Demeaning comments about body

[seekingpeaceinlove]

So...you were just minding your business in each of these 4 instances and the men just out of the blue made a demeaning comment about your derriere?

 

Just odd situation..

[Phoe]

Are you maybe like standing there asking them what they think of your butt because that is the only situation I can imagine in my wildest dreams where that could ever happen in a workplace with adults!! You do seem to be pretty active in seeking attention and validation here maybe you do it at your job too?? I hope you don't think I am trying to be mean but I can't help but think that this is a possibility, otherwise you need to report these men to your supervisor for sexual harassment.

 

Of course I'm not asking. In one instance I was simply walking by and someone was singing a song about butt's, and another coworker was like "Umm?? I hope you're not talking about Phoe" and he was like "oh, no, of course not phoe's butt." and I sort of raised my eyebrows in a way that indicated I didn't like where this was going, and he's like "but i mean... i'm not trying to saying anything bad about yours.." and he starts trying to backtrack and realized he shoved his foot in his mouth.

 

In another instance a few guys were talking about a girl who works there who has a big butt and wondering how she got it... they started talking about squats, genetics, etc, and one of them says "well, she played a lot of softball". And I, having played softball, instantly thought it was cool that a fellow coworker played softball and I never knew, so I piped in "I didn't know Mandy played softball, I played too!" and instantly one quipped "apparently not enough." and nods his head toward my hip region, and I instantly know he means my butt...

 

so I just sorta backed away and removed myself from earshot of the conversation...

 

Another time I was talking about working out at the gym, and Mandy walked by, and a guy commented about her ass (again) and I just didn't really respond to it and sorta nodded my head and kept working, and he started talking about his gym routine, and all the squats he does, and I mentioned that squats and leg day in general are favorite, and I was told that I don't have good muscle building genetics in my lower body.

 

Another time a few were talking about a girl and mentioned her weight and that she needs to lose weight, which happens to be the same weight as mine, and that struck me as odd because I'm not overweight, and I was like "But that's the same weight as me", and he says "Yeah, you guys weigh the same, but all her weight is in her ass, unlike you. And you know I LOVE those big butts!"

 

another instance where I just didn't really respond and decided to just brush it off.

 

In high school it was way worse. I got called pancake ass, mediocre ass, told I couldn't fill out my pants, told I might be hot if it weren't for my ass, etc.

 

 

I am sorry you had to deal with insulting comments Phoe. It would be uncalled for no matter how you looked physically. So on that note, how your butt actually looks is not at all a relevant detail.

 

I agree with the others--I was wondering why you felt the need to describe your butt for us too.

 

I felt the need to describe it to defend myself from the potential folks here who might just say "well, maybe your butt does suck and you need to do squats"

 

Because it's not amazing, and I'm not exactly happy with mine, but it's not this horrendous thing that people make it out to be. And I'm tired of being made to feel bad about it.

 

So I wanted to defend myself. If even only to bolster myself.

 

I'm sorry, but this whole thread strikes me as bizarre. I do get that sexual harassment goes down and goes down more than get reported, but a young woman getting insulted for her butt? 4 times in one month? How did it even come up in conversation? Did they say it to the OP's face or if not, how did she find out? I can't be the only one wondering these things.

 

Most women, if something like that happened, would feel more insulted that the guy felt that it was OK to go there in the first place. They would not be feeling the need to describe their butt to others on a public forum.

 

A harsh post. When someone posts a story on the internet that sounds far-fetched though, people are going to ask questions.

 

I am simultaneously upset that anyone thought it was ok to even talk that way to me at all, as well as feeling down because of people making remarks about a body part that I am sensitive about anyway.

 

OP would you of been happy if the guys made complimentary remarks about your butt 4 times per month??

 

No. I have been sexually harassed there before, and really would prefer if nobody talked to me about my butt at all. Let alone making remarks about something that is already sensitive to me.

 

I don't get why when this happens, it's assumed I'm at fault, it's assumed I asked them for an opinion (wtf??), it's assumed I deserved it.

 

I literally did nothing to bring these on.

[Phoe]

So...you were just minding your business in each of these 4 instances and the men just out of the blue made a demeaning comment about your derriere?

 

Just odd situation..

 

Well, only in one situation was I totally minding my business. In the others I had piped in with something about the conversation, but not on the topic of butts, just on topics that I happen to like or have experience with, so I threw my 2 cents in.

