The GIGS got me...

[minime13]

Do you feel comfortable having a conversation with her father about having it refinanced under her name? First, I'd get the payment caught up asap, even if it means paying it. Then see what refinance options are available, so you can get out of all that.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I just texted her and asked if she had made the payment. She said she is in the process of refinancing it with her mom. She was very cold and impersonal. The woman I loved is definitely gone, but I'm okay with that.

 

Back to being a ghost.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

In order to contact my ex about the car payment I unblocked her on FB (she has no cell reception at work and it's the only way to contact her; I didn't know if she was working or not) and discovered that apparently she had blocked me in return. She didn't have me blocked before, so apparently she searched for me or something and discovered she was blocked.

 

The question I have is this: If I had already blocked her, what was the point of her doing it? Did it piss her off so she retaliated, or is she trying to initiate her own NC? The old her would definitely get pissed off; the new one I just don't know...

 

Doesn't really matter either way, I was just curious for some insight into her thinking from an outside party.

[frigginlost]

In order to contact my ex about the car payment I unblocked her on FB (she has no cell reception at work and it's the only way to contact her; I didn't know if she was working or not) and discovered that apparently she had blocked me in return. She didn't have me blocked before, so apparently she searched for me or something and discovered she was blocked.

 

The question I have is this: If I had already blocked her, what was the point of her doing it? Did it piss her off so she retaliated, or is she trying to initiate her own NC? The old her would definitely get pissed off; the new one I just don't know...

 

Doesn't really matter either way, I was just curious for some insight into her thinking from an outside party.

 

Yes, it doesn't really matter, so try not to over analyze it.

 

Yes, it pissed her off.

 

My ex did the same thing. Back when we were talking before I went full NC on her, she told me it pissed her off that I did it, so she retaliated.

[minime13]

In order to contact my ex about the car payment I unblocked her on FB (she has no cell reception at work and it's the only way to contact her; I didn't know if she was working or not) and discovered that apparently she had blocked me in return. She didn't have me blocked before, so apparently she searched for me or something and discovered she was blocked.

 

The question I have is this: If I had already blocked her, what was the point of her doing it? Did it piss her off so she retaliated, or is she trying to initiate her own NC? The old her would definitely get pissed off; the new one I just don't know...

 

Doesn't really matter either way, I was just curious for some insight into her thinking from an outside party.

 

She saw you did it, it hurt her, so she did the same in retaliation. She probably hoped that you would unblock at some point and check up on her, and then see she did the same and get the same hurt that she felt.

 

That's all. Just games.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

She saw you did it, it hurt her, so she did the same in retaliation. She probably hoped that you would unblock at some point and check up on her, and then see she did the same and get the same hurt that she felt.

 

That's all. Just games.

 

Yeah, I had a feeling that was what was going on. If she doesn't care and her new life is so great then why play these stupid games...WTF.

 

Oh well, it wasn't personal; I couldn't begin to heal if I was able to look at her page. At that point I wasn't strong enough to resist, so I blocked her to remove the temptation. Now I have no urge to look so I didn't bother re-blocking her.

Edited June 5, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I was hanging out with some friends this weekend and they were talking about old friends they used to know. The conversation got around to a guy they knew who was engaged to this girl, she cheated and they broke up. Nothing earth-shattering I know, but what got me was they were talking about how she wasn't a nice person, her body wasn't that great, etc. The guy moved on eventually to another woman and they are now married and very happy.

 

It kind of put my own situation in perspective, and I knocked her off of her pedestal that I had put her on. My ex was a nice person at one time; now she's become selfish and I'm seeing how immature she actually was. I also thought she was very physically attractive, but now I see more of her flaws as well (as I'm sure she started to see mine).

 

I've been in a better place since then...I still miss her (the old her), but I've accepted that that person no longer exists and she doesn't dominate my thoughts like she did before.

 

Nothing big I know, but to me this was an important step forward.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

People do the weirdest things. Earlier I was heading to the store and drove by the other guys' parents house (it's down the block and on my way). Apparently they were there visiting his parents and were pulling out in her car when I drove by. I didn't even give them a single look but they saw me I guess. They drove waaaay out of the way to avoid me.

 

I just thought that was strange and kind of amusing. It goes a long with the day I've been having I guess. Today has been one of my depressed/angry days.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Well, she broke NC today, but it was just to ask if I still had her treadmill. I said I'd leave it on the porch . We had a short catching up discussion (this was all texting btw). At the end I wished her we'll and told her to take care and she told me the same.

 

After that, I reflected on the conversation and found I'm fairly ambivalent to her. It was good to have a civil conversation with no drama, but I don't think it would bother me if I don't hear from her again. I think I needed this short conversation to realize that.

