Should I stop ignoring him or should I forget about him?

[memelia]

Hi OP,

 

I read your story and I can fully relate. I was there 4 years ago (i'm turning 25 this year), so was relatively young as well when it happened to me. I had just got out of a 1 year serious relationship, which I did not feel emotionally fulfilled in, and then later rebounded with an emotionally unavailable guy, whom I dumbly thought I was in love with because we had such "great" chemistry, despite his emotional unavailability (and mine too). He was obviously only making use of me, looking back now, but I was blinded back when I was in the moment. It's okay though, we all need to go through bad experiences and learn and grow from it. Even after we stopped seeing each other (I moved out of the country), he actually continued emailing me years after to find out how I am etc. I slowly lost interest over the years, although I still replied his emails out of politeness (I know.... dumb), and also because I started seeing other people.

Anyways, I've had many ups and downs since then, and just recently got out of an amazing relationship with a great guy, who was also emotionally open (found out that this is a fundamental need of mine). Very, very rare to find. But I'm far from perfect myself, so i ended up letting my insecurities get in the way. I'm no longer with him, but the experience has opened me up to what is possible for my own love life, and that is very encouraging. Learnt that if you want someone who makes you feel cared for, and respected and loved, you will need to be able to do the same for him. This is something I'm personally striving and working on.

 

My only advice is to just continue seeing relationships as a way of self-discovery. If anything else, know that you're worthy and deserve the love that you want. Don't beat yourself up whenever you end up screwing things up, because you're only human after all.

 

Also, you might also be interested to read up on books that are geared towards understanding emotions unique to the female experience... this is one that I came across recently and seems like it has good reviews called "Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change" (have yet to read it yet though!): Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change by Robin Norwood ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists. Keep learning and growing, and understand your relationship patterns, your needs/deal breakers etc, so that you can eventually move on to a healthier way of relating to yourself and to people, and make your way to a healthy and fulfilling relationship for yourself.

[batjokes92]

Hi, this is really pathetic but it's been 2 months since I blocked him and I still can't get this guy out of my head. I thought I was doing better but this week has been bad. It's been a year exactly since I last saw him (I just turned 23 yesterday and I saw him on my 22nd birthday) I must need some serious help. I check his profile sometimes, he is still single but his new profile picture is him hanging out and smiling with three other girls. A large part of me wishes I didn't block him :/ I want him to see that I got a job at an art gallery. I know he'd be jealous/impressed because Ive been struggling to find a nice job ever since he dumped me and he knows that and I know he hates his current job. I want him to see how good I look too (lol j/k) well I think I look good but still no bf... Wtf is wrong with me!!? I should be over him by now :,(

I miss his facebook likes and the occasional messages I'd get from him. Maybe he was starting to come around before I decided to block him. Why would he want to buy a painting off of me if he didn't like me? There are no other interesting guys in my life right now. my life is so boring without him, he's probably forgotten all about me.

Edited May 29, 2015 by batjokes92
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[Thecondor1991]

Hi, this is really pathetic but it's been 2 months since I blocked him and I still can't get this guy out of my head. I thought I was doing better but this week has been bad. It's been a year exactly since I last saw him (I just turned 23 yesterday and I saw him on my 22nd birthday) I must need some serious help. I check his profile sometimes, he is still single but his new profile picture is him hanging out and smiling with three other girls. A large part of me wishes I didn't block him :/ I want him to see that I got a job at an art gallery. I know he'd be jealous/impressed because Ive been struggling to find a nice job ever since he dumped me and he knows that and I know he hates his current job. I want him to see how good I look too (lol j/k) well I think I look good but still no bf... Wtf is wrong with me!!? I should be over him by now :,(

I miss his facebook likes and the occasional messages I'd get from him. Maybe he was starting to come around before I decided to block him. Why would he want to buy a painting off of me if he didn't like me? There are no other interesting guys in my life right now. my life is so boring without him, he's probably forgotten all about me.

Getting over someone is hard. Some people can easily get over an ex and keep on going, but for some people, its just not that easy. OK, now to be a bit honest. This forum has been pretty helpful in my healing and moving on, reading people's stories and having someone just listen has been a great thing. That being said, I too know that sometimes you are looking for more than the "Go no contact." "he/she was wrong." "You deserve better." "Block and delete them from your life." kind of messages you get on here sometimes. So you survived an entire year without seeing this guy and two months with no contact, and you still hurt? Well I'm sure you've heard "Its time to move on." from just about everyone, so I'll spare you that. It seems like you really cared about this guy, and trust me when I say, I know exactly what its like to care about someone so much that its hard to do anything without them popping in your head 24/7. Ok, so here comes the good news. You just turned 23(Happy birthday by the way.) Which means your still young, You have a job doing something you seem to like, and if you still care about this guy after all this time, that shows that you are genuinely someone who cares deeply for the people in your life and your afraid of losing them, taking all that in to account, I would say you are someone that most guys should be knocking down doors for a chance with you. I mean, maybe some guys just aren't looking for something long term, and there's nothing wrong with that, but coming from a guy who is looking for more than a hook up, a rebound, or a quick fling, I know that whoever you end up with will be a very lucky guy. Like I said before sometimes you just need an ear, I visit this site daily, so If you ever want to talk just let me know.

[SLee]

Happy birthday!

