She Ruined My Life, and I Let Her

[irishguy]

Ye maybe you should treat her like just everybody else,pretend that you are over her and it doesnt bother you seeing her .I guess you should go with whichever is easiest for you to do

[LifeWasted]

Ye maybe you should treat her like just everybody else,pretend that you are over her and it doesnt bother you seeing her .I guess you should go with whichever is easiest for you to do

 

That is kind of what I plan on doing. Outwardly I will exude ambivalence, and be cool and polite.

 

But inwardly my intestines will be wrapping themselves in knots.

[LifeWasted]

Like I said earlier, I'm not going to stop living my life here in my new home, and I'm not going to avoid those places where 'm afraid she might be. I refuse to let her bad behavior dictate my future and impede my personal freedom.

[Lion Heart]

Lots of stuff to do! I have dawdled too long being a handyman to a thankless woman. Never again.

 

Hi Life, hopefully there are few more "nevers" in your list!

Great no more free handyman.

No more custom made flooring for ungrateful people.

No more paying money out for anyone's house.

Pay board if you choose!

 

I will never be with a man who's cheated on his W OR GF.

Never have a joint account.

Never buy property with another man.

 

Maybe even never trust anyone 100% for the rest of my life.

 

LH

[HereNorThere]

She's stalking me.

 

I was driving back from the supermarket and saw her following me about three cars back. I made sure not to drive back to my apartment. I drove to a warehouse part of town and sure enough she was behind me about a quarter mile all the way. I eventually lost her by driving fast and ducking off side streets and alleys.

 

Man this is freaking me out. I can only guess she spotted me and was going to follow me to see where I am living.

 

I don't get it. She has a young boy-toy to keep her satisfied. Why all the interest in boring old me?

 

I had a friends ex-wife do the same thing. She cheated on him, they divorced, she eventually marries one of the OMs, but then he catches her driving by his work, stalking his online accounts, etc. I never could really fathom why she would treat him so horribly and leave him yet still be obsessed with him. The only thing that ever made any sense to me was control. He was the life of the party until they married and then he settled down a bit. Once they divorced and she lost that control, it just burned her up inside to know that he resumed his life without her. She was stuck in a predictable, boring marriage with the OM (who isn't nearly as awesome as my friend) and I think it just ate her alive inside. Lol, to this day, I think she still sends him naked pictures when she's drunk. Personally, I'd send the pics to her new husband, but apparently my friend sort of digs knowing that she pines for him. Love is pretty sick and twisted sometimes.

[fellini]

The strange thing is people continue to conclude that OP is the victim of another person's behaviours. He is a victim of his own.

 

Just like that long horrible story of the cousin with the cheating bipolar IN THE END the analysis is that the cousin was a victim of the behaviours of his wife.

 

I strongly disagree. If i accept that I am where I am because someone, regardless of how close to me they are/were, did something that I saw myself, even participated in, then I am no better than a wayward who blames infidelity on the spouse.

 

The bipolar cheated. But the cousin was responsible for years of silly blind love that cost him financially just as OP. Her cheating is not the cause of any of that.

 

Had OP'S GF NOT cheated but merely ended her relationship because she stopped caring enough to be with him, his emotional investments in her and those financial/work related in her home remain.

 

It seems harsh, but going forward means learning from experience, not just escaping it. The OP had already been cheated on before, and the cousin knew from go he was not sure he should have married. That and he knew the financial implications of losing a wage earner.

 

It's tempting to want to wrap all those personal mistakes into a WS or WGF, but i think it's not a good idea in the long run

Edited March 24, 2015 by fellini

[LifeWasted]

Not to be cruel but you have to take some blame. I guess you are a nice guy. Get this women don't respect nice guys. You were too nice to her. She didn't have to earn you so she took you for granted. It's your personality you can't change that. It will happen to you again, despite what kind of woman you are with. You could be with the ugliest orca with hair on her legs and armpits and she will still cheat on you because you are too nice. You need to make her earn your trust, reward and punish her. Set boundaries. She took you for an idiot and you got walked over.

 

Consider yourself lucky you didn't marry her . Move back to where you came from. Look to change your attitude to women before dating again. I'm not saying be a jerk but you need to play it smart. Relationships are always a balance of power. You gave it all to her when you moved to be with her. She had you around her little finger and she punished you for it.

 

Nope, nope aaaaand nope. I will give you a like for this post even though you are wrong on almost all counts.

