Other woman 1st time again, he is leaving her.

[MissBee]

I believe this man is just done with his marriage.

The OP may have given him that extra oomph necessary to do it, but sometimes decisions need to be taken and he has decided to leave his wife.

The OP may be an essential part of that decision or she simply may be incidental to it. Time will tell.

 

I will wait for time to tell.

 

I get being done with one's marriage, but moving out over night during lunch, even that seems a bit much. However, we'll see what transpires.

[andreprisal]

Well hes asleep now in my bed, apparently it happened like he thought it would. She agreed that it was a good time for them to part. But they both cried a lot and said theyll be in touch to figure out the actually legal parts of everything.

[anika99]

I believe this man is just done with his marriage.

The OP may have given him that extra oomph necessary to do it, but sometimes decisions need to be taken and he has decided to leave his wife.

The OP may be an essential part of that decision or she simply may be incidental to it. Time will tell.

 

 

That may be but even so the way this man has gone about leaving his wife of 20+ years is very bad and there is going to be fallout. One doesn't just up and move out on their wife of 20yrs and happily skip off into happily ever after with their AP. His wife is going to be absolutely devastated by having her husband just suddenly move out while she was at work one day. It's going to be so awful for her.

 

 

Also I don't think the enormity of this move has really registered with the MM yet. Once it does he is either going to run back home to his wife or he is going to start acting very strange and possibly reject the OP. They don't have children so their was something special about his wife that kept him with her for 20 yrs. This isn't going to be smooth sailing.

[anika99]

Well hes asleep now in my bed, apparently it happened like he thought it would. She agreed that it was a good time for them to part. But they both cried a lot and said theyll be in touch to figure out the actually legal parts of everything.

 

 

I have never heard of a couple breaking up their marriage this quickly and this amicably right from the onset. It's pretty amazing.

 

 

I wonder if maybe the BW recently discovered the affair or got majorly pissed off at her husband over some other issue and actually told her husband she wanted him out of the house and gave him the boot, but rather than admit to the OP that he just got kicked to the curb he told her it was all his idea.

[lana-banana]

I totally agree that its a bit fast. Its like everything kind of exploded in him yesterday and hes on a rampage. He just wont stop moving. This morning when i caught him for a few he couldnt stop moving. Couldnt stop pacing. Constantly trying to clear his mind by kissing me. I cant stop him either. But if its gonna make him happy I dont want to get in the way moreso... its a hot mess. Tminus 30 minutes.

 

This entire situation, but especially the above, sounds like a manic episode. OP, I don't think this man is mentally stable, and now he's your problem. What do you think will happen when you tire of him in a few months and want to date someone your own age? Seriously, I'm concerned for your safety. Please take care of yourself.

[sweet_pea]

I wonder if he actually told her the truth...

[beach]

Well hes asleep now in my bed, apparently it happened like he thought it would. She agreed that it was a good time for them to part. But they both cried a lot and said theyll be in touch to figure out the actually legal parts of everything.

 

So what exactly did he tell her? Was he honest about seeing you?

 

He's got a place to go to yet he's at your place sleeping? That's odd... As it's obviously not night time yet.

 

 

What does his wife think is his reason for divorcing?

[andreprisal]

Okay so another update/q and a time.

 

He was sleeping at my place because its routine, he comes over every day at the same time. He has now left for his new spot (with friend). From what I understand. He sat her down and told her that he isnt happy with his life. She didnt seem shocked when he told her. He asked her if she was, she admitted that she wasnt. He told her that he had been unfaithful and she apparently insinuated that she had also been unfaithful. They went for a walk after lunch to talk about it some and he didnt really give me a ton of details but said they talked about a few things such as not yet notifying friends and family. Figuring a time to actually file the paperwork and the rest of the complications ie Posesssions/finances etc. Luckily they both work extremely hard and he thinks she will not ask anything extra from him. He seemed very happy with how it went. He thinks they were really honest with each other and it made it a lot easier. He is obviously still feels like he let a lot of people down since so so many look up to him as an example. And other negative feels i wont get into. I was a bit worried he wanted to go back bc he seemed awful upset but hes assured me that he knows what hes doing is for the best.

[jwi71]

Okay so another update/q and a time.

