Cousins don't care about me

[GH101]

Are you're cousin and his wife always this cold and socially bad? If you're close I would expect at least some sympathy! It's not like he didn't know you were close to your grandmother. He doesn't sound like much of a friend! I think they have been pretty cold and mean.

 

Thank you for finally agreeing and understanding. I am glad to read someone's response who wasn't making excuses for them and acting like what they did was in anyway normal and okay.

 

Well my cousin and his wife are self centered and serious people, but I thought since this was a funeral and I suffered a great loss they would step up. I know they have social issues, but this is not an excuse. My cousin usually is not so socially bad, his wife can be though. She is a serious, know it all. However, we have been close, gotten along and enjoyed each others company the past years. They knew how close I was with my grandma and they acted like I was a stranger. It was very strange and bad. I no longer consider them to be friends, just cousins. I will never forget this and will move passed it, but will always be dissapointed in them. They seemed really cold and rude at the funeral and wake; it was unforgivable.

[GH101]

Does anyone else have any thoughts about this? What would you do?

[Lostweekend]

At the end of the day, you hold the answers! I totally get that you were hurt because it only takes a hug or some acknowledgment of a situation to feel a little better.

 

What strikes me is that you care for them a lot and you are hurt. It might be because of the shots, but I would hope that they as educated adults would use a different setting or situation to address that.

 

It might have started out being about the shots and them feeling upset that you didn´t acknowledge their wishes? If I read your initial post correctly you have had a down period in your friendship where you haven´t been as close as you used to. I would think they might be insecure about where they are at in their friendship with you? That they might feel insecure that you might be upset with them or be wondering why you haven´t had the shots?

 

It´s the ebb and flow of friendships/relationships at the end of the day. I would make it simple and just talk to them about it. That´s what being friends is all about. If we analyse too much and project our own views on a situation too much, it can often end up being a huge bunch of misunderstandings.

 

Talk to them! They are your friends. Acknowledge the shot situation but tell them that you felt taken aback when they came across as cold and uncaring!!

[whichwayisup]

Thank you, I just don't understand why people on this board keep making excuses for them, such as ppl act weird at funerals, they have kids so they're busy, they are greiving too etc. I thought everyone would unanimously agree with me. Their behavior was inexcusable, period. They were not blinded by greif and were fully capable of sending condolences. Even if they were mad at me for not getting shots, they should put it aside during the funeral. This was an event where family needs to be there for each other and not hold grudges. I am disappointed in them and will not be as friendly with them. Thanks again

 

I no way condone their behaviour, they were shi.tty to you and others. My point is, and sadly it's true, death sometimes brings the worst out in people. At my own aunts funeral (well, afterwards at the house, gathering for family and friends) there was a huge argument between cousin and another extended family member. It was embarrassing and awful. Later though they did make up, they talked about it, sorted it out.

 

People are different and handle stuff in their own way. You are kind and have a caring, generous heart , obviously some others in your family aren't like that. Don't change who you are, ever!

[GH101]

At the end of the day, you hold the answers! I totally get that you were hurt because it only takes a hug or some acknowledgment of a situation to feel a little better.

 

What strikes me is that you care for them a lot and you are hurt. It might be because of the shots, but I would hope that they as educated adults would use a different setting or situation to address that.

 

It might have started out being about the shots and them feeling upset that you didn´t acknowledge their wishes? If I read your initial post correctly you have had a down period in your friendship where you haven´t been as close as you used to. I would think they might be insecure about where they are at in their friendship with you? That they might feel insecure that you might be upset with them or be wondering why you haven´t had the shots?

 

It´s the ebb and flow of friendships/relationships at the end of the day. I would make it simple and just talk to them about it. That´s what being friends is all about. If we analyse too much and project our own views on a situation too much, it can often end up being a huge bunch of misunderstandings.

 

Talk to them! They are your friends. Acknowledge the shot situation but tell them that you felt taken aback when they came across as cold and uncaring!!

I appreciate your response and time. I was posting to not really find answers, but to read what people thought and what they would think or do if they were me. How would you handle this situation?

Exactly, all I wanted was a hug or a hello. I don't think anyone can be that uncomfortable at a funeral to at least do that.

They are my cousins and were my friends. I was close with them and I am hurt by their behavior. However, I find it more confusing and annoying. I am just mad and feel like they are really strange.

