Breaking It Off Vent

[Diezel]

I feel it once every 3 - 4 months mutually. But with the wrong match.

 

Seems to be an ongoing problem for you. Always with the wrong match.

 

But hey, keep doing what you are doing. It's going to work eventually. Right? Didn't Einstein have a quote about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

[katiegrl]

Seems to be an ongoing problem for you. Always with the wrong match.

 

But hey, keep doing what you are doing. It's going to work eventually. Right? Didn't Einstein have a quote about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

 

LOL, yes it's the definition of insanity.

 

I rest my case.

[Leigh 87]

LOL, yes it's the definition of insanity.

 

I rest my case.

 

He is inferring to the fact I go for sparks and intense chemistry.

 

Because he wasn't even attracted to his partner for a year and he thinks I should ignore the guys I'm actually into and go for men I'm not.attracted to in the hope that attraction will grow.

[Diezel]

He is inferring to the fact I go for sparks and intense chemistry.

 

Because he wasn't even attracted to his partner for a year and he thinks I should ignore the guys I'm actually into and go for men I'm not.attracted to in the hope that attraction will grow.

 

No.

 

I told you what worked for me. Your way isn't the only way, but that's all you want to see. Then, you boldly say it "works" for you.

 

This thread is testament to how it doesn't.

[katiegrl]

He is inferring to the fact I go for sparks and intense chemistry.

 

Because he wasn't even attracted to his partner for a year and he thinks I should ignore the guys I'm actually into and go for men I'm not.attracted to in the hope that attraction will grow.

 

Lol, no he was referring to the fact you continue do the SAME thing over and over again, netting the same result each time ......but yet you *expect* a different result each time.

 

Einstein defined that behavior as insanity.

 

Think about it.

[EveAFlame]

Leigh, gently...your posts seem to flip flop between extreme opposites, you fire off posts every 2 minutes, you repeat the same things over and over and over and over again, and ignore pertinent questions.

 

Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to IRL? Your mind seems to be moving very very fast and I worry that you may be having a manic episode.

[Kamille]

Ok. So what can we learn from all this?

 

1. You have now recanted on your assessment that he wasn't into you. Rather, you are now willing to admit that life happens and that he had other priorities. The take away: the next time you're upset that a guy hasn't contacted you, give him a chance to explain what was going on before deciding to detach and break up.

 

2. Hot guys that you like are into you. This means you can stop focusing on (your) looks and start focusing on finding a quality partner. Don't fall for a guy just because he thinks you're hot.

 

3. Words are not actions. This is perhaps the part you are struggling with and the disconnect with what you feel and what we LSers are observing. He sounds like someone who gets carried away and says all the right things. But the fact is, when you tell us about his past, we have to wonder if he can follow through. You've presented him as someone who does drugs and drinks a lot and then recanted. You've presented him as someone who has badmouthed every single one of his exes (That's not a good sign Leigh!). Moreover, he isn't sure whether the baby of this 18 year old drug addict is his or not. That means he is aware there's good chance the baby is his. This is far from showing an intelligent man - rather, it shows us that he makes poor decisions.

 

Pay attention to what his actions past and present mean Leigh, not just to how he makes you feel.

[Leigh 87]

Seems to be an ongoing problem for you. Always with the wrong match.

 

But hey, keep doing what you are doing. It's going to work eventually. Right? Didn't Einstein have a quote about doing the same thing over and over expecting different results?

 

I have been single seven months. By choice. Because I refuse to settle for less than intense chemistry. I'm hardly a dating faluire for my seven months.

 

And negative nancies like yourself, I enjoy my love life. I don't mind the few days of discourse as it ends. I derive a lot of pleasure from my love life thankyou.

 

You still have no evidence to suggest that I should avert men I feel that natural chemistry for. I've been single a mere seven months. Haven't gone out one. And still managed to feel sparks every two to four months I am guessing.

 

I clearly feel sparks and mutually intense chemistry often enough to realistically go after the men I actually want. I have tried your method. Grown attracted. The sex was good. Was never as good as men I had naturally intense chemistry for.

