It's over guys.. [updated]

[quattrob]

Like i suspected, NC is only making it easier for her to move on. Especially this fast after only a month. Damn. Here I am with zero progress while she has moved on.

 

Is contacting her out of the question forever?

 

 

You sound so desperate to be with someone who doesn't want anything to do with you anymore... have you no dignity? I know it's hard for you to accept and you are weak minded, but who cares what she does now? IT IS OVER, the end. Accept that she doesn't love you, accept that she doesn't care about you and accept that she's gone.

 

You have 2 choices, accept everything and heal/move on or you can keep begging, pleading, make yourself look like an b...h etc.. because in the end there's nothing you can do (at least not the foreseeable future) that will ever get her back.

[quattrob]

Whats the worst thing that can happen if i contact her one last time? on day 60 like i've planed. NC made her forget about me and move on quickly in just a month. It hasn't done me any good. I still feel crap like the first day.

 

The more time I waste on NC the more time for her to get more serious with the new guy.

 

 

You know what, just go and contact her now.. why wait? why make yourself suffer longer? Just end it all now, some people just have to learn things the hard way, and this just might the case for you. Good luck bro.

[Simon Phoenix]

Whats the worst thing that can happen if i contact her one last time? on day 60 like i've planed. NC made her forget about me and move on quickly in just a month. It hasn't done me any good. I still feel crap like the first day.

 

The more time I waste on NC the more time for her to get more serious with the new guy.

 

Whatever dude, I'm done trying to save you from your delusions. It's like talking to a damn wall. Do what you want.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[Twigyy]

You can call your ex if you want. She will only make you wait for a reply, or think that you're crazy. My ex girlfriend met a new guy in three weeks, and had sex the week after, and I'm not as crazy as you. What she does now only says more about her, not you. It tells people that she is not trustworthy, etc. If you think that you did your best in the relationship, I don't think she will forget you that easily. In her memory you'll be that one special guy. I know that I did my best in my previous relationship, and I'm sure that I haunt her at night once in awhile. I did NC for 4 months already? Who the hell cares about her really.

 

I dare you to stay in contact with her until you really want to do NC for yourself. I don't think you know how NC works. YET.

[Riptide91]

I dare you to stay in contact with her until you really want to do NC for yourself. I don't think you know how NC works. YET.

 

Sometimes, I think this is the only way some of us will learn. Including me.

[fireflywy]

You can call your ex if you want. She will only make you wait for a reply, or think that you're crazy. My ex girlfriend met a new guy in three weeks, and had sex the week after, and I'm not as crazy as you. What she does now only says more about her, not you. It tells people that she is not trustworthy, etc. If you think that you did your best in the relationship, I don't think she will forget you that easily. In her memory you'll be that one special guy. I know that I did my best in my previous relationship, and I'm sure that I haunt her at night once in awhile. I did NC for 4 months already? Who the hell cares about her really.

 

I dare you to stay in contact with her until you really want to do NC for yourself. I don't think you know how NC works. YET.

 

^^This^^ Loved it and dead on. While I don't want to contact my ex anymore, the rest of what you wrote speaks to me (even though I wasn't your target) especially the part about haunting her at night once in a while. I may never know what mine thinks, and I don't need to know but I will choose to believe that my ex (2.5 months NC and she has a new guy, will someday do the same.)

 

 

Hallelujuah!!

[Ruby65]

The more time I waste on NC the more time for her to get more serious with the new guy.

 

That's your problem, right there. ^

 

1. NC is for YOU -- to heal. You're not wasting your time, you're supposed to be healing from the shock and pain of the breakup so you can start to move on.

 

2. Whether or not you have contact with her... she IS going to move on and date other guys and find a new boyfriend. Your NC has nothing to do with her.

 

3. To reiterate: nothing you say or do is going to have ANY impact on her feelings for you or whether or not she falls for someone else. Her feelings are HER feelings.

 

4. She was ready to move on and start dating before she even broke up with you. She had already emotionally detached from you. YOU are not ready for dating yet, but she's had months to get used to the idea.

 

I'm really hoping you just went to bed last night and didn't try to contact her.

[dvx]

Of course she moved on quicker -- she broke up with you. Which meant she started moving on emotionally before pulling the trigger.