 

I'm not a "nice" guy. Ask any of my crewmen and even my boss. I'm a hardass foreman. I have no problem firing slackers or coming down hard workers who screw off. I tell panhandlers to **** off and get a job when they come up asking for handouts. I built a $10 million dollar company up from nothing, stayed in business for 15 years. You don't do that by being a pushover in the construction business.

 

Originally when I moved here, I was going to rent an apartment. My xWGF begged me to move in with her, saying that if I got my own apartment she would just be over there all the time anyway so what was the point?

 

During the time we lived together I worked on her house while looking for a job here...mainly because as far as I was concerned I was earning my keep and providing her a value in work instead of a share of the rent. With the new kitchen I built her, her house value probably went up 150% of the amount of my own money that I put into it... probaly about $15k.

 

No, she didn't ask me to do that...I did it because I believe that you do your share and pull your weight. And I did it because I loved her. You do things like that for people you love.

 

I helped cook and clean and run her daughter to school events because that's what you do when you live with someone and share their life. I cleaned up my own messes, worked with her in the yard, helped make the beds, and did other chores around the house that must be done in order to live a civilized life with someone. I don't call any of that being a "nice guy". What was I supposed to do? Sit on my duff and chug beer all evening while she cooked and cleaned?

 

As far as the relationship went, I was gentleman and I was kind, but not a pushover. I wouldn't let her verbally abuse me and I never abused her. I always tried to speak to her lovingly. I never once sacrificed my own honor and self respect for her---not once. I saw her imperfections for what they were. I never had her on a pedestal.

 

So I don't know where you come off saying I was a "nice guy". I'm just a guy.

 

Where I failed was not being as vigilant as I should have been.

[LifeWasted]

The strange thing is people continue to conclude that OP is the victim of another person's behaviours. He is a victim of his own.

 

Just like that long horrible story of the cousin with the cheating bipolar IN THE END the analysis is that the cousin was a victim of the behaviours of his wife.

 

I strongly disagree. If i accept that I am where I am because someone, regardless of how close to me they are/were, did something that I saw myself, even participated in, then I am no better than a wayward who blames infidelity on the spouse.

 

The bipolar cheated. But the cousin was responsible for years of silly blind love that cost him financially just as OP. Her cheating is not the cause of any of that.

 

Had OP'S GF NOT cheated but merely ended her relationship because she stopped caring enough to be with him, his emotional investments in her and those financial/work related in her home remain.

 

It seems harsh, but going forward means learning from experience, not just escaping it. The OP had already been cheated on before, and the cousin knew from go he was not sure he should have married. That and he knew the financial implications of losing a wage earner.

 

It's tempting to want to wrap all those personal mistakes into a WS or WGF, but i think it's not a good idea in the long run

 

Like I said in the previous post, the ONLY mistake i made was not being vigilant and recognizing the red flags she was throwing up. Maybe also trying to be too accommodating to her social needs.

 

Other than that? I was a kickass boyfriend, and she's going to regret f_cking this whole thing up the way she did.

[LifeWasted]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

[GorillaTheater]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

 

Congrats, brother.

 

It won't be too long before all this crap is just a bad memory.

[AprilTears]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

 

Congratulations! You seem to be doing all the right things to get through this stage of your break up. It sucks, I know but keep pushing on and you'll get through it just fine.

[LifeWasted]

What the license will allow me to do is to perform work within my company as a joint contractor, which will allow us to do more kinds of specialized work. It will also pave the way for me to eventually buy my boss out in a few years. I'll keep his trademark and the company name but it will be mine to run.

[Timshel]

You could be with the ugliest orca with hair on her legs and armpits and she will still cheat on you because you are too nice[/b].

 

Wow

 

Congratulations LW, you are not this guy!

[writergal]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

 

Congratulations LW! One major item to ✔ off your "to-do" list.

[beach]

I hope you stop by her work and tell her to stop following you!

 

And say it in front of everyone and loud enough so others question her motives.

[lgspot]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

Congratulations on the license!!!!

Hang in there. Good things are happening.

You're making a great recovery considering the blindside.

Keep the good news coming.

 

Curious, have you heard from her daughter?

[LifeWasted]

Congratulations on the license!!!!

Hang in there. Good things are happening.

You're making a great recovery considering the blindside.

Keep the good news coming.

 

Curious, have you heard from her daughter?

 

No I havent. That's okay. She doesn't need a reminder about what an idiot her mom is. She has to live with that woman. I just hope she doesn't take after her.

[LifeWasted]

I hope you stop by her work and tell her to stop following you!

 

And say it in front of everyone and loud enough so others question her motives.