Well, after they realized I wasn't getting the shots, I wasn't invited over and we didn't email as much. We never had an argument about the shots, we haven't even really discussed it. It was just a few comments and a quick email about getting it.

I did see the baby in the hospital, but then that was it. I wasn't invited over and I haven't really talked to them.

Then our grandma died and you know the rest. I just felt this was bigger than the shots thing and they needed to step up.

I think at the funeral and after grandma died that's all they should have thought of and not about the shots.

I don't feel comfortable bringing the shots or their lack of caring up. I don't think they'll care and they will think I am overreacting. Both things are done with and our relationship is changed. I will just be casual now. I don't really have anything to say to them.

[GH101]

I no way condone their behaviour, they were shi.tty to you and others. My point is, and sadly it's true, death sometimes brings the worst out in people. At my own aunts funeral (well, afterwards at the house, gathering for family and friends) there was a huge argument between cousin and another extended family member. It was embarrassing and awful. Later though they did make up, they talked about it, sorted it out.

 

People are different and handle stuff in their own way. You are kind and have a caring, generous heart , obviously some others in your family aren't like that. Don't change who you are, ever!

 

I understand, but at my grandpa's funeral they seemed much more caring and there for me. Ironically this was before I was close to them. I didn't even know his wife really and my cousin was away right before this.

I just think nobody should be that uncomfortable at a funeral to ingore the mounrers, such as my mom and not say hello and give family members hugs. They just seemed like they didn't care and were wrapped up in their own immediate family. I posted earlier they went out to lunch just themsleves in between the funeral and wake because they didn't really know the funeral arrangements. They missed some of the wake and didn't help out. Their behavior was strange and wrong.

Do you think they should be mad at me because I didn't get the shots and continue to be mad? Do you think this should have been a reason to ignore me at the funeral, when I was really upset.

[Timshel]

GH101- I have been through what you are going through now. Yes, they did behave inappropriately. Yes. It happened to me when my husband died and I went online and looked up grieving forums. It turns out that this happens to a lot of people. Friends and family turning away at the worst possible time. There is no sense to it but for awhile it double ripped my heart out. When I joined a hospice support group, the majority where equally hurt by the lack of "love," grace, decorum from people they expected better. I have no answer about it to this day. It is what it is. I would distance myself from them as well. You know them better now.

The most important thing at this time is not their behavior but dealing with your grief. You let it go not because you approve what they did/did not do; because you have bigger fish to fry right now and making long term decisions about your future relationship with them needs be back burnered.

Let it rest for now and trust that in the future, under less duress, you will see things clearly and handle accordingly.

For now, mourn and remember the grandmother you love and give yourself some time to heal.

[GH101]

GH101- I have been through what you are going through now. Yes, they did behave inappropriately. Yes. It happened to me when my husband died and I went online and looked up grieving forums. It turns out that this happens to a lot of people. Friends and family turning away at the worst possible time. There is no sense to it but for awhile it double ripped my heart out. When I joined a hospice support group, the majority where equally hurt by the lack of "love," grace, decorum from people they expected better. I have no answer about it to this day. It is what it is. I would distance myself from them as well. You know them better now.

The most important thing at this time is not their behavior but dealing with your grief. You let it go not because you approve what they did/did not do; because you have bigger fish to fry right now and making long term decisions about your future relationship with them needs be back burnered.

Let it rest for now and trust that in the future, under less duress, you will see things clearly and handle accordingly.

For now, mourn and remember the grandmother you love and give yourself some time to heal.

 

So sorry for your loss. Thank you for your advice and help. I guess I just am confused and don't really know what to think. I am seeing them soon, so I will just pull back and act casual. I am pretty annoyed and mad at them right now, but I am excited to see their kids.

I will always remember their lack of support, but you're right it is what it is. I do know them better now and realize they only care about themselves; it was an eye opener for sure. Thanks again for your condolences and help.

[Gunny376]

So here it goes, I have two older cousins. I'm in my early 20's and they are in their mid-30's. The guy is my cousin and then it's his wife. I wasn't really close with him growing up age gap/went away to school. However, the past 4 years we became close. They have had kids since then who I love. Anyways, we were all close, saw them every month. When his wife was expecting her second child she wanted the whole family to get the flu and tdap shots before seeing the baby. I didn't, so I guess that's why I haven't seen them or really have talked to them much. We never had an argument about this, just some comments and emails about getting it.

