Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 You tried the "Do you know what would look good on you? Me!" line didn't you? Before you get mad, I'm just playing. Lol Simon, well played. I may have gotten a response by now if I used that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Things I guess happen for a reason, so the ex texted me back last night but I met someone a few days ago that I want to see where things go. I haven't responded to her and I don't think I will as it is not fair to the new girl. It's not always a bad thing to break NC as long as you are prepared to deal with whatever comes out of doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
banana1522 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 You don't have to give details if you don't want but was her reply positive, negative, indifferent... Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 You don't have to give details if you don't want but was her reply positive, negative, indifferent... Just curious. It definitely wasn't negative, maybe more positive than indifferent. The fact that she took 4 days to respond I guess could mean that she was indifferent to the original text but who knows really Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 This is why you don't contact exes... There's no respect between the two of you, that's why you guys are playing tag with each other. Seriously, what do you get out of this, except unnecessary drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well we had a nice long chat and decided to try this again and take it slow. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is right after taking some time away from everything, it doesn't always turn out bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well we had a nice long chat and decided to try this again and take it slow. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is right after taking some time away from everything, it doesn't always turn out bad. That's good. What were the reasons for your break up? Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well we had a nice long chat and decided to try this again and take it slow. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is right after taking some time away from everything, it doesn't always turn out bad. My Nigga! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 So I met up with my ex last night for the first time since Sept. She did tell me as much as she wanted to reach out she knew she couldn't because she ended things but was extremely happy I did. We are going to take things slow this time around and work on us. Time will tell if this will last but she left with a huge smile on her face and said she is focused on making this work for the long term. I wouldn't recommend contacting your ex until you are sure that whatever response or lack of one you will get won't faze you. I did and I think it was the best decision for us. I don't want to give false hope to anyone hurting right now because I was in the same position when everything went down. I went NC and focused on making ME better. That is the only advice I can give to all of you that are heartbroken right now but trust me you will get through this as long as you focus on getting YOU back for yourself not them. Good luck to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Confused. Thought you only wanted her for sex? Now you're back together? Oh... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Funny how things turn out Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Funny how things turn out Were you in complete NC for 5 months? Why did she wait for you to reach out if she was the dumper? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Were you in complete NC for 5 months? Why did she wait for you to reach out if she was the dumper? Strict NC for close to 6 months. From what she told me even though she had regrets breaking up with me she also said it would have been selfish of her to contact me because she made the decision to end things and felt that I had moved on and didn't want to create any problems by reaching out to me. Edited April 6, 2015 by Smokeshow Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Strict NC for close to 6 months. From what she told me even though she had regrets breaking up with me she also said it would have been selfish of her to contact me because she made the decision to end things and felt that I had moved on and didn't want to create any problems by reaching out to me. That's kind of crappy logic on her part, but hey, it worked out I guess. I'm guessing she would have eventually said "f--k it" and contacted you, but it doesn't really matter at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 That's kind of crappy logic on her part, but hey, it worked out I guess. I'm guessing she would have eventually said "f--k it" and contacted you, but it doesn't really matter at this point. I agree Simon but you never really know why people are thinking the way they do. I heard from a friend of hers today that she was having a tough go of things especially around Xmas time and she does work with a family member (who introduced us) and probably didn't want to have any animosity at work if I wasn't receptive to her reaching out. You just never know what people are thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I agree Simon but you never really know why people are thinking the way they do. I heard from a friend of hers today that she was having a tough go of things especially around Xmas time and she does work with a family member (who introduced us) and probably didn't want to have any animosity at work if I wasn't receptive to her reaching out. You just never know what people are thinking I mean, you worked through it, you recovered, I have no problem with you doing what you did necessarily. But I'm just concerned that some dumpee that is nowhere in the correct state of mind is going to read this, say "maybe my ex is like this guy's!", clumsily contact them and find themselves in a world of hurt. Like I said, it's irrelevant now, but had you not contacted her at this time she would have eventually caved. Not sure how long it would have taken, but it would have happened. Her pride wasn't going to prevent her from taking some steps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 (edited) I mean, you worked through it, you recovered, I have no problem with you doing what you did necessarily. But I'm just concerned that some dumpee that is nowhere in the correct state of mind is going to read this, say "maybe my ex is like this guy's!", clumsily contact them and find themselves in a world of hurt. Like I said, it's irrelevant now, but had you not contacted her at this time she would have eventually caved. Not sure how long it would have taken, but it would have happened. Her pride wasn't going to prevent her from taking some steps. I totally agree Simon but I have repeatedly stated in this thread in order not to give false hope that I took a considerable amount of time away from anything to do with her in order to work on ME for ME. She did say to me that if I had tried any contact with her especially within the first couple of months it would have only pushed her further away and reinforced her decision to leave. I'm guessing by me going ghost on her it gave her time to realize what she lost and then after figuring out her feelings, due to the extenuating circumstances, made her hold back from contacting me either because of the work situation and/or because of her fear of me rejecting her after putting me through the heartache I endured