 

I'm glad you were able to create chemistry for your wife over a lot of time. A year before you even feel for her. I don't do things your way and it's working fine for me thanks, I really enjoy dating and the fall outs are worth the weeks of bliss and mind blowing sex. I've tried " good" sex with a stable reliable partner. Definitely didn't compare to the men I felt real chemistry for.

 

I'm 28 and cute. I'm sure I'll have no issues finding chemistry with the right man.

[katiegrl]

Leigh, read post 106... PLEASE!

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, gently...your posts seem to flip flop between extreme opposites, you fire off posts every 2 minutes, you repeat the same things over and over and over and over again, and ignore pertinent questions.

 

Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to IRL? Your mind seems to be moving very very fast and I worry that you may be having a manic episode.

 

You're being overly cautious.

 

 

I'm laying in bed chilling.

 

You take me at word value. I type very fast and I'm bored. I appreciate the concern but you're reading me wrong. The person I am in real life.

[elaine567]

He is inferring to the fact I go for sparks and intense chemistry.

 

Because he wasn't even attracted to his partner for a year and he thinks I should ignore the guys I'm actually into and go for men I'm not.attracted to in the hope that attraction will grow.

 

The truth is you lurch from one sexual escapade to another with highly inappropriate men that are grateful for the f*ck, but they get bored and fade or they are totally unavailable anyway.

[scorpiogirl]

I have been single seven months. By choice. Because I refuse to settle for less than intense chemistry. I'm hardly a dating faluire for my seven months.

And negative nancies like yourself, I enjoy my love life. I don't mind the few days of discourse as it ends. I derive a lot of pleasure from my love life thankyou.

 

You still have no evidence to suggest that I should avert men I feel that natural chemistry for. I've been single a mere seven months. Haven't gone out one. And still managed to feel sparks every two to four months I am guessing.

 

I clearly feel sparks and mutually intense chemistry often enough to realistically go after the men I actually want. I have tried your method. Grown attracted. The sex was good. Was never as good as men I had naturally intense chemistry for.

 

I'm glad you were able to create chemistry for your wife over a lot of time. A year before you even feel for her. I don't do things your way and it's working fine for me thanks, I really enjoy dating and the fall outs are worth the weeks of bliss and mind blowing sex. I've tried " good" sex with a stable reliable partner. Definitely didn't compare to the men I felt real chemistry for.

 

I'm 28 and cute. I'm sure I'll have no issues finding chemistry with the right man.

 

Then if it's such a pleasure, why are you always on here "venting" and contradicting yourself from message to message?

Your posts are so dull but it's like a train wreck I can't look away from. Just a broken record with nothing new to say ever. Seriously. You're single for a reason.

[Leigh 87]

To clarify.

 

His ex is 20 now.

 

He was 26 and her 18 when they met.

 

She acted normal initially.

 

He didn't bad mouth his prior exes sorry. He just said he wasn't in love with them but he thought he was at the time.

 

He thought his exes were on on birth control. He didn't want to be a father with these two women. But he stepped up and wanted to be a part of his babies lives. The first ex couldn't accept not being with him, and felt it too painful so she moved. It wasn't of malicious intent. She just hated that he wasn't in love with her and refused to stay with her for the kids.

 

He's stepped up and paid decent child support. He wanted to be part of his children's lives but she moved when he refused to stay with her. He didn't want a loveless relationship and marriage......

 

He'll more than happily pay child support to his current son once he knows it's his.

 

This man didn't want to be a father with these women. He wants to save it for a wife. But he pays child support and will see this latest baby grow up. The baby will live with the mum. He'll get visitation.

 

He has no interest in being a full time father to a child he never wanted with her. He was trying to break it off with her when she announced she was pregnant and declared it may not be his

 

He's dealing with his brother, the ice addict right now.... The fact his ex is always highly unpleasant ( I've read the texting exchange. The guy did nothing to provoke her....)

 

So those the issues he's dealing with.

 

 

 

 

I get it won't work. Because enough people tell me.

 

Please explain why I'd get hurt? and don't mention him going back to his ex or finding a woman he is truly into when he gets " better " because I strongly don't believe these are valid.

