! I felt pretty strong over the recent days. Even surprised myself when I called the police!!! But I guess my thinking is this.....he is very persistent! He really is trying to win me round....but this time with actions as opposed to words!! He is willing to change and do everything ive asked for. Meet his kids.....stay at his....not be a secret! He even said that when he mentioned to the wife about the divorce.....it was easier than expected! He thought it would be a lot harder and this surprised him. I honestly don't know what to do for the best! Do situations like these work? Sorry to drain everyones brain......I don't even know the difference between what my hearts saying and what my heads saying!! How messed up is that!! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Breathe. Wait. Sleep on it, and think about it in the morning. I know sleep may be hard to come by, but try. leave it be. Give yourself 24 hours for your head to clear, and to give yourself space. Then, come back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 So....quick update!! Ive had no contact since my last post.....I then receive an email with divorce letter documentation! I also receive a voice recording between him and his daughter!! This basically goes as follows. How do you feel about about me and your mum getting divorced? The Daughter: It doesn't really bother me cos your not together anyway!! I really feel like im having an argument in my own head with what to do for the best!! Walk away now and forget it? Or give him that one last final chance, BUT with a list of terms and conditions over a trial period!!! I felt pretty strong over the recent days. Even surprised myself when I called the police!!! But I guess my thinking is this.....he is very persistent! He really is trying to win me round....but this time with actions as opposed to words!! He is willing to change and do everything ive asked for. Meet his kids.....stay at his....not be a secret! He even said that when he mentioned to the wife about the divorce.....it was easier than expected! He thought it would be a lot harder and this surprised him. I honestly don't know what to do for the best! Do situations like these work? Sorry to drain everyones brain......I don't even know the difference between what my hearts saying and what my heads saying!! How messed up is that!! Gotta stay calm. Remember, you are at the beginning! My guy's divorce took a year and it was cut and dried! So don't make any hasty decisions. Hang in there. I know it is tough to.stay calm right now but try. You don't have to make a decision today. Take your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 But I guess my thinking is this.....he is very persistent! He really is trying to win me round....but this time with actions as opposed to words!! He is willing to change and do everything ive asked for. Meet his kids.....stay at his....not be a secret! He even said that when he mentioned to the wife about the divorce.....it was easier than expected! He thought it would be a lot harder and this surprised him. I honestly don't know what to do for the best! Do situations like these work? Sorry to drain everyones brain......I don't even know the difference between what my hearts saying and what my heads saying!! How messed up is that!! So basically, you are going to talk yourself into getting back together with him. Just keep your eyes open. One thing that I can't seem to shake, though, and I would say this to both of you: keep the damn children out of your shenanigans! It is creepy that you follow his kids on social media in order to learn what is going on in his life. They should be off limits. Not to mention that since you called the police, if you really did try to get an order of protection against him - or a harassment order, or whatever they call it where you are - it would be a powerful piece of evidence for his attorney to point to and say: "look, she's following his kids on social media... how much is she really trying to stay away from him? Which way is the harassment going here?" And him... recording his daughter speaking of her feelings about her parents' relationship so that he could play it for you to convince you... ICK! That's a betrayal of his daughter's trust, although she'll probably never know about it. Gross. Keep the damn kids out of your mess! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I would reply to his email, "You can contact me after your divorce is final but not until then. Do not call, text me, or visit my house until you are divorced and living on your own or I WILL have you arrested." Then go about making the best life for yourself and having the most fun possible! I agree with this advice. ETA - just seen your latest post. He does seem to be serious about you. I'm not usually a supporter of OW, but he was seperated, so not quite the same IMO. Edited May 22, 2015 by sandylee1 eta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 He hasn't even filed for divorce yet, much less finalized a divorce. Don't get sucked back in. You need him to demonstrate that he is serious about getting divorced regardless of whether you are back in the picture. Otherwise, you get sucked back, he gets comfortable that he has you again, and then he backs off on getting divorced and you're right back in the same boat where you started. Be patient and be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 He hasn't even filed for divorce yet, much less finalized a divorce. Don't get sucked back in. You need him to demonstrate that he is serious about getting divorced regardless of whether you are back in the picture. Otherwise, you get sucked back, he gets comfortable that he has you again, and then he backs off on getting divorced and you're right back in the same boat where you started. Be patient and be strong. I hear ya....loud and clear! Hey seeing as he's so persistent....and he wants this one last, final chance......how about he tells his kids of me and records that!!! Divorce paper to follow an I may actually believe him!!! Theres still an issue of trust though!!! Hmmm, I aint budging yet, that's for sure! Thanks for taking the time to read x Wot a head f**k Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 What is his rush? He can divorce and take time to himself before pursuing you. Who knows when the D will be finalized. You need to rebuild trust, get to know him in a normal setting and not in the affair dynamic. Let him do this thing and you focus on your life, stay busy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BurnedAndLost Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 The fact that he is sending recorded ''private'' conversations between him.and his daughter is bothersome. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I hear ya....loud and clear! Hey seeing as he's so persistent....and he wants this one last, final chance......how about he tells his kids of me and records that!!! Divorce paper to follow an I may actually believe him!!! Theres still an issue of trust though!!! Hmmm, I aint budging yet, that's for sure! Thanks for taking the time to read x Wot a head f**k Glad you waited to do anything rather than act on impulse. That's not an easy thing to do, at times. Well done... And well thought out. Logical (bolded) conclusions there! Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 It's shocking to me that people are telling you to be patient. I just read your initial post and its irrationality comes through in places strong and pungent. OP, why would you want to be with someone like this? Do you think so little of yourself? Are your resources so limited? Do you really believe love and genuine concern can be born out of deception and compounding lies? No. Stop the cycle. Stop giving chances. Stop making excuses. Extract yourself from this drama. Read over that first post with fresh eyes. It's absolute lunacy!!! This most recent development will just be another detail added to the pattern that you've clearly laid out. And what if by some stroke of chance, it's not? What if the control and manipulation he exercised by enlisting his friend(!!!) to pull you back actually amounts to a divorce and an outright commitment to you and only you? How long do you expect such bliss to last? He's not attracted to you, he's attracted to the ceaseless tumult that keeping you as a side-piece stirs. And when that's no longer part of the equation? What then? Wake up. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I just thought, regarding the holiday he went on with the wife. My brother was seperated and we had a family event. He didn't want to bring his seperated wife, but I could see his kids really wanted their mom there (my kids told me) as all the other moms would be there. I asked him to allow her to come for the sake of the kids and to put their needs above his. He did say he had to consider the feelings of his new GF and I did say the kids should be his priority. In the end the wife came, but I could see he wasn't best pleased about it. Your MM should have been honest about her coming on the holiday. It's the lies that kill the trust. My nephews and niece were a lot younger than the kids you speak of though and I didn't like knowing how they were hurting, as they'd discussed it with my kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 I get a text intended for the wife!! How he has left her alone for ages and she knew how hard this was for him! How he just wants to be next her 24 hours a day!! I don't get it. Now he suddenly can't stand his wife and wants to divorce her when he JUST sent her this text a couple weeks ago? Seriously? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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