She left me 2 weeks ago...

[banana1522]

I get all these thoughts like from a romantic movie, sometimes I'm thinking "hey, I'm gonna do anything it takes to get this fantastic girl back, i will do stuff like send her a rose to her work for each day that I'm without her, i will write a letter for each day I'm without her, i will send her a letter every friday with a love or song quote etc" Just to make her realize what kind of a guy i am, that she will never even find someone as near as good as 1% of me.

 

Then i stop thinking these thoughts and stay in this very hard thing called NC. Where i feel complete powerless, quiet with all the stuff in my chest, praying and waiting for something that might never come back. It just sucks big time.

 

I wish there was something, anything, i could say or do for her to give me a last chance. Everyone makes misstakes, everyone deserves a second chance, why must she punish me for a life time? Even murderers and rapists get the chance to explain their actions in court.

 

'Doing' nothing is the BEST thing you can do! For healing and any possibility (no matter how big or small) of reconciliation. When you truly look like you have given up on them is when they may come knocking. As people have said, by then, you may not want her back... The complete opposite of what you feel you should do is actually what you should do.

[Jimmyjackson]

'Doing' nothing is the BEST thing you can do! For healing and any possibility (no matter how big or small) of reconciliation. When you truly look like you have given up on them is when they may come knocking. As people have said, by then, you may not want her back... The complete opposite of what you feel you should do is actually what you should do.

 

Exactly, if you do nothing, at least you won't look back and regret doing nothing. Whereas, if you do something you can easily regret your actions.

[Smokeshow]

I get all these thoughts like from a romantic movie, sometimes I'm thinking "hey, I'm gonna do anything it takes to get this fantastic girl back, i will do stuff like send her a rose to her work for each day that I'm without her, i will write a letter for each day I'm without her, i will send her a letter every friday with a love or song quote etc" Just to make her realize what kind of a guy i am, that she will never even find someone as near as good as 1% of me.

 

Then i stop thinking these thoughts and stay in this very hard thing called NC. Where i feel complete powerless, quiet with all the stuff in my chest, praying and waiting for something that might never come back. It just sucks big time.

 

I wish there was something, anything, i could say or do for her to give me a last chance. Everyone makes misstakes, everyone deserves a second chance, why must she punish me for a life time? Even murderers and rapists get the chance to explain their actions in court.

 

Women love confidence, when you portray to them that you want them instead of needing them they pick up on that subconsciously which attracts them. Sending a rose once a day, or sending letter and love quotes reeks of desperation. When you believe you are the real deal everything else follows. Believe in yourself and you will see results

[Satu]

 

*I wish there was something, anything, i could say or do for her to give me a last chance. Everyone makes misstakes, everyone deserves a second chance, why must she punish me for a life time? Even murderers and rapists get the chance to explain their actions in court.

 

*There isn't anything you can do to make her think, feel, or do what you want.

 

She thinks her own thoughts, feels her own feelings, and makes decisions based on that.

 

If I could speak to her about giving you 'one last chance,' she'd probably say you've already had it.

 

Think about yourself. Work on yourself. Make progress for yourself.

[dvx]

Life isn't like a romantic movie, you can't throw stones at her window until she answers and confess your love to her in the rain, while she runs downstairs and leaps into your arms. It doesn't work like that in real life I'm afraid.

.

Damnit i always had that picture in my head since i was a kid about how love works lol. I wish it was like that. Damn i've always been the good guy, that doesn't objectify women and use them for sex like most guys around here in my age do. They sleep with new women each week, talk about how many they've slept with and stuff. And the women still chase these guys. I could live that life too if i wanted but i don't, for me sex doesn't mean anything if there is no love involved. It just seems like its the good guys that always end up being dumped and left. I know exactly what mistakes i made but i mean there should be a last chance, it wasn't like i was cheating on her or something, i just had some trust issues since my last relationship, nothing major, if she would of just given me some more time and a bit of patience, i sure would of been better to her.

 

'Doing' nothing is the BEST thing you can do! For healing and any possibility (no matter how big or small) of reconciliation. When you truly look like you have given up on them is when they may come knocking. As people have said, by then, you may not want her back... The complete opposite of what you feel you should do is actually what you should do.

