What makes a man creepy?

[lovefirst777]

What behaviors make you look at a guy and classify him as a creep? What things should men know to avoid? Hopefully I won't see any of my own behaviors listed.

 

My suggestion look at his actions such as things he is saying that degrades you as a person designates sure fire he is creep. For instance, if he starts comparing you to his ex-girl friends. His past should be left behind she was his ex for reason and he needs to move on.

[GemmaUK]

And just a few examples of off behaviour:

 

There's a group of you sitting down, all strangers (say you are on a course or something).

One guy when intros are done presses his lips together - the first expression he gives.

His expression says he doesn't want to be there at all.

He proceeds not to interact hardly at all with the group hardly at all and due to his expressions no one involves him.

He homes in on one of the ladies at break time. She has already spotted his disdain for those in the group so doesn't want to talk to the guy. He persists.

He could be shy, she has no way at all of knowing that, all she has seen is his lack of interaction when it's an awkward situation for all and his look of disdain at being there.

Is she safer to avoid him and go back to her seat or agree that he drive her home?

 

People who keep eye contact for too long and or open their eyes so wide you can see the whole iris.

These people can also invade personal space - something that is much more important to people than many realise.

They could be shy and trying to hard - but when we don't 'know' them all we have is first impressions to go on. Me, I have learned to keep away. Why? Encouragement only encourages further space invasion.

 

One of probably the most commonly known indicators of knowing you will or won't be welcomed is just to check out people's feet. I use this day in day out - literally! People's feet are so honest. It's called a limbic response.

Two people are standing together talking, I am nearby and thinking of approaching. Eye contact has been made already.

If the feet of the people talking move and point toward me to 'give me space' in that group then I am welcome to go over.

If their feet remain pointing toward each other then I am not welcome and should keep away - they could well be talking about a personal matter which is nothing to do with me.

All I need to do is respect their feet - and then respect their space and conversation by keeping my distance.

[GravityMan]

Meh. In general, all you have to do to avoid being creepy is to act and carry yourself like a genuine normal, civilized human being. That's about it. It applies to everything that you do...voluntarily and involuntarily. Your body language. How you walk. Eye contact...without staring or leering or being shifty-eyed. How you talk...how you word things, the topics you delve into, your voice inflections, your sense of humor, your tone. The vibe you give off. Emotional stability. Your social, societal and cultural awareness. Not invading others' personal space. How you dress. "Fitting in" in the right ways, while still being yourself. Understanding "time and place"...when to be serious, when to keep things light/casual, etc. Being able to "read" others and intuitively grasp their approachability. Knowing when to mind your own business. Using icebreakers and hospitality to help make others feel more comfortable.

 

None of the above is rocket science. Most people who have had good role models and a good upbringing will have had much of the above ingrained within them such that it comes naturally to them once they're a young adult.

 

Sure, even a normal good guy may still creep out the RARE woman, but that is an extreme outlier case. Creepiness is a bit subjective, after all.

 

There's also a possibility that a guy may portray himself as a decent person on the surface, doing and saying all the right things...but you can still tell that something seems off about him. His demeanor seems a bit forced, or try-hard, or "rehearsed"/practiced, or TOO clean or flawless. Instead of natural and genuine. A con-artist type. There are entire professions where it's important that one be able to sense these kinds of things, and react appropriately.

 

Shyness isn't an excuse, either. In most cases, it is not difficult to tell the difference between someone who's just shy, and someone who is creepy. Many shy guys out there do not come across as creepy to most women. In particular, the shy guys that have been socialized to a reasonable degree...but are still uncomfortable or uptight in social situations such as bars or parties. Mental weakness is one of the easiest things to spot in others.

 

Notice that until now, I did not mention the word "attractive" at all. You can be a good, friendly, non-creepy dude...but still not attract very many women. Chances are, they won't find you outright repulsive...instead they just don't feel anything, no spark. They may think you're great the way you are...but still, you're just a friend, or acquaintance, or just some ordinary guy to them. Attraction is somewhat unpredictable, and some aspects of it are outside of anyone's control. Everyone's attracted to different things, but in general the threshold to NOT be creepy is much lower than the threshold to be an attractive person.

[Toodaloo]

Funny that, mine too.

 

Mine isn't my my left and right hook are both getting itchy...

[Mrlonelyone]

Darn....someone stole my line. I usually post that SNL skit in threads like this.

 

This phenomena has been studied and the research peer reviewed and published.

 

Effects of physical attractiveness on evaluations of a male employee's allegation of sexual harassment by his female employer.