 

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I wasn't really welcome in the conversations and was being insulted to get me out of the conversation.

 

Because really, insults are common at this workplace, but I usually just brush them off or laugh them off and everyone keeps moving. But insults about my butt felt particularly sensitive to me. Insults about other types of things I guess just kinda roll off my back, they don't really effect me.

[xxoo]

Of course I'm not asking. In one instance I was simply walking by and someone was singing a song about butt's, and another coworker was like "Umm?? I hope you're not talking about Phoe" and he was like "oh, no, of course not phoe's butt." and I sort of raised my eyebrows in a way that indicated I didn't like where this was going, and he's like "but i mean... i'm not trying to saying anything bad about yours.." and he starts trying to backtrack and realized he shoved his foot in his mouth.

 

In another instance a few guys were talking about a girl who works there who has a big butt and wondering how she got it... they started talking about squats, genetics, etc, and one of them says "well, she played a lot of softball". And I, having played softball, instantly thought it was cool that a fellow coworker played softball and I never knew, so I piped in "I didn't know Mandy played softball, I played too!" and instantly one quipped "apparently not enough." and nods his head toward my hip region, and I instantly know he means my butt...

 

so I just sorta backed away and removed myself from earshot of the conversation...

 

Another time I was talking about working out at the gym, and Mandy walked by, and a guy commented about her ass (again) and I just didn't really respond to it and sorta nodded my head and kept working, and he started talking about his gym routine, and all the squats he does, and I mentioned that squats and leg day in general are favorite, and I was told that I don't have good muscle building genetics in my lower body.

 

Another time a few were talking about a girl and mentioned her weight and that she needs to lose weight, which happens to be the same weight as mine, and that struck me as odd because I'm not overweight, and I was like "But that's the same weight as me", and he says "Yeah, you guys weigh the same, but all her weight is in her ass, unlike you. And you know I LOVE those big butts!"

 

I don't know about the first example, but the last 3, while not your fault, could have been avoided by not engaging about talk about working out and bodies, not engaging in any conversation about a coworkers butt, and certainly not comparing yourself to another woman's body. It sounds like the atmosphere is generally unprofessional, but you can set the tone by not engaging in these conversations. I bolded what I saw as the times things were getting unprofessional.

 

As a general rule, if the are already talking about women's butts, and you join in the conversation, the message may be that you're ok with this kind of talk.

[Phoe]

Maybe my coworkers just don't like me.

 

After I clocked out, and was about to leave, someone came to me and asked if I could carry some things to a different area. I told them I was clocked out already, but went to grab 2 other coworkers who were still on and ask if they could help carry those things since I'd already clocked out.

 

They got SO pissy with me, asked why i couldn't do it, got really irritated, threw down their things, stomped off to carry the things muttering under their breath the whole way.

 

I dunno what I could've done differently but to just keep working off the clock and not bother asking them... one of my coworkers who is a good friend noticed the way they acted and was like "wow, whatever I guess... let them be mad."

[Phoe]

I don't know about the first example, but the last 3, while not your fault, could have been avoided by not engaging about talk about working out and bodies, not engaging in any conversation about a coworkers butt, and certainly not comparing yourself to another woman's body. It sounds like the atmosphere is generally unprofessional, but you can set the tone by not engaging in these conversations. I bolded what I saw as the times things were getting unprofessional.

 

As a general rule, if the are already talking about women's butts, and you join in the conversation, the message may be that you're ok with this kind of talk.

 

In my mind, I wasn't talking about butts.

 

I was talking about fitness. I like talking about fitness.

 

Or I was genuinely intrigued that another coworker played softball and thought that was really cool and was surprised I never knew it.

 

And the thing about the weight, sure I should've kept quiet, but I wanted to defend the girl they were talking about, suggesting "hey, there's no reason to suggest that someone who weighs X amount of pounds should lose weight."

 

But perhaps I just shouldn't really try to be involved in conversations at work at all. I like being involved in the workplace... I know if I'm that girl who never talks I'll just get more crap.

 

But all in all, I suppose it was my own fault, and I know better now that I can see it objectively.

[xxoo]

It's not your fault. It's the guys' fault for being unprofessional and inappropriate.

 

But when you join in a conversation like that, esp turning the conversation toward yourself, they may interpret it as you seeking their attention. Their unprofessional and inappropriate attention.

[Phoe]

It's not your fault. It's the guys' fault for being unprofessional and inappropriate.