 

And stop deluding yourself, your No Contact isn't making it easier for her. Her having broke up with you is making it easier for her. She just does not want to have anything to do with you. You have this delusion that somehow you are her puppetmaster and all you have to do is yank her chain to control her. That's not the case dude.

 

And if you continue to stagnate and do nothing, then yes, any contact with her would be out of the question forever because you would make a complete ass of yourself. You trying to contact her right now would be so unbelievably terrible.

IT sure as hell looks like it's going very easy for her. But harder for me. I've worked on myself but whats the point in becoming a better person and learn from the misstakes if i won't ever be able to show it to her? I don't give a damn about other women or how i appear to them, I want to change for the better for her. Others are not worthy me.

 

Whatever dude, I'm done trying to save you from your delusions. It's like talking to a damn wall. Do what you want.

Well I appreciate your help and inputs, but sooner or later I will have to contact her, right? Whether it's in a month or 3 or a year from now on.

You know what, just go and contact her now.. why wait? why make yourself suffer longer? Just end it all now, some people just have to learn things the hard way, and this just might the case for you. Good luck bro.

Lol.

You can call your ex if you want. She will only make you wait for a reply, or think that you're crazy. My ex girlfriend met a new guy in three weeks, and had sex the week after, and I'm not as crazy as you. What she does now only says more about her, not you. It tells people that she is not trustworthy, etc. If you think that you did your best in the relationship, I don't think she will forget you that easily. In her memory you'll be that one special guy. I know that I did my best in my previous relationship, and I'm sure that I haunt her at night once in awhile. I did NC for 4 months already? Who the hell cares about her really.

 

I dare you to stay in contact with her until you really want to do NC for yourself. I don't think you know how NC works. YET.

So i should just sit around and fool myself that she is and will be thinking that about me? When she in fact maybe isn't even thinking the slightest.

^^This^^ Loved it and dead on. While I don't want to contact my ex anymore, the rest of what you wrote speaks to me (even though I wasn't your target) especially the part about haunting her at night once in a while. I may never know what mine thinks, and I don't need to know but I will choose to believe that my ex (2.5 months NC and she has a new guy, will someday do the same.)

 

 

Hallelujuah!!

Not following your post but it sounds like you're fooling yourself to make yourself feel better? Why not admit that you would wan't to contact her but something is pulling you back, like fear? And I'm pretty sure you're not fine with her being with another dude so soon.

[na49]

Why don't you just contact her and tell her how much you've changed?

[dvx]

Why don't you just contact her and tell her how much you've changed?

Haven't changed enough in 38 days.

[wizer]

Whats the worst thing that can happen if i contact her one last time? on day 60 like i've planed. NC made her forget about me and move on quickly in just a month. It hasn't done me any good. I still feel crap like the first day.

 

The more time I waste on NC the more time for her to get more serious with the new guy.

 

You're suffering from a few dangerous misconceptions.

 

1- Going NC with her did not make her forget about you. She would have been with the other guy whether you called her every day or disappeared out of her life. She hasn't forgotten you, she just prefers to be with the other guy rather than with you.

 

2- Even "if" she was entertaining thoughts of getting back with you, those thoughts would be shattered if you contacted her out of the blue. That's just how it works. The no contact builds mystery, makes you seem stronger, more independent. If she's got any interest it will only be increased by the mystery. If you do the predictable- which is to chase her again- and that's what contacting her is, well she'll just pull back again.

 

3- As bad as you feel now, you have improved to some degree even if you don't see it. If you had stayed in contact with her, as bad as you feel now, you'd be worse.

 

What's the worse that would happen if you contact her? You will feel indescribably worse than you do right now. You've head the term "from the frying pan into the fire?". Well, that would be you.

 

It's sort of like knowing you probably failed a final exam that you need to graduate.. there's always a chance you passed, but once you see that big red F then it's game over.

[Smokeshow]

Contact her then maybe that may enlighten you on the fact that you have to move on. You should only contact an ex when you are indifferent to the response you get.

[fireflywy]

 

Not following your post but it sounds like you're fooling yourself to make yourself feel better? Why not admit that you would wan't to contact her but something is pulling you back, like fear? And I'm pretty sure you're not fine with her being with another dude so soon.