 

While men and women were influenced by attractiveness.

 

Female jurors were more likely than male jurors to conclude that sexual harassment had taken place but only when the litigants were different in attractiveness.

 

There you have it folks. It is a peer reviewed, published, scientific observation that women will label behavior as a violation if they deem people to be of different attractiveness levels.

 

My personal experience. The SNL skit is funny because it is 90% true. In fact people who train companies on sexual harassment actually tell men that more attractive men can and will be able to get away with acting towards women in ways that less attractive men will not.

Edited May 20, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

[jen1447]

I don't think this is overly complicated, altho it is very subjective as noted elsewhere. IMO, bscly, behavior generally determines creepiness, but it can be enhanced or reduced by appearance. So forex a dumpy looking guy who does nothing creepy probably won't be seen as creepy, but he'll reach the creepy threshold faster than a stylish guy if they both do the same creepy thing.

[frogs88]

We're all creeps and weirdos, most of us can just hide it better than that socially awkward guy who doesn't get non-verbal signals. And then there are the ones that are actually dangerous but that's a different ballpark.

[SearchingForMyself]

Searching, what have you learned today?

 

It sucks being ugly in the workplace.

[johndoe2]

One guy when intros are done presses his lips together - the first expression he gives.

His expression says he doesn't want to be there at all.

People who keep eye contact for too long and or open their eyes so wide you can see the whole iris.

These people can also invade personal space

If their feet remain pointing toward each other then I am not welcome and should keep away - they could well be talking about a personal matter which is nothing to do with me.

Gemma, I think you tremendously overestimate the exactitude of body language as a 'science.' People are extremely different from each other and have very different mannerisms, not to mention cultural differences (length of eye contact is known to correlate with cultural upbringing). This attitude seems like unverified pop psychology type stuff that holds that every little squint or slight movement of the hand says some profound immutable things about someone's personality. But it doesn't.

 

Pressing lips together is a sign of disdain? Opening your eyes wide means you're prone to invading other's personal space? I have poor eye sight, so when I open my eyes wide or squint, I'm usually just trying to see something. Or how their feet are positioned? Probably is more a function of whether the person walks pigeon-toed or duck-footed than anything else.

 

One should not have to monitor every muscle in one's body, every minute little things, for the duration of social interactions, and that seems to be what you would require. So every time, say, one gets an eyelash in one's eye, and it causes the eyelid to twitch, you may as well just stay at home that night lest everyone think you're a creep because of your twitchy eyelid.

 

A lot of this stuff strikes as mere conventional wisdom, which may occasionally be right, but is often wrong. Bears do not in fact have trouble running down hill, bulls are not in fact angered by the color red (in fact they're probably color blind), and how I position my feet or if I briefly bite my lip or whatever does not say something about my personality.

[johndoe2]

We're all creeps and weirdos, most of us can just hide it better than that socially awkward guy who doesn't get non-verbal signals. And then there are the ones that are actually dangerous but that's a different ballpark.

And no one ever seems to consider that dangerous people are just as capable of learning social cues and fitting in with groups as anyone else. I know the most morally repugnant guy I know is an excellent people person. Gets along with everyone, especially women. Knowing his opinions and attitudes I always found this sharply ironic.

[preraph]

And no one ever seems to consider that dangerous people are just as capable of learning social cues and fitting in with groups as anyone else. I know the most morally repugnant guy I know is an excellent people person. Gets along with everyone, especially women. Knowing his opinions and attitudes I always found this sharply ironic.

 

Yes, that type exists. He's one type. The group of inadequate dangerous guys is a bigger group. A smart sociopath will learn to fake it and be very charming. Fortunately, there's fewer of those. But inadequate guys who feel strongly bitter because they also have a lot of entitlement are a large and potentially very dangerous group.

 

You shoudn't poo-poo women for taking it seriously. One in four women will experience violence at the hand of a man during her lifetime.

[phineas]

I don't think this is overly complicated, altho it is very subjective as noted elsewhere. IMO, bscly, behavior generally determines creepiness, but it can be enhanced or reduced by appearance. So forex a dumpy looking guy who does nothing creepy probably won't be seen as creepy, but he'll reach the creepy threshold faster than a stylish guy if they both do the same creepy thing.

 

I don't believe this thread is actually about actual creepy guys that actually want to sniff a woman's panties & actually have shrines to actual female co-workers in an actual secret room of their apartment actually.

 

I believe its about women tossing around the "creep" moniker as a defense mechanism towards any man they deem not hot enough to approach them.

