Clay Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I am glad you did it. This will give him a chance to really heal. This will also give you a chance to move on and have a better life. Don't go to the wedding. Give them the space. You did the right thing. You should feel good about it. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I am wondering if I should tell my former friend the truth, or let it die? You tell him. He deserves to know his wife is a cheater. EDIT: ok, I read that you sent him an email telling him. Has he responded? Edited March 16, 2015 by Raines Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Now, should I go to the wedding he or both of them should be at May 2nd? It's an ex-roommate and college friend of mine, I feel like I show go and just avoid whoever is there. NO! At least let your friend have a pleasant time at the weddding. He is in the wedding party so he has no choice but to be there. You shouldn't go at this point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 He did respond. He wanted details of what happened after Nov. 1, that he would check up on her, so how did we meet etc. I replied with the details to that, and with screenshots he wanted showing the dates of texts. We left it at that and weren't going to contact each other again. Two days ago he emails me asking for all my texts as far back as I have, I don't know how to get those it would take like 1000 or more screenshots. I find it odd that he would want to read every detail of our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I find it odd that he would want to read every detail of our relationship. Maybe his wife is telling him something different than you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 He did respond. He wanted details of what happened after Nov. 1, that he would check up on her, so how did we meet etc. I replied with the details to that, and with screenshots he wanted showing the dates of texts. We left it at that and weren't going to contact each other again. Two days ago he emails me asking for all my texts as far back as I have, I don't know how to get those it would take like 1000 or more screenshots. I find it odd that he would want to read every detail of our relationship. Gee what a great guy you are, and courageously emailed him. First you shouldn't have told him, but if you did, have the guts to tell him to his face. Not ask for a new adviser then send an email. You're really a weasel. Have fun at the wedding. Make sure to bring your insurance card in case he rightfully knocks you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Gee what a great guy you are, and courageously emailed him. First you shouldn't have told him, but if you did, have the guts to tell him to his face. Why shouldn't he have told him? Doesn't this guy deserve to know the truth about his wife? And seems to me, based on his response and further questions, that he wants to know more about what kind of wife he has. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 He did respond. He wanted details of what happened after Nov. 1, that he would check up on her, so how did we meet etc. I replied with the details to that, and with screenshots he wanted showing the dates of texts. We left it at that and weren't going to contact each other again. Two days ago he emails me asking for all my texts as far back as I have, I don't know how to get those it would take like 1000 or more screenshots. I find it odd that he would want to read every detail of our relationship. There are some really good programs out there that you can use to dump your chat longs. It will allow you to print those out or even just copy them and paste them in a email. She is probably just saying your lieing and he needs more info to fight against her lies. Give him everything you can. Help him get away from her. No doubt you screwed up by cheating with her but there is nothing that says you can't do the right thing now and help him break free from her. Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Now, should I go to the wedding he or both of them should be at May 2nd? It's an ex-roommate and college friend of mine, I feel like I show go and just avoid whoever is there. Because you went into confessional with the betrayed husband slash former best friend does not exempt you from the messy aftermath. And, are you kidding me about going to a wedding and stand within feet of your former affair partner and her betrayed husband. I would ask him first if he is going and has any problems with you being there. He may think it is okay, until he actually lays eyes on you or alcohol becomes involved. He may not even be able to control himself and you (you mentioned money is tight) may be looking at getting a set of veneers and a couple's wedding ruined by an ugly brawl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Gee what a great guy you are, and courageously emailed him. First you shouldn't have told him, but if you did, have the guts to tell him to his face. Not ask for a new adviser then send an email. You're really a weasel. Have fun at the wedding. Make sure to bring your insurance card in case he rightfully knocks you out. He directly asked me if it got physical. I had already written an email months ago when I told him we couldn't be friends anymore. He thanked me for revealing the details of what happened so he could move on with his life, I think it was the right choice. Because you went into confessional with the betrayed husband slash former best friend does not exempt you from the messy aftermath. And, are you kidding me about going to a wedding and stand within feet of your former affair partner and her betrayed husband. I would ask him first if he is going and has any problems with you being there. He may think it is okay, until he actually lays eyes on you or alcohol becomes involved. He may not even be able to control himself and you (you mentioned money is tight) may be looking at getting a set of veneers and a couple's wedding ruined by an ugly brawl. You are right. I thought about asking the friend who's wedding it is if the BH was in the wedding party or not and go from there. I don't plan on speaking to the BH again, so I'm not asking him. As I've said I usually know what the right decision is, I just like to hear other people's perspective. I guess I just don't always follow it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SleekArchitecture Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 He directly asked me if it got physical. I had already written an email months ago when I told him we couldn't be friends anymore. He thanked me for revealing the details of what happened so he could move on with his life, I think it was the right choice. You are right. I thought about asking the friend who's wedding it is if the BH was in the wedding party or not and go from there. I don't plan on speaking to the BH again, so I'm not asking him. As I've said I usually know what the right decision is, I just like to hear other people's