 

No. Not deluding myself. I was her second longest RS outside of her marriage. I broke up with her because she didn't love me. However, there was a reason she was with me that long and I KNOW I was better then what she had and there are things about me and how I interacted with her that will ALWAYS be better or more unique then whatever she gets in the future. Is this enough to make her want me back? No it isn't because she didnt want to stay when I thought I had made a mistake in leaving. However, take satisifaction that there will be SOMETHING she remembers of me which she won't find anywhere else.

 

I DONT want to contact her anymore. She found another guy just weeks (of course I'm not fine with that, who would be?) after we broke up and thus proved to me her true colors. Me not contacting her has nothing to do with "fear" but it has everything to with "its over and she isn't worth it."

[dvx]

You're suffering from a few dangerous misconceptions.

 

1- Going NC with her did not make her forget about you. She would have been with the other guy whether you called her every day or disappeared out of her life. She hasn't forgotten you, she just prefers to be with the other guy rather than with you.

 

2- Even "if" she was entertaining thoughts of getting back with you, those thoughts would be shattered if you contacted her out of the blue. That's just how it works. The no contact builds mystery, makes you seem stronger, more independent. If she's got any interest it will only be increased by the mystery. If you do the predictable- which is to chase her again- and that's what contacting her is, well she'll just pull back again.

 

3- As bad as you feel now, you have improved to some degree even if you don't see it. If you had stayed in contact with her, as bad as you feel now, you'd be worse.

 

What's the worse that would happen if you contact her? You will feel indescribably worse than you do right now. You've head the term "from the frying pan into the fire?". Well, that would be you.

 

It's sort of like knowing you probably failed a final exam that you need to graduate.. there's always a chance you passed, but once you see that big red F then it's game over.

This makes sense. Thanks. But I'm thinking that the only thing for her that is standing in her way of contacting me is her self-esteem, self-respect and dignity. Plus the thought that she has that I WAS the reason for her to dump me and that I left her with no other choice, that's why she is thinking that it would be very wrong if she initiated contact first.

 

Contact her then maybe that may enlighten you on the fact that you have to move on. You should only contact an ex when you are indifferent to the response you get.

The only thing that is standing in my way to contact her is fear. Fear of not getting the response i want or to get any response at all. Im waiting for the magical moment that everyone is talking about which is when I reach the point of not caring what her response will be. If I ever even reach that point which I doubt .

No. Not deluding myself. I was her second longest RS outside of her marriage. I broke up with her because she didn't love me. However, there was a reason she was with me that long and I KNOW I was better then what she had and there are things about me and how I interacted with her that will ALWAYS be better or more unique then whatever she gets in the future. Is this enough to make her want me back? No it isn't because she didnt want to stay when I thought I had made a mistake in leaving. However, take satisifaction that there will be SOMETHING she remembers of me which she won't find anywhere else.

 

I DONT want to contact her anymore. She found another guy just weeks (of course I'm not fine with that, who would be?) after we broke up and thus proved to me her true colors. Me not contacting her has nothing to do with "fear" but it has everything to with "its over and she isn't worth it."

I see. Well its great that you've reached that point. Each relation and each ending is different. In my situation, I did her wrong. She left me because she didn't see me changing for the better and she was left with no other choice. That's why I feel it's wrong of me not contacting her to let her know that I still care, that i've realized my mistakes and changed for the better and that I deserve a second chance.

[wizer]

Well you've got yourself convinced that contacting her is your best course of action despite a ton of advice to the contrary so I'll just say good luck and let us know how it works out for you.

[anna121]

But I'm thinking that the only thing for her that is standing in her way of contacting me is her self-esteem, self-respect and dignity.

 

Is that all? I can't believe she isn't burning up your phone!

 

Come on. Take a hard look at what you are writing here. Much of it is, well, nonsense.

[Starks]

dvx; I'm having the EXACT same thoughts you are. Down to the tee. What if she wants to reach out but is too stubborn, what if she moves on while I remain silent, what if the rules don't apply to me and I can just smooth talk her back right now. What if.

 

 

Logging on here and reading your posts make me realize how pathetic these thoughts are. And that's not meant as disrespect cause like I said, I'm having the exact same thoughts.

