No Limit Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 This thread reads like a fantasy epic in which the good guy gets warped by evil and everyone he knows is all too eager to leave him to this fate. Dead at 34 years of age, just sad. We are actively trying for a kid now . By all means, don't. Think of the child, you're sacrificing your kids life to a mother who lies and betrays. At least get a vasectomy done and only use protection - who knows who else she'll sleep with in due time - for your own health, but don't bring an innocent life into jeopardy. I know you're being manipulated and tricked everywhere irl by a selfish "wife", her stupid friends who of course side with her because they're as low-niveau as her, and a marriage counselor who wants to check off another couple for his reputation, but at the very least only give up on your own life, not that of a child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Don't have a kid. Leg it mate. You probably know what you should do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I just don't know if I can leave her . Like I said my family and friends told me to give her a second chance . I guess I came here seeking validation but it turns out you all tell me to bail . Then what next ? I will have to go through an ugly divorce and I will be alone. I can't see the future but I really want to believe she is sorry. Surely by having my child is showing commitment to the marriage. She could have left but she didn't . I have to point out that many a cheating woman has gotten pregnant and then tried to pass of the OC on another man/husband. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 I hear what everyone is saying but other people have told me, if you love someone, really love them, wouldn't you give them a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I hear what everyone is saying but other people have told me, if you love someone, really love them, wouldn't you give them a second chance? We are adults, we need to make decisions that are well informed and decisions that are in our own best interests. What in reality does "love" have to do with that? Loving this woman is not in your best interests. Reserve your "love" for someone who deserves it, not for someone who "loved" you so much she just had to have sex with another man the whole of your married life. She threw your love in the bucket, disrespected you and even now taunts you with his gifts of jewellery. True love eh? Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I hear what everyone is saying but other people have told me, if you love someone, really love them, wouldn't you give them a second chance? Consider the possibility that those other people do not have your best interest at heart when they are telling you to give her a second chance. Do not trust her friends or what they say to you. They have probably known the entire time of your WW's A. Her actions is more than enough proof for many here to see that what she did to you is NOT worthy of a second chance. From the way you describe the situation, you are at best only her Plan B. You may need to investigate whether or not she may already be pregnant by the OM and plan on allowing you to think is yours. She is not wife material for a man like you, I'd say you are way out of your league with her. The woman cheated the entire 1st year of your marriage! Everyone knows about it and probably laughs behind your back. Many here are trying to get you to wake up and how twisted your situation is, have been through this before. We know how your story will end, and are trying to spare you the grief and humiliation that is sure to result. Ultimately you are an adult and you will do what you want. But please open your eyes in regards to what she has done and is still doing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mike_89 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I'm not much for breaking up after someone has cheated if the situation is salvageable but this looks like a real big mess man. You are trying for a kid now, how will you be sure that it even is your kid when she gets pregnant? What if you both have blue eyes and you suddenly get a kid with brown eyes? What if she pulls this again, you guys get a divorce and you have to pay alimony for a kid that's not even yours? Not to mention your situation sounds less than ideal for a kid to grow up in. Please consider these things before actually trying to get pregnant. Try and think this over as if you were not in this situation, but your very best friend that you have known for your entire life is. What kind of advice would you give your best friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I have to point out that many a cheating woman has gotten pregnant and then tried to pass of the OC on another man/husband. I can vouch for this statement as it happened to me. It happens way more that people think. Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yes it was her friends . One of her friends cheated on her bf now husband . He forgave her and now they are happy together . The counsellor says that true love has the power to forgive. I want to forgive and give her a second chance. She is remorseful and said it was just a one time error of judgment. Hillary Clinton forgave Bill Clinton and they are still married, that's what my counsellor said. The only think that still irks me is that the other guy bought her some jewellery and she insists on keeping them. I said that was fine as long as she doesn't wear when I am with her. HUGE mistake. You don't allow your ws to keep gifts given to her by the om...you just don't!!! It's a constant reminder to them of the "special times" they've shared together. I simply can't believe you agreed to this. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 [/b] HUGE mistake. You don't allow your ws to keep gifts given to her by the om...you just don't!!! It's a constant reminder to them of the "special times" they've shared together. I simply can't believe you agreed to this. That's not the only mistake he is making here... Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Its pointless giving him any advice. His heart is set. Just like me. He will have that child and his wife will continue to cheat on him in the future. He is another Drifter777 in the making. He just wants validation from people here and tell him he is doing the right thing. @JackReacher.....YO BUDDY! YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! IF YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE SOMEONE, YOU GIVE THEM 2ND, 3RD, 4TH,.......NTH CHANCE! STICK BY HER. SHE LOVES YOU WITH ALL HER HEART. Link to post Share on other sites
dental Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I hear what everyone is saying but other people have told me, if you love someone, really love them, wouldn't you give them a second chance? Your reaction is understandable and irritating at the same time. Being a codependent you rather ask for outside help instead of looking inside yourself into your own values and make wise decisions. Yet, you don't seem to grasp what people here are saying to you. You seem not to be open to advice that contradicts your current state of mind. Which you call love, I call codependency. And like threads from other codependents, this thread looks like what we call where I'm from: pulling on a dead horse. You don't want to change your thinking, feeling and acting, so all advice is actually wasted on you. That's ok though, it's your life. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 And here we are again: the borderline and the co-dependent. I was diagnosed with BPD at 20, did a lot of work to recover etc. This is just way off the charts. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I didn't know that herpes can have such a serious effect on the baby. I read on the Internet that the chance is remote . We are actively trying for a kid now . I am 34 years old and I have been looking for my true love and I know she is the one so I can't give up on her so easily. She is repentant and I trust this won't happen again . She has given me her word. The OM wife knows about the affair anyway , she found out and told me. Are their really legal issues with herpes transmission . My wife said he got tested and he does not have it . Im worried about our unborn child. I read only if she has an outbreak that it affects the baby. Thread's BS. Sure a lot of them are. But this one is a special jewel of BS. Now let's watch OP come back on to say "no no no I am real, this is real, you are mean." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pauduro Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Doubt you will ever be at peace and stop wondering if she's out cheating again. The guy knew she was married, even knew you. This would be a problem. Not saying you should, but revenge sex with that guys wife would be a blast. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 BPDs are pure evil. They have so much rage they make the devil look like a fairy. The OP is in too deep. This story will end bad. She will leave him after the euphoria of the baby has finished. Raising kids is a difficult and their problems wi be further magnified. I would have given their marriage a chance if they didn't have kids since at least they get to focus on themselves . With kids this is just a trainwreck waiting to happen. BPD runs on a spectrum In my case, I don't go into rage. I actually just used to sob my heart out, a lot. My boss' wife has BPD and has also done recovery work. She has had rage. She tells me that everyday she fights the urge to completely lose her temper. I can't relate. I panic about abandonment. I have historically gotten shamey and suspicious. But not rage. Except for a six week (or so) period of going on Wellbutrin to combat the signs of depression. That stuff is crazy, at the time I even created a thread about my Wellbutrin questions here on LS. I felt explosive 24/7 and had to stop taking it. It really made me so beyond edgy. I began to empathize with my abusive father because I realized he was always sitting on the edge of explosive depression. I could never understand it until I took those meds. It seems there's a jump to diagnose this woman based on her cheating and excuses. Whereas it goes to being a possible symptom of BPD, it could also be Narcissism, really poor boundaries, or lots of other things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lunay Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She wants to keep the jewelry that the man she cheated on you with gave her and you are allowing it as long as she doesn't wear it around you? Where are your balls? She is still disrespecting you, and she is NOT sorry. If she were, she would get rid of any ounce of anything that reminded her of him. Anything that would remind YOU of what she has done. She wants a child so it will be even harder for you to leave the next time she cheats on you. She is selfish and NOT a good partner. I think you are afraid to be alone. Don't settle! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and these fish will not cheat on you. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I thought the same in the beginning, butI don't think anyone could have made this **** up. This is just sad. I mean really, they are "actively trying for a kid now." I just don't see anyone that depressed and crapped on adding a child to the mix. Within such a short time period since the thread started. And the MC? ANd his friends and her friends and his family all saying "oh no, keep on the sunken ship, you might be able to raise it from the bottom of the ocean if you pull harder, nevermind that you are drowning." And the jewelry. And the herpes. Good God. Next MM got kicked out of his place, now can he sleep on the couch? And this thread is the only place saying "no, no don't get her pregnant!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She wants to keep the jewelry that the man she cheated on you with gave her and you are allowing it as long as she doesn't wear it around you? Where are your balls? She is still disrespecting you, and she is NOT sorry. If she were, she would get rid of any ounce of anything that reminded her of him. Anything that would remind YOU of what she has done. She wants a child so it will be even harder for you to leave the next time she cheats on you. She is selfish and NOT a good partner. I think you are afraid to be alone. Don't settle! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and these fish will not cheat on you. Jeepers, even a fish that said "I am going to cheat on you every third Wednesday" would be better at this point. Cheating fish. I can't even imagine the smell of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lunay Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I mean really, they are "actively trying for a kid now." I just don't see anyone that depressed and crapped on adding a child to the mix. Within such a short time period since the thread started. And the MC? ANd his friends and her friends and his family all saying "oh no, keep on the sunken ship, you might be able to raise it from the bottom of the ocean if you pull harder, nevermind that you are drowning." And the jewelry. And the herpes. Good God. Next MM got kicked out of his place, now can he sleep on the couch? And this thread is the only place saying "no, no don't get her pregnant!" Honestly, I think if he is delusional enough to believe she is sorry for what she did than he is delusional enough to think a kid will fix things. Kids just make things that much worse! Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Hello Jack, I'm about to tell you a little story: My brother in law was and still is a very needy person, not much experience with women and has only ever dated 2. The first one he moved into his home after 6 months of dating and about 6 months later she left him. Another 6 months later she turned up on his doorstep pregnant with another mans child. What did he do? Well he was so broken she left him that he took her back in as he was willing to forgive everything. The fact she had left him and was pregnant with another mans child. Nobody would tell him straight that he shouldn't take her back as they could see that he so desperately wanted to. So they had a child themselves and he then adopted the first child and they lived like this for another 4 years. Then...................... She cheated on him again and left him for another man. Only this time he had 2 kids he was paying for and who were to suffer from a broken home. Lesson is, cheating early on is not a good predictor of NON cheating later, especially when the woman comes back because she has nowhere else to go. So, Jack, why on earth would you want to bring a child into this world to try and fix your cr** relationship with a wife who couldn't care less about you? Please think long and hard about your child. You go ahead and in the future you could be talking about upsetting not only your life but that of your kid too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 He's going to end up on Maury ,,,,,you are not the father 1 Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I thought the first year of marriage was the honeymoon faze, some honeymoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jackreacher20144 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 I don't think she will cheat again. I think once we have a child and she settles down her wild ways will change. It was just a moments infatuation with an alpha male. But she knows that he won't make a good husband or father that's why she chose to be back with me. She says he doesn't care about his kids and he is a liar. She knows she has done wrong and she knows that my love is unconditional . She says this touched her. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I don't think she will cheat again. I think once we have a child and she settles down her wild ways will change. It was just a moments infatuation with an alpha male. But she knows that he won't make a good husband or father that's why she chose to be back with me. She says he doesn't care about his kids and he is a liar. She knows she has done wrong and she knows that my love is unconditional . She says this touched her. She left you for him and came back because it didn't work out with him. The next guy may be a different story. Sorry but you really need to wake up and smell the coffee. She is telling you what you need to hear only. Up to you if you fall for it. But why bring a kid into this? Wait a good while first and see how she behaves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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