In my case i think they are very slim. Because.

1. We were only witch each other for 4 months, we weren't officially together, but we did spend time with each other every day, i basically lived at her place, we talked about the future, our marriage, kids, she wanted to introduce me to her family and friends and it was me i told her I'm not really ready to meet your friends and family after only this short of time.

2. She is older then me, much more experienced, she has had more relationships then me, she was even once engaged to a guy for 5 years and still when she left him after he cheated on her, she never reached out for him again.

 

If she didn't reach out to someone who she was engaged with, why would she reach out to someone she has only known for 4 months (me)? She is in her 30's where she wants something serious for life time, she doesn't wanna waste anymore time, the clock is ticking for her. Thats why i think my chances are very very low.

Women love confidence, when you portray to them that you want them instead of needing them they pick up on that subconsciously which attracts them. Sending a rose once a day, or sending letter and love quotes reeks of desperation. When you believe you are the real deal everything else follows. Believe in yourself and you will see results

Yeah but it's a bit too late now to show her my confidence i think. I did have confidence but there was just these small things that disturbed me, like if she liked or followed some dude on social media, if some old guy friend since before called her infront of me and stuff like that.

[Smokeshow]

Having confidence is not showing her it is how you portray yourself. Being jealous of who she talks with is a sign of insecurity. Confidence comes from within not from your actions

[banana1522]

when she left him after he cheated on her, she never reached out for him again.

 

If she didn't reach out to someone who she was engaged with, why would she reach out to someone she has only known for 4 months (me)?

 

Cheating is pretty serious. Respect to her for ditching the douchebag. If you were a gent and treated her well and now give her the space she wants, she will reach out (if she is still interested) The main point you need to bury into your head is that no amount of you continuing to act like you need her in your life will make her feel attraction to you! Behave like you are a man with choices, who doesn't feel affected when a girl says she doesn't want to be with him. You're a catch, if she doesn't want you then f*** her. It's her loss. If you think that way and behave like you believe it she will respect you. If you give chase she will LOSE respect. When someone doesn't respect you, they can never love you...

 

On what you have done so far, the past is done. You can't change it. You CAN change how you show up to her now though!

[dvx]

Having confidence is not showing her it is how you portray yourself. Being jealous of who she talks with is a sign of insecurity. Confidence comes from within not from your actions

 

But that train has left the station? Now my actions doesn't matter to her anymore. She left. I doubt i will get another chance to show my new confidence.

 

Cheating is pretty serious. Respect to her for ditching the douchebag. If you were a gent and treated her well and now give her the space she wants, she will reach out (if she is still interested) The main point you need to bury into your head is that no amount of you continuing to act like you need her in your life will make her feel attraction to you! Behave like you are a man with choices, who doesn't feel affected when a girl says she doesn't want to be with him. You're a catch, if she doesn't want you then f*** her. It's her loss. If you think that way and behave like you believe it she will respect you. If you give chase she will LOSE respect. When someone doesn't respect you, they can never love you...

 

On what you have done so far, the past is done. You can't change it. You CAN change how you show up to her now though!

I did treat her pretty well and she treated me, besides the small things she did and i reacted on them and showed my jealous side. She said it feels like I'm choking her mentally, that she is afraid to go out and do things she likes to do without it causing fights between us two. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship where she is not free to do all the things she feel like doing.

 

I never told her though what to do or not to do.

[banana1522]

I did treat her pretty well and she treated me, besides the small things she did and i reacted on them and showed my jealous side. She said it feels like I'm choking her mentally, that she is afraid to go out and do things she likes to do without it causing fights between us two. She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship where she is not free to do all the things she feel like doing.

 

The rules of attraction are numerous, one of them is never act jealous. It's unattractive, no matter how righteous you might feel for acting that way. If she cheats, dump her, if she makes you feel jealous or insecure and you show it , you will get shown the door eventually. You must be calm and centred and not fail s**t tests if they come your way. You even mention that you did't like her following random dudes on social media or her exes calling her up in front of you. Sure, you're entitled not to like that, but if you ever tell her it affects you rather than act like it's nothing, that will cause her attraction for you to drop... Simple.

