Clarence_Boddicker Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Single mom. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 He's been on my mind all day. I wonder how excited he would be, and if he'd be as excited as I am. I wonder if he told his family about the baby too. I don't know if he would or not but I wonder. I know I have to stay away. It just gets hard sometimes, but I want my son to be safe more than anything else. I'm so happy that he's almost here! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 seeing your mother get abused does major damage to the child......as i told my daughter no child would ever grow up happy and well adjusted seeing violence drug use alcoholism or abuse.....she also knows that is a major reason why i just dont up and date just any guy.she has currentyl split from her fiancee and has a three year old.....until he gets help the family dynamic is damagign to all fo them,........i have to know for sure th enext guy i date doesnt have violence issues or damage i can tlive with or expect my kids to live with....they know violence and they also know that i want more fro them than what i have been through......or who i help...they see where problems start..............problems at heart level happen .......and that is hard to shift....worse yet they end up repeating the cycle over and over again....kids go where the know..........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 He's been on my mind all day. I wonder how excited he would be, and if he'd be as excited as I am. I wonder if he told his family about the baby too. I don't know if he would or not but I wonder. I know I have to stay away. It just gets hard sometimes, but I want my son to be safe more than anything else. I'm so happy that he's almost here! Uh-oh. I recognize this. It's the same way I feel when my husband is absent. I wonder all the livelong day if he is thinking of us at all or even still loves us. Yeah, I would seriously stop mentally taking care of your ex. His mind is probably thinking something more like this: "Hmm. I'm hungry. I wonder if Wendy's still has the Baconator. My left nut itches a bit.....ahhh that feels better. Oh crap, missed the exit to Wendy's." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
summerdowling87 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Their is no shame in being a single parent. My mom left my father because he was abusive. My father was not only abusive but neglectful. My mom finally left my dad when he threatened to throw me out window. My dad was arrested my mom left got a div and 26yrs later I'm still happy she left. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Oh, yes, it is MUCH better for the children to have one good single parent than an abusive household! Please do not waiver. You were brave and smart and did the right thing. You stay on top of the situation and see if you can keep a restraining order on him, and be careful because it's just a piece of paper. If you see him or he contacts you, always always call the police, because now they can arrest him. Do it every single time until he gives up and goes away. Your duty is to provide a safe home for your baby. So many people do not have that priority straight. Be very proud of yourself for being able to make this sensible and responsible decision at a time of great stress when I know your brain was probably just scrambled. You did good! Stay safe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I had my sweet son on the 10th. He has so many of his father's features, it's crazy. I look at my son and I see him, but everyone says he looks just like me. I don't know who he looks like anymore. I'm so happy he's here. It was totally worth running away to keep him safe. His father isn't listed, but I was told that I will probably have to name him in the future. My son's middle name is his father's name, because I wanted there to be a connection there if somewhere down the road he enters his life. Right now my focus is on keeping him happy and healthy and safe. He is so perfect. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I had my sweet son on the 10th. He has so many of his father's features, it's crazy. I look at my son and I see him, but everyone says he looks just like me. I don't know who he looks like anymore. I'm so happy he's here. It was totally worth running away to keep him safe. His father isn't listed, but I was told that I will probably have to name him in the future. My son's middle name is his father's name, because I wanted there to be a connection there if somewhere down the road he enters his life. Right now my focus is on keeping him happy and healthy and safe. He is so perfect. I swear they all look like their fathers until they turn about 1 year old. My daughter looked so much like her Dad it was amazing to see. But the cute little girl version of him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've been crying all day. I miss him! I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend and he didn't want to be my boyfriend. If I even looked at another man he would lose it! I mean who does that? I want him to be my son's father. I know he can't be because he will make our son an abuser, but it's so stressful. My son keeps me going. He is very animated for only being a month old. I just love him so much. My dad is in love with him too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Torii Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've been crying all day. I miss him! I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend and he didn't want to be my boyfriend. If I even looked at another man he would lose it! I mean who does that? I want him to be my son's father. I know he can't be because he will make our son an abuser, but it's so stressful. My son keeps me going. He is very animated for only being a month old. I just love him so much. My dad is in love with him too. Children grow up learning behaviors that are exposed during development. If you stay in this situation, fully aware that his father is an abusive man, you're honestly no better because you're willingly subconsciously allowing your son to develop the same patterns and behavior issues. I hope you understand that abuse damages the brain of children. If you willingly stay, you're going to damage your son so badly that you won't be able to care for him. I hope you realize this choice will affect your son for the rest of his life, and I can guarantee there's going to be so many behavior issues and psychological damage that you won't ever be able to handle as a parent. Do you really want your child to grow up, understanding that abuse to such a degree is normal behavior? Do you really want your son to portray his father and potentially put other women, when he grows into a man, in the same position you are in right now? Child mimic behave. Even if the abuse is behind close doors, your child is still suffering from the noises that he may hear from you and your spouse. He'll never learn unconditional love - and I believe this is most damaging of all. Advocate for yourself. Advocate for your child. Do what's best for your child, which is to be away from this man and raise him how you feel is right - without abuse. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I've been crying all day. I miss him! I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about him.Adults do what adults need to do. As an adult and a parent, you left a dangerous situation. Start telling yourself to catch your 'heart' up to your brain. What are you missing? An angry, harmful, abusive man who would have killed you. Think about why you CAN miss that. THAT is your problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 This is why I ran. The chance of this man hurting our baby is what scared me. I just don't want my son to miss out on having a father and then hating me for it. All I want to do is protect him and do what is right... But last week I read an article filled with statistics about kids from broken homes and it broke my heart. It's a question of smallest evil here. And the smallest evil is for you to raise this child alone, without his input of any kind. You should also look into why you staid with him for so long, and why it took his threat of slitting your throat to run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm going to my parents for Father's Day. I hope it'll take my mind off him. I'm not taking anything from him by not having the baby with him on his first Father's Day, am I? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Abusive fathers don't need a Father's Day. You're not with him because of what HE did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 On the 24th, my baby and I were going to go for a ride. I got him in the car, and then all the sudden I was slammed into my car. He was screaming at me, I can't remember what he was saying, but he punched me in the head and threw me on the ground. He started opening the back to get my baby boy out. He got the latch on his car seat undone. I used all my strength to get up and started hitting him to get him away from my son. He started screaming he was going to kill me right there. I am so lucky my neighbor called the police who arrested him. I don't have the all details on how he found me yet. I believe a friend of ours saw me and told him. It also seems that he had been looking my apartment while I was out. We haven't confirmed it yet though. My baby is safe though. I took him to the hospital and he was a little distressed, but he seems okay. I have two broken ribs a concussion and stitches. The only thing I care about though is my baby. I'm grateful he's safe. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 How horrible! PLEASE call every single one of your friends and tell them what he did. Whoever told him needs to hear what the end result of their blabbing was. And please understand one thing: You MUST press charges. Every time a woman backs down and doesn't, SHE ends up dead. He needs to be in prison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I am pressing charges. My face is black and blue from him. I am so embarrassed that this happened. What I'm most upset about is it had our brand new baby so shaken up! I'm afraid to even shower because I don't want to leave him! I think the screaming was just too much. I keep apologizing to him because I feel like I put him in that situation. I think I know who told him where I was... I don't know if I want to get them involved. They're very good friends... Had he calmly approached me, it wouldn't have been a big deal. I probably would have let him hold our son. What I want to know is who bailed him out of jail! I have a feeling it was his brother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Oh parenting is never easy raising your kids with a broken arm, bruise face, and mental break down is horrible.. You did the right thing.. I guess you will not be single for ever, one day, I hope you don't rush into relationship soon, but one day when you are ready, you will find someone who is stable and deserves you! Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I just read your last comment Omg I am glad you are both ok! What are you waiting for, get out of this state as soon as possible Start over somewhere else, most of us went to other places and started over, you can do it! Stay safe! Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) I am pressing charges. My face is black and blue from him. I am so embarrassed that this happened. What I'm most upset about is it had our brand new baby so shaken up! I'm afraid to even shower because I don't want to leave him! I think the screaming was just too much. I keep apologizing to him because I feel like I put him in that situation. I think I know who told him where I was... I don't know if I want to get them involved. They're very good friends... Had he calmly approached me, it wouldn't have been a big deal. I probably would have let him hold our son. What I want to know is who bailed him out of jail! I have a feeling it was his brother. Please have a serious talk with these people who told him.. Don't just make people hurt you with no consequences.. That's just like inviting people to punch you in the face for the fun of it! They knew he was trouble, they shouldn't have told him about you! At least tell them what they did was horrible! Edited July 3, 2015 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Please tell the person who you think told him. Please. They need to hear the truth of what he then did with their information. It might keep them from doing it again in the future. Then you never have to talk to them again. The best thing to do when someone does what your ex does is to EXPOSE the horribleness of what they did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 The thing is no one, not even girls he dated ever said he was abusive! I don't want to leave the state. I think I'll move closer to my parents. I just feel so bad for my son. I feel just awful he was there! My poor baby boy! He was so scared. I never want him to feel that way again. I'm going to send the woman who saved us something. I might not be alive without her, or he could have taken my baby. I'm unsure of what I should send though. My heart hurts. I love my little boy so much. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Send her a card, telling her how much of a difference she had in your life. That will mean more than anything. Maybe a houseplant or a tree, if she has a place to plant it to remember you by. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 The thing is no one, not even girls he dated ever said he was abusive!See, they had your first instinct - don't get involved. Think of what would have changed, had you known. But, of course, you'd never have your beautiful baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tree lover Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Oh I know, and he makes everything worth it. He is my little fuzzball I've never seen a baby with so much hair! I was thinking about a nice card and a gift certificate for my neighbor. I am going to really think about contacting who I think told him I was here. Not for myself, but for other girls. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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