 

But when you join in a conversation like that, esp turning the conversation toward yourself, they may interpret it as you seeking their attention. Their unprofessional and inappropriate attention.

 

Wow, I definitely never would've seen it that way!

 

I suppose I'm often just too naive, unfortunately.

[minimariah]

girl...

 

my ass is shaped like a damned iPhone (literally).

it's not even perky. like, i'm talking Miley Cyrus ass here. Taylor Swift ass here.

and i couldn't care less if, for example, Mark from next door dislikes it.

 

do not let these fools bodyshame you.

threaten with HR (even if they suck) & tell them how you won't tolerate their misogynistic behavior and that you're above the bodyshaming culture and their patriarchal bullsh*t. & then point out their own body fails. & theeeeeeen you proceed to enjoy your day.

 

 

ain't a damn thing wrong with a pancakeass. i have one and i'm proud of it.

[Phoe]

For those who think I seek attention and seek validation, what can I do differently? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

I always feel that a LOT of folks around here really dislike me, and I don't quite understand why. I try my best to be amicable and friendly, in hopes that maybe those who dislike me might think I'm alright, but as time goes on, it seems that more and more people think I'm just lousy.

 

Everyone's entitled to any opinion they have, but unless I understand why, unless I understand what it is that I'm doing and what I have to change, it's not gonna get better. I need examples of how my behavior should change. Because, like I said above, I really am naive. I often don't understand typical social scenarios, and am on a totally different plane than what others are on, and don't become aware of this until after the fact, or until it's too late, or until it's been pointed out to me.

 

So, I have no clue what I'm doing. I need help.

 

Like Gaius said about wanting to be mean to me... I think that perhaps I do trigger that in people. And naturally, I don't want other to be mean to me! So I need to change that.

 

Especially since over the years I've been here, there have been several instances of people who I thought were really cool, people who I wanted to be friends with, who it turned out really didn't like me, were talking a lot of crap about me either on this forum or on other forums, harassing me via PM... or instances someone my make a harsh post, and the same handful of people "like" it, and its always those same names of people I always wished I could've been friends with. People I look up to, people I envy in a way. And it sucks when they just think so little of me...

 

So I want to do better. But I can't unless I am given real suggestions.

[xxoo]

You make yourself very vulnerable here, and also create a sense of seeking attention and validation, by posting photos and describing your body in great detail. It's unnecessary, and does make you a target because you've made yourself, and your body, the topic of conversation.

 

Talk about yourself less. This is part of having boundaries. When I was a young mother, for instance, I talked about parenting a LOT. And unsurprisingly, I got criticized for my parenting a LOT. I eventually learned not to talk about it! I developed confidence, and kept my thoughts to myself. I stopped getting criticized for my parenting when I stopped making it a topic.

[Phoe]

You make yourself very vulnerable here, and also create a sense of seeking attention and validation, by posting photos and describing your body in great detail. It's unnecessary, and does make you a target because you've made yourself, and your body, the topic of conversation.

 

Talk about yourself less. This is part of having boundaries. When I was a young mother, for instance, I talked about parenting a LOT. And unsurprisingly, I got criticized for my parenting a LOT. I eventually learned not to talk about it! I developed confidence, and kept my thoughts to myself. I stopped getting criticized for my parenting when I stopped making it a topic.

 

I guess I feel conflicted because people specifically tell me to be vulnerable. That I need to show vulnerability to others, and that vulnerability and openness is attractive.

 

And honestly, this is the only place where I can be vulnerable. I was feeling really crappy last night after work and since I have no one to talk to, I talk about things here. So, I posted, just to vent. And I often regret what I post, and feel like an idiot after folks come and say in various ways "hmm, yeah, you're an idiot"... sometimes I think maybe I should just talk to my cat. She's deaf, so she won't mind a bit.

 

I often am scared to post about anything but myself. I am scared to just talk with others here, about themselves, or offer advice (because I'm literally worthless at giving advice. I think usually the advice I give is probably pretty bad).

 

And the reason I'm scared is because sometimes I get bad reactions. Especially when it's the people who I really wish I could be friends with, but don't seem to like me. Maybe I'll post something to them. Then I get a rude or snappy post back, and people like that post and I think "yeah, I was an idiot for trying to talk to that person... what was I thinking? They don't like me, and they never will". Or maybe my posts perpetually get ignored by that person.

