Popsicle Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Ugh...I had an ex-Bf who did this. It is not welcomed or appreciated and it's extremely manipulative imo. I also think he did it because he knew/sensed that I still loved him. He just has to accept that it's over and needs to be over. Ask him outright not to contact you again so you both can move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 As others have wisely suggested, ignore him, don't open the door, and for that matter, don't acknowledge his presence. He knows you feel compelled to open the door rather than ignoring him, which is why he continues to do that. It's another form of manipulation and so long as you cave to his tactics, he'll continue applying them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Ugh...I had an ex-Bf who did this. It is not welcomed or appreciated and it's extremely manipulative imo. I also think he did it because he knew/sensed that I still loved him. He just has to accept that it's over and needs to be over. Ask him outright not to contact you again so you both can move on. How did you get out of your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 How did you get out of your situation? I kept taking him back because I was weak but all this was chipping away at our love over time and then one day he suddenly dumped me. How about that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 When you tell him it's over let him know that if he comes to your door you will not let him in and as a matter of fact, you will call the police. Let him know up front. That way when he does drive to you and starts pounding on your door you won't have any guilt for not answering. You will know that you gave him fair warning. I don't necessarily think he deserves any warning, however if you don't tell him then you are likely to feel bad for him when he's standing outside your door pleading with you to let him in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I kept taking him back because I was weak but all this was chipping away at our love over time and then one day he suddenly dumped me. How about that? Cor dear!! Sounds like he wanted to be in control! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 *Update*.....So I've ended it!! Still can't believe he is using the same lines he did 2 years ago. He will cut all ties his end....make me trust him etc etc......take note ladies!! Im feeling strong.....and I have vodka 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 He sold you a dream and you bought it. Don't be so smitten because MM drives 100 miles to see you. When there is something that motivates him to do that drive (sex) they'll do it. Don't feel its a big inconvenience for him and feel flattered by it. Feel that way when he shows you divorce papers. He's been stringing you along all this time and has been with his wife. All the red flags were there and you refused to see it. He continues to come to you because you allow it. You haven't blocked him from all aspects of your life. Once you shut him down trust me he won't be so willing to drive 100 miles when he knows he's not getting any. Give it a try and see. I wish you the best and please don't spend another 3 years on a man that doesn't love you the way you deserve. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 He sold you a dream and you bought it. Don't be so smitten because MM drives 100 miles to see you. When there is something that motivates him to do that drive (sex) they'll do it. Don't feel its a big inconvenience for him and feel flattered by it. Feel that way when he shows you divorce papers. He's been stringing you along all this time and has been with his wife. All the red flags were there and you refused to see it. He continues to come to you because you allow it. You haven't blocked him from all aspects of your life. Once you shut him down trust me he won't be so willing to drive 100 miles when he knows he's not getting any. Give it a try and see. I wish you the best and please don't spend another 3 years on a man that doesn't love you the way you deserve. Thank you and I shall!!! I feel more determined than I ever have....as I say....reading and reflecting on here has made all the difference! Yeah he was fun, we had many a laughs, trips away etc.....but the fun has defiantly gone......and ive started to feel more like an 'escape' rather than someone who he truly wants! What are words without actions!!! Cheers 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I must add....he used to say to me...."Would I drive 100 miles and spend £40 a time in petrol just for sex"!!! Almost feels like prostitution eh!! But yeah.....damage limitation....safe distance....better than getting caught in his own area hey!!! I feel so naive!! Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 I must add....he used to say to me...."Would I drive 100 miles and spend £40 a time in petrol just for sex"!!! Almost feels like prostitution eh!! But yeah.....damage limitation....safe distance....better than getting caught in his own area hey!!! I feel so naive!! Foodjunkie - Here's hoping that you are still feeling strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thanks for replys. Sassygirl....have you been through this yourself? x Not really. I'm a MOW, but would never put up with the crap you've described in your post... And crying because you want better for yourself?? Seriously?? Your man sounds kinda weak and pathetic and that is SO not attractive to me. I've also been exposed to many different types of men who cheat. yours sounds like an ass, just quietly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Last time I ended it....I said if he drove down I will call his wifes place of work and tell all......to this he replied, "well do it then". Im at a