How to interpret these text messages?

[ZiggyZoo]

Maybe the reason he was asking if you were going to be home for Easter wasn't to make plans with you at all. In fact, I'd bet money he was trying to figure out if he needed to make himself scarce and prepare for the inevitable onslaught of texts and e-mails that are sure to come his way. This poor guy is probably ruing the day he ever took up with you.

[LYNNLH]

I would like some help interpreting my ex' text messages please since I'm finding it hard to read him (excuse the pun). We broke up in August and then I moved to a new town, this really helped me to get over him. I now no longer want him back at all but I would be open to friendship. He hated me since the breakup (no cheating was involved but he just hated me). We texted a little during Xmas and NYE, which started off with me asking him to meet up and him refusing, but then he cooled down and we thanked each other for a great year, then nothing in the new year. I came back to my hometown this week after 6 months which he wasn't aware of.

 

Yesterday I made a bank transfer to his account since we were going to do a hot air balloon ride together which we had booked last year- recently I found a replacement for him (since he didnt want to do it anymore) thus transferred the money for his ticket to him yesterday. This was an excuse to to talk to him as well.

 

During our text message exchange I asked him if he was going home for Easter (he's from abroad) to which he said he's not, meaning that he would be in my hometown. I didn't say anymore, but 3 hours later he texted me again, asking if I would be back in our hometown for Easter. I replied today, telling him that I'm currently in my hometown looking for apartments since I have a job here starting soon, my first job, and i told him about some other fun stuff I had planned for this holiday. At no point did I ask him to meet up. He just said "cool". I jokingly said "lol aren't you gonna say congratulations for getting my first job?" to which he replied "what do you want from me?" I said "Is asking for a polite response asking for too much?" And that was it.

 

As I said, I don't want this guy back. But I would like to be friends at one point. Should I text him something else or just wait for him to text again? If I leave it now I think it'll just go back to no contact, him asking me if I was coming back home yesterday makes me think he wants to see me.

 

Dear Sweetie..Not that I'm taking your ex's side but coming from the POV standpoint of a dumpee (which I am)..I understand how he felt and still feels about you and the whole breakup. Its been months and seems to me that he's keeping NC..please don't contact him anymore. A dumpee who wants to maintain NC to heal do not appreciate any communication from the dumper.

 

Honestly, I think that he's being rather nice to you. At least he responded to you and was actually courteous when he asked you if you're back as well. I don't think that means he wanted to see you. So it's understandable that he got annoyed when you started to make small talk with him.

 

For me..I wouldn't be that nice to the ex. I will just ignore and not respond at all..hell..I've even blocked his friends.

 

He's not a douche like many of here said that he is..he's just moving on with his life and wants to nothing to do with you anymore.

[Twigyy]

If you were the one who dumped him I'm not surprised if he sounded like that, and probably wouldn't settle for friendship either. So yeah, do help him by leaving him alone..

[Diezel]

I just want to place this here for proper context for whoever has the time to read this:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491100-ex-boyfriend-doesn-t-want-meet-up-updates

 

(1) She dumps him in the summer

(2) Still wants "closure" in December

(3) Apparently because she felt guilty dumping him

(4) Wants to be friends, probably, for guilt of dumping him

(5) Wonders why he is reacting this way when she is texting him

(6) Fishing for him to meet up with her

 

OP, stop doing this to yourself and him.

And stop painting yourself as the victim here.

 

BC1980 said this to you in another thread, and I think you need to stick with this, since apparently you didn't listen the first time:

 

Sweetie, you have tried multiple times to contact him over the past months. He has never expressed interest, so it's time to stop reaching out. He clearly didn't go to the reunion because he doesn't want to see you. Most people aren't good friends with an ex, and many don't have charitable feelings either. That's just the way it goes, and you have to accept it.

[Ruby65]

You just sound like a dumper who refuses to respect the fact that the person you dumped doesn't want your friendship!

 

WHY is it so hard to understand? I don't want to hear from anyone who dumped me, ever.

 

Leave the poor guy alone.