 

So, over time, I become afraid to really approach others around here and just talk with them.

 

Makes me think of that girl Mandy, at work. My initial excitement over hearing that she played softball, made me want to go and talk to her and ask her about her time in softball. But, I am pretty sure Mandy doesn't like me. I don't know why... I try to be friendly with her, but she seems to just want nothing to do with me. Sometimes when I try to talk to her, she pretends she doesn't hear me and walks away. Or maybe she will look at me with a blank expression on her face, sort of listen, give a one word response, and then walk away.

 

I don't know why. I think Mandy is really cool. There are alot of things about her that I look up to or admire. But she doesn't really want much to do with me. So when I realized that there really was no point in trying to talk to her about softball, I felt even more downtrodden about that whole conversation that had gone down.

 

As far as trying to describe my own body? I mentioned it briefly above, but it's a bit of a defense mechanism.

 

I'm not that comfortable with my body. I'm not happy with it. And when others make mean comments about it, I start to wonder if they see the same things I see wrong with me. And then I try to bolster myself and say "No. My body is NOT bad, and here's why! Here are the good things, here are the positive things I can say!" even if I don't believe in what I'm saying. Maybe if I say it strongly enough to myself, maybe I'll start to believe it. Maybe if I appear confident in it, others won't find things to pick it. Maybe they will leave it alone.

 

It's all an attempt at defense.

[Tayla]

Phoe, May i suggest practicing prudence? it takes limiting yourself in some areas that may need aligned to situations. I sense at times you are perhaps too open on matters that perhaps can be refined. You are a gem of a lady and have contributed well here. Sometimes though, its okay to have an opinion and then.... not express it. It keeps your ears open and mouth closed... thats part of being open minded. Please take this all with good intent.

[Phoe]

Phoe, May i suggest practicing prudence? it takes limiting yourself in some areas that may need aligned to situations. I sense at times you are perhaps too open on matters that perhaps can be refined. You are a gem of a lady and have contributed well here. Sometimes though, its okay to have an opinion and then.... not express it. It keeps your ears open and mouth closed... thats part of being open minded. Please take this all with good intent.

 

Okay, I can definitely limit what I say. Thank you.

[xxoo]

I talked about my parenting for the same reasons--trying to reassure myself when I felt insecure, and seeking validation. It backfired. I had to find that security and confidence from within, and then the need to talk about it passed.

 

You do need to be vulnerable to deepen relationships, but only with individuals who've earned your trust. Do be open with trusted girlfriends, but not with random coworkers.

[Auspecial]

girl...

 

my ass is shaped like a damned iPhone (literally).

it's not even perky. like, i'm talking Miley Cyrus ass here. Taylor Swift ass here.

and i couldn't care less if, for example, Mark from next door dislikes it.

 

do not let these fools bodyshame you.

threaten with HR (even if they suck) & tell them how you won't tolerate their misogynistic behavior and that you're above the bodyshaming culture and their patriarchal bullsh*t. & then point out their own body fails. & theeeeeeen you proceed to enjoy your day.

 

 

ain't a damn thing wrong with a pancakeass. i have one and i'm proud of it.

 

I absolutely despise bullies. I totally agree with this post, point out what is wrong (A LOT!!!) with them, and their ignorant a$$es..

[gaius]

I guess I feel conflicted because people specifically tell me to be vulnerable. That I need to show vulnerability to others, and that vulnerability and openness is attractive.

 

And honestly, this is the only place where I can be vulnerable. I was feeling really crappy last night after work and since I have no one to talk to, I talk about things here. So, I posted, just to vent. And I often regret what I post, and feel like an idiot after folks come and say in various ways "hmm, yeah, you're an idiot"... sometimes I think maybe I should just talk to my cat. She's deaf, so she won't mind a bit.

It can be very attractive, I think it's one of the reasons I usually read your threads when I see them. But xxoo has a point, at least with women. One of my favorite loveshack moments was when Erica started posting and made her avatar a photo of her breasts, and every thread she made inevitably turned into a hostile discussion about her using her breasts as her avatar. It just drove women crazy. And the fact you do flaunt what you've got and get a lot of attention is probably a double whammy against you for many of the girls around here.

 

For guys it's a different dynamic I think though. I've been all over the map with you, complimented, criticized, defended and attacked you and usually get better vibes when I'm more negative or critical to be honest. Like you didn't even acknowledge my butt compliment but focused on the more negative thing instead. I really think you're a woman who seeks a little abuse and disdain on some level. It's what you're attracted to. And guys are going to pick up on that and act accordingly.