 

Which is mostly your average dude that's awkward around women and doesn't really have a creepy bone in his body.

[johndoe2]

Yes, that type exists. He's one type. The group of inadequate dangerous guys is a bigger group. A smart sociopath will learn to fake it and be very charming. Fortunately, there's fewer of those. But inadequate guys who feel strongly bitter because they also have a lot of entitlement are a large and potentially very dangerous group.

 

You shoudn't poo-poo women for taking it seriously. One in four women will experience violence at the hand of a man during her lifetime.

Again, you seem to be deferring to conventional wisdom rather than any actual evidence. Do you have any justifiable reason for believing that a man's dangerousness correlates with his social awkwardness or what have you?

 

If you did a little research you would find that most violence is committed by people with impulse control issues, people with histories of violence, abuse, etc. people who have personality disorders. Not because they are "inadequate."

 

Just because you find a man "inadequate" doesn't mean you have to try to rationalize your dislike of him by pretending him being "inadequate" makes him any more likely to be dangerous than a man who is "adequate", whatever that even means.

[preraph]

^ Yes. This has little to do with conventional wisdom, though it is grounded in ancient instincts. I have been interested in and trying to stay up to date on criminal psychology for about three decades now, and my interest began with what in the old days was simply called "abnormal psychology" much earlier than that, when I was in middle school. Sadly, this pool of men, though by no means all dangerous, pop up as a prevalent category in many violent and sexual crimes. Both inadequate personality and physical inadequacy show up in a huge percentage of rapes, for example.

 

And it doesn't take much book learning to know that the man or woman who is too inward to just be direct about speaking to someone and spies on them instead has some issues. Not to say we don't all have a period of awkwardness and that's to be expected during onset of puberty. But if a person still is paralyzed by that and they're somewhere in their mid-twenties, time to start seeking some professional help so you don't have a miserable life because of it.

 

There are plenty of people who will never act on it, and I feel bad for them, but they just need to get out of denial because they're the ones holding themselves back. Some of them have an unrealistic notion that they can "get social" without "being social." It is not always easy to tell the difference between harmless ones and potentially dangerous ones, as you yourself have noted. Women should err on the side of caution.

[phineas]

Again, you seem to be deferring to conventional wisdom rather than any actual evidence. Do you have any justifiable reason for believing that a man's dangerousness correlates with his social awkwardness or what have you?

 

If you did a little research you would find that most violence is committed by people with impulse control issues, people with histories of violence, abuse, etc. people who have personality disorders. Not because they are "inadequate."

 

Just because you find a man "inadequate" doesn't mean you have to try to rationalize your dislike of him by pretending him being "inadequate" makes him any more likely to be dangerous than a man who is "adequate", whatever that even means.

 

There are women out there who cross the street rather than walk on the same sidewalk as a man they don't know.

[johndoe2]

There are women out there who cross the street rather than walk on the same sidewalk as a man they don't know.

Funny; if a white person does the same thing regarding black people, it's called bigotry.

[xxoo]

Again, you seem to be deferring to conventional wisdom rather than any actual evidence. Do you have any justifiable reason for believing that a man's dangerousness correlates with his social awkwardness or what have you?

 

If you did a little research you would find that most violence is committed by people with impulse control issues, people with histories of violence, abuse, etc. people who have personality disorders. Not because they are "inadequate."

 

Just because you find a man "inadequate" doesn't mean you have to try to rationalize your dislike of him by pretending him being "inadequate" makes him any more likely to be dangerous than a man who is "adequate", whatever that even means.

 

Men React Violently to Social Anxiety While Women Try to Avoid Conflict

 

Aside from the research, we've all about Elliot Rodger and other infamous killers who were socially awkward.

 

It is common sense that discomfort breeds discomfort. A man who is uncomfortable in social settings sets off alarms for women. If he's nervous, we're nervous, although we can't read his mind and know why he is so uncomfortable (harmless vs. threatening).

[johndoe2]

Men React Violently to Social Anxiety While Women Try to Avoid Conflict

 

Aside from the research, we've all about Elliot Rodger and other infamous killers who were socially awkward.

 

It is common sense that discomfort breeds discomfort. A man who is uncomfortable in social settings sets off alarms for women. If he's nervous, we're nervous, although we can't read his mind and know why he is so uncomfortable (harmless vs. threatening).

Ah, so now all men with social anxiety can be reasonable suspected of being psychopaths because of that one guy. Apparently the people who told me my anxiety disorder wasn't something to be ashamed of were lying to me. **** it, may as well throw in the towel if this is the way most women think.

