My ex started crying when I told her I love you

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm guessing she just said I that be cause she was pissed. Maybe after she cools down a little she'll start to remember all my positive qualities.

 

Maybe, maybe not. If she really wants you, she'll make it known to where you don't have to guess what her motives are. Either way, no contacting and no plotting to contact.

[bathtub-row]

What if you and this boyfriend crossed paths again and youvsawcthat he has made significant changes to what he formally was in his past relationship with you?

Would you ever give him another chance and see if it works out the second time around? Just curious.

My goal at the moment is to go to the gym, focus on school, and do my best in therapy. Even if me and my ex give it a second try right now I know it's going to fail. But I do feel like contacting her again someday to meet up for coffee or something. No time soon, but later.

 

I think contacting her some time down the road is a good plan. Just beware that the reason you feel less angry now is because you're not in a relationship right now. There isn't a warm body in your presence to push your buttons. Once you get back into a relationship is really when you'll be tested. Now, this isn't to imply that your gf annoyed you and made you angry. It's not that. It's that when you're with someone, your control and anger issues come right to the surface and even the most unpredictable things can set you off.

 

My ex did this and I was fooled by it. He became calmer when we were apart, remorseful, apologetic, fun to be with, a good friend again, etc. Within a week of us moving back in together - after months of me making sure that he had changed - he was screaming at me about some small thing that wouldn't even make most people angry. I knew right then that I had made a mistake. This is why he will never get another chance with me. I had actually given him more chances than I should have and this is why I never will again.

 

As far as how I think about him, I was honestly so traumatized by our relationship that when we broke up for the last time, I forced myself not to think about him at all. I did this consciously for six months. If any type of thought about him popped into my head, I would quickly replace it with a different thought. This had a very healing effect on me. It was some years later that I could actually view the relationship without extreme emotion and pain.

 

There was a time when I could say that I still loved him and hoped we would get back together. But after that happened with disastrous results, I lost all hope for us and eventually stopped loving him. That was about 10 yrs ago and every so often I might think of something funny he would say and actually laugh about it. But it took me years to get there. I honestly am very indifferent toward him now. If someone told me that he had died, I really wouldn't care all that much. For all of my other exes, I would care. With him, not so much. He was a genius who made a mess of his life and of the lives around him. I just think what a shame it was and don't really think about it beyond that.

 

I don't like knowing that my previous post caused you to cry, and I hesitated to post it because I knew it wasn't anything you wanted to hear. But you need to know how serious it is to rage at someone, or to even make cutting, hurtful remarks. A woman needs for a man to be emotionally in control of himself; someone she can trust to never harm her or their children. When that man turns on her, the pain is indescribable. When she has to be the strong one because she's with an emotionally unpredictable man, things become very imbalanced. I want you to understand this and to stop this so that it doesn't become a pattern in your life, so that you don't harm the ones you love, and in essence, self-destruct. Only you can control your actions, only you are responsible for them.

 

There is truth to the idea of re-wiring our minds. If you stop allowing yourself to get angry at others, the hard wiring for that behavior will die away. As I said, it's in your power, and only in your power.

Edited March 2, 2015 by bathtub-row

[anika99]

What if you and this boyfriend crossed paths again and youvsawcthat he has made significant changes to what he formally was in his past relationship with you?

Would you ever give him another chance and see if it works out the second time around? Just curious.

My goal at the moment is to go to the gym, focus on school, and do my best in therapy. Even if me and my ex give it a second try right now I know it's going to fail. But I do feel like contacting her again someday to meet up for coffee or something. No time soon, but later.

 

 

I got back together with him several times each time believing that this time would be different and we would somehow overcome. I was always wrong.

 

 

We will never cross paths again because he died almost 3yrs ago. After our last break up he moved to a city a few hours away. Almost a year after he left he called me to tell me he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and only had a few weeks to live. I immediately took unpaid leave at work and went to be with him. He didn't even get a few weeks, he passed away a week after I got there. He was only in his forties. I was still very much in love with him and seeing him go was the saddest thing I have ever been through. Up until that time I had been holding onto hope that somehow he could change and we could be together but I promised myself I wouldn't go back to him until he had at least a year of consistent therapy because I couldn't go back to such an emotionally unhealthy relationship. He would call me up every few months to tell me he still loved me and ask me to move to him, but he steadfastly refused to deal with his issues because it was too scary for him. He had come from a terribly abusive childhood and he didn't want to face those old wounds.

 

 

Even though I couldn't be with him and chose to leave I never gave up on him. I always loved him and he knew it. He knew why I had to break up with him because he had already put a few women before me through the same thing with the same results. If you want to someday have a healthy happy marriage and kids, then fix yourself now. Don't wait until it is too late.

[xinaxxsdertf]

I got back together with him several times each time believing that this time would be different and we would somehow overcome. I was always wrong.

 

 

We will never cross paths again because he died almost 3yrs ago. After our last break up he moved to a city a few hours away. Almost a year after he left he called me to tell me he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and only had a few weeks to live. I immediately took unpaid leave at work and went to be with him. He didn't even get a few weeks, he passed away a week after I got there. He was only in his forties. I was still very much in love with him and seeing him go was the saddest thing I have ever been through. Up until that time I had been holding onto hope that somehow he could change and we could be together but I promised myself I wouldn't go back to him until he had at least a year of consistent therapy because I couldn't go back to such an emotionally unhealthy relationship. He would call me up every few months to tell me he still loved me and ask me to move to him, but he steadfastly refused to deal with his issues because it was too scary for him. He had come from a terribly abusive childhood and he didn't want to face those old wounds.

 

 

Even though I couldn't be with him and chose to leave I never gave up on him. I always loved him and he knew it. He knew why I had to break up with him because he had already put a few women before me through the same thing with the same results. If you want to someday have a healthy happy marriage and kids, then fix yourself now. Don't wait until it is too late.

 

this