 

What other reasons would stop things from working????????

[katiegrl]

You're being overly cautious.

 

 

I'm laying in bed chilling.

 

You take me at word value. I type very fast and I'm bored. I appreciate the concern but you're reading me wrong. The person I am in real life.

 

That still doesn't explain the constant flip flopping and inconsistencies in your rants (um, posts).

 

It goes to your state of mind...which, with love, appears to be unstable and borderline, if not full blown, mania.

 

It's virtually impossible to see yourself objectively Leigh, but if this were another female posting, instead of yourself, what would YOU be advising?

 

I think we all know what that would be.

 

I am glad you have chosen to break it off. The next step is to STOP idealizing him...he is not "all that" not by a long shot. Not from what you have told us earlier in this thread anyway.

[Leigh 87]

Then if it's such a pleasure, why are you always on here "venting" and contradicting yourself from message to message?

Your posts are so dull but it's like a train wreck I can't look away from. Just a broken record with nothing new to say ever. Seriously. You're single for a reason.

 

I choose to be single. I have lots of nice men who ask to date me who are loyal and solid guys.

 

I'm single because I'm holding out for the right guy. I need propper chemistry.

[katiegrl]

I choose to be single. I have lots of nice men who ask to date me who are loyal and solid guys.

 

I'm single because I'm holding out for the right guy. I need propper chemistry.

 

That was not the question! Answer the question, please.

 

Why all the flip-flopping and contradictions? Do you even know?

 

Do you even remember what you post? Apparently not.

 

Anyway, I am done here, this is nuts.

 

Good luck Leigh, I hope one day you will figure yourself out.

[Leigh 87]

The truth is you lurch from one sexual escapade to another with highly inappropriate men that are grateful for the f*ck, but they get bored and fade or they are totally unavailable anyway.

 

 

No. They don't get bored. So far, one moved overseas. Wasn't bored.

 

The other had last year had issues he made known and we never got involved.

 

One had a girlfriend but is a nice average aussie dude.

 

The there's current.

 

That's hardly picking the wrong men in a fashion that is more prevalent that average women.

In seven months I've gone for a few of the wrong men. No more than the average woman. A few dudes isn't many.

 

I feel chemistry with the average aussie bloke. I see no reason to adopt my approach to include dating men I'm not into when there seem to be plenty of men who I feel mutual sparks for. The odds are in my favour - I feel it with men within my league.

 

I don't have that issue where I only feel chemistry for bad guys. I feel the spark before I know who these me are for starters.

 

You're welcome to enjoy lacklustre sex from partners you have to grow attracted to. I'll wait out for a guy who I have amazing sex with and I actually feel butterflies for. It happens often enough for me and with men within my league for me to realistically expect it.

 

I've had many bites in seven months. I'm going to continue to reject the nice guys I'm not attracted to yet who are loyal and sane and would have made good partner if I could handle the lack of fireworks in the bedroom.

 

It's been seven months. It seems imminent that I'll find the spark with the right guy. I'll take longer to get to know men from now on before I agree to get close to then through to prevent this from happening again.

[Kizmet Fisher]

Oh Leigh, I had hoped that when I returned to Loveshack I'd see you being a bit more settled and relaxed in your life.

 

In all honesty though, Leigh you are all over the place. One day this guy is "****ed up" and you are using the disgusted face emoticon to describe him and the next day he is lovely. It's hardly surprising then that the guys you attract are also completely messy, and either have a butt-load of issues, or have the attention span of a lamp.

 

Until you get yourself sorted out, you are not going to attract anything other the most shallow connections. In fact after reading this thread, I suspect that currently, any halfway decent man would run for his life to avoid getting involved with you.

 

I imagine it would look a little like this...

https://38.media.tumblr.com/c202e682630146ee113d8c6fe77e209e/tumblr_mioiymRIqx1rr6oino1_250.gif

[Leigh 87]

That was not the question! Answer the question, please.

 

Why all the flip-flopping and contradictions? Do you even know?

 

Do you even remember what you post? Apparently not.