[Sweeetie]

Thanks for your replies everyone. In the end I took a chance and did say to him that I was thinking of asking him to meet for a coffee, which he gave a very unpleasant reply to. I asked him why he asked me if I'm back in my hometown if he doesn't want to meet, to which he said he was "just being polite" which doesn't make sense since his question came out of the blue. I have decided to end all communication with him.

 

I really don't see why he hates me so much. Yes I dumped him, but unlike his ex whom he never hated, I didn't cheat on him. She had a boyfriend while dating him , which he found out through a friend after she "dumped" him, and he never gave her any hostility at all to this day. I was with him for a much longer time than she was but they were friends for a long time before he got her, that could be a factor.

[Ruby65]

You dumped him.

 

That's reason enough for him to never want anything to do with you again, sorry.

[Sweeetie]

You dumped him.

 

That's reason enough for him to never want anything to do with you again, sorry.

 

His previous ex also dumped him. And that was not reason enough for him to never want anything to do with her again. Whenever she contacted him after the breakup, he replied, and whenever she wanted to meet up after the breakup, he jumped at the chance to see her. Generalising much?

[Ruby65]

You really don't get it, do you?

 

He's ALLOWED to never want to speak to you again. It doesn't matter whether you agree or disagree -- or what you think about the price of tea in China!

 

Leave the guy alone, get a life.

[jen1447]

I really don't see why he hates me so much. Yes I dumped him, but unlike his ex whom he never hated, I didn't cheat on him. She had a boyfriend while dating him , which he found out through a friend after she "dumped" him, and he never gave her any hostility at all to this day. I was with him for a much longer time than she was but they were friends for a long time before he got her, that could be a factor.

That might have more to do with the nature of your relationship, hon. If he trusted you more, he'll likely feel more injured by you dumping him.

[ZiggyZoo]

Thanks for your replies everyone. In the end I took a chance and did say to him that I was thinking of asking him to meet for a coffee, which he gave a very unpleasant reply to. I asked him why he asked me if I'm back in my hometown if he doesn't want to meet, to which he said he was "just being polite" which doesn't make sense since his question came out of the blue. I have decided to end all communication with him.

 

I really don't see why he hates me so much. Yes I dumped him, but unlike his ex whom he never hated, I didn't cheat on him. She had a boyfriend while dating him , which he found out through a friend after she "dumped" him, and he never gave her any hostility at all to this day. I was with him for a much longer time than she was but they were friends for a long time before he got her, that could be a factor.

 

I'm cracking up at your phrasing with "took a chance" and telling him you were thinking of asking him for coffee. Like there was ever ANY doubt that you were going to bug his poor guy over your visit. And I call complete and total bullsh*t that you're ending all communication with him. It'll take an Act of Congress or a restraining order to get you to stop with him.

 

And you REALLY don't see why he hates you so much? Really? Really!? I tell you, I've never met you, but by page three of your first post on here post-breakup, I was pulling my hair out with frustration. I can't believe that you can honestly be that dense and incapable of seeing this mess from his perspective. You dumped him, and still won't go away. You initiate conversations and get pissed when he doesn't want to engage in them. You goad him with passive-aggressive comments and get all huffy and angry and bewildered when he doesn't respond to them...he couldn't have made it any clearer that he doesn't want to have a thing to do with you. He's one of the most patient, polite people I've ever seen, to have put up with this much.

 

I really feel for this guy. Can you imagine the sinking feeling he must have gotten when he saw that bank deposit? And then knowing that you were in town and were likely to be harassing him all weekend? He probably jumps every time his phone pings, and will celebrate when it goes silent again. You're never going to be friends with this guy, so it doesn't matter one bit if you ever get to clarify anything to him. Just please, please perform an act of mercy for the Easter holiday and honestly leave his life. It'll be the nicest thing anyone will ever do for him.

[Jimmyjackson]

It worries me how bizarre your reasoning is on this, OP.

 

You dumped the guy, yet you're playing victim...makes no sense at all to me. How he treats his other ex is irrelevant as that's not your relationship.