 

If she says things like she feels you are choking her mentally then you are not loving her in a way that feels free. You must love in such a way that the other person feels free. If you try to lock someone down through words or actions they will run a mile to get their freedom back, which is why you must now go NC and let her come to you if she wants to! You might have felt like you were never dictating anything to her, but her words and actions towards you show a different story.

 

Finally, you say that the things she does causes fights between you. Arguing causes loss of attraction (obvious right), but often we take it for granted that if they like us, they won't let a silly argument ruin an otherwise good relationship. Wrong! Don't argue. Just don't. As a man you are suppose to shrink big problems down into little ones, not the other way around. If you get bitchy over things like who she is talking to or what she is doing and when, it comes across as needy, jealous and controlling. I'm sure you get the picture here.

Edited March 30, 2015 by banana1522

[dvx]

The rules of attraction are numerous, one of them is never act jealous. It's unattractive, no matter how righteous you might feel for acting that way. If she cheats, dump her, if she makes you feel jealous or insecure and you show it , you will get shown the door eventually. You must be calm and centred and not fail s**t tests if they come your way. You even mention that you did't like her following random dudes on social media or her exes calling her up in front of you. Sure, you're entitled not to like that, but if you ever tell her it affects you rather than act like it's nothing, that will cause her attraction for you to drop... Simple.

 

If she says things like she feels you are choking her mentally then you are not loving her in a way that feels free. You must love in such a way that the other person feels free. If you try to lock someone down through words or actions they will run a mile to get their freedom back, which is why you must now go NC and let her come to you if she wants to! You might have felt like you were never dictating anything to her, but her words and actions towards you show a different story.

 

Finally, you say that the things she does causes fights between you. Arguing causes loss of attraction (obvious right), but often we take it for granted that if they like us, they won't let a silly argument ruin an otherwise good relationship. Wrong! Don't argue. Just don't. As a man you are suppose to shrink big problems down into little ones, not the other way around. If you get bitchy over things like who she is talking to or what she is doing and when, it comes across as needy, jealous and controlling. I'm sure you get the picture here.

Thanks, it all makes sense now when you put it that way, even if it feels like it's too late to hear all this now.

 

Damn, where were you before I screwed up? If i would of just known these simple stuff around her I wouldn't even be anywhere near this awful situation i am in now.

[banana1522]

Thanks, it all makes sense now when you put it that way, even if it feels like it's too late to hear all this now.

 

Damn, where were you before I screwed up? If i would of just known these simple stuff around her I wouldn't even be anywhere near this awful situation i am in now.

 

Do what you can from now on dude. Brush it off, put it down to experience and learn from it! I did...

[dvx]

Here is my plan, I'm doing NC until i reach 30 days ( now on 10 )

 

If i haven't heard a single breadcrumb from her until then, I'm going to call her one last time or send the letter that I'm working on for closure.

 

I can't go on living on the hope that she will come back forever, therefor i give it 30 days of NC, if she doesn't come back during this period, she probably never will.

 

I mean we were together for only 4 months so more then 1 month is really not necessary when the relationship was so short. There is no need for me being in NC several months and hoping she will come back. I give it 1 month and reach out to her one last time after that. After that I'm moving on forever and knowing 100% that its over for good.

[Satu]

Here is my plan, I'm doing NC until i reach 30 days ( now on 10 )

 

If i haven't heard a single breadcrumb from her until then, I'm going to call her one last time or send the letter that I'm working on for closure.

 

I can't go on living on the hope that she will come back forever, therefor i give it 30 days of NC, if she doesn't come back during this period, she probably never will.

 

I mean we were together for only 4 months so more then 1 month is really not necessary when the relationship was so short. There is no need for me being in NC several months and hoping she will come back. I give it 1 month and reach out to her one last time after that. After that I'm moving on forever and knowing 100% that its over for good.

 

Thats a good plan.

[Jimmyjackson]

Here is my plan, I'm doing NC until i reach 30 days ( now on 10 )

 

If i haven't heard a single breadcrumb from her until then, I'm going to call her one last time or send the letter that I'm working on for closure.