 

Yeah that would be fun. But no. I won't sacrifice my principles to be like that. If I were to do that it would just prove to her that she is getting to me. Ignoring her, I think, is the best course.

[happyman64]

You ignore her until she ends up at your doorstep or at your place of work.

 

 

Then you deal with her in a cool, calm but stern demeanor.

 

 

She is messed up. And I think she always thought she would never get caught.

 

 

You were her backup plan.

 

 

Hopefully her sanity will come back and she will get professional help.

 

 

She needs it. Don't be afraid to tell her just that.

 

 

Sooner or later she will get a clue. But first she has to finish crashing and burning.

 

 

And I'm sure she looks like a huge idiot within her circle of "fake" friends.

 

 

Keep the focus on you like you have been doing.

 

 

HM

[sandylee1]

Not to be cruel but you have to take some blame. I guess you are a nice guy. Get this women don't respect nice guys. You were too nice to her. She didn't have to earn you so she took you for granted. It's your personality you can't change that. It will happen to you again, despite what kind of woman you are with. You could be with the ugliest orca with hair on her legs and armpits and she will still cheat on you because you are too nice. You need to make her earn your trust, reward and punish her. Set boundaries. She took you for an idiot and you got walked over.

 

Consider yourself lucky you didn't marry her . Move back to where you came from. Look to change your attitude to women before dating again. I'm not saying be a jerk but you need to play it smart. Relationships are always a balance of power. You gave it all to her when you moved to be with her. She had you around her little finger and she punished you for it.

 

I don't see where he is to blame at all. Contrary to what people may say, plenty woman like nice guys. The problem and charecter flaw lies with those that cheat. To be sleeping with more than one other, unless you have an open relationship is out and out wrong.

 

When I see/hear pregnant women or those who have a child and don't know who the father is it really disgusts me. The one person who should have no doubt who fathered her child, not knowing because she's had more than one man in such a close proximity.

 

LW - You're great just as you are. These two women just never appreciated you. Their loss.

[sandylee1]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

 

Congratulations to you. You really are a clever successful man. It totally beats me why she didn't she what she had in you. A decent stand up guy.

[cgiles]

Oh, and by the way, I passed my state contractor's test yesterday. In 30 days my license should be hanging on my wall.

 

Congratulation.

 

When I advised you to read "no more mr nice guy" I didn't think to advice you that because you are a "nice guy", just because you been cheated on two times.

So maybe you have some traits of a "nice guy", or you just been unlucky two times.

The only thing which would stick with the description of Glover about nice guy, is you give a lot to those you love.

 

But you didn't reacted like one as you found out what she was doing in your back, you respected yourself, and stand for yourself.

 

Some people are very successful in their fields, but are NG in their personnal life, intimate or with their relatives.

[troubadour]

Not to be cruel but you have to take some blame. I guess you are a nice guy. Get this women don't respect nice guys. You were too nice to her. She didn't have to earn you so she took you for granted. It's your personality you can't change that. It will happen to you again, despite what kind of woman you are with. You could be with the ugliest orca with hair on her legs and armpits and she will still cheat on you because you are too nice. You need to make her earn your trust, reward and punish her. Set boundaries. She took you for an idiot and you got walked over.

 

Consider yourself lucky you didn't marry her . Move back to where you came from. Look to change your attitude to women before dating again. I'm not saying be a jerk but you need to play it smart. Relationships are always a balance of power. You gave it all to her when you moved to be with her. She had you around her little finger and she punished you for it.

 

 

Dude, the drivel you posted above is patently absurd and simply begs for diverse laughter.

[AprilTears]

Yeah that would be fun. But no. I won't sacrifice my principles to be like that. If I were to do that it would just prove to her that she is getting to me. Ignoring her, I think, is the best course.

 

Smart man! You are exactky right! Ignoring is absolutely the best course!

[LifeWasted]

I don't see where he is to blame at all. Contrary to what people may say, plenty woman like nice guys. The problem and charecter flaw lies with those that cheat. To be sleeping with more than one other, unless you have an open relationship is out and out wrong.

 

When I see/hear pregnant women or those who have a child and don't know who the father is it really disgusts me. The one person who should have no doubt who fathered her child, not knowing because she's had more than one man in such a close proximity.

 

LW - You're great just as you are. These two women just never appreciated you. Their loss.

 

 

It does make me think that something could be wrong with me.

 

I'm in good health, not really fat and I'm extremely strong, but I am also uglier than a rusted bolt. Maybe I'm just not good looking enough. I don't know.

 

I know its not how I treat these women...

 

Could I be boring?