 

Either way, I won't be contacting her.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Update: Well, her and her new guy (I call him Dildo Baggins...he's hairy and seriously under 5 feet tall) picked up the treadmill and were at his parents house when I got off work. I came home to change and headed back out again. After shopping I was heading home and who do you think I passed. Yep, there they were. Funny thing is, it didn't upset me at all. As a matter of fact I politely waved as I drove by, which I think freaked them out. I felt pretty much nothing. I think I'm getting my power back and it feels so good.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I was on my computer and went to Pinterest (which I hardly ever do). She was apparently the last person to log in because it brought up her account, which was full of "Love" posts. e.g.: "Don't let the heart that didn't love you keep you from the one who will". WTF? That's one thing she could never say, that I never loved her. I seriously don't think she even knows the meaning of the word. It stung a bit, but I went for a walk and feel better. I know this crap is meaningless but it still hurts that she would think that.

 

Why would someone who I was committed to spending my life with even think that me not loving her was a possibility?

 

P.S.: Nope, not breaking NC, no illusions of ever getting back with her. Just confused why she would think this. Trying to convince herself of that perhaps? She even had postings of engagement rings and things like that...she's moving WAY too fast; almost like she's trying to get her current relationship to the level we were at. Her emotional immaturity is astounding...I wish I had seen that earlier.

Edited June 23, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Anybody have any opinions?

[frigginlost]

I know it's tough to swallow at times, but folks deal with emotions in different ways. It sounds like she is just trying to convince herself of something. Try not to take it personally, and don't react to it. She needs to ride the waves her own way. I seriously doubt in any way shape or form that she did not think you loved her. That's your head screwing with you.

 

I can totally relate about the pinterest thing, though. My ex (who last I heard was still with the guy she left me for) has been posting all kinds of "miss you" "can't breath" type of sayings. Some of the sayings she was posting were very sad. So, I shot her a text and let her know that I don't know if they were aimed at me or the new guy, but that I hope she is okay.

 

She replied in 10 minutes time... they were about me.

 

*shrug*

 

It's been screwing with me for 2 days...

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I know it's tough to swallow at times, but folks deal with emotions in different ways. It sounds like she is just trying to convince herself of something. Try not to take it personally, and don't react to it. She needs to ride the waves her own way. I seriously doubt in any way shape or form that she did not think you loved her. That's your head screwing with you.

 

I can totally relate about the pinterest thing, though. My ex (who last I heard was still with the guy she left me for) has been posting all kinds of "miss you" "can't breath" type of sayings. Some of the sayings she was posting were very sad. So, I shot her a text and let her know that I don't know if they were aimed at me or the new guy, but that I hope she is okay.

 

She replied in 10 minutes time... they were about me.

 

*shrug*

 

It's been screwing with me for 2 days...

 

Pinterest is the Devil, and Facebook is Hell. lol

 

Yeah, it's just been hitting me recently just how immature in so many ways my ex actually is. I look back now and can see that she's never really been alone...I don't know how long she had been single before me, but we started up full-tilt pretty much right away. Her and her previous ex had been off and on for a long time. When I asked her about it, she said she just guessed she was bored when she was single so she kept taking him back. Wow...red flag much? lol

 

I'm pretty sure she's severely pissed that I have stuck to NC. I don't think anyone's ever done that to her before. Actually, I don't think she's ever been dumped, either. I don't wish that on anyone but I think she needs to experience that pain someday to really grow. I know it's helping me.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

It's been around 60 days NC (I haven't really been keeping track of the days) and 90 since the breakup. I've lost 15 pounds, made new friends and have been making small steps to move on. I haven't heard a thing from her and don't expect to. Even if I did I'm going to ignore it.

 

I still think about her, but it's not all day every day anymore. I still have the ups and downs, but I'm learning to just ride out the bad because I know it'll end.

 

All in all, this experience has not made me a better person, but it has made me WANT to be. I deserve better than the treatment I got, but it's in the past and I'm making an effort to not dwell on it anymore.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Just found out my uncle passed away last night. I'm having a hard time with it even though he has been sick for a while.

 

It also seems to reinforce that she's not here anymore. I'm doing okay but I am a little down today. I still don't want her back but it would be nice to at least hear a "sorry about your uncle" or something. Due to NC (and her not giving a sh*t) I'm not expecting anything though.

 

Sorry, rough day today.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Due to me living in a very small town hearing gossip is unavoidable. Today I hear that it's possible she is engaged. WTF??? After only 4 months? This sh*t is unbelievable to me. I gave her all I had, she trashes it and gets engaged to someone who is a complete f**king loser? And I'm not the only one saying that about him either...everyone who knows him says the same thing (even his friends).