perspective. I guess I just don't always follow it. Good thinking, because affairs of the heart are always uncharted territory. The guy may be fine and well and add a few cocktails (it may not even take those few throwbacks), it could be he doesn't like the socks you chose, the way you laugh, or the wife looks in your direction, like a surprise bomb blowing, he explodes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Anyone know how to export a GroupMe conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Why shouldn't he have told him? Doesn't this guy deserve to know the truth about his wife? And seems to me, based on his response and further questions, that he wants to know more about what kind of wife he has. The husband has every right to know about his trampy wife. However, OP only told because he wants a shot to be with the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 The husband has every right to know about his trampy wife. However, OP only told because he wants a shot to be with the wife. Crappy reason to tell, but as long as the husband is no longer kept in the dark. Better than both of them letting him live a lie and giving her the opportunity to F him over again in the future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 The husband has every right to know about his trampy wife. However, OP only told because he wants a shot to be with the wife. Did you read this whole thread? Why would telling him help my odds at being with his wife? I have no intention to talk to either of them ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Did you read this whole thread? Why would telling him help my odds at being with his wife? I have no intention to talk to either of them ever again. Because history shows that the AP tells the WS's BS so the BS then files for divorce and then the AP gets to live happily ever after with the WS. There is no other reason for the AP to tell the BS. This is different when the WS owes the BS the truth. Because doing so forces their BS to live a life that is a lie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 Because history shows that the AP tells the WS's BS so the BS then files for divorce and then the AP gets to live happily ever after with the WS. There is no other reason for the AP to tell the BS. This is different when the WS owes the BS the truth. Because doing so forces their BS to live a life that is a lie. After everything that has gone down I would be crazy to want to be with her or her with me. I am not delusional. I think in most of those instances the OM wasn't best friends with the BS for almost 17 years. I gave him the truth because as his former friend he deserved to know why I ended our friendship and give him a chance to decide the direction to take his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 It does crush me some to know that this ruined any chance of being with xAP(just being honest) You said this just 6 days ago. You've been saying the entire time you felt this way. Being loyal to your friend was never the only incentive for airing the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 You said this just 6 days ago. You've been saying the entire time you felt this way. Being loyal to your friend was never the only incentive for airing the truth. Yes, the finality of it scares me some, but I wouldn't have said anything if I had intentions of trying to get her back. I am trying to be honest with myself and the people here to my situation. I am trying to sort out the mess I've caused and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Gracie_1 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 jbp005, I don't know you but I do know this.....This man knows as much as he wants to know. He is not a child that needs to be guided to enlightenment by the man who did his wife. You have no idea what she did or didn't tell him about "her fling with you". You are not privy to their conversations etc.. Get a life...stirring up pain will not do anything but make her hate you and make you look like someone that won't let her move on. It is their marriage. Let them work it out. Do everyone a favor, stay away from the wedding whoever it is that is getting married. You are obviously not a part of the wedding party or you would know who else is. I imagine that date is imbedded in your head and you play the scene out over and over as to how you see it all playing out. Send the bride and groom a gift ! Don't let their big day be tainted by this drama... I never say much but geeez... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jbp005 Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 jbp005, I don't know you but I do know this.....This man knows as much as he wants to know. He is not a child that needs to be guided to enlightenment by the man who did his wife. You have no idea what she did or didn't tell him about "her fling with you". You are not privy to their conversations etc.. Get a life...stirring up pain will not do anything but make her hate you and make you look like someone that won't let her move on. It is their marriage. Let them work it out. Do everyone a favor, stay away from the wedding whoever it is that is getting married. You are obviously not a part of the wedding party or you would know who else is. I imagine that date is imbedded in your head and you play the scene out over and over as to how you see it all playing out. Send the bride and groom a gift ! Don't let their big day be tainted by this drama... I never say much but geeez... I am not sitting here having conversations with the guy. I sent the email explaining how long the affair lasted which said if he needed any information to help him decide what direction to take in his life I will provide it. I do NOT ask about how his marriage or life is, he asks a question I answer it, he asks for screenshots of our conversation I send them. He contacts me wanting more information. See what playing out? If the BS isn't in the wedding party who is it on not to go? Me? That's what I was asking about, not some longing to start drama at a friends wedding. I only wanted to go for the groom who was my roommate when he first started dating his fiance. I've already decided not to go, but thanks for the encouraging words. I would like to thank all of those that provided useful and insightful comments. These helped me understand my situation and to figure out the best course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I would have paid to have the truth. The one thing that I have found that most people that cheat will lie until they die. They will lie about a kiss, a hug, a phone call. The fact that you did at least own up to what happened is probably going to be more closure than the BS would have ever gotten. My xW still denies cheating on me. I think you did the right thing. I do think now that you have done that I would step aside and let them work out there problems. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
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