Anyways, our grandmother passed away last month. He wasn't that close to her, but I was very close to her and they knew that. When she died neither of them called me. When I saw them at the funeral/wake he said hello and talked to me a little, but she didn't say one word to me. It didn't seem like she was mad at me though. She is a very serious person to begin with and you can't always know what she is thinking or feeling. However, I was very disappointed in both of them. I wanted them to call me and see how I was. It was extremely strange she didn't talk to me at the funeral/wake. If they were mad about me not getting the shots, this was not the time to hold a grudge. I was devastated about her death and really could have used the support. So, now I guess I will just pull back since I see they don't care about me. I am upset about it, but I guess it is what it is.

What do you all think about this? Am I overreacting? Should I be mad?

 

 

Without reading the rest of the thread? I've learned over the course of my life, not to chase after those that have for one reason or the other ~ either real or imagined NOT to be a part of my Life? Or for whom seemingly don't nor can't find room for me in their lives.

 

 

I'm simply NOT going to worry with nor waste my time on those that do not choose to make me a primary concern of theirs? I'm not going to chase after ANYONE, seemly begging to win their affection, consideration, appreciation, love, affection, admiration. I simply not going to continue to cross oceans for those that wouldn't even cross a spittle of spit for me?

 

 

What someone else thinks of me? Is ABSOLUTELY NONE of my business, any and all drama they want to conjure up is their PROMBLE and not mine. Just that plain? Just That damned simple

[GH101]

Without reading the rest of the thread? I've learned over the course of my life, not to chase after those that have for one reason or the other ~ either real or imagined NOT to be a part of my Life? Or for whom seemingly don't nor can't find room for me in their lives.

 

 

I'm simply NOT going to worry with nor waste my time on those that do not choose to make me a primary concern of theirs? I'm not going to chase after ANYONE, seemly begging to win their affection, consideration, appreciation, love, affection, admiration. I simply not going to continue to cross oceans for those that wouldn't even cross a spittle of spit for me?

 

 

What someone else thinks of me? Is ABSOLUTELY NONE of my business, any and all drama they want to conjure up is their PROMBLE and not mine. Just that plain? Just That damned simple

 

I love your attitude and thanks for sharing. I agree, you have the right attitude. I am slowly learning this lesson as well. After their lack of everything at the funeral/wake I have stepped back. There is no excuse for them not to say hello to me or be there for me and my mom. I am moving on from it because I see how they are now. I'm not going to bring it up to them and try to patch things up because I no longer care anymore; it what it is. They are rude and extremely strange people with no social skills. Others on the thread have said many people act strange and distant at funerals because of varies reasons. However this was not the case for them. We have had deaths in the family before and they were there for me.

Maybe they're mad at me about the shots and if so that couldn't have been a worse time to hold a grudge.

I agree with you that if people aren't willing to make an effort to make room in their lives for me then I don't have to either. I am no longer going to dwell on this, just remember how they are and pull back. This is not getting in the way of my grief, but it's just nice to know who really cares during bad times.

Thanks again for your great advice. I am happy to see someone having this attitude.

Also why did you keep using question marks?

[GH101]

I want to thank everyone who responded to this thread and took the time to share your thoughts.

 

My main goal in making this thread was not so much for advice and help, but to read what others thought and what they would do. I wanted to see if I was overreacting or maybe there was some reason I didn't think of.

 

I know what I am going to do, which is pull back, but what would everyone else do? I enjoy reading the responses, thanks again.

[amaysngrace]

If I were you I'd tell them to get their babies vaccinated or keep them in a plastic bubble for their whole lives.

 

They sound paranoid and weird.

[rester]

I've been in your situation with three grandparents. It never occurred to me that my cousins or other family members would offer their condolences to me, because they are all grieving as well, even though I was always much closer to my grandparents than anyone else.

 

So my advice is to let it go. They are your cousins and your family and they were grieving in their own way, despite what you may think. You may have been having the hardest time, but they are the same relation to your grandmother and probably didn't know how to act at the funeral, nor would they know that you expected them to approach you and offer their condolences.

[stillafool]

I've been in your situation with three grandparents. It never occurred to me that my cousins or other family members would offer their condolences to me, because they are all grieving as well, even though I was always much closer to my grandparents than anyone else.

 

So my advice is to let it go. They are your cousins and your family and they were grieving in their own way, despite what you may think. You may have been having the hardest time, but they are the same relation to your grandmother and probably didn't know how to act at the funeral, nor would they know that you expected them to approach you and offer their condolences.

 

Yeah me to. I'm always the one to take a family members funeral the hardest and besides my husband no one else seems to pet me up nor do I expect it. I figure they are grieving too and everyone grieves different. Plus some people are uncomfortable when people get highly emotional (like me) and they don't know what to say or do. I don't expect special attention from them.

[Tayla]

Yeah me to. I'm always the one to take a family members funeral the hardest and besides my husband no one else seems to pet me up nor do I expect it. I figure they are grieving too and everyone grieves different. Plus some people are uncomfortable when people get highly emotional (like me) and they don't know what to say or do. I don't expect special attention from them.

 

interesting as my family dynamics is we grieve together, some more outwardly. , yet we support as best we can when we can. I even go to funerals for ppl who knew my mom before her passing. they showed respect and i owe it to return the regard.

The Op is okay to " expect" some comfort, heck i find it bizarre that the cousins were heartless based on their family past.... .

another poster said that all family is equal .... nope! When my bio dad died i wept, not for losing him.... but for the father he couldn't be to his daughters. yet two of my bros grieved and they deserved to be respected during that circumstance. So i showed respect in that matter.

The Op is learning though....rise above others poor choices and be civil in the future,for its true that what comes around goes around.... dont be the sap that shuns others during their hard ships, be that cousin/ relative that can be human and compassionate despite past behavior. its what adults do.

[GH101]

If I were you I'd tell them to get their babies vaccinated or keep them in a plastic bubble for their whole lives.

 

They sound paranoid and weird.

 

They got their kids vaccinated, but wanted everyone who was near them to be too. They wanted everyone to get flu and tdap shots. I agree it was an odd request, since I would have just been an occasional visitor. I chose not to get the shots. I wasn't invited over after the baby was born, which I have respected. I haven't said or done anything negative towards them about it. If they are mad at me I didn't want to get things injected into my body then the funeral was the wrong time to hold a grudge.

[GH101]

I've been in your situation with three grandparents. It never occurred to me that my cousins or other family members would offer their condolences to me, because they are all grieving as well, even though I was always much closer to my grandparents than anyone else.

 

So my advice is to let it go. They are your cousins and your family and they were grieving in their own way, despite what you may think. You may have been having the hardest time, but they are the same relation to your grandmother and probably didn't know how to act at the funeral, nor would they know that you expected them to approach you and offer their condolences.

 

The thing is it occurred to me my cousins should say hello to me and give me a hug. I also expected them to call my mom once they heard the news, since she was the one who lost her mother and is the mourner. I didn't expect them to hold my hand and be there for me 100% of the time, but ignorning me and acting like strangers was weird and inconsiderate. I didn't even expect them to say sorry for your loss, just hello and a hug.

 

I am going to let it go, but not forget the rudeness and strangeness. I understand they were "grieving" too, however it was nothing like I was. Everyone in our family knew how close I was with her. I'm not talking about a little closer, it was like night and day. Please don't think my cousins were falling apart and were too blinded by their grief to say hello. All I wanted was to be acknowledge and said hello too. They just seemed like they simply didn't care and just kept to themselves.

 

"They didn't know how to act at the funeral?"

I don't understand why people keep using this as an excuse because it's not. I'm sorry, but they are educated adults, who were more than capable of saying condolences to my mom and me. I understand funerals are hard times, but social etiquette and common sense still remains. I was very close with my cousins until the whole shot thing. I came over their house monthly and was always emailing and talking to them. I expected them to say hello to me when they came in and not just go passed me like I was a stranger.

 

Thank you for your opinion, I just don't really agree.

[GH101]

Yeah me to. I'm always the one to take a family members funeral the hardest and besides my husband no one else seems to pet me up nor do I expect it. I figure they are grieving too and everyone grieves different. Plus some people are uncomfortable when people get highly emotional (like me) and they don't know what to say or do. I don't expect special attention from them.

 

I wasn't expecting my cousins to pet me, I expected them to say hello and give me a hug. My cousin barely did and his wife didn't even look at me. Again they weren't blinded by grief to say hello and offer sympathy. My other cousins who were there gave me a hug and comforted me because they knew how close I was with her. They lost their grandma too, but knew how close I was. My whole family knew how close I was and upset I was and they were there for me.