 

He was sleeping at my place because its routine, he comes over every day at the same time. He has now left for his new spot (with friend). From what I understand. He sat her down and told her that he isnt happy with his life. She didnt seem shocked when he told her. He asked her if she was, she admitted that she wasnt. He told her that he had been unfaithful and she apparently insinuated that she had also been unfaithful. They went for a walk after lunch to talk about it some and he didnt really give me a ton of details but said they talked about a few things such as not yet notifying friends and family. Figuring a time to actually file the paperwork and the rest of the complications ie Posesssions/finances etc. Luckily they both work extremely hard and he thinks she will not ask anything extra from him. He seemed very happy with how it went. He thinks they were really honest with each other and it made it a lot easier. He is obviously still feels like he let a lot of people down since so so many look up to him as an example. And other negative feels i wont get into. I was a bit worried he wanted to go back bc he seemed awful upset but hes assured me that he knows what hes doing is for the best.

 

 

Well, its certainly a roller coaster.

It went from "lets have a baby" to "go ahead and bang the ex" to "ILY" to "I'm getting a D".

 

All in what...24 hours?

 

Do the extremes of that needling swinging not triggering anything in you? No red flags?

 

He seems so...out of control. And that's NOT good.

 

What is your endgame here? What do YOU want to happen in regards to you and him?

[beach]

They aren't telling anyone and haven't agreed to file?

 

That doesn't sound like two people who plan to divorce...

[andreprisal]

I feel as though the condescending and rude remarks are getting mixed into real information here again. We werent trying to have a baby. In fact, ive been on the arm implant for the last 2.5 years and this is the first time ive even been off birth control. Im not trying to have a baby with this man. Period. And i havent re read my comments but they ARE filing for divorce. They did agree to do that.

[Lurkeraspect]

This story just gets more and more bizarre by the day... Let's review.

 

Pregnancy

Plan B

Abortion

Dating

Having sex with another (threat)

I love you

Leaving his wife

Moving out

Spilling the beans

Running to you

 

That's just the issues you've brought up...

 

All in a three day period of time

 

Unreal...

 

Good luck with that

Edited March 31, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[whichwayisup]

I've never seen anybody break up so easily, in real life nor on LS. So storybook perfect, happy ending.

 

Just give him time and don't expect your relationship to now take off and be normal. Allow him space and time to adjust, to grieve the loss of his 20+ year marriage coming to an end. And, dealing with the fallout, the reaction of their families and friends/neighbours. This affects more than just the two of them.

 

Prepare yourself for telling your family that you are with an older man who just left his wife for you. Will they be supportive?

[velvette]

Okay so another update/q and a time.

 

He was sleeping at my place because its routine, he comes over every day at the same time. He has now left for his new spot (with friend). From what I understand. He sat her down and told her that he isnt happy with his life. She didnt seem shocked when he told her. He asked her if she was, she admitted that she wasnt. He told her that he had been unfaithful and she apparently insinuated that she had also been unfaithful. They went for a walk after lunch to talk about it some and he didnt really give me a ton of details but said they talked about a few things such as not yet notifying friends and family. Figuring a time to actually file the paperwork and the rest of the complications ie Posesssions/finances etc. Luckily they both work extremely hard and he thinks she will not ask anything extra from him. He seemed very happy with how it went. He thinks they were really honest with each other and it made it a lot easier. He is obviously still feels like he let a lot of people down since so so many look up to him as an example. And other negative feels i wont get into. I was a bit worried he wanted to go back bc he seemed awful upset but hes assured me that he knows what hes doing is for the best.

 

 

Maybe she wasn't shocked and already knew he was cheating. It does sound like she kicked him out and he's making up this whole story around that.

 

 

Also, why the secrecy if they are in agreement. I guess that means you have to keep your R secret as well. And perhaps that's the whole point of him telling you that. Realistically, I would think it would be kind of hard for them to keep up a charade of still being married unless they have zero friends and family. That would be a red flag.

 

 

I've never heard of anyone who owns a business not consulting a lawyer before they leave. That actually seems quite reckless despite what he says/thinks about her goodwill.

 

 

I hope he's not playing you. Be careful.

[beach]

Call and ask her.

 

That way you will know if it's true.