 

I'm gonna do my best to repeat what has already been stated, but here's my bit after reading through everything.

 

This guy was NOT coming around. Read through all the other replies to your thread before hand and make sure to solidify in your head what he was actually doing. He was baiting you for attention and sex. That's it.

 

I've been there, when you meet a guy you have a connection with and it's your first, it's hard to think that it could possibly happen again because you haven't had it before, but it WILL. I'm around your age and believe me you have a good future ahead of you. Don't waste time wishing for things for the future. Just relax and enjoy your independence.

 

As far as what he would think about your looks or your new job, it doesn't matter. It'd be satisfying on an egotistical level, sure, but it doesn't matter. He probably wouldn't care, at least not for more than a few seconds. If you unblocked him now, it'd be the same story as before with an even more painful end. You do not want to reopen that wound!

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with you other than being hung up on this guy, who's a total turd. It happens, it's not the end of the world. You have all the power to move on from this, you just have to decide to.

 

There are so many handsome, intelligent, loving guys your age that will be happy for a chance to date you. This guy is out past. Focus on your future.

[Girlboots]

WOW! you sound like me when i was 21! i had my FIRST romantic experience with a guy. i'm also very shy. the guy played me like a fiddle and out of nowhere completely ignored me. i asked what happened and he said he just isn't "interested in whatever we have going on". it hurt so bad. i thought about this guy every single day. i felt like my world lost some of its color. i didn't think i'd ever like someone as much as i liked him. i was literally sick to my stomach for a week after he sent that text. i felt like used trash that nobody wanted.

 

2 years later, he got married and i remember crying my eyes out for 2 days straight. i was so upset. but guess what? this forced me to stop seeing a future with him. this forced me to realize i was NEVER going to be with him again. it freaking sucked, and it was rough, but now i'm so happy he's not on my mind.

 

i also realized i didn't love him. i was just attached and loved how he made me feel. i loved being wanted and having attention from a guy. it wasn't necessarily him that i was into. i was angry that he used me, and a part of me wanted revenge. i wanted to come out on top...but all of that was toxic to my heart and i had to move on.

 

this isn't what you want to hear, but the best way to get over it is through time. be patient with yourself. continue reminding yourself that he aint ****. stop seeing him as this gift from the heavens. he's an insecure guy who doesn't know what he wants. focus on yourself and your future and if the right guy comes along, cool. just remember you aren't alone in how you've been feeling. as you can see, almost everyone can relate. we've all been in situations like that. stuff like that happens, you just gotta move on and remember you're still loved and important, even if that guy made you feel otherwise.

[highfidelity]

Oh man ... people are gonna have a field day with this one ...

 

This guy wanted you to be his FWB - this means friends with benefits. He just wants to sleep with you. He is not interested in you as a girlfriend or a person in any shape or form beyond a sexual object. He doesn't care about you in any way whatsoever. He just wants sex and that has all he's wanted from the beginning. You are going to encounter guys like this throughout your dating life and this guy has displayed literally every single sign of what you should be avoiding completely.

 

You don't love him, you have no idea what love is. You need to completely detach from this guy or he is going to make you extremely miserable. He is not into you at all, you're literally a warm hole in his eyes. Him backing off when he found out you were a virgin? It's because he doesn't want to deal with a sexually inexperienced girl who he KNOWS will become emotionally attached to him after sex. Now he doesn't even want you as a f*** buddy because you're no good to him for that since you're inexperienced. You need to forget about this for your own well being.

 

Sorry but you really need to hear this.

 

I can't help but agree to this one. This guy doesn't deserve you. Move on with your life and I believe you will finally met a better one. NC is the best thing you can do right now and be strong!

[batjokes92]

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Edited June 2, 2015 by batjokes92
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[batjokes92]

Again, thank you for all of the advice! It really does help me to hear your own input and experiance with situations similar to this. I'd love to speak with some of you via private message but when I try to acces this it tells me I'm still not an established member so I can't send private messages I dont undestand why, I've been a member on this site for two months now. Maybe I should comment on other threads but I don't feel that I am experienced enough to be giving advice to people going through relationship struggles seeing as I've never been in a relationship of my own.

 

I feel like it would be easier for me to move on from this guy if I could find another guy. I don't want to say I need a rebound, I just want a relationship. My brother broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years 2 months ago and he's already sleeping with other girls! I could never do that. I just wish that I could find someone who deems me worthy of loving for more than just a fling or a one night stand...

[Thecondor1991]

Again, thank you for all of the advice! It really does help me to hear your own input and experiance with situations similar to this. I'd love to speak with some of you via private message but when I try to acces this it tells me I'm still not an established member so I can't send private messages I dont undestand why, I've been a member on this site for two months now. Maybe I should comment on other threads but I don't feel that I am experienced enough to be giving advice to people going through relationship struggles seeing as I've never been in a relationship of my own.

 

I feel like it would be easier for me to move on from this guy if I could find another guy. I don't want to say I need a rebound, I just want a relationship. My brother broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years 2 months ago and he's already sleeping with other girls! I could never do that. I just wish that I could find someone who deems me worthy of loving for more than just a fling or a one night stand...

Well If you have an email address that you feel comfortable giving to me, I have no problem giving people mine. [email protected] its my extra email but I check it daily. Just shoot me a message and I'll usually get back to you within two or three hours.