 

"Plus some people are uncomfortable when people get highly emotional (like me) and they don't know what to say or do."

Again, I don't understand why people keep using this as an excuse because it's not. I'm sorry, but they are educated adults, who were more than capable of saying condolences to my mom and me. I understand funerals are hard times, but social etiquette and common sense still remains. I was very close with my cousins until the whole shot thing. I came over their house monthly and was always emailing and talking to them. I expected them to say hello to me when they came in and not just go passed me like I was a stranger. I wasn't hysterical the whole time. They pretty much ignored me at the wake too.

 

I didn't expect special attention from them. I think people are under the impression I wanted them supporting me the whole time. All I was looking for was an hello and a hug. Maybe a call when they heard the news to express sympathy to my mom as well. Treating me like a stranger was harsh, cold and strange.

[GH101]

interesting as my family dynamics is we grieve together, some more outwardly. , yet we support as best we can when we can. I even go to funerals for ppl who knew my mom before her passing. they showed respect and i owe it to return the regard.

The Op is okay to " expect" some comfort, heck i find it bizarre that the cousins were heartless based on their family past.... .

another poster said that all family is equal .... nope! When my bio dad died i wept, not for losing him.... but for the father he couldn't be to his daughters. yet two of my bros grieved and they deserved to be respected during that circumstance. So i showed respect in that matter.

The Op is learning though....rise above others poor choices and be civil in the future,for its true that what comes around goes around.... dont be the sap that shuns others during their hard ships, be that cousin/ relative that can be human and compassionate despite past behavior. its what adults do.

 

I wanted us all to grieve together and be there for each other, since I thought we were close. However my cousins were distant, selfish and cold.

"The Op is okay to " expect" some comfort, heck i find it bizarre that the cousins were heartless based on their family past.... ."

Exactly, we weren't like distant cousins who never saw each other; we were close. I considered them some of my best friends. We saw each other alot before the shot thing.

 

I am learning to move passed things, but not forget. I will never forgive them for their behavior and will always remember how strange they were. I wanted to have a cousin/friend bond, but I guess they don't. It is what it is and I will focus on people who did say hello to me and give me a hug at the funeral and during that time. You really do see who really cares about you when something happens. I don't consider, "It's a funeral, so people don't know how to act" as an excuse. This is not okay because they are adults, who should know better; they simply didn't care. Instead of helping their family set up for their grandma's wake and get things together they went out to lunch themselves and didn't answer their phones.

Edited March 28, 2015 by GH101

[Acacia98]

Thank you, she is my cousin -in law. I don't understand why people are making excuses for them and trying to defend them. Why can't you all believe they are just rude and selfish people.

 

GH101, People are giving you their opinions. And, as is natural in such situations, everybody will have perspectives that are colored by their experiences. So some people will think your cousins acted inappropriately and others might be more forgiving of them. That is natural. Moreover, none of us knows you or your cousins personally. So we're obviously gonna wanna consider the story from your point of view and from theirs. Maybe things happened exactly as you say, but maybe they didn't. That's the beauty of posting on a forum like this one. You get to read about your situation from many different perspectives and, hopefully, that helps you understand it better.

 

I honestly don't understand why you would ask people for their opinions and respond so negatively when they gave them to you. If the only opinion you want to hear is one that corresponds 100% to your own, then why open up this issue for discussion in the first place? You already know how you feel about your cousins. You also know how your mom feels about them. You know what you want to do about the situation. At the end of the day, you're the one who gets to decide what you do. So where's the problem?

Edited March 28, 2015 by Acacia98

[GH101]

GH101, People are giving you their opinions. And, as is natural in such situations, everybody will have perspectives that are colored by their experiences. So some people will think your cousins acted inappropriately and others might be more forgiving of them. That is natural. Moreover, none of us knows you or your cousins personally. So we're obviously gonna wanna consider the story from your point of view and from theirs. Maybe things happened exactly as you say, but maybe they didn't. That's the beauty of posting on a forum like this one. You get to read about your situation from many different perspectives and, hopefully, that helps you understand it better.

 

I honestly don't understand why you would ask people for their opinions and respond so negatively when they gave them to you. If the only opinion you want to hear is one that corresponds 100% to your own, then why open up this issue for discussion in the first place? You already know how you feel about your cousins. You also know how your mom feels about them. You know what you want to do about the situation. At the end of the day, you're the one who gets to decide what you do. So where's the problem?

 

I didn't mean to respond negatively to people's opinions. I appreciate their responses and enjoy reading them. However I am just surprised by the defense of my cousin's and excuses made for them. I thought it would be unanimous that they should have called at least my mom to offer support and sympathy once they heard the news. I also thought they should have said hello to me. Acting like we're strangers and ignoring us was strange. Defending their behavior because it's an uncomfortable situation is a ridiculous excuse.

I wanted to discuss their strange behavior and try to make sense of it. I can't talk to the rest of the family about this because I don't want to start anything.

I just am surprised by the excuses and defense of my cousins. I thought it was common knowledge when your close aunt's mother passes away you call to offer sympathy. I also thought when you see your younger cousin and know how close they were with their grandma, you say hello and give a hug. You help your family with the wake not go out to lunch and ignore youir phones.

[whichwayisup]

Just shows how classless they are and are self absorbed. Horrible traits to have, especially during this rough time for you and your family. Shame on them.

[GH101]

Just shows how classless they are and are self absorbed. Horrible traits to have, especially during this rough time for you and your family. Shame on them.

 

Thank you! It's nice to read a response that isn't defending their behavior and making ridiculous excuses. Classless is a great word to describe them

[CC12]

I also thought they should have said hello to me. Acting like we're strangers and ignoring us was strange.

 

Hang on, you've said many times that they never said hello to you and that they ignored you, but I noticed something - your cousin DID say hello and talk to you for a bit:

 

When I saw them at the funeral/wake he said hello and talked to me a little, but she didn't say one word to me.

 

So they didn't ignore you, she ignored you. Why do you keep going on about how they were both so awful and cold and distant and socially weird and all of the other not-very-nice things you've said about them? That seems like a total exaggeration and misrepresentation of what happened.

 

They did not act like strangers. One half of the couple came to you and spoke with you a bit. Should she have also said hello? Sure. I guess. But it's not a social event. People aren't there to mingle, and you're not there to receive condolences and attention. Your cousin had a conversation with you. He did fine.

 

I thought it was common knowledge when your close aunt's mother passes away you call to offer sympathy.

 

It is not "common knowledge" at all. To be honest, when my grandmother passed away, it did not even cross my mind to call all of her children (my aunts and uncles) to offer sympathy, and I'm sure it did not cross their minds to call me or all of my cousins to offer sympathy. None of us did anything wrong, there. We all grieved together at the funeral, because we all suffered a loss.

 

Anyway, I don't think anything anyone says here is going to change your mind that they're awful, mean people. And you've said you're not going to talk to them about this. So what is there to do? Get over it, and properly grieve the death of your grandmother. I wish you the best.

[stillafool]

I wasn't expecting my cousins to pet me, I expected them to say hello and give me a hug. My cousin barely did and his wife didn't even look at me. Again they weren't blinded by grief to say hello and offer sympathy. My other cousins who were there gave me a hug and comforted me because they knew how close I was with her. They lost their grandma too, but knew how close I was. My whole family knew how close I was and upset I was and they were there for me.

 

"Plus some people are uncomfortable when people get highly emotional (like me) and they don't know what to say or do."

Again, I don't understand why people keep using this as an excuse because it's not. I'm sorry, but they are educated adults, who were more than capable of saying condolences to my mom and me. I understand funerals are hard times, but social etiquette and common sense still remains. I was very close with my cousins until the whole shot thing. I came over their house monthly and was always emailing and talking to them. I expected them to say hello to me when they came in and not just go passed me like I was a stranger. I wasn't hysterical the whole time. They pretty much ignored me at the wake too.

 

I didn't expect special attention from them. I think people are under the impression I wanted them supporting me the whole time. All I was looking for was an hello and a hug. Maybe a call when they heard the news to express sympathy to my mom as well. Treating me like a stranger was harsh, cold and strange.

 

You say you didn't expect special attention but that is exactly what you wanted. I really don't know what education has to do with a persons response to grief but whatever. I don't understand why you couldn't go over to them and talk as well. Why must it all be on them? Perhaps they thought you treated them like a stranger. If you don't like these people leave them alone. Don't go to their house anymore especially since it's clear you despise them.