Mr. Spock Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 Okay so I've posted on here before about my ex twice now, here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/528181-how-deal-ex-s-mind-games and here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/527680-did-i-screw-up-my-second-chance read them for a better understanding if not it's what ever I just want to know something, these are some txts that I received from my ex last night after another week on nc, I miss you everyday and everything reminds me of you. I miss my best friend no one knows me like you do. It's so stupid sometimes I just see myself crying and I can't help it I know I'm being so selfish And you've probably blocked me already And you'll never know You're the best, kindest, and most sensitive and loving person I've ever met. It takes so much of me not to be so impulsive We didn't have the best relationship ever but I know you loved me so much, and I don't have an once of doubt about that. No one ever loved me like you do. I know I don't make sense I just wanna hear your voice again I wish I could talk to you... Then she did call me one time but I didn't answer, and I was drinking with some friends also so I so I didn't want to say anything or talk to her while I was under the influence, but I did txt her when I got home what do you even want from me? Then she says this in the morning when I wake up, "Sometimes it just hits me that you're not there anymore and I just miss my best friend I know it's my fault and it just makes me sad" so I respond with " well you know where I stand about us, and if you don't feel the same way, then I'm not gonna be some emotional doormat. And I feel like I've already done what I could do to try and show you who I can be, but I guess it wasn't enough" okay so I just wanted to know if that was a little harsh or if it was just right, if you didn't read my story on the links above, here's a little backstory we have been broken up for 3 weeks after a 2.5 year relationship the first week I went no contact and she pretty much said a lot of the same things as above, the second week I broke nc because I was missing her deeply, we went out for food a couple times talked a bunch and she even came over for a house party I had we even had sex twice, but when I tried to reconcile she started acting distant like when we first broke up so I gave her a letter one night after I got off work, with some other things of hers and it pretty much said that if you aren't trying to fix what we once had then to just move on, and I went nc again so that brings us to now. I'm just so damn confused on what to do anymore! Can anyone provide some insight, was I harsh In what I said to her? Or did I hit the nail on the head, cause I am tired of these mind games and her not respecting my space I mean she broke up with me after all! Any words of wisdom would be awesome!
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Should I have just stayed nc or was I right in saying something to her, this is the second time she has used her emotions to try and get the better of me, that's how I feel about it, I mean it worked the first time but I'm not falling for it anymore because I see where her angle is, she didn't say she wanted me back, she just said she misses me in like 5 different ways, also she hasn't said anything back to me, so I don't know if I hurt her feelings or what, I wasn't really trying to be mean to her, but I've already been cordial and that seemed to backfire on me. Edited May 12, 2015 by Mr. Spock
TunaCat Posted May 12, 2015 Posted May 12, 2015 You should have stayed NC. Do not respond to her again. She's clearly testing the waters to see if she is still wrapped around your finger and by you answering her, she knows that you are still crazy about her. 1
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 12, 2015 Author Posted May 12, 2015 You should have stayed NC. Do not respond to her again. She's clearly testing the waters to see if she is still wrapped around your finger and by you answering her, she knows that you are still crazy about her. Even though what I said was more of an ultimatum? I wasn't like actually responding to her with an I miss you.
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Could anyone else weigh in one this??
BikerAccnt Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 She may not know what she wants. And that should be an answer in itself. I just broke up this past Friday. It's the second time for us as well. Like your ex, mine was becoming increasingly distant. Mine though, wanted me to be the bad guy and do the breakup, so I did. Anyway, during the final conversation she was confusing me as well. Saying things that left me unsure if she wanted to break up or not. So I asked her point blank. "Do you want me in your life." and she answered "Right now, I can't answer that." When she said that, I knew we were done. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't know if she wants me in her life, after being with her 1+ year. I was in love with her, and he she was, not sure if she even wanted me in her life. So no, I don't think you were being harsh at all. I think she's being unfair by texting/calling you. I think you're best off letting her go for the reason I'm letting my Ex go. Why be with someone, who really can't tell if they want to be with you. 1
sober and dry Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Come on man... What you said to her was what you should have told yourself before answering her and by doing that you wouldn't have answered. 2
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Come on man... What you said to her was what you should have told yourself before answering her and by doing that you wouldn't have answered. Yea your probably right... Now I wish I didn't say anything at all, If I had just stuck with nc in the very beginning it would have been a lot better on me, and I would honestly already start feeling better, it's like she knows when I'm starting to get over her is when she txts me these emotional bombs, and when it happens I just get stuck in my thoughts and don't know what to do. I honestly would still want to be with her but I just wish she knew what she was actually doing to me.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Why don't you have her number blocked? It's asinine that you haven't done that yet. 2
sober and dry Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Well you have done it, what's done you can't change, you can only learn from it. You didn't stuck to NC but it's a good time as any other to stuck to it for good. As you say, you could be already feeling better and you don't because of her "emotional bombs" and your response from it. So besides "NC" you should probably be doing full NC, meaning that you could block her so you don't get hit by this "emotional bombs" of her. In my opinion this will help you a lot more then just ignoring her. Let me be a bit pragmatic with you here. This is my personal line of thinking this days in my "recovery", so it may sound a bit off but I guess you can get something from here to yourself. You will only stop wanting her when either your self get to a point were you know you don't want her back anymore or you clearly see that she don't want you back. I guess that in most of the cases the first one takes a lot more time and pain, so let's focus on the second. Does all of her actions sum up to a "value" were you can say she wants you back? I will go ahead and say "no". So is there any other logical argument to want her back? I will go ahead and say "no" again. You see were this is going? When you have no reason to want her back I would say that this is the point were a person truly begins to heal.