 

 

I also did the dumb ass "Get your ex back" thing. Waited 30 days and texted her some random "Just saw a movie that reminded me of you" bull****. She exploded with anger and posted a bunch of memes insinuating that she wanted to cause me bodily harm and even made fun of my physical appearance. Leave it be

 

(Although I admit I felt a little warm inside when she insinuated that she wanted to stab me. She is obviously not over me lol )

[fardaxel]

IT sure as hell looks like it's going very easy for her. But harder for me. I've worked on myself but whats the point in becoming a better person and learn from the misstakes if i won't ever be able to show it to her? I don't give a damn about other women or how i appear to them, I want to change for the better for her. Others are not worthy me.

 

Because you should want to be a better person for you. The ultimate beneficiary of improvement is yourself. If you're only doing it for someone else, it's impossible to sustain.

 

Not to mention the fact that real change doesn't happen in a few weeks. Self-improvement is a constant, unending process. Your posts suggest someone who doesn't respect the decision that your ex made in breaking up with you, and someone who ridicules the fact that she hasn't reached out as some sort of character flaw (stubborn, etc).

 

Any attempts to contact her would only be upsetting for her. If you care about her, you'd leave it be.

[dvx]

So day 40 NC now

 

When can I reach out one last time? day 60? Is letter bad idea?

[quattrob]

I suggest people just stop giving advices and replying to TC as there's no point, at the end of the day he is set to do what he was advised not to.

[ravfour4]

dvx - you're on the right path by being NC, but you're obsessing over this woman. A plethora of people have said that you shouldn't contact her, yet you still want to.

 

No one here can stop you. If you do it, you'll likely get a bland response, no response or some response indicating she doesn't care about you anymore. All of those are negative, all of those makes you feel bad, but they sometimes make moving forward easier. Sometimes....and I know most others disagree...you have to just get it out of your system. You still see her as this awesome woman who will eventually want you back. If you contact her, you'll realize she is not the woman you dated, she may make you feel terrible - which would make moving on easier, or she may say something bland back that you'll read into and think she loves when in reality it was just some quick non-thought out text she sent off without thinking for 2 seconds.

 

Staying NC, true NC (i.e. not doing it to get her back, doing it to forget about her and move on) is your best chance of recovery and your best chance of getting her back. Contacting her may destroy you in the short term and help you move on faster, or it may just delay your misery. Those are the only 2 options contacting her will result in. Staying N.C. sounds much more appealing - you're happy either way, with or without her.

[DJOkawari]

Maybe it is a little egocentric, but imagine it all working out for you two. The two of you are together telling your future acquaintances the story of the time she left you for someone else. You have two options for how the remainder of the story goes:

 

1) She realized she made a mistake and begged you for another chance.

2) You waited two months or so and begged her for another chance.

 

Which story do you want to be telling? Which relationship would you like to be a part of? Imagine the feelings of those two routes.

 

Then there is the third and most likely option...you'll meet someone new and they won't leave you. You'll tell stories about how great they are.

 

On the other hand, this could be a good learning experience for you. It really isn't important to always do the safe or correct thing. At the very least sending this letter will help you realize things for the future.

[dvx]

Im back. Day 51 of NC. Not a single breadcrumb from her side. Complete silence still.

 

It scares me that it's getting closer and closer to the infamous 60 days mark.

 

And I can't stop contemplating whether I should break it on day 60 or not. By not breaking it I'm pretty sure she is gone forever and that scares me even more.

[dyna85]

By not breaking it I'm pretty sure she is gone forever and that scares me even more.

 

If you not breaking it solidifies the fact that she's gone forever, the love wasn't that strong. True love and care doesn't dissipate in 60 days, so no need to worry there.

 

Another thought: 60 days seems like a lifetime when it comes to mourning the loss of someone you love, but when you get to a few months NC, you realize that it realize it wasn't much time at all.

 

Just keep going until you can't go no mo'...ie. forever...or until something drastic happens to demonstrate it would in fact work with you two.

[ravfour4]

It sounds like you're just waiting to hit the 60 day mark so you can break it. You may just have to break it since you've mainly been doing NC to get her back, rather than to move on. You may have to touch the hot stove again (like I did) in order to start real NC....although I never really did NC until I exhausted all options and got burnt a 2nd time, now I'm doing real NC for myself, not to get her back. 9 days in and it's been fantastic.