Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Mature adults aren't immune to getting hurt. Also, as more time passes, you may feel indifferent, but 'feeling' indifferent and truly 'being' indifferent are two separate states. Methinks if you were truly indifferent, you wouldn't feel the need to reach out to her. I mean, all the people in my life I'm 'truly' indifferent about, I don't feel an urge to contact. The point is, you may feel like you don't care what happens, and you might end up caring. Feelings are tricky. Five months of no contact is not that long, and I wouldn't be advocating 'hey peeps, if you feel indifferent, go for it,' because, as demonstrated by many posts here, people may think they're indifferent, and then they reach out and then reality sets in and it's only a matter of time before they start stressing about the response, non response, or whatever. Furthermore, the fact that you want to hook up with her shows some desire on your part for her, so it doesn't seem like you're as over it as you think. I had a dream about her last night, there is no hidden agenda that I want to contact her other than having a fun night if she even wants to. I haven't thought of her for a couple of months. My only desire to be with her is due to the dream I had. Like I said repeatedly, if there is no reponse or something to the likes of get lost than so be it. The thread was started to give people some support that as bad as things are after a BU they do get better and when you are able to handle whatever might get thrown your way if you decide to contact your ex then do it. That's all. It has nothing to do with anything other than that Edited March 19, 2015 by Smokeshow Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) Well you sure talk a good game. So we shall see how this turns out for you. If you're so cool with it, then why talk about it so much? Why the hesitation in pressing send on the text or calling? Just do it, dude. I mean, if you have no qualms about the outcome. You don't have to convince us... @Prayingfordaylight, I agree we all handle things differently, but I stand by my perspective. Watch and wait is the approach I'm taking with this one... Edited March 19, 2015 by dyna85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Well you sure talk a good game. So we shall see how this turns out for you. If you're so cool with it, then why talk about it so much? Why the hesitation in pressing send on the text or calling? Just do it, dude. I mean, if you have no qualms about the outcome. You don't have to convince us... @Prayingfordaylight, I agree we all handle things differently, but I stand by my perspective. Watch and wait is the approach I'm taking with this one... It's not a game lol, I sent the text a couple of hours ago and it has nothing to do with how it turns out. I'm talking about it because I'm responding to people's posts, I thought that was what these forums were for? It really is a shame people think there is always an ulterior motive behind things. Sometimes people do what they want because they want to. I would never advise people to do this unless they are able to deal with things without getting hurt. I've been there and know how it feels, like I said it was not a bad breakup, I wouldn't recommend what i'm doing unless you are accepting of the fact that whatever happens happens and you have no worries about it. I started this thread to let people know you will feel better and your life will move forward Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 If you are so keen on moving forward, then why are you contacting the ex who dumped you? She may well be up for a f*ck for old times sake, but she may well also dump you again the next day. She may also not appreciate the booty call, who knows? I guess though, she will not be the one who is hurt when it all falls flat, I guess that will be you. After 5 months your sub conscious is still thinking about her, still desiring her, so whilst you may think you can handle this as a "mature adult", I doubt very much that you can. So far from giving hope to others, this is just stupid IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 If you are so keen on moving forward, then why are you contacting the ex who dumped you? She may well be up for a f*ck for old times sake, but she may well also dump you again the next day. She may also not appreciate the booty call, who knows? I guess though, she will not be the one who is hurt when it all falls flat, I guess that will be you. After 5 months your sub conscious is still thinking about her, still desiring her, so whilst you may think you can handle this as a "mature adult", I doubt very much that you can. So far from giving hope to others, this is just stupid IMO. I agree, i don't think you're over her as much as you think you are if you're subconsciously thinking about her. If you're over your ex I don't think you want anything to do with them, and would much rather look forward to sleeping with new people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 This unreal, happy to hear what the other pyschiatrists on this forum think. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Smoke show, we're not hear to give you the answer you want. We're here to give you our unbridled opinions. Why is it unreal? Because we see through the smoke screen (no pun intended)? Not contacting someone shows more indifference than contacting the person. That's all. Digging into your past for something, anything, shows that there's some sort of care there... whether or not you wish to admit that to yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 This unreal, happy to hear what the other pyschiatrists on this forum think. First of all, chill out with the defensiveness. If you are so secure in what's going to happen, then you wouldn't get all hyper-defensive and pissy when people express concern. No one is condemning you, so settle down. Second of all, there are a lot of pitfalls. a) you could unwittingly catch feelings b) she could unwittingly catch feelings c) she could get pissed at you trying to make her a slampiece d) it could be weird and cause unnecessary drama e) she could think you're a scumbag and let everyone you know mutually that f) she could want to hang out with you but not have sex. There are a lot of other possibilities besides this random "dream" that has you all aflutter. I'm not going to rip on you for wanting ex sex -- I did that in college. But while you might get a good bang, you also might be introducing drama and tension into your life. It was a dream man. I have sex dreams about exes from years ago. If anything, it might be an indication you need to meet someone else to sleep with, not rewind the Blu-Ray movie of your life. Either way, best of luck. But relax. The more you protest and act all goofy, the more you undermine your points. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Plenty of people to sleep with (if you're into that sort of thing). Why an ex? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Plenty of people to sleep with (if you're into that sort of thing). Why an ex? This is a wonderful question. It's one thing if you run into her randomly somewhere, sparks fly and boom, you're doing the no-pants dance. This isn't exactly that though. There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 edit to my own post above: *here not 'hear' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Smoke show, we're not hear to give you the answer you want. We're here to give you our unbridled opinions. Why is it unreal? Because we see through the smoke screen (no pun intended)? Not contacting someone shows more indifference than contacting the person. That's all. Digging into your past for something, anything, shows that there's some sort of care there... whether or not you wish to admit that to yourself. I wasn't looking for answers I was stating that you will get through your heartache that's all. There is no digging into the past, I'm sorry a lot of you have been hurt by your exes and want nothing to do with them. Every situation is different, for all of you to think that this is some sort of way to rekindle some flame that was extinguished 5 months ago is ridiculous. My point is and has always been is that you do move on, no one can break you unless you let them. Most people on here are afraid of being rejected again hence NC. I'm past that and just want to let people know it can and will be done. If you're still hanging on to some slim thread of hope then obviously you're not to the point I'm at but it will come be patient Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I wasn't looking for answers I was stating that you will get through your heartache that's all. There is no digging into the past, I'm sorry a lot of you have been hurt by your exes and want nothing to do with them. Every situation is different, for all of you to think that this is some sort of way to rekindle some flame that was extinguished 5 months ago is ridiculous. My point is and has always been is that you do move on, no one can break you unless you let them. Most people on here are afraid of being rejected again hence NC. I'm past that and just want to let people know it can and will be done. If you're still hanging on to some slim thread of hope then obviously you're not to the point I'm at but it will come be patient Contacting an ex is digging into the past. Hello? You don't want to rekindle some flame that was extinguished 5 months ago? Dude, 5 months is not a decade. You need to chill, for real. You're trying way too hard to negate your underlying emotions, which are evidenced by your actions. If a dude from the past is hitting me up after I rejected him, there's still feelings there. Say what you want. Also, you don't need to comfort us. We're good. We don't need to contact our exes to validate the fact that we're cool without them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Contacting an ex is digging into the past. Hello? You don't want to rekindle some flame that was extinguished 5 months ago? Dude, 5 months is not a decade. You need to chill, for real. You're trying way too hard to negate your underlying emotions, which are evidenced by your actions. If a dude from the past is hitting me up after I rejected him, there's still feelings there. Say what you want. Also, you don't need to comfort us. We're good. We don't need to contact our exes to validate the fact that we're cool without them. I think I'm pretty chilled out about the whole situation, again this is a forum where people are heartbroken and I understand that, but not every situation is the same, what might be right for you is not necessarily right for everyone else. I'm not trying to give false hope to anyone, all I'm saying is if you're content with whatever outcome may present itself to you then I see no reason to contact your ex. It's never as cut and dry as people make it Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 So, I'm curious. What exactly did you say in the text to her? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 What was her response? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Sorry to disappoint but no word as of yet. If I hear anything I promise to post an update Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Sorry to disappoint but no word as of yet. If I hear anything I promise to post an update When did you text her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 When did you text her? Yesterday evening Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 smokeshow, the reason everyone is giving you so much grief is because yes it is a risky situation, that 5 months of no contact and just in the snap of your fingers you could be back at square 1 again. But also you dont deserve the grief being given. they are trying to give you advice but some are giving it quite tough to you because you arent taking on board some of their points. Only you can tell yourself what to do, if you know that there's nothing she can do to hurt you and there is no bad outcome in this situation then by all means, go ahead and do what you like. But 5 months is actually quite a long time to get over someone so she might be completely over you by now? is that going to hurt your pride (or even heart) when you reach out and she blows you off and is like sorry ive got a bf now? Ive had one of those exact same dreams, mine was actually of a girl that i only had a "fling" with but knew for quite a while. and i also had this dream when i was in a relationship with my ex whom dumped me and whom i loved so much and still do. I was completely attracted to my ex and then 1 night had this seductive dream about that girl that i hadnt seen in like half a year and who i dont even have a thing for? shes just pretty and thats it. but after this dream i was infatuated with this girl for like 3 days, i was with my ex and still thinking about that girl. I had no clue why? it was all because of the dream. but after a few days that phase had faded and i didnt like the girl anymore. I almost felt like i was cheating on my ex though but i wouldnt ever do it and i dont even like the girl and she has a bf too. I think youre letting your dream get the best of you, best piece of advice is to let her go man. dont act on a silluy little dream that showed you false happiness. i love my ex so much that i know if we went 5 months no contact then there would be no way in hell i would contact her again. you may feel improved but why risk going back to being heartbroken again. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Yesterday evening I think the fact she hasn't replied yet speaks volumes, does it not? Probably thought you were either trolling or found it offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 I think the fact she hasn't replied yet speaks volumes, does it not? Probably thought you were either trolling or found it offensive. You may be right Jimmy but those are the breaks when contacting an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I'm also interested in what you texted her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smokeshow Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 I'd rather keep what I said in the message private and I'm not sure it will bring any relevance to the thread but I'm sure you can get the gist of it from my opening post Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I'd rather keep what I said in the message private and I'm not sure it will bring any relevance to the thread but I'm sure you can get the gist of it from my opening post You tried the "Do you know what would look good on you? Me!" line didn't you? Before you get mad, I'm just playing. Link to post Share on other sites
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