Should I stop ignoring him or should I forget about him?

[spiderowl]

Thank you to everyone who has responded! I appreciate your help very much! The thing that keeps me holding on is the fear that I won't find someone else because I'm a VERY shy girl that doesn't get around much. Plus I'm kind of scared to start dating because I don't want to deal with another guy like him.

 

Last month I've made a conscious decision to ignore him to see what happens. I expected that maybe he'd start messaging me again but that was not the case. Instead, it's like he's taken on a whole new identity. It was almost over night. He used to be a goofy, shy and layed back type of guy but it seems that now he fits the stereotype of a player. He's on facebook posting selfie after selfie of his new haircut and new outfits, bragging about his new high paying job and how he's having sex with women yet he's posting that he's wishing he could find "true love" I KID YOU NOT!) he's adding new prettier girls to his facebook everyday, they look a bit like me but better... he did mention he had a type... I'm not sure he wanted me for sex in the beginning though, he said he just wanted a "cuddle buddy". He did complement me a lot about the way I looked and I liked that because I am very insecure. As for the sex, he wasn't very good at it, and that's coming from a virgin! I basically did all the work while laid there and took it.

 

Also Hunk, you mentioned you would be willing to pm me about this, I'd love to have some help from you! I'm new to this site so I don't know how to go about doing that though.

 

What you've said just shows in glowing technicolour what a shallow guy you were dealing with. He brags about his conquests, the way he looks and his new job (which is probably nothing like as fantastic as he makes out). This is all this guy is about. If you try to finding depth in him, a loving person, you will fail. He just hasn't got any depth to his soul.

 

I started out like you, thinking that guys wanted love too, but there are some that have sensitivity and depth and others that remain shallow users forever. It's a pity you met one of the latter so early on, but at least you have a better idea what to look for.

 

Whatever has happened to you, it is not your fault, it is no reflection on the kind of person you are or how special you are. The only thing to beware of is ascribing qualities to guys that they don't have. He might talk about finding true love but he behaves like a shallow and unintelligent guy, so draw your own conclusions!

[spiderowl]

My dad thinks I should call him to have a one on one conversation though because he thinks the whole thing could be a misunderstanding between me and him, but he was the person who told me to block him in the first place. What are your thoughts on this?

 

You are the one who has been subjected to this guy's hot and cold behaviour and treating you like you didn't matter and, basically, exactly like Hunk describes a user would. You need to trust your own instincts not follow what others suggest. Remind yourself how this guy treated you and how it made you feel before you risk following your Dad's advice.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'm sorry, and I mean no disrespect, but your dad is dead wrong. I can't believe he'd encourage you in pursuing this guy. Here's one good reason-it reinforces this guy's belief that you aren't worth his respect. It tells him that you think so little of yourself that you will take whatever crumbs he throws at you, and you'll gladly accept them and welcome him with open arms. It tells him that you are nothing better than some chick to have sex with and then forget about. Is all this true about you? Of course not! Don't let anyone treat you like this, or give them reason to believe this about you. Hold your head high and wait for a guy who's going to be chasing YOU and would never, ever dream of pursuing or sleeping with other girls while involved with you. Go re-read what hunk wrote about when he was this type of guy, and what he thought about the girls who allowed him to treat them like crap. And how much more he thought of the ones who didn't.

 

It's all about self-respect. You need to be done with this guy because he has no respect for you. There is no misunderstanding between you two to work out. He used you for sex. He jus wants to keep using you for sex. He doesn't want anything else, otherwise he'd have let you know. You owe it to yourself to walk away from a user like him.

[hunk]

Sadly I feel like you're actually going to have to experience this one first hand, because I don't think anything anyone here says is gonna change your mind about this situation. So just go for it. That your dad told you to actually PURSUE this guy is mind boggling. But go for it, see you in a few weeks

[Lovingme81]

If you contact him you will end up eventually ruining any self esteem you have. You'll be miserable for a long time and regret it too. Its not worth it.

 

and he's definitely not "the one" not even close. I would be willing to bet everything I own he isn't the one. Trust me, he isn't "the one".

Edited April 12, 2015 by Lovingme81

[Lovingme81]

I'm pretty sure her dad doesn't know all of the crappy things we know. No dad would want that for his daughter.

[Simon Phoenix]

The classic case of panicking and putting all your eggs in one basket -- a basket with a bunch of holes. I mean, if you really want to double down on dumb and continue to pursue this guy, I guess do it, but it's not going to end pretty.

[batjokes92]

I'm pretty sure her dad doesn't know all of the crappy things we know. No dad would want that for his daughter.

 

Actually, my dad knows everything. He's the only one I confided in 100% when it came to him. I think he thinks we are both stubborn and not willing to show any emotion or weakness towards each other. He's the type of man who believes texting and facebooking gets things lost in translation/ruins communication for this generation. I think the only reason I'm obsessed with this guy is because he was my first love, and I see no hope for another right now. I went out last night and I didn't contact him. I hope you're the ones who are right and not my dad. It frustrates me that he would encourage me to block him for MONTHS then tell me 2 nights after doing so that I should freaking call him up!!!