foolinlove79 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Dont respond. Dont respond. Dont respond. my ex plays these games too and i think its all about him feeling guilty and confused. But trust me they dont change. 6 years on and countless break ups later and guess what. Ive been broken up with again. Dont respond at all. Delete the messages. Responding is the worst thing you can do. You just get sucked right back in. 2
Ruby65 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Why don't you have her number blocked? It's asinine that you haven't done that yet. ^Agreed! You have NO ONE to blame but yourself!!!! Insane that you haven't changed your number or blocked her. You leave the door open and this drama queen is going to continue with this nonsense -- but apparently that's what you want. So.... enjoy. Edited May 13, 2015 by Ruby65
No Limit Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Just block her already. Her "woe is me" behavior makes even me wanna puke from just reading about it.
aloneinaz Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 So, OP, you seem to be loving her drama as you continue to get wrapped up in it. So, what's your options right now? A) Continue to let her play you like a piano and be her bitch at will. B) Put on your big boy pants and do what everyone here is suggesting. Block her or change her number. Worry about YOU and YOUR needs as she's only worrying about herself. Be a realist here. So, she contacts you again and wants to try again. How long would it last this time? A couple of weeks, a coule of months? People break up for a reason. Fantasizing about "it will work this time" is simply BS. It a proven fact that once a relationship ends, reconcilliations don't last at all.. Move on.. Find someone you are compatible with and wants the same as you without the drama. 1
Chi townD Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I miss my best friend no one knows me like you do. It's so stupid sometimes I just see myself crying and I can't help it I know I'm being so selfish And you've probably blocked me already And you'll never know You're the best, kindest, and most sensitive and loving person I've ever met. It takes so much of me not to be so impulsive We didn't have the best relationship ever but I know you loved me so much, and I don't have an once of doubt about that. No one ever loved me like you do. I know I don't make sense I just wanna hear your voice again I wish I could talk to you... "Sometimes it just hits me that you're not there anymore and I just miss my best friend Okay, let's look at those texts and quotes. Dude, she's trying to get you in the friend zone. She wants her "best friend" back. But, not her boyfriend. You're the best, kindest, sensitive person she's ever met. Yet, she kicks the best, kindest and sensitive person she's ever met to the curb. Does that even make any sense to you? She doesn't have one ounce of doubt that you didn't love her and no one ever loved her like you do. Yet, she didn't say that she loved you. She didn't return the sediment. I guess she misses a relationship where you have her up on a pedestal. Dude, just keep ignoring her and move on.
BikerAccnt Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 She doesn't have one ounce of doubt that you didn't love her and no one ever loved her like you do. Yet, she didn't say that she loved you. She didn't return the sediment.. There you have it, remember that. She didn't say she loved you. My Ex, expressed pretty much the same. How she was lucky to have someone who loved her the way I did. Yet, she could never say she loved me. Not even as we broke up. You ex is being cruel to you. As others have said, you should block her number. My Ex hasnt' tried to contact me, but if she did, and it was in the manner your ex is, I'd have to block. I'm not into being a masochist.
sandylee1 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 The messages are all about her. It's high time you blocked her, so you don't see these messages. She's probably met some loses since you broke up. The love was clearly one sided. You loved her and it wasn't reciprocated. IGNORE HER,or she'll think she can click and you come running .
lolablue17 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 She wants to be broken up with you, But at the same time she wants you to be wrapped around her finger. And when you started NC, you ruined it all. The thought that you may move on make her crazy. I bet that if she's seen you dating with another girl, she'd increased volume, and would have told you she loves you and wants you back, just to dump you again after a while. If she doesn't stop send her a short text asking her to stop harassing you.
dave_1966 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 One of my exes kept sending silly messages to me like this after dumping me years ago, I cut and pasted one of her stupid messages and kept sending it to her repeatedly at very odd times of the day dozens of times in the hope that any fella I didn't know about would eventually see her messages, especially in the early hours of the morning. Very immature of me I know, she eventually sent me a text asking me to contact my provider about a technical fault that was randomly blowing up her phone at odd hours with duplicate messages. She stopped doing it shortly after. If you have a smart phone, block her or at the very least set her number to a silent ringtone etc.
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 I really appreciate all of y'all's advice I even talked to her sister today and she even told me to just block her and unfriend her on Facebook all of the stuff everybody on here was saying, she said she didn't like how my ex was treating me during this whole break up and that she was already txting other guys, even went on to say that she's the kind of person who doesn't like to be alone and that she likes having someone by her side. I can honestly say that I can trust her words, she said that she has always liked me with her sister and that I was actually a good guy, and I always considered her to be the younger sister I never had. So yea I'm just gonna concentrate on my self from now on, I am going to block her number and I am going to remove her from Facebook and Instagram. I don't even think that I would want to be with her even if she came crawling back to me simply because of how she has treated me through this break up. Thanks for all the help guys! I might post an update on my progress later on down the line.
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 We didn't have the best relationship ever but I know you loved me so much, and I don't have an once of doubt about that. No one ever loved me like you do. Translation: She liked being loved but she wasn't in love. She's being selfish and wants that back. She's also being selfish because she's ignoring your request to leave you alone. You're definitely making the right choice. Just remember that.
Author Mr. Spock Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Translation: She liked being loved but she wasn't in love. She's being selfish and wants that back. She's also being selfish because she's ignoring your request to leave you alone. You're definitely making the right choice. Just remember that. Yea it sucks that I'm realizing all of this now.. But I'm just gonna remain positive and focus on me and what I can do to better my self so that my next relationship can last the long haul, I know that might sound dumb and maybe being single for a while would be a good thing, but right now I can honestly say I wouldn't mind going on some dates or at least just start flirting with women again.
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