 

Oh, ya know what doesn't encourage men with anxiety disorder from seeking treatment? Characterizing them as violent psychopaths.

[Popsicle]

What behaviors make you look at a guy and classify him as a creep? What things should men know to avoid? Hopefully I won't see any of my own behaviors listed.

 

You shouldn't worry about this outside of not breaking the law.

 

Just don't break the law and you're safe.

 

So you should probably become very familiar with the laws.

[jay1983]

Men React Violently to Social Anxiety While Women Try to Avoid Conflict

 

Aside from the research, we've all about Elliot Rodger and other infamous killers who were socially awkward.

 

It is common sense that discomfort breeds discomfort. A man who is uncomfortable in social settings sets off alarms for women. If he's nervous, we're nervous, although we can't read his mind and know why he is so uncomfortable (harmless vs. threatening).

 

He was mentally ill. Out of all the socially weird dudes I done met, I don't see any of them harming a fly. If anything they 'll run to avoid some sh*t just like women do.

[darkbloom]

Creepy to me is any guy that's giving me a vibe that my personal space is about to be invaded. Either by his glances, body language, or words. His looks pretty much have nothing to do with it.

 

Also. I find it creepy for dudes to check me out like I'm some sort of meat on display. I have no problem with guys looking but the whole body scan and then stare things creeps me right the f-ck out.

 

Other recent forms of creepiness:

 

-contacting me via LinkedIn for a date.

 

-putting his yoga mat next to me at every class and staring at me in the mirror everytime we do a new pose.

 

-chipolte cashier pushing a pen and piece of receipt paper around the counter for me to write my name and number when all I want to do is pay for my burrito and extra guac in peace.

 

 

I guess I meet a lot of creeps.

[xxoo]

Ah, so now all men with social anxiety can be reasonable suspected of being psychopaths because of that one guy. Apparently the people who told me my anxiety disorder wasn't something to be ashamed of were lying to me. **** it, may as well throw in the towel if this is the way most women think.

 

Oh, ya know what doesn't encourage men with anxiety disorder from seeking treatment? Characterizing them as violent psychopaths.

 

You asked for the evidence to support the gut feeling. I gave it to you.

 

The feeling is based on observed behavior, not diagnosis or treatment. Get treated, change behavior, and you'll be more attractive to women.

[xxoo]

He was mentally ill. Out of all the socially weird dudes I done met, I don't see any of them harming a fly. If anything they 'll run to avoid some sh*t just like women do.

 

The research in the link I posted found a tendency toward violence in socially anxious men. It's not just a matter of the extreme examples (Rodger), but those examples do leave an impression on people.

 

And it isn't like we are attempting to diagnose anyone in a social situation. It's a feeling: discomfort, sometimes alarm. It serves a purpose.

[Revolver]

I lulz because in my 56 I've never heard a woman called creepy. Yeah, heard them called a lot of things but not creepy. Heh, I thought the word was male-only.

 

Creepy is the guy who's unwanted and doesn't absorb the message to go away. That can pertain to an individual or a group or a man or a woman wanting him to go away. I first learned about it as a kid when kids started forming cliques and those who were 'out' didn't get it. Creepy.

 

 

Creep like loser are almost universally male specific terms.

[loveweary11]

Creepy to me is any guy that's giving me a vibe that my personal space is about to be invaded. Either by his glances, body language, or words. His looks pretty much have nothing to do with it.

 

Also. I find it creepy for dudes to check me out like I'm some sort of meat on display. I have no problem with guys looking but the whole body scan and then stare things creeps me right the f-ck out.

 

Other recent forms of creepiness:

 

-contacting me via LinkedIn for a date.

 

-putting his yoga mat next to me at every class and staring at me in the mirror everytime we do a new pose.

 

-chipolte cashier pushing a pen and piece of receipt paper around the counter for me to write my name and number when all I want to do is pay for my burrito and extra guac in peace.

 

 

I guess I meet a lot of creeps.

 

 

Yikes!

 

These are really, really creepy things. Wow. The yoga mat thing gave me the creeps just reading it.

 

I'm thinking guys might get a better idea of what creepy is if all the women here posted examples of creepy behavior they have encountered, like darkbloom just did.

 

I mean wow... I'm grossed out by these behaviors just reading her post.

 

No matter what these guys look like,people would be offended by their behavior.

 

Even if the yoga mat or Chipotle ones were women acting like that toward me, I'd be jyst a little freaked out. I'd laugh it off, but very invasive.

Edited May 21, 2015 by loveweary11