[lauri]

You sound like my ex girlfriend. Read my threads to see what its like from the other side.

 

My ex dumped me after I moved home from working abroad and visiting her family in her home country on the way back to Canada. I got up and walked away. Went straight NC. Yeah, I hated her. I hated her so much because I loved her and I gave her everything. In the end, she decided / thought I wasn't good enough, so she throw me to the side.

 

Much like you, she felt like the victim. She couldn't believe I moved on, I blocked her out and was cold to her. How could I? I made her transition to the guy she left me for that much harder! To her, I was selfish...only because she felt guilty for what she did.

 

Your story isn't unique. Finally, after one year, I responded to my ex. One year. Pretty much she said she wanted me back, only to pull some games a few days later. Essentially, she wanted to be in "control" and it seems like youre not gonna stop until you get it.

 

This guy is no fool - he knows you've lost interest in him and there is no way he can get it back. So why is he going to bother talking to you? Seriously, don't you think his time is better served talking to another girl who actually likes him and isn't trying to use him for her own benefit at his expense?

 

Just leave him alone. You're very selfish and inconsiderate and only think of yourself. I'm disappointed at how much you try to play this around the otherway but I see right through you.

[LYNNLH]

Thanks for your replies everyone. In the end I took a chance and did say to him that I was thinking of asking him to meet for a coffee, which he gave a very unpleasant reply to. I asked him why he asked me if I'm back in my hometown if he doesn't want to meet, to which he said he was "just being polite" which doesn't make sense since his question came out of the blue. I have decided to end all communication with him.

 

I really don't see why he hates me so much. Yes I dumped him, but unlike his ex whom he never hated, I didn't cheat on him. She had a boyfriend while dating him , which he found out through a friend after she "dumped" him, and he never gave her any hostility at all to this day. I was with him for a much longer time than she was but they were friends for a long time before he got her, that could be a factor.

 

Hi Sweetie..I agree with poster Jen1447..probably it has more to do with how he feels about you and his ex during the relationships..

 

It could be possible he loved you more than she did..or the other way round..probably he really loves her a lot and couldn't bear to lose her..even as a friend.

 

I do not hate and am still courteous with my exes but I totally despise the current one because I gave 7 years of my life to him and really trusted and loved him. And he betrayed my trust and hurt me so much so..that my heart is especially hostile to him and will not ever speak to him ever again in my life.

 

See the difference? ..

[mightycpa]

Oh, sweeetie, I know the answer. He doesn't actually hate you. He just doesn't want anything to do with you. He hates his memories, but he doesn't hate you. I think he hates himself for that. Whatever hostility he expressed was just a little self-loathing for that desire to be polite, the willingness to talk to you even though he doesn't want that. He knows he should have never responded to you, and he feels just disgusted with himself because he did, and because of the frivolous way you responded to him. He knows he should have known better, but he was weak, and he hates that he was.

 

You'd do well to leave him alone.

[Sweeetie]

Thanks for your replies everyone, especially to the people who are speaking from the point of view of a dumpee. I have been a dumpee 3 times as well. A lot of you talk about hatred for your ex that stems from him/her betraying your trust. In this case, I never betrayed this man's trust. I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was in fact the one who lied to me twice during our relationship about 2 big things. But I forgive and forget things like this and would like to be friends with him. I really don't see the basis of his hatred for me.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks for your replies everyone, especially to the people who are speaking from the point of view of a dumpee. I have been a dumpee 3 times as well. A lot of you talk about hatred for your ex that stems from him/her betraying your trust. In this case, I never betrayed this man's trust. I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was in fact the one who lied to me twice during our relationship about 2 big things. But I forgive and forget things like this and would like to be friends with him. I really don't see the basis of his hatred for me.

 

The only hatred he has for you is because you won't take a hint. He doesn't want to have contact with you, so stop trying to force it. If anything, he's annoyed because you keep trying to force this.