after the BU. I really do appreciate what you guys on LS taught me in the first couple of months after my BU to help me be a better person for ME. A lot of you deserve a big thank you for helping me through it all. So thanks for the love and even though we wouldn't recognize each other if we walked past each other on the street, I feel as though we are friends due to the caring each of you showed by taking the time to respond and help shed some light when it was a dark time for myself Edited April 6, 2015 by Smokeshow Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I totally agree Simon but I have repeatedly stated in this thread in order not to give false hope that I took a considerable amount of time away from anything to do with her in order to work on ME for ME. She did say to me that if I had tried any contact with her especially within the first couple of months it would have only pushed her further away and reinforced her decision to leave. I'm guessing by me going ghost on her it gave her time to realize what she lost and then after figuring out her feelings, due to the extenuating circumstances, made her hold back from contacting me either because of the work situation and/or because of her fear of me rejecting her after putting me through the heartache I endured after the BU. I really do appreciate what you guys on LS taught me in the first couple of months after my BU to help me be a better person for ME. A lot of you deserve a big thank you for helping me through it all. So thanks for the love and even though we wouldn't recognize each other if we walked past each other on the street, I feel as though we are friends due to the caring each of you showed by taking the time to respond and help shed some light when it was a dark time for myself How long were you together for? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I totally agree Simon but I have repeatedly stated in this thread in order not to give false hope that I took a considerable amount of time away from anything to do with her in order to work on ME for ME. She did say to me that if I had tried any contact with her especially within the first couple of months it would have only pushed her further away and reinforced her decision to leave. I'm guessing by me going ghost on her it gave her time to realize what she lost and then after figuring out her feelings, due to the extenuating circumstances, made her hold back from contacting me either because of the work situation and/or because of her fear of me rejecting her after putting me through the heartache I endured after the BU. I really do appreciate what you guys on LS taught me in the first couple of months after my BU to help me be a better person for ME. A lot of you deserve a big thank you for helping me through it all. So thanks for the love and even though we wouldn't recognize each other if we walked past each other on the street, I feel as though we are friends due to the caring each of you showed by taking the time to respond and help shed some light when it was a dark time for myself I'm not criticizing you at all, so don't take it that way. And I know you've put out the disclaimer. A lot of dumpees will just look past it unfortunately. Either way, I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't, at least you know you'll be fine and be able to take that next step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm not criticizing you at all, so don't take it that way. And I know you've put out the disclaimer. A lot of dumpees will just look past it unfortunately. Either way, I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't, at least you know you'll be fine and be able to take that next step. It's tough to get the tone of my posts across properly but criticsm is definitely not how I take your advice as. Especially towards you Simon, I have read a lot of your posts and you are very wise and I would recommend anyone that reads them to take them to heart as you genuinely care for the people on here. Sure it has worked out in getting a second chance for me but by no means do I recommend my way of going about attempting to contact my ex as the right way. I only want to reiterate that until YOU work on yourself after something as dramatic as a BU is, only then can you even consider contacting an ex. My attempt worked out with probably the best results you can hope for but I'm also very aware how infrequent they are. Just focus on yourself and become the person you want to be and achieve to be and when that happens then I truly believe anything is possible Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Just an update to my story, we have been working out our differences and communication has been key on both ends. We have decided to move in together and have bought a place, we move in at the end of Aug. There is still a ton of work to do but knowing we are both committed to this journey with each other takes a lot of stress off of wondering what if? This is still a project that will need conditioning but we are working on it and I'm happy! Peace 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Haha congrats SmokeShow, I think I'm approaching a similar state of indifference and have my confidence back although many of the same posters giving you grief would adamantly disagree Hope it continues to work out well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 Wow this is a lot of work. Love your girl but stick to your foundation! They will love you more Link to post Share on other sites
Frogwife Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Strict NC for close to 6 months. From what she told me even though she had regrets breaking up with me she also said it would have been selfish of her to contact me because she made the decision to end things and felt that I had moved on and didn't want to create any problems by reaching out to me. That's kind of crappy logic on her part, but hey, it worked out I guess. I'm guessing she would have eventually said "f--k it" and contacted you, but it doesn't really matter at this point. It may seem like "crappy logic" but this exactly the kind of sentiment that is rife on sites with a lot of sad, broken people... I have seen multiple posts where the person who ended the relationship is called "selfish" for contacting the person they left (especially if it's not done on a white horse with a boombox over their head saying "I made a huge mistake - I want you back" as the first phrase out of their mouth).. it's usually labeled - and urged to be dismissed as - "breadcrumbs". The people who leave are damned if they do and damned if they don't... they don't contact, they are not interested. They do contact, and they are throwing out selfish breadcrumbs... People choose to leave relationships for a reason - perhaps they weren't being treated well or their needs weren't being met - and sometimes the "dumpee" has to reach out and make a little more effort at the beginning if they want a chance to try again and a chance to show the person who left that they have worked on some of the issues that caused them to leave in the first place. You can't do that with "no contact". If reaching out and not getting the response you were hoping for sets someone ALL THE WAY back to zero, then they probably need to get some professional help. For the majority of people, I imagine, it might just be a little set back and you move on either way - with or without the person. But I would rather try and fail - which I do - than not try and never know. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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