 

Anyway, I am done here, this is nuts.

 

Good luck Leigh, I hope one day you will figure yourself out.

 

Oh a few posters who always harp on about my method of selecting men who I actually feel sparks for rained in.

 

And I'm fine thanks you're reading wayyyyyy too much into things. I'm had a few unsure days with this guy and a month of bliss so all in all this experience has been a positive one. I draw from passionate sex and fun times. I was happy for longer than I felt bummed.

 

You're definitely reading way too much into me.

[Leigh 87]

Oh Leigh, I had hoped that when I returned to Loveshack I'd see you being a bit more settled and relaxed in your life.

 

In all honesty though, Leigh you are all over the place. One day this guy is "****ed up" and you are using the disgusted face emoticon to describe him and the next day he is lovely. It's hardly surprising then that the guys you attract are also completely messy, and either have a butt-load of issues, or have the attention span of a lamp.

 

Until you get yourself sorted out, you are not going to attract anything other the most shallow connections. In fact after reading this thread, I suspect that currently, any halfway decent man would run for his life to avoid getting involved with you.

 

I imagine it would look a little like this...

https://38.media.tumblr.com/c202e682630146ee113d8c6fe77e209e/tumblr_mioiymRIqx1rr6oino1_250.gif

 

 

You're reading way too much into things.

 

Plenty of decent men I know who are taken so are off limits tell me I'm attractive, intelligent and interesting. Plus I'm kind hearted to boot.

 

I'm told by decent people that I'm a decent catch.

 

This guy is fine. He just has issues. We all do.

 

 

I know better than to have a relationship with him thankfully.

 

 

No offence but I'm sure if we were out at the same bar, I'd attract a lot of men who were educated and cute and who found me interesting to talk to.

[Kizmet Fisher]

You're reading way too much into things.

 

Plenty of decent men I know who are taken so are off limits tell me I'm attractive, intelligent and interesting. Plus I'm kind hearted to boot.

 

I'm told by decent people that I'm a decent catch.

 

This guy is fine. He just has issues. We all do.

 

 

I know better than to have a relationship with him thankfully.

 

 

No offence but I'm sure if we were out at the same bar, I'd attract a lot of men who were educated and cute and who found me interesting to talk to.

 

Why should I be offended? You think that just because I'm a cat in pajamas that I can't attract cute and educated men at bars?

[Leigh 87]

People need to stop being armchair therapists.

 

I was mad at this guy big time. But I also know he never had any ill intent nor is he a crappy person. I got mad and upset as we all do over a break up.

Now I'm fine and I think he's a good person. And that we met at the wrong time.

 

As upset as I was by him, he also treated me well when together, made me feel attractive and beautiful to him and in general and he's just dealing with issues right now.

 

It's rude to disappear for a day. Luckily he apologised and gave me an explanation. Makes moving on easier now that I had closure. I'm glad he didn't do a disappearing act. I sort if think lying, cheating and other crappy things are what constitutes a " bad person"

 

I'll ways be sympathetic to this guy because I believe he's going through a hard time ; it has nothing to do with his character.... I'm over the anger stage. It was a short break up. So I went through all the stages very fast. Felt sad, angry then.... I've come to accept his reasoning. Not that he is the one who ended it although he did say he was definitely going through wayyyyyy too much crap and he felt so awful for dragging me through it.

 

He asked me so many times if I was sure I could deal. I assumed I could support his very worst. I was wrong.

[Leigh 87]

Why should I be offended? You think that just because I'm a cat in pajamas that I can't attract cute and educated men at bars?

 

I can too.

 

That's my point.

 

I've turned down a few decent men because I need chemistry.

 

I do attract decent men. Sadly, in seven months single, they haven't been the men I've felt sexually excited about.

[shvrk]

You've gotta try being humble sometime.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've gotta try being humble sometime.

 

Huge 2nd to this. Leigh, after you've had some time to cool down, come back and re-read your posts. I think you'll have some understanding then of why posters here are baffled by the rants and rather conceited-sounding descriptions of yourself. Humility goes a long way.