SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 He said my logic was stupid OK, there's the highlighted part of the first page of notes you take in your aforementioned LOG of how he treats you. For unless you used "logic" to determine that to give him two scoops of ice cream, to your three, (when there was plenty of ice cream left)... then your so-called logic was subjective enough to warrant respect from a lover. HAD this been an algebra equation, then your logic really could have been wrong... but it wasn't an algebra equation. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I'm just confused because I don't know whether I'm truly the monster or him. I really CAN understand that your vision is clouded on this, in part because of how he describes you, and in part by love itself. I just thought of a useful analogy, but it is far-fetched at the same time (ok, really far-fetched, but here goes) There used to be an American TV gameshow called "Lets Make a Deal"... and at the end of the show was the Big Deal of the Day, where there would be three doors on a stage, and somebody in the audience would be asked to select one while in search of the grandest, finest prize among them. The audience member would select #1, #2, or #3... and then host Monty Hall would reveal the contents of ONE of the other doors, while trying to give the winning audience member a chance to switch to the other, still-closed door. Logically the audience member should have switched doors every time, but few realized/understood it at the time, and m-m-m-m-MOST winning audience members opted to stay with the original door they'd chosen. Now the reason that everybody would have improved their chances of winning the best prize, IS parallel to the manipulation put upon you by your boyfriend: Because Monte Hall had TWO of the doors, to the prize-winner's ONE... he always had double the chance of having the grand prize... because Monty Hall always revealed the lesser of the two prizes which were behind his doors. Your boyfriend... is playing you and manipulating you in such a way that, when you finally DO jump through ONE of his stated hoops he just switches things around to make sure that you can never seem in your own mind to satisfy him. (oh my gosh, I just Googled to check my spelling of Monty Hall, and I found "Monty Hall Problem" on Wikipedia, and it is so brilliant... the best point there being that widely acclaimed doctors and mathematicians from all over were being fooled left and right by what is such a crafty and simple-seeming challenge) (This completely parallels the way that you, the innocent female lover, are being so easily victimized and fooled by a seeming shell game, in which your boyfriend moves things around after you have committed yourself in such a way that you CAN NEVER win - and it is the part where you can never win which has all of these people screaming: "leave him") (At least Monty Hall offered an option to switch - and that's what you need to do - switch lovers!) (*** point of clarity: Monty Hall was doing nothing wrong in his application of the game show, but everybody should have switched doors in order to double their chances) (AND indeed some people DID win the best prize when staying with their original choice of doors) (another parallel to the game show... you may have won a goat) Another less-zany example: IF I came to your house to do yard work, and you gave me a list of 5 things to do: lawn, hedges, walkways, petunias, and the rose garden... and then, as I approached the end of my list one day (/EVERY day)... you changed the list... then I could never reach the goal for one day, or for any day. That's what you have, with your boyfriend... Lots of people are innocently and easily fooled by strong emotions and feelings... and I can see how you want so badly for this to work out, and want to stick with it, because you constantly see a glimmer of hope... but the whole shell game your boyfriend constantly plays on you is going to cause you to tear your hair out, and/or have a mental breakdown at some future point IF you stick with it, or him. Monty Hall can fool doctors and mathematicians Older, sometimes predatory (men) can fool infatuated, underage teens And your manipulative boyfriend can fool you... (and of course you're not alone... and it is hard to extricate yourself from such mistreatment, but you really should do so...) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 there is nothing in the original post or subsequent posts that indicate he is being manipulative or controlling. Here's an example of just how blind and easily fooled some people can be. The original post and almost every one made by the OP since then have all been fully laced with examples of his manipulative ways. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Yes, he said I love you within 2 months of our relationship. I never said it back because it was too early, and I think from then on he started feeling that my love for him was flawed. Undoubtedly so, in the beginning of this relationship I was the crazy, affectionate one chasing him around and if anything I felt completely unloved and unwanted. But my affection started to decrease as his behavior started to put me off (issues with him and his ex). He then made attempts to redeem himself by giving me loads of love and attention, but by then I had already burned out. I have always been unexpressive, so the way I poured out my heart to him in the beginning of the relationship was very unlike me - I was also surprised at how much I was falling in love. But that was short-lived as his behavior put me off, and since then he's been 'chasing' me to love him back as much as he started to love me ever since he 'redeemed' himself. Do you think it's possible he just transferred his love of his ex over to you? And now he's just trying to get you to be what he's used to OR his ideal he hoped she'd be. Sounds to me like he isn't loving the actual person but just in love with love and then frustrated when you're not who he thinks his true love would be. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 the original post and almost every one made by the op since then have all been fully laced with examples of his manipulative ways.[/b] +1000 ........................... Link to post Share on other sites
Winston_Smith Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Zehra, dear, you touched on being abused in the past. While I don't want to open old wounds, I wonder if your past make you gravitate towards men like your boyfriend. Given your past and his own baggage, you two shouldn't have entered into a romantic relationship. I responded to your post because it sounded awfully familiar. Sadly, I've been there before. So trust me when I say end this now. Link to post Share on other sites
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