[amaysngrace]

Don't worry about who likes posts when people start to gang up on you.

 

Those people aren't even worth worrying about when you are the topic of their discussions. Let this sink in...you're the one who is captivating their attention but they turn around and say you want attention as they are in the process of giving you attention.

 

And that pretty much sums it up.

[Anela]

I have an idea, because I've dealt with it before, but I'm not feeling well tonight, so I'll have to try to explain another time, maybe privately. I think it's along the lines of what xxoo posted above, though.

 

It can be very attractive, I think it's one of the reasons I usually read your threads when I see them. But xxoo has a point, at least with women. One of my favorite loveshack moments was when Erica started posting and made her avatar a photo of her breasts, and every thread she made inevitably turned into a hostile discussion about her using her breasts as her avatar. It just drove women crazy. And the fact you do flaunt what you've got and get a lot of attention is probably a double whammy against you for many of the girls around here.

 

 

Why would you think that all of the women want attention from the men here? Maybe it's going off-topic, with that question, so I will say that I think you're off-base in your assumption.

[gaius]

I talked about my parenting for the same reasons--trying to reassure myself when I felt insecure, and seeking validation. It backfired. I had to find that security and confidence from within, and then the need to talk about it passed.

 

You do need to be vulnerable to deepen relationships, but only with individuals who've earned your trust. Do be open with trusted girlfriends, but not with random coworkers.

You don't talk about yourself to the point the only thing I knew about you after years of reading your posts is you had a husband and children. I learned you worked in a vet's office the other day which was nice though.

 

Like I don't think anyone would mind if you talked about yourself a little more. I guess it's a balance and you're on one extreme side of the spectrum and Phoe's on the other.

[CrystalCastles]

For those who think I seek attention and seek validation, what can I do differently? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

I always feel that a LOT of folks around here really dislike me, and I don't quite understand why.

 

Personally, I think its a few things.

 

For one, you do talk a lot about your body. Listing every minute detail. Hence why people on some other thread of yours said that you talk about yourself way too much. Its not bad to seek advice for yourself, its true you are here for yourself, but to go on about your physical attributes can rub people the wrong way.

 

Also, I personally find that your posts do have a "victim" tone about them. You tend to write a lot about how unattractive/average/etc you think you are, how your face looks alien, how your __________ looks _________. Then a whole bunch of posters come on and say "no you are gorgeous you are this you are that". Then some threads later, you do the exact same thing again. Putting yourself down is a way to get attention/validation because people come on and refute what you say about yourself. You do this really frequently.

 

I am not really bothered by the above, personally. I'm bothered, however, when people are genuinely trying to give you advice, and putting efforts into their posts, and either you say "no that's not true I'm not like that at all", or use passive-aggressive tactics to put down their advice in different threads. I've encountered a few times, posts in threads where you'd say "everyone keeps telling me that I need to raise my standards but I know what's best for ME". In a thread that doesn't have much to do about standards. That kind of sounds like you're spitting on good advice that people put thought into, in your threads.

 

I am not trying to be harsh or judgmental, this is just my observation that I have noticed.

[gaius]

I have an idea, because I've dealt with it before, but I'm not feeling well tonight, so I'll have to try to explain another time, maybe privately. I think it's along the lines of what xxoo posted above, though.

 

Why would you think that all of the women want attention from the men here? Maybe it's going off-topic, with that question, so I will say that I think you're off-base in your assumption.

It's just something I've noticed about women in general Anela, growing up around them. I know you have your moments where you don't want to be bothered but it must still be flattering on some level when a guy takes an interest in you, even if it makes you uncomfortable on another level.

[Phoe]

I talked about my parenting for the same reasons--trying to reassure myself when I felt insecure, and seeking validation. It backfired. I had to find that security and confidence from within, and then the need to talk about it passed.

 

You do need to be vulnerable to deepen relationships, but only with individuals who've earned your trust. Do be open with trusted girlfriends, but not with random coworkers.

 

Ahh, I'm glad to see you know what I mean. Wondered if maybe I was just talking nonsense.

 

I don't have any trusted girlfriends. I have a few women that I'm friendly with on a more casual level, but not at a close level.

 

The two people I'm closest with are men. So because of that, the things I can reasonably talk about do get limited. I trust them fully, with my life, but I know that some conversation topics just should not happen.