[andreprisal]

Hahaha. Im definitely not going to call and ask her. Ive met her several times and he didnt tell her who it was that hes been with. Itll be pretty evident here in a short while. Im here, i see it unfolding in front of me so all the posts trying to convince me otherwise are getting a little old. It may be too fast, I agree, it may sound pretty damn storybook but its happening and all I can do is watch and try to help him through it. Theyll be looking into details this week so the paperwork will speak for itself. Thats all I got at this point.

[Ms. Red]

Hi Andreprisal,

 

I think you're doing fine. You're supporting your man when he really needs you. You're here for discussion of what you're going through. You don't need to explain your reasons for posting here.

 

Some couples in marriage do know for a while that it needs to end but neither one of them wants to be the bad guy & it can drag on too long. So, he finally just bit the bullet and did it. And they both know it is overdue it sounds like. Long marriages can end with both parties remaining amicable. And even though it is what they both want it can still be embarrassing or come with negative feelings that they aren't ready to face by announcing it to everyone yet.

 

Hang in there. I think you're doing fine. I wish you well.

[andreprisal]

Im definitely not "bragging"... I came to the site to have someone to speak to about a situation I couldnt really speak to anyone else about. Despite constant criticism ranging from im immature to think someone cares about me enough to leave his wife to hes mental for leaving his wife (even though its been established it wasnt for me). It seems as though this site mainly consists of betrayed spouses and other women who didnt get the guy and instead of being supportive Ive gotten mostly backhanded compliments and advice. But I put up with it for the sake of having no one else to chat with. So instead of considering the emotional distress that Im under I get a list of 101 questions that will be investigated and scrutinized for accuracy and then judged for my relationships sincerity. I genuinely hope the mass majority of you dont have friends that ever find themselves in this scenario, because it seems as though none of you wants anyone to be happy at the end or admit that something just MAY work out or even that its possible. Maybe because of your personal lives you just cant imagine one man differing from another, and im sad for those of you that feel that way. But i truly appreciate those of you who have spoken with good heart toward me over yes, the last three days. I will NOT be back for updates after this post because I can start speaking to my friends about this now and Im very happy for that. I wish the best for every one of you in whatever position you find yourselves in.

[anika99]

I'm not a betrayed spouse and I don't have any ill will towards you. I do question the mental state of your MM as well as his sincerity. I think the age difference also plays a part in the advice and replies you have been getting as well. Although I think it's the MM in this scenario who is going to have regrets, more than you. I have a feeling you will date this guy for a little while and then move on to someone new which is actually what you should do and what I hope you do. At your age you should be having fun and not tying yourself down to one guy. I have a feeling that the very first time you and your MM have a falling out he is going to point out that he left his wife for you, or he gave up everything for you. If that ever happens don't allow him to manipulate you or make you feel guilty. Leaving his wife was his decision and you don't owe him anything.

 

 

I'm glad you will be talking to your friends about this now. I have a feeling that you should have been talking to them all along. Talking to the people who are close to us and who know us best keeps us grounded in reality. I think you should probably talk to your parents too.

[scatterd]

I am sorry you feel everybody is not giving you what you need. We have seen so many situations like you turn bad. I personally gave you my information and have children older then you. I guess some of us as mothers and fathers are trying to get you to understand what could happen as we would our children. I hope you are happy but do beware so much bad does happen. I thought I could count on my Husband and I loved him I am crying as I write this. Once you have been with a person and they have a ring on your finger and know they have you they can change. You will see this and remember what I am saying because some day you will see.We trust and want to believe people are kind or picked on. You probably feel your MM is this poor man that has a mean wife and woman are naturally nurturing so you think it will be different with you and you can fix him. If he can leave his wife so fast shows he is not thinking logical.You are so young and life is so short. I hope you are right but the odds are high this will not work. But good luck:bunny: Big Hugs young lady

[Mount]

I have to say that is great for the progress of your case, and you sound as clear-headed despite young age.

 

Pls do not listen to others negative opinion, they do not know you, they are NOT you, they do not live the life you are in.

 

You know what you want, so get it .

 

 

Im definitely not "bragging"... I came to the site to have someone to speak to about a situation I couldnt really speak to anyone else about. Despite constant criticism ranging from im immature to think someone cares about me enough to leave his wife to hes mental for leaving his wife (even though its been established it wasnt for me). It seems as though this site mainly consists of betrayed spouses and other women who didnt get the guy and instead of being supportive Ive gotten mostly backhanded compliments and advice. But I put up with it for the sake of having no one else to chat with. So instead of considering the emotional distress that Im under I get a list of 101 questions that will be investigated and scrutinized for accuracy and then judged for my relationships sincerity. I genuinely hope the mass majority of you dont have friends that ever find themselves in this scenario, because it seems as though none of you wants anyone to be happy at the end or admit that something just MAY work out or even that its possible. Maybe because of your personal lives you just cant imagine one man differing from another, and im sad for those of you that feel that way. But i truly appreciate those of you who have spoken with good heart toward me over yes, the last three days. I will NOT be back for updates after this post because I can start speaking to my friends about this now and Im very happy for that. I wish the best for every one of you in whatever position you find yourselves in.

[whichwayisup]

Hahaha. Im definitely not going to call and ask her. Ive met her several times and he didnt tell her who it was that hes been with. Itll be pretty evident here in a short while. Im here, i see it unfolding in front of me so all the posts trying to convince me otherwise are getting a little old. It may be too fast, I agree, it may sound pretty damn storybook but its happening and all I can do is watch and try to help him through it. Theyll be looking into details this week so the paperwork will speak for itself. Thats all I got at this point.

 

It won't be long before she finds out it's you. Just be ready if she calls you and wants to talk to you.

[Mount]

It won't be long before she finds out it's you. Just be ready if she calls you and wants to talk to you.

 

So what, the wife needs to talk to the person she married, wife was not married to "andreprisal".

[LivingWaterPlease]

andreprisal, I'm wishing you the best! Every situation is different and I have no idea what the future holds for you, but am glad to read you aren't disappointed or hurting.

 

I hope the WH and the BW in this situation are able to grow from this and that the BS also finds love, if she hasn't already! It seems to me that she's much better off with having WH gone.

 

Now you can date out in the open, or at least will soon be able to and both of you can decide whether or not this R is your future! If you should decide it isn't, I hope it can be done amicably. And if your R lasts, wonderful!

 

In any case, it seems from what you've written that both WH and BW will be happier as they go forward in their lives rather than remaining stagnant.

 

I'm a little late with sending this and sorry I didn't send you a kind and supportive post earlier!

[the_artist_1970]

I'm not a betrayed spouse and I don't have any ill will towards you. I do question the mental state of your MM as well as his sincerity. I think the age difference also plays a part in the advice and replies you have been getting as well. Although I think it's the MM in this scenario who is going to have regrets, more than you. I have a feeling you will date this guy for a little while and then move on to someone new which is actually what you should do and what I hope you do. At your age you should be having fun and not tying yourself down to one guy. I have a feeling that the very first time you and your MM have a falling out he is going to point out that he left his wife for you, or he gave up everything for you. If that ever happens don't allow him to manipulate you or make you feel guilty. Leaving his wife was his decision and you don't owe him anything.

 

 

I'm glad you will be talking to your friends about this now. I have a feeling that you should have been talking to them all along. Talking to the people who are close to us and who know us best keeps us grounded in reality. I think you should probably talk to your parents too.

 

Anika, I am sorry that you feel that people are ganging up on you. As another poster wrote, some of us have children your age and we are much older. We can see this situation has a very disasterous ending for you. We are not saying that you are immature, we are saying that with age comes wisdom and at your young age, you feel that winning an older MM from his W is like you have won a prize. That's very sad that at such a young age you allowed yourself to get involved with a MM and that you have chose to allow him to fall right into your bed so soon after he walked out on his W of 20+ years. One day, you will realize your part in this destruction of a M and you will look back and ask yourself what you were thinking. This guy is not a good guy, I can guarantee you that you will see that in the end. It's sad that you think you can't learn from a BS, a woman who was betrayed by the man she loved and married. Growing and healing means that you can learn from both sides. I actually learned a lot from OW on this board and have grown to look forward to their posts because it gives me an insight into what they go through like I never had before. An affair with a MM is a tragic destructive way to start your young adult life.

 

I wish you peace and blessings and I hope that all works well for you in the end.