 

I can't go on living on the hope that she will come back forever, therefor i give it 30 days of NC, if she doesn't come back during this period, she probably never will.

 

I mean we were together for only 4 months so more then 1 month is really not necessary when the relationship was so short. There is no need for me being in NC several months and hoping she will come back. I give it 1 month and reach out to her one last time after that. After that I'm moving on forever and knowing 100% that its over for good.

 

Reaching out one last time won't change anything, but I understand why you will do it. I myself went 30 days without contacting then messaged her to "test the waters" ...once I realised nothing had changed it was like the final nail in the coffin for me, it made me realise I needed to move on.

[dvx]

Thats a good plan.

 

Reaching out one last time won't change anything, but I understand why you will do it. I myself went 30 days without contacting then messaged her to "test the waters" ...once I realised nothing had changed it was like the final nail in the coffin for me, it made me realise I needed to move on.

I might give it 2 months of NC, depending how much progress i've made until then.

 

There's one other thing thats been circulating my mind recently, its that she is much more experienced then me when it comes to relationships then me, im relatively young (just turned 25) i've only had one relationship before her,

she on the other hand is turning 30 soon and has had several relationships before me, she's been through cheaters, been engaged etc.

 

So what if she really knows the basics of NC , she is used to NC, and she knows that i might be using it right now just to get her back, therefor she knows everything about breadcrumbs etc. Thats why she is completely silent? Or maybe she just needs more time then 10 days to start sending out breadcrumbs?

 

Maybe its impossible to get this kind of girl back ever because once she leaves, she's gone forever? Is she heartless or what?

 

Is it easier to get an unexperienced young girl back , then an older experienced one?

[Jimmyjackson]

I might give it 2 months of NC, depending how much progress i've made until then.

 

There's one other thing thats been circulating my mind recently, its that she is much more experienced then me when it comes to relationships then me, im relatively young (just turned 25) i've only had one relationship before her,

she on the other hand is turning 30 soon and has had several relationships before me, she's been through cheaters, been engaged etc.

 

So what if she really knows the basics of NC , she is used to NC, and she knows that i might be using it right now just to get her back, therefor she knows everything about breadcrumbs etc. Thats why she is completely silent? Or maybe she just needs more time then 10 days to start sending out breadcrumbs?

 

Maybe its impossible to get this kind of girl back ever because once she leaves, she's gone forever? Is she heartless or what?

 

Is it easier to get an unexperienced young girl back , then an older experienced one?

 

I know what you mean, my ex had 4 relationships before me and she was my first one, so she has also been through it all before too.

 

In regards to your questions, no-one can answer them really, it all depends on the individual in question. To say age is a factor, or whether she's gone for good or not, it would be naive for anyone to be able to suggest they can tell you the correct answer. Nobody can predict the future, you never know what will happen, but you can't also live your life in that frame of thought, you just need to live it.

 

Stay NC, if you reach out after 30 days or whatever then I can see why you would do that, maybe it will give you the final hint who knows.

[Satu]

 

So what if she really knows the basics of NC , she is used to NC, and she knows that i might be using it right now just to get her back, therefor she knows everything about breadcrumbs etc. Thats why she is completely silent? Or maybe she just needs more time then 10 days to start sending out breadcrumbs?

 

Maybe its impossible to get this kind of girl back ever because once she leaves, she's gone forever? Is she heartless or what?

 

Is it easier to get an unexperienced young girl back , then an older experienced one?

 

I can't answer those questions, because it's different from person to person.

 

*******************************************************

 

I'd just like to say how impressed I am with the progress you're making.

 

You should be proud of yourself.

 

I mean that most sincerely.

 

All the best,

 

 

Satu.

[Ruby65]

I mean we were together for only 4 months so more then 1 month is really not necessary when the relationship was so short. There is no need for me being in NC several months and hoping she will come back. I give it 1 month and reach out to her one last time after that. After that I'm moving on forever and knowing 100% that its over for good.

 

Just wondering.... why do you think this is true?