 

I try really hard to make friends with girls and it seems to always fail. I was bullied badly all the way up until high school, and I made a female best friend in 9th grade. By the time 10th grade came around, she started eating lunch with other people, and I explicitly wasn't invited. She started talking to me less, being available less, responding less. I got the hint.

 

Then in college I made another best friend. Again, the slow fade happened. She stopped responding as much. Started making excuses to not hang out. I'd invite her over for dinner and she said she couldn't because she didn't know how to parallel park, which is all you could do at my place. I offered to park her car for her. She declined. Finally, when I once invited out her and another friend, she said no, the other friend said yes. Turns out that the one who said yes, messaged the one who said no saying "hey, I'm going out, wanna come?" and didn't mention that I was coming along too. She said sure! When I arrived to pick up the one friend who said yes, the one who said no had a very clear deer in headlights and knew she'd just been caught. I took the hint, and after spending that night being amicable with her, we never spoke again.

 

Then I made a best friend after college. Same thing, fade out. Stopped inviting me places, stopped responding to my texts.

 

I don't know why women don't want to be friends with me. I really want to be friends with them. Like that girl Mandy at work. She seems like such a cool person to be friends with. She's friendly with other women at work and I sometimes feel jealous wondering why she doesn't want to be friends with me.

 

And a new girl at work. She also seems really cool, and the men absolutely adore her! I tried befriending her. She's polite, but very clear in not wanting to engage with me much. Like Mandy, I often see her being very friendly with other women at work.

 

I just don't know. I have a handful of casual female friends who I think are just awesome, and I'm very happy that they like me enough to be friends with me and talk with me regularly. But it's not often.

 

Maybe I try too hard...

 

But when it comes down to it, I have no one to talk to. And I clearly need to limit what I say on LS... perhaps I will get a diary or something.

[CrystalCastles]

And the fact you do flaunt what you've got and get a lot of attention is probably a double whammy against you for many of the girls around here.

 

Can't say I've ever read that Erica girl's threads, but I must be very oblivious because I've never really noticed this on here. It seems utterly bizarre that women on an online forum would be jealous of each other. Hard to imagine. Just as weird as being jealous of a celebrity's picture. You don't even know this person IRL!

 

Don't worry about who likes posts when people start to gang up on you.

 

Those people aren't even worth worrying about when you are the topic of their discussions. Let this sink in...you're the one who is captivating their attention but they turn around and say you want attention as they are in the process of giving you attention.

 

And that pretty much sums it up.

 

People aren't "ganging up". They are trying to give advice. Sometimes it comes out as tough love, but many posters on here have made good points.

[Phoe]

It can be very attractive, I think it's one of the reasons I usually read your threads when I see them. But xxoo has a point, at least with women. One of my favorite loveshack moments was when Erica started posting and made her avatar a photo of her breasts, and every thread she made inevitably turned into a hostile discussion about her using her breasts as her avatar. It just drove women crazy. And the fact you do flaunt what you've got and get a lot of attention is probably a double whammy against you for many of the girls around here.

 

For guys it's a different dynamic I think though. I've been all over the map with you, complimented, criticized, defended and attacked you and usually get better vibes when I'm more negative or critical to be honest. Like you didn't even acknowledge my butt compliment but focused on the more negative thing instead. I really think you're a woman who seeks a little abuse and disdain on some level. It's what you're attracted to. And guys are going to pick up on that and act accordingly.

 

 

The things I get from you, I don't view as abuse or disdain or attacks. It's all very mild in comparison to real abuse that I've gotten. Which, when I DO get physical or verbal abuse from others, I've always walked away and never looked back. I may not lash out and give hell right back, but I never forget, and I will never give that person an inch, ever again. I tend to just quietly walk away. If I never have to see that person again, I won't. If I have NO choice but to interact with that person, I will do so civilly, but won't attempt to engage them in any other way.

 

The things you post towards me that may be more negative, I view as you trying to help me. I've never viewed as "I feel like kicking Phoe!" - which, well, maybe to you, you do feel that way!

 

And the compliment? Well, I didn't respond because I figured you were just being nice, but you've never seen my butt! No one here has, lol. I figured it was sort of the obligatory "Ah, Phoe had a lousy day, let's say something kind to sort of pick her up." - I didn't view it as something that you actually meant because, well, how could you? You've never seen it.