loss! Any words of wisdom? And thanks for reading......x He's bluffing. He doesn't want you to do that, but actually, with how persistent, manipulative and deceptive he is, I am afraid for your safety/life. How far would he go to persist and what would he do if he doesn't get his way when you two are alone? I would tell him that you will call the police if he shows up and are dead serious, and actually do it if he shows up. You need to be done with him and have NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Well I told him it was over on Friday. Explained that if he wasted his time driving down I would call the police. He has not stopped ringing and texting me.....theres over 40 texts alone to which ive not responded to!! He is saying all the same things he said 2 years ago....so its now going over my head where before I used to weaken. As a distraction I went on a date last night......when I went to call a cab home.....I read a txt that said he was outside my house!!!! Drunk!! So I then had to go to a friends and stay there as I wouldn't have avoided the confrontation! I have been awake most of the night with my phone constantly going off (I cant turn it off as my ex partner has my little girl this weekend) The last text was saying he has got to sleep at the train station and he cant breathe. Hahaha I mean really....That will teach him to journey here when I have warned him not to!! Wota prick! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Forward all those texts to his wife... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Why didn't you call the police last night? I also recommend you block his number so his calls and texts won't disturb you anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 Why didn't you call the police last night? I also recommend you block his number so his calls and texts won't disturb you anymore. If I was in my house I would have! I was in a cab coming home....I guess I could have done actually, I just didn't think!! I could have waited in cab till they arrived eh!! I wish I had the option to block him on my phone but I don't!! I have phoned the service provider too and they can't do it either. Ahh when will he get the message. I feel strong that im not going to weaken either. If he drives down again, it will be the police I call. If that doesn't get the message across.....then maybe his wife!! But she really will be a last resort as I can't help feel shes innocent in all this! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 But she really will be a last resort as I can't help feel shes innocent in all this! All the more reason to let her know the kind of man she is married to... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 All the more reason to let her know the kind of man she is married to... They're separated, so maybe she doesn't even give two hoots. Why bother, if they have separate homes? It's none of her business what her separated H does. It's him who doesn't want to commit to op for some weird reason. He's chasing her, but won't make her an "honorable" woman/official gf. Op is a rebound who's left on the back burner just in case. But I doubt that his W cares at all. Link to post Share on other sites
KissofGrace Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 He's not separated. Not unless formal court papers were filed. Were they filed? He is still taking her on vacation. He's using you - because you continue to participate. Do you have the strength to never respond to him again - never see him? beach, powerful words that hit me... foodjunkie79...i so feel you. our situations are similar and that isn't all the details, as i'm sure you can relate. somehow do what you can to find the strength to let go. i too am in that same strength boat currently. I will say that this forum has been supportive and some good words have been said to me as well as some that fuel my thoughts. I hope you find this too. i wish you strength and courage to find your self-respect and dignity, as anyone in this situation should most likely be focusing on. believe that you are better than what you currently are, because you are. All the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Foodjunkie79 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 So as expected.....he wont leave me alone......has just drove down yet again. Ive ignored the door and called the police. He has posted a 'Sorry' card through the door saying he will do everything I have asked for....be a proper couple etc Theres flowers on the doorstep. Just awaiting for the police to arrive. Why doesn't he bloody get it!! I know ive weakened before but this time ive totally not responded since Friday!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 So as expected.....he wont leave me alone......has just drove down yet again. Ive ignored the door and called the police. He has posted a 'Sorry' card through the door saying he will do everything I have asked for....be a proper couple etc Theres flowers on the doorstep. Just awaiting for the police to arrive. Why doesn't he bloody get it!! I know ive weakened before but this time ive totally not responded since Friday!! He sounds so creepy, Foodjunkie!! I am glad you called the police. Were you at home when he posted the card and put the flowers on the doorstep? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 This guy sounds psychotic. .and I sure hope you have a loaded gun ready incase he tries to break down your door. there is no telling what this creep is capable of. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 What did the police say? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 If you really want him to leave you alone all you have to do is threaten to expose him. He will go away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts