wizer Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Wizer: we have two kids. We just never had 'recreational sex' once the kids arrived Thanks for clarifying. Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 HurtHusband, your married life sounds like hell on earth. Let her go find her "rich man." You'll be a lot happier if you get rid of her and find someone who'll love you and treat you with respect the way you deserve. Have you ever discussed divorce with her? Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 She said to me " I don't work, if your asking me to work I'll divorce you and find a rich man" I hate being threatened like that. I wish just for once I could say the same thing thing to her and mean it. Then by all means tell her to find a rich man and pack her rags up and point to the door. For God sake man start taking charge of your life for once. There's no excuse for letting her get away with that kind of attitude. Your working three jobs and she's doing nothing but peddling her ass to some guy on your tab and to make it worse, your letting her and truth be told, you never going to make it until the kids are old enough with her. Stop playing her game start playing yours or your doomed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Four vibrators is a pretty modest number of sex toys. Just sayin.' Is it?? I own 0 I am now intrigued.... Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Is it?? I own 0 I am now intrigued.... Really?? Oh my god, I need to take you shopping! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeWasted Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Sheezus. This guy is hurting and you chicks want to talk about shopping for dildos. Un-frelling believable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Sheezus. This guy is hurting and you chicks want to talk about shopping for dildos. Un-frelling believable. I was actually about to suggest starting another thread about the topic, so as not to derail the thread, but you were mighty quick to jump on us for it... I have no intentions of minimizing what the OP is going through. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Just a thought - making light of certain aspects of certain things can take away their power. So in a sense, lightheartedness about some details of his struggle might actually make him feel better. Phoe, we should definitely start a toys thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Phoe, I am a dude and I probably have four laying around from exGF's. Run, dont walk, to your nearest adult store! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Dear HH, Please don't be offended. I think we all wish YOU'd have some fun, reclaim your own entitlement; that's all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Aside from the affair this might be a good time for some sexual performance introspection. The dildos could be a sign that your sexual performance is below par and you just don't know how to turn a woman on. Too many men think that penetration is romance and expect the woman to get "in the mood" as quickly as your little dick gets hard. They are fickle creatures that require patience and wisdom. Once you begin to understand what they require then they will come alive in your hands and reciprocate in amazing ways. Or you could have just married a HO!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Aside from the affair this might be a good time for some sexual performance introspection. The dildos could be a sign that your sexual performance is below par and you just don't know how to turn a woman on. Too many men think that penetration is romance and expect the woman to get "in the mood" as quickly as your little dick gets hard. They are fickle creatures that require patience and wisdom. Once you begin to understand what they require then they will come alive in your hands and reciprocate in amazing ways. Or you could have just married a HO!!! So let me get this straight... The only two reasons (says you) for a woman to have dildos is either because her man doesn't satisfy her or "she's a ho"? Please tell me I read that wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Not at all I was making light of the fact that in his opening statement he went overboard about not wanting to go near his wife for finding "dildos" in her drawer. It seemed a harsh opening statement: "I will never have sex with her as long as I live. My story is already on here...but why 4 ? No batteries,don't know when they were last used. But 4 ? There capsule shaped, one cock shaped.. I mean seriously wtf!?!!" Upon further reading it appears she did cheat on him previously so yes maybe she is a WW aka HO. For him to go overboard like that tends to make me believe he's very vanilla in the sack and wouldn't know what to do with them if she offered to use them in their sexual playtime. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Texasman I am not very vanilla in the sack! I'm trysexual, I'll try anything once. I would be delighted if my wife was open about sex and we had a normal healthy relationship. The problem was she was telling me for years she had no interest in sex. Than she had an affair. It's the dishonesty that gets me.. She could have 100 vibrators and I would'not care..if we used them together. I would positively encourage it. I am all for a good sex life in a relationship. It's just she denied me and made it seem like sex was unnatural. And I have had previous lovers and know that women need to be warned up... And I never had any complaints back than. It's not from lack of trying trust me! ' let's have a bath together, a romantic meal, go out together - what for? Don't bother, save your money she'd say... She just does not want it from me... I just can't change that. And now after the betrayal etc. I don't want to... Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You should really just see other women. One thing I read, and this makes a lot of sense, is that in Japan at least people don't really marry for love. They marry for stability, to start a family, and due to societal expectations. I'm not saying this is across the board 100% but I've read waaaayy too many stories just like yours of foreign men having this happen to them. Nothing is going to get better for you in terms of your relationship. I really think your only options are waiting till the kids are old enough for you to divorce and simply doing your own thing while your wife does hers until then. It's quite apparent she does not care about you in the slightest as she's gotten all that she needs from you: a husband, a provider, and a sperm donor. I realize you've been dealt a ****ty hand but you seem to be existing in this emotional turmoil unnecessarily because you don't seem to want to accept the fact that you don't have a partner, a lover, or even a friend in your spouse. You simply have a legal wife who is the legal mother of your biological children. That's it. That being said, I really think you need to start focusing on your life and your own happiness and stop worrying so much about her behavior and feelings towards you. Because they're probably not going to change and admittedly from what you've said there isn't much you can do about it. The one saving grace you have is I really doubt she gives a **** what you do with your life as long as you play the role of legal husband and don't expect anything more from her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Finding 4 vibrators in your wife's drawer...is the least of your issues. Your reaction to finding them...is a clue. Let me ask you this...how many times do you pleasure yourself in a week? Behind your wife's back? How many times do you look at naked pictures of other women on the internet? In your mind is this betrayal? or is this just need? You found vibrators with no batteries? Let me ask you? what do you think she might be doing with them? A vibrator with no batteries is kind of like a limp dick.....you can't do much with it. If she pleasures herself with her fingers...will that send you over the edge? How about if she lays in the bathtub and lets the water from the faucet pleasure her? or uses the shower head? What is it that is REALLY the issue here? Is it that she doesn't want to have sex with you? But might actually have sexual desires while telling you she doesn't? Women are funny creatures. Most prefer sexually mating with someone they are attracted to. You and your wife seem to be existing in a very broken relationship. I hear no talk of love or mutual respect. I hear no talk of arousal, not talk of desire. All i am hearing is resentment, and hatred and jealousy. She had an affair....have you tried to repair the relationship you have with each other? I suspect your wife thinks you are pleasuring yourself...so why shouldn't she? I suspect she is well aware of your feelings for her. You obviously have a very fractured relationship... I would concentrate on repairing it...or throwing in the towel. Vibrators are really not important in the scheme of things. I would try fixing the relationship ....the sex part might then improve. But to be honest...i think this marriage is over. You can certainly live separate lives in the same house raising your children together....and if that is the case...stay out of her drawers. Best of luck to you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Finding 4 vibrators in your wife's drawer...is the least of your issues. Your reaction to finding them...is a clue. Let me ask you this...how many times do you pleasure yourself in a week? Behind your wife's back? How many times do you look at naked pictures of other women on the internet? In your mind is this betrayal? or is this just need? You found vibrators with no batteries? Let me ask you? what do you think she might be doing with them? A vibrator with no batteries is kind of like a limp dick.....you can't do much with it. If she pleasures herself with her fingers...will that send you over the edge? How about if she lays in the bathtub and lets the water from the faucet pleasure her? or uses the shower head? What is it that is REALLY the issue here? Is it that she doesn't want to have sex with you? But might actually have sexual desires while telling you she doesn't? Women are funny creatures. Most prefer sexually mating with someone they are attracted to. You and your wife seem to be existing in a very broken relationship. I hear no talk of love or mutual respect. I hear no talk of arousal, not talk of desire. All i am hearing is resentment, and hatred and jealousy. She had an affair....have you tried to repair the relationship you have with each other? I suspect your wife thinks you are pleasuring yourself...so why shouldn't she? I suspect she is well aware of your feelings for her. You obviously have a very fractured relationship... I would concentrate on repairing it...or throwing in the towel. Vibrators are really not important in the scheme of things. I would try fixing the relationship ....the sex part might then improve. But to be honest...i think this marriage is over. You can certainly live separate lives in the same house raising your children together....and if that is the case...stay out of her drawers. Best of luck to you.... Mrs John adams did you read any other posts? Your answer would fit a regular story fine but in his story this is just more adding insult to injury. None of your sermonizing (though true if you only read his opening post and none of his before or after ones) fits his story. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I read this whole thread...but not any others...my reaction is to his reaction here...and I certainly did not mean to sermonize or insult this man. I understand that he is traumatized...I understand that his wife cheated and will no longer have sex with him. I understand he is remaining married for the sake of the children. I don't understand being devastated over finding 4 vibrators with no batteries in his wife's drawer. After all he has been through..why vibrators would cause this reaction is confusing to me. I would think that he would be more concerned about everything else going on in his life...that finding vibrators would be quite minor. But thank you for setting me straight.... Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I read this whole thread...but not any others...my reaction is to his reaction here...and I certainly did not mean to sermonize or insult this man. I understand that he is traumatized...I understand that his wife cheated and will no longer have sex with him. I understand he is remaining married for the sake of the children. I don't understand being devastated over finding 4 vibrators with no batteries in his wife's drawer. After all he has been through..why vibrators would cause this reaction is confusing to me. I would think that he would be more concerned about everything else going on in his life...that finding vibrators would be quite minor. But thank you for setting me straight.... Okay, your advice and post just seemed really out of place if you had read all the posts and got his back story, that is all. I'm not sure he was "devestated". I was sure someone such as yourself would understand that to a BS the reactions will never end. And that nothing is minor when it comes to the WS and doscoveries. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I repeat...I read this entire thread...and yes I would say he sounds devastated. I certainly do understand the trauma of infidelity....and have lived with that for many years...and I understand triggering, and all that goes with it. Thank you for making the corrections. I do not know his background story..only what he has posted on this thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I repeat...I read this entire thread...and yes I would say he sounds devastated. I certainly do understand the trauma of infidelity....and have lived with that for many years...and I understand triggering, and all that goes with it. Thank you for making the corrections. I do not know his background story..only what he has posted on this thread. I think his issue is, his wife has been selling herself to him as asexual for years. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 It's always hard to see the entire picture without the other side of the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 She obviously has little to no sexual interest in you, I know it's impossible to not take that personally, but shouldn't.. well you probably shouldn't have married her oh so long ago, but that's in the past.. I read through your past post, and yeah, everyone has led you to the water you need to drink... except you're still complaining about this, that, or 4 dildos. I wonder, out of my own curiosity and from a heterosexual standpoint.. what is the size of your member? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Maybe the vibrators are part of the reason she doesn't want sex with you. I've heard that using a vibrator too vigorously/frequently/the same way every time can desensitize the clitoris. Perhaps she cannot reach orgasm without a vibrator partially due to desensitization and/or conditioning and pen-vag sex or oral sex no longer works for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtHusband Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 JS84. You are absolutely spot on and you summed it up perfectly. I know men who stuck it out until the kids were older and in the meantime they work, provide and build their own nest egg. I suppose I married for love, but my story seems all to familiar as you said. There is no shortage of women on the side here. I know it's not the fairy tale marriage, but if I have to stick it out, I will find another woman to get my rocks off with. Otherwise I might go nuts. Apart from her affair last year and the fact she loosely keeps in touch with an old flame.. I honestly thought she was asexual or had some kind of libido problem. She has never shown any great interest in sex or being pleasured. I feel a bit bad about starting the thread as people didn't know my back story and maybe they thought I was some old prude! Which I am not. Again it was just the initial shock as the above poster says ' she was selling herself as asexual for years' If I stay married and living here than I really have to carve out my own life, have a shag, look after myself and stop giving a toss about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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