 

I've read through your posts, and I think it's a mistake to reach out so soon. She left because of your explosive jealousy. After which you sent her a *ten page letter* apologizing and explaining?

 

To reach out after just a month or two -- with please-lord-no-not-another-letter -- I think would be a big mistake.

 

She knows you want her back. She knows you're sorry. Beyond this -- what have you done to work on your jealousy? Are you in therapy? If not, it's time to start.

 

I'm guessing she wouldn't consider reconciling unless she could be sure you've made real improvements with this issue -- and that's just not possible in such a short period of time. People don't significantly change in just 30 or 60 days.

 

Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to stick to NC. But work on yourself, focus on your own issues. Every day might seem like an eternity to you -- but I promise you, to your ex it seems like you only just broke up a week ago.

 

Take this time to work on yourself. Then, IF she does decide to give you another chance a few months down the line, she can see you've made real progress and that you took your issues seriously.

 

And even if the worst happens and she doesn't come back to you.... working on your insecurity/jealousy issues will make you happier -- as well as making you a better partner for your future new way-better girlfriend.

[dvx]

I can't answer those questions, because it's different from person to person.

 

*******************************************************

 

I'd just like to say how impressed I am with the progress you're making.

 

You should be proud of yourself.

 

I mean that most sincerely.

 

All the best,

 

 

Satu.

Thank you for the encouraging words. I try my hardest to work on myself as much as possible. This is still very fresh though, even if it's 10 or 11 NC days now, it feels like yesterday she left, and i begged, and cried and felt suicidal. It may look as if I'm doing fine now, that might be because i still got the hope left.

 

But what will happen in a couple months if she hasn't reached out and when the hope starts to fade away? I just hope i don't really break down at that point, i hope i've become strong enough to realize it by then.

 

Just wondering.... why do you think this is true?

 

I've read through your posts, and I think it's a mistake to reach out so soon. She left because of your explosive jealousy. After which you sent her a *ten page letter* apologizing and explaining?

 

To reach out after just a month or two -- with please-lord-no-not-another-letter -- I think would be a big mistake.

 

She knows you want her back. She knows you're sorry. Beyond this -- what have you done to work on your jealousy? Are you in therapy? If not, it's time to start.

 

I'm guessing she wouldn't consider reconciling unless she could be sure you've made real improvements with this issue -- and that's just not possible in such a short period of time. People don't significantly change in just 30 or 60 days.

 

Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to stick to NC. But work on yourself, focus on your own issues. Every day might seem like an eternity to you -- but I promise you, to your ex it seems like you only just broke up a week ago.

 

Take this time to work on yourself. Then, IF she does decide to give you another chance a few months down the line, she can see you've made real progress and that you took your issues seriously.

 

And even if the worst happens and she doesn't come back to you.... working on your insecurity/jealousy issues will make you happier -- as well as making you a better partner for your future new way-better girlfriend.

Yes, the only reason i think so is that she will have enough time to find someone else and completely move on. I don't wanna sit around and wait until that happens without even taking the last chance to reach out one last time to make sure.

 

The new letter i would like to send is not an apology, begging or second chance wanting letter. I am focusing on myself and have booked appointments for therapy at a private clinic around here, but what if she just doesn't care about any of the effort i do? Whether its therapy, changing etc. Im reading books about psychology, jealousy, relationships, basically teaching and learning myself how to become less jealous and more secure about my self. I've read the " no more mr. nice guy" book and i can relate to many of the things in there, where the insecurity came from, and why i did some of the actions i did.

 

So yeah nr 1 step is to start acknowledging what needs changing and what went wrong, and thats what i've been doing thus far.

[Ruby65]

Wanting to rush to contact her so she doesn't have time to find someone else....

 

.... sounds like you haven't made enough progress with your jealousy or insecurity issues.

 

You're only going to come off needy, desperate and (yeah) insecure if you contact her so quickly. And you had your big *letter* moment.... honestly, ten pages is way over the top. Don't send her anymore letters.

 

Your best bet is to SHOW -- not TELL -- that you're working on yourself and stop trying to control the outcome of this breakup. Start your therapy, give it a few months and then re-evaluate.

 

Have you read this guide? It will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.