[lauri]

Thanks for your replies everyone, especially to the people who are speaking from the point of view of a dumpee. I have been a dumpee 3 times as well. A lot of you talk about hatred for your ex that stems from him/her betraying your trust. In this case, I never betrayed this man's trust. I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was in fact the one who lied to me twice during our relationship about 2 big things. But I forgive and forget things like this and would like to be friends with him. I really don't see the basis of his hatred for me.

 

If he's so bad and youre the saint, why are you so dead set on talking to him and making him your friend? Once again, this is 100% about you.

 

All youre doing is making up excuses here. Just leave him alone.

[NC-Thomas]

The many reasons why you would like to remain friends are all in your favor. Why do you want to remain friends? So that you can be relieved for dumping him? So that you don't have to feel guilty for dumping him? So you can sleep at night?

 

Well guess what, he is obviously not interested in helping you vent of that guilt and making YOU comfortable with the whole situation. The way I see it is you are making your life a little bit brighter by making his more miserable...

 

You are basically choosing your life over his. Give this guy a damn break. The worst dumpers are those that keep bugging you, so I understand his "hate".

Edited April 2, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[Riptide91]

Unfortunately, on this site you will most likely see a lot more perspective from the dumpee side in these forums rather than the dumper, including me. But, I always try to see both sides of the story and different points of view. Not saying this is a bad thing, but I feel like you may be my ex girlfriend, ha, joking. Seriously though, it's nice you respect and care for him enough to want him in your life because he was a good person but if he respected your relationship in any kind of way that won't be possible. He probably loved you quite a bit not to mention the trust factor and the last thing someone who got dumped on their ass wants is to see the person they love everyday in a strictly non romantic way. Put yourself in his shoes, I see you said you've been dumped so you should know. I'm not try to be insulting or offensive but please, please, please leave the guy alone. He wants to move on and you messing with him will never help unless you mean to reconcile, which in this case, I don't get the feeling of.

[Twigyy]

Thanks for your replies everyone, especially to the people who are speaking from the point of view of a dumpee. I have been a dumpee 3 times as well. A lot of you talk about hatred for your ex that stems from him/her betraying your trust. In this case, I never betrayed this man's trust. I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was in fact the one who lied to me twice during our relationship about 2 big things. But I forgive and forget things like this and would like to be friends with him. I really don't see the basis of his hatred for me.

 

I'm sorry but he probably doesn't want to be friends with you. Its already "selfish" enough to leave the relationship, now you want him to suffer more by being friends?

[Diezel]

Thanks for your replies everyone, especially to the people who are speaking from the point of view of a dumpee. I have been a dumpee 3 times as well. A lot of you talk about hatred for your ex that stems from him/her betraying your trust. In this case, I never betrayed this man's trust. I never cheated on him or lied to him. He was in fact the one who lied to me twice during our relationship about 2 big things. But I forgive and forget things like this and would like to be friends with him. I really don't see the basis of his hatred for me.

 

Rationalizing to the extreme here.

You don't see the basis of the hatred because you think everyone thinks the way you do.

 

World doesn't work that way. He's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to be friends with you. So stop trying.

[Sweeetie]

It's my first time as a dumper, having been the dumpee 3 times with other people like I mentioned, so maybe it is a case of me getting used to the other side. What all my breakups had in common was that I missed my ex very much and wanted to be friends. Dumpee or dumper, I feel exactly the same. I get attached to people really easily. Then after a while, I get over it. But this has been my longest relationship so far so it might take longer.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's my first time as a dumper, having been the dumpee 3 times with other people like I mentioned, so maybe it is a case of me getting used to the other side. What all my breakups had in common was that I missed my ex very much and wanted to be friends. Dumpee or dumper, I feel exactly the same. I get attached to people really easily. Then after a while, I get over it. But this has been my longest relationship so far so it might take longer.

 

Obviously everyone doesn't think like you. He doesn't want to be friends and you have to accept that. If you truly value him, you'll stop pushing something that he doesn't want.

[Haydn]

Leave the poor bloke alone. My ex did something similar and after 2 years still attempts ridiculous things. His replies' are unpleasant, that's cos he's fed up of being contracted by you. You dropped him, let him move on.