 

Sorry, vent is over. It's just incredible to me how f**king stupid and heartless people can be. I know she's not my problem anymore but I'm still not over her and I don't know why. There is no way in Hell I would ever get back with her and I've cut her out of my life completely (or to the extent I can control). It just blows my mind that she's about to screw her life up royally and apparently nobody is clueing her in to that fact. It sure as Hell won't be me, though.

 

Dammit. I just want this crap to go away.

Edited July 15, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Sorry, I was in a bad place tonight. I took the anger and went to the gym to work it out but it's still lingering a bit.

 

This year has SUCKED so far.

[foolinlove79]

Im having a hard time too. I have recently lost a loved one and my ex bu with me a couple of months ago. He is now dating someone else. It is very hard. I would like to think that in life you dont know who you will meet next or what will happen next. Just need to hang in there and baby steps each day.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I've been working out (even had to buy new clothes because my old ones didn't fit anymore), hanging out with friends and things like that but I still have days where I feel nothing but crushing loneliness. Today is one of those days. All I can think about is when I go home from work it's to an empty house and she's living it up like nothing ever happened between us. I'm assuming, of course...I haven't heard anything about her lately and I like it that way. I still don't want her back but these feelings are overwhelming at times. Today it seems I fluctuate between extreme anger and depression. I put on a good face so no one knows, but it's there. This sucks.

Edited July 21, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess

[keebee]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It does seem horribly unfair that they break our hearts and go on with their merry lives while it can take us ages to heal. Mine is 3 hours away so at least I don't have to worry about seeing him/hearing gossip, that can't be fun for you.

 

Hang in there, hit the gym whenever you need. At least you can get super healthy out of this hoopla.

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Thanks for the reply; good to know people still read this stuff and care enough to respond.

 

Lately it just seems to kill me how I was part of someone's life so intimately and now I don't exist. I know that's how it should be in order to heal but damn, it's hard.

 

My friends and family have all told me that someday reality will hit her in the face and she'll realize that I was good to her and that she blew it. I would love to be a fly on the wall when that happens but I have a feeling I'll never know when that time comes (or if it ever will). I'll be shocked if I ever hear from her again. My birthday is this weekend and I know I won't hear a word from her, and it still hurts.

[Imajerk17]

Due to me living in a very small town hearing gossip is unavoidable. Today I hear that it's possible she is engaged. WTF??? After only 4 months? This sh*t is unbelievable to me. I gave her all I had, she trashes it and gets engaged to someone who is a complete f**king loser? And I'm not the only one saying that about him either...everyone who knows him says the same thing (even his friends).

 

Sorry, vent is over. It's just incredible to me how f**king stupid and heartless people can be. I know she's not my problem anymore but I'm still not over her and I don't know why. There is no way in Hell I would ever get back with her and I've cut her out of my life completely (or to the extent I can control). It just blows my mind that she's about to screw her life up royally and apparently nobody is clueing her in to that fact. It sure as Hell won't be me, though.

 

Dammit. I just want this crap to go away.

 

I have been checking in on this thread. I am really sorry to hear all this man.

 

It actually sounds to me that she is in a fog. I am wondering if this girl has a program in her head (e.g., rebellion from her dad/family, the need to "find herself") that makes her need to rescue someone to truly feel loved. Anyway even if she truly is engaged and actually goes through with the wedding, I don't see her relationship with this guy going the distance by any means.

[keebee]

It is really hard. Even when you *know* it has to be that way to heal, it is terrible, giving so much of yourself to another person and then suddenly they're literally nothing to you. I find it helps to realize that it's OK to be sad about it and feel that way. I got caught in the pattern of trying to talk myself out of being sad and feeling like I needed to be OK with everything right away, then wondering why I wasn't OK yet. Do you have super fantabulous birthday plans this weekend to keep your mind off of not hearing from her?

[Unlucky_I_Guess]

Do you have super fantabulous birthday plans this weekend to keep your mind off of not hearing from her?

 

lol Not really; probably just dinner with my parents and son. I've never been a huge party guy anyway. However, I usually hang out with friends every Sunday (Sunday Funday, we call it), and they might do something. Not sure.

 

Thanks for your supportive words, though. Much appreciated.

 

And Imajerk17, I agree with you. I think she's rushing WAY too fast and is just too immature to ever be able to handle a real relationship. Plus, from what I've been told this guy has been engaged twice already and ran away both times.

 

I'm feeling a little bit better now; thanks to you guys for keeping tabs on my thread.