Ladies of loveshack, I need your honest input

[d0nnivain]

Told her I'm gonna tell her what I really think of her and told her I think she's a stupid whore and has gotten uglier each time I've seen her and I told her to leave my place. I felt like she was just using me as her emotional tampon.

 

 

You can't make that right. It was simply too hurtful.

 

 

If you want to restore some type of karmic balance, send her flowers & a written apology but understand she's gone & will never come back. She can't. If she forgives you for that she has no self worth. At best you will be able to salvage the barest whisper of your professional relationship.

 

 

You then check out anger management classes to find out why you thought it was OK to spew such vitriol at somebody. The fact that you are now lashing out at LS because we are appalled at your nastiness & you are blaming her saying that she's No Mary Poppins & she basically deserved what you said because she was teasing you, tells me that your original disclaimers that you would never do this again if she forgave you were lies. If you hope to have a successful relationship with anybody in the future, you have to get to the root of your own problem.

 

 

I am not saying her actions were acceptable but there were better ways to handle your frustration. You can't just call somebody a whore or your emotional tampon & expect all will be forgiven because you said "sorry."

 

 

A better response would have been to sit back & say: what's going on here. We're physical to a point, then you pull away. If you don't want to date me, please say so but stop teasing me. Depending on what she said next you were well within your rights to ask her to leave but what you did, was unnecessarily harsh.

[SummerDreams]

She said she thinks the "moment is lost" or whatever the hell that means after what I said.

 

I actually like the girl.

 

No you don't like her the way a girl wants to be liked and respected. After the horrible thing you did you tried to fix it by thinking that what she was saying is stupid with "whatever the hell that means". It is obvious you don't want to really fix things but get her to the position she was before, that is just before sex. I would not bother with such an idiot who doesn't respect me and my boundaries.

[Redhead14]

I've been hanging out with this girl for 2 months. She'd come over my place and we would hang out for hours (6-7 hours a time), once a week. She was hanging out with me under a situation with very, very blurred lines in which we could not really express our interest, but we clearly had some interest in one another.

 

The last 4 times we hung out, we began get more physical, cuddling, exchanging kisses on the face (no lip kisses) after we were done meeting for business.

 

I had been going for a mouth kiss at least 40 times since we started getting physical and she turned her face every time. I asked her if she wanted to hang out outside of my place one day on an actual date, and she said sure.

After that I went for a kiss, she turned her face again...keep in mind we are cuddling on the couch. After a few minutes, I had enough. Told her I'm gonna tell her what I really think of her and told her I think she's a stupid whore and has gotten uglier each time I've seen her and I told her to leave my place. I felt like she was just using me as her emotional tampon.

 

I immediately regretted what I said and tried to apologize, and it did not work, she wanted to leave.

 

I sent her a few texts the next day apologizing for what I said. She ignored them. Sent an email saying I said all that because I was mad she wouldn't kiss me and felt like she was teasing me.

 

She replied saying she thinks I'm really cool, accepts my apology, but that she can't hang out with me again because what I said. She said she would have let me kiss her on the lips if we were out on actual date but that she wanted to remain professional and thought she was crossing an inappropriate line by letting me kiss her. She said she thinks the "moment is lost" or whatever the hell that means after what I said.

 

I knew it probably was not salvageable, but I fired another email. Told her I really enjoyed her company, bla bla. and it's a missed opportunity if we let an out of the ordinary situation that blurred things interfere with hanging out. Told her if she doesn't want to see me again, that's fine, but if she changes her mind, I'll take you out to eat somewhere nice and bla bla bla.

 

2 days, no reply.

 

Not going to contact her again but wondering if there is anything I can say or do to get her to completely forgive me enough to hang out. We actually got along very, very well.

 

I don't think staying no contact is gonna do anything. What I did was too terrible. The thing is, I don't want to seem desperate. But I know I screwed this up and I actually like the girl. And I want to make this right.

 

Any ladies have any legit ideas of what would work on them?

 

"WORK ON THEM"?!!! You want us to tell you how to manipulate the situation and the woman so that she drops her dignity and continues to see you after you called her a whore and an emotional tampon?

 

Told her I'm gonna tell her what I really think of her and told her I think she's a stupid whore and has gotten uglier each time I've seen her and I told her to leave my place. I felt like she was just using me as her emotional tampon.

 

This was not a comment that was just blurted out in the heat of the moment. This is a well-thought out and deeply hurtful remark. It says that you truly have no respect for her. "I said all that because I was mad she wouldn't kiss me and felt like she was teasing me". You said all this because you were "horny"!

 

There isn't one woman on these boards who will tell you how to make it right. It is wrong on so many levels. Leave this woman alone!

 

I am not even sure I really support her in this either. The fact that she accepted your apology make me question what's up with her. Maybe you both deserve each other.

 

This is probably the most shocking post I've seen here.

[lana-banana]

I doubt she sincerely accepted the apology; she was probably just terrified of making him angrier and needed a response that wouldn't end with him strangling her dog.

 

OP: you promised not to contact her again if she didn't reply. She didn't reply. I'd say sorry but I'm not sorry at all.

[Redhead14]

A better site for this post is http://www.misogynist.com.

 

This post is like a terrible accident . . . you don't want to see it, but you still look. Geezus!

[ASG]

Oh and teasing a guy, pretending to be into him with intimate touching, face kissing, biting my neck and ear licking is all good? Let's just tease him and reject him.

 

This girl is no mary poppins. I'll tell you guys that much. She is used to be touched by plenty of men, so that added more to it.

 

Thanks for all the advice. I'm thinking the best thing to do is go NC or to insult her again.

 

She might have done all those things. It still doesn't mean you can call her a stupid whore and say she's gotten uglier every time you've met.

 

I mean... what did you think was gonna happen after that?!?!

 

Normal, well adjusted people would have asked "so, what's the deal here? We cuddle and tease, but we never really progress and it's messing with my head. Where are we at?"

 

NOT go on an insulting tirade. And then apologise! LOL Seriously... If it was me I would never talk to you ever again.

[Omei]

No chance..

 

If a man got verbally abusive with me before we'd ever even been on a date, he would never get a date. Ever.

 

This is exactly what I was going to say.

 

Not only was it abusive it shows a girl you're not ready for a relationship if that's how you act when something isn't going your way.

[Mrin]

Oh dude. Seriously? Damn son - you have all sorts of issues. Honestly? Don't date women until you get them sorted out. I am not sure counseling would do it for you. You need something stronger, something that will beat you with a stick until you own up to all your crap (and I'm not talking about what you did or said). Try the Landmark Forum or something similar.

[preraph]

Well, you are a brave lad for going in for the kiss 40 times, so Purple Heart to you, and I mean that. She sounds like she has some funkyass rules she or her mother made up that don't translate well into real life. I guess her comment about a "real date" isn't too out in left field because women in general don't want to think they guy is just getting them alone at their place for sex without any intent to take them out and entertain them. But I'm sorry, after her sitting through 40 attempts at a mouth kiss and her not explaining her stupid rules after about the 2nd one, she is as much to blame. And though I cannot endorse you calling her a Tampon or making such degrading remarks to any woman and losing your s**t like that, a milder version of it would not have been out of place, like, "Damn, girl, WTF, if you don't like me, why are you here?"

 

She sounds too rigid to want to be with forever anyway. Can you imagine having all these rules you don't get to know about until you've already humiliated yourself over and over? If I were you, I'd let her slip away. And next time you hit a roadblock, don't let it go any further than 2 or 3 times without asking what is up. And don't start thinking all girls will be like this. They won't.

Edited March 29, 2015 by preraph

[Hopeful30]

I don't think theres a way to save it. I would never speak to anyone who said something like that to me. It seems like a defensive and really immature response. You should have spoken up before in a mature fashion instead of waiting to get fed up.

 

I also blame her too, because dont lead a man on if you dont want anything to happen. Doi.

 

How old are you guys?

[elaine567]

In what sort of capacity was this "work" scenario?

Are you her boss/senior/supervisor maybe?

Is she relying on you for work?

[Versacehottie]

I know...i really screwed up but I am hoping someone can help me out.

 

Do you have any idea what I could text or email her without seeming desperate?

 

I already emailed her telling her I wouldn't contact her again after offering to make it up to her by taking her to a nice restaurant and an opera...no reply

 

Well truthfully you just have to wait then. The only thing that might help is time. If you email or contact her again, it just shows that you are not in control of your emotions since you said you wouldn't be contacting her again. If I was even considering giving you another chance at any point, THIS is what I would be worried about. One of the most attractive and necessary things a guy can do is be in control of his emotions. When you didn't get what you wanted, you went a little crazy to be honest. Name calling and mean stuff is not cool nor is it to throw a tantrum when you don't get what you want. You should have explained what you want in a positive way (not even negative) in order to get what you want. If you felt that she had been playing games or was never going to come around, this would have been the time for you to calmly say the reasons why you like her so much, pause and wait for her reaction and response. If it was not the one you wanted to hear, THEN calmly draw the line. "Well we can't hang out like this anymore then".

 

Instead you flipped out. So she is probably going to be super cautious about what you say in your email, ie here's my offer to make it up to you otherwise I won't bother you again and YOUR ACTIONS match up. That's the sign that you are mature, relationship-worthy and in control of your emotions. When you've clearly given her reason to doubt that you are. Sit back, wait, if you have incidental contact with her, be a complete gentleman. Don't know that there is a chance to come back from this one, but in the future if you are not getting what you want, even if you have been patient and are being played with, be man enough to state your case, draw the line in a calm, non-angry way. In all areas of life, you are much more likely to get your desired outcome this way!

[bigmouthfml]

Well truthfully you just have to wait then. The only thing that might help is time. If you email or contact her again, it just shows that you are not in control of your emotions since you said you wouldn't be contacting her again. If I was even considering giving you another chance at any point, THIS is what I would be worried about. One of the most attractive and necessary things a guy can do is be in control of his emotions. When you didn't get what you wanted, you went a little crazy to be honest. Name calling and mean stuff is not cool nor is it to throw a tantrum when you don't get what you want. You should have explained what you want in a positive way (not even negative) in order to get what you want. If you felt that she had been playing games or was never going to come around, this would have been the time for you to calmly say the reasons why you like her so much, pause and wait for her reaction and response. If it was not the one you wanted to hear, THEN calmly draw the line. "Well we can't hang out like this anymore then".

 

Instead you flipped out. So she is probably going to be super cautious about what you say in your email, ie here's my offer to make it up to you otherwise I won't bother you again and YOUR ACTIONS match up. That's the sign that you are mature, relationship-worthy and in control of your emotions. When you've clearly given her reason to doubt that you are. Sit back, wait, if you have incidental contact with her, be a complete gentleman. Don't know that there is a chance to come back from this one, but in the future if you are not getting what you want, even if you have been patient and are being played with, be man enough to state your case, draw the line in a calm, non-angry way. In all areas of life, you are much more likely to get your desired outcome this way!

 

 

Well thank you for giving me some good advice...I will take it.

 

And yes, to all you girls acting like I'm such a terrible person, you guys don't know me. Sometimes I do stupid things, I admit, but I mean well, but yes I have some maturing to do and need to get more in control of my emotions.

 

I really do like this girl and I want to make things right, but I guess it's either she comes around on her own or she doesn't.

[bigmouthfml]

Well, you are a brave lad for going in for the kiss 40 times, so Purple Heart to you, and I mean that. She sounds like she has some funkyass rules she or her mother made up that don't translate well into real life. I guess her comment about a "real date" isn't too out in left field because women in general don't want to think they guy is just getting them alone at their place for sex without any intent to take them out and entertain them. But I'm sorry, after her sitting through 40 attempts at a mouth kiss and her not explaining her stupid rules after about the 2nd one, she is as much to blame. And though I cannot endorse you calling her a Tampon or making such degrading remarks to any woman and losing your s**t like that, a milder version of it would not have been out of place, like, "Damn, girl, WTF, if you don't like me, why are you here?"

 

The thing is I did ask her "why won't you kiss me" and she just said "cause I just don't want to." I would then back off and she would then begin touching me, or she'd kiss my face, or she'd get weird and playfully bite my neck and ear.

[Hopeful30]

The thing is I did ask her "why won't you kiss me" and she just said "cause I just don't want to." I would then back off and she would then begin touching me, or she'd kiss my face, or she'd get weird and playfully bite my neck and ear.

 

So she basically wants an ego boost, and youve been the one to do that. Cut her off completely then. You want different things. Why waste your time?

[Versacehottie]

The thing is I did ask her "why won't you kiss me" and she just said "cause I just don't want to." I would then back off and she would then begin touching me, or she'd kiss my face, or she'd get weird and playfully bite my neck and ear.

 

well she sounds like a little tease. But still that doesn't give you permission to say what you did. Mature guys get fed up with girls that are teases--it's boring at a certain point. You have to rise above and should have just drawn the line when you were fed up. Like say I think this has gone a little too far and maybe we should call it a night. Seriously, turn it around on them. Clearly she likes the attention and playing games with you so you know it's gonna get hot and heated but go nowhere (on this night), pull the plug on her NICELY. And she will either move on if she had no intentions of ever getting together with you or come back with something real the next time. P.s i think a lot of girls that are doing the tease stuff are just testing your intentions too. She wants to see if you really like her and not just trying to use her. Albeit a very dangerous way to get that information. But she is not only one to do this. Immature of her as well. But don't worry about blame (that's the guy you used to be). Be proactive with your decision making and your emotions won't get the best of you. BTW, some of the responders who said you were an idiot were guys!

[elaine567]

Well thank you for giving me some good advice...I will take it.

 

And yes, to all you girls acting like I'm such a terrible person, you guys don't know me. Sometimes I do stupid things, I admit, but I mean well, but yes I have some maturing to do and need to get more in control of my emotions.

 

I really do like this girl and I want to make things right, but I guess it's either she comes around on her own or she doesn't.

 

I doubt she will come round, sorry.

If you had accused her of teasing you perhaps, perhaps not, but the ugly, stupid wh*re comments were well out of order.

 

She and other women are well within their rights to go as far as they are comfortable with, with any man. Sex is not a given.

You need to accept that and if it doesn't suit you, then get yourself out of that situation, calmly.

You crossed the line here.

[Versacehottie]

If you ever get the chance to fix things with her, you MUST take back and explain that it was totally ridiculous of you to say she gets uglier every time you see her. OMG, that you must fix!! No girl wants to be in a relationship with anyone who actually had a shred of truth to believing that. Somehow you have to tell her that was nothing you believe at all!! In fact the opposite.

[bigmouthfml]

Oh and just so you know why I was even more frustrated than I normally would have been

 

This girl admitted to me she used to entertain men for a living when her parents kicked her out at 18. I asked what that meant but she would not elaborate.

[bigmouthfml]

If you ever get the chance to fix things with her, you MUST take back and explain that it was totally ridiculous of you to say she gets uglier every time you see her. OMG, that you must fix!! No girl wants to be in a relationship with anyone who actually had a shred of truth to believing that. Somehow you have to tell her that was nothing you believe at all!! In fact the opposite.

 

Yeah, I know. It was not even the whore comment that got to her. It was that fact that I said she got uglier and uglier. She is obsessed with her looks. She was always asking me dumb things like if her leg looked fat or if her ass was big enough...

 

She reacted MUCH more enthusiastically to when I'd compliment her looks over some aspect of her personality.

[elaine567]

Oh and just so you know why I was even more frustrated than I normally would have been

 

This girl admitted to me she used to entertain men for a living when her parents kicked her out at 18. I asked what that meant but she would not elaborate.

 

Admit it, you thought she was an easy lay due to her past, and when she basically rejected you, you were angry because this person who you had little respect for, this "whore", this "prostitute" in your mind, had the cheek to say no to you.

She gave it up for other guys and when you realised she wasn't going to give it up for you, you were mad.

[bigmouthfml]

Admit it, you thought she was an easy lay due to her past, and when she basically rejected you, you were angry because this person who you had little respect for, this "whore", this "prostitute" in your mind, had the cheek to say no to you.

She gave it up for other guys and when you realised she wasn't going to give it up for you, you were mad.

 

I actually wasn't trying to sleep with her. I just wanted some kind sign that she liked me back and wasn't just teasing me. A kiss back on the lips would have been fine.

 

I wouldn't have tried to sleep with her until I got her out on a date and we talked about our professional situation and how to handle it.

 

She had previously agreed to go out on a date before I insulted her, so I guess she was interested. I knew she wouldn't be an easy lay because she's matured a lot from her past and even told me she made her ex BF wait a month.

 

But yes, it annoyed me that she would not even kiss me, especially considering what I knew about her past. "you did all that but would not kiss me? wth is wrong with me?" is what i was thinking...

 

I actually did respect her and treated her very respectfully until the point I insulted her. I listened to her and her life story. And I respected how she overcame some of her hardships.

 

Live and you learn

Edited March 29, 2015 by bigmouthfml

[elaine567]

I know a lot of prostitutes do not kiss, maybe mouth kissing for her is a huge deal, more than sex perhaps?

[preraph]

The thing is I did ask her "why won't you kiss me" and she just said "cause I just don't want to." I would then back off and she would then begin touching me, or she'd kiss my face, or she'd get weird and playfully bite my neck and ear.

 

She sounds like a tool.

[PogoStick]

I know a lot of prostitutes do not kiss, maybe mouth kissing for her is a huge deal, more than sex perhaps?

 

Do you know many prostitutes? Or Johns?