[Lovingme81]

oh wow I just couldn't imagine that. I tell my mom everything as well and she tells me to stay far away from my ex. I mean even with besides the texting and facebook, the way he backed off once you said you were a virgin is bad. I don't understand why he would want you to keep seeing that guy. Well I wouldn't keep going after him...he isn't a good person (your ex not your dad lol)

[batjokes92]

I'll be honest, I think the reason he backed off was because I was the one who wanted toget physical with him. The last night we were together he texted me "what's up?" I told him "nothing, if you're not busy tonight I could come over and cuddle with you" and he said "ok but I think cuddling is all we should do tonight" and I went over there and i ****ing had sex with him then left him!! I'm the monster here. it took me blocking him to finally realize it was my fault... He probably hates me now. I can't belive myself.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'll be honest, I think the reason he backed off was because I was the one who wanted toget physical with him. The last night we were together he texted me "what's up?" I told him "nothing, if you're not busy tonight I could come over and cuddle with you" and he said "ok but I think cuddling is all we should do tonight" and I went over there and i ****ing had sex with him then left him!! I'm the monster here. it took me blocking him to finally realize it was my fault... He probably hates me now. I can't belive myself.

 

This is one of the most severe cases of mental gymnastics I've read on this site. What you just wrote is unbelievably delusional.

[Lovingme81]

This is one of the most severe cases of mental gymnastics I've read on this site. What you just wrote is unbelievably delusional.

 

I can actually relate to her thoughts. It shows me how I think too but from an outsiders perspective. It makes no sense but in her mind it makes perfect sense. I need to realize this for myself as well.

[stillafool]

I'll be honest, I think the reason he backed off was because I was the one who wanted toget physical with him. The last night we were together he texted me "what's up?" I told him "nothing, if you're not busy tonight I could come over and cuddle with you" and he said "ok but I think cuddling is all we should do tonight" and I went over there and i ****ing had sex with him then left him!! I'm the monster here. it took me blocking him to finally realize it was my fault... He probably hates me now. I can't belive myself.

 

Honestly him not wanting sex with you is showing how he's just not into you. You are chasing and stalking this guy and you need to leave him be regardless of what your Dad told you. If he wanted to be with you he would contact you and he hasn't. If you continue to chase him you are going to hurt more and be embarrassed.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'll be honest, I think the reason he backed off was because I was the one who wanted toget physical with him. The last night we were together he texted me "what's up?" I told him "nothing, if you're not busy tonight I could come over and cuddle with you" and he said "ok but I think cuddling is all we should do tonight" and I went over there and i ****ing had sex with him then left him!! I'm the monster here. it took me blocking him to finally realize it was my fault... He probably hates me now. I can't belive myself.

 

The reason he backed off is because he got what he wanted from you. The whole "all we should do is cuddle" is one of the oldest lines in the book. It's meant to do exactly what it's done here, get sex from you while making it look like YOUR idea so the guilt isn't on him for making you do something you might regret later. He doesn't hate you for it, he doesn't feel anything for you.

 

Once he got what he wanted, there was no need to chase you anymore. Especially once you started letting him know you wanted more and bugging him...seriously, what is it going to take to realize this? I can predict what will likely happen, I've seen this situation play out before. You get him to meet you somewhere, say karaoke. He shows up and is sorta affectionate, since at the moment he's planning on going home with you. BUT, as soon as a girl that he wants to sleep with more shows up, he'll ditch you. And all this hurt you're feeling now will pale in comparison to THAT pain and embarrassment.

 

Then he'll contact you again in a month, and it'll start all over again.

[lana-banana]

This is one of the most severe cases of mental gymnastics I've read on this site. What you just wrote is unbelievably delusional.

 

For all the guys moaning about why women don't want to date inexperienced partners: does it make more sense when the sexes are flipped? The lack of basic knowledge and understanding of relationships is a big problem. No one wants to date someone who doesn't understand how a boyfriend/FWB/whatever should act.

 

OP, this guy isn't into you. I know it hurts, but I promise you if you stop now it won't get any worse. If you continue to chase him and throw yourself at him, it's going to hurt even more than you can imagine.

 

The good news is that you have your dad to support you. Listen to his advice. Find someone who cares about you and is willing to take it slow.

[ZiggyZoo]

 

The good news is that you have your dad to support you. Listen to his advice. Find someone who cares about you and is willing to take it slow.

 

Her dad is encouraging her to work it out with this guy! He thinks they just had a misunderstanding...

[Simon Phoenix]

The reason he backed off is because he got what he wanted from you. The whole "all we should do is cuddle" is one of the oldest lines in the book. It's meant to do exactly what it's done here, get sex from you while making it look like YOUR idea so the guilt isn't on him for making you do something you might regret later. He doesn't hate you for it, he doesn't feel anything for you.

 

Once he got what he wanted, there was no need to chase you anymore. Especially once you started letting him know you wanted more and bugging him...seriously, what is it going to take to realize this? I can predict what will likely happen, I've seen this situation play out before. You get him to meet you somewhere, say karaoke. He shows up and is sorta affectionate, since at the moment he's planning on going home with you. BUT, as soon as a girl that he wants to sleep with more shows up, he'll ditch you. And all this hurt you're feeling now will pale in comparison to THAT pain and embarrassment.

 

Then he'll contact you again in a month, and it'll start all over again.

 

Yep, cuddling means sex. "Come over and watch a movie" means sex. Hell, "can you help me wrap Christmas presents?" means sex (used that one in my younger days).

[batjokes92]

It's been almost a week since I blocked him and he is still on my mind all the time. I "think" I'm seeing VERY slight improvements... He used to be the ONLY thing I thought about but I feel little breaks between thoughts of him now, which is good? Maybe I'm just fooling myself. I'm still miserable and lonely. Im worrying about my future, I want to check his facebook to see what he's up to but there's no way I can do that now lol :/ i wonder if I've crossed his mind at all. Any tips on how I can forget him faster?

[hunk]

Keep seeing him. Call him up now and ask to hang out again. Ask him to be your boyfriend. Tell him you love him. Do it all now

[batjokes92]

WHAT!? Why? I can't do that now!

[Simon Phoenix]

WHAT!? Why? I can't do that now!

 

He's being sarcastic because you are obsessing about a person who doesn't give two craps about you. It's going to take time for you to recover from this, so just keep with it.

[batjokes92]

(post deleted)

Edited May 7, 2015 by batjokes92

[batjokes92]

Since last month I think I've been doing a lot better. I've moved on from this guy and accepted the fact that we just aren't right for eachother/ment to be. I'll admit that I checked out his public facebook profile a few times since but my perception of his attractivness has diametrically changed from "the only chance to spend a decent life with a person I desire" to "what a relief I didn't waste more of my time on this guy who changes his partners like used gloves".

 

I'm afraid though, of being alone. I will be turning 23 this month and I haven't met anyone new. I feel like I need to "get out there" but I have no clue how. I recently got a new job working at an art gallery but I only answer to one boss, not much hope for meeting someone there. I've looked up social groups in the area but had no such luck finding anything in my country (I am Canadian and I live very close to the American border). How can I go about meeting new guys to potentially date? I'm very shy and I know my body language is holding me back because I feel insecure around men and I don't know how to flirt. I want to get more experiance so I am better prepared for when the next guy, that "right guy" comes along. I don't want to appear desperate and make the same mistakes I did with my ex. Advice please!?

[spiderowl]

I know you feel obsessed with him at the moment. He was the first guy you had intimate experiences with so it's not surprising. However, everything you've told me about this guy suggests he's just an opportunist who is not looking for a meaningful relationship. You can tell this by his unpredictability, the way he contacts you then drops the conversation for a while, etc. He's literally coming and going as he pleases and probably when he hasn't got something else on the go.

 

You need better than this and deserve better than this. Don't assume that because you haven't got a boyfirend now, you won't find one. If you relax, get this loser guy out of your head, you will become able to be open to other approaches. I feel that we give out a signal of 'taken' to other guys when we are emotionally wrapped up in someone, even if we aren't seeing them. As soon as we become emotionally available again, then real things can start to happen in real life. Don't waste your energy on this guy; he'll just drive you crazy with his half-heartedness.

[Thecondor1991]

Since last month I think I've been doing a lot better. I've moved on from this guy and accepted the fact that we just aren't right for eachother/ment to be. I'll admit that I checked out his public facebook profile a few times since but my perception of his attractivness has diametrically changed from "the only chance to spend a decent life with a person I desire" to "what a relief I didn't waste more of my time on this guy who changes his partners like used gloves".

 

I'm afraid though, of being alone. I will be turning 23 this month and I haven't met anyone new. I feel like I need to "get out there" but I have no clue how. I recently got a new job working at an art gallery but I only answer to one boss, not much hope for meeting someone there. I've looked up social groups in the area but had no such luck finding anything in my country (I am Canadian and I live very close to the American border). How can I go about meeting new guys to potentially date? I'm very shy and I know my body language is holding me back because I feel insecure around men and I don't know how to flirt. I want to get more experiance so I am better prepared for when the next guy, that "right guy" comes along. I don't want to appear desperate and make the same mistakes I did with my ex. Advice please!?

Hey I know what is like to feel alone and scared. I know what its like to feel like you'll never find anyone, I mean I have a story that most people wouldn't even believe, the only advice I can give you is to talk to people. It really does help and I've recently began talking to some people online and I feel way better than I did a few days ago. If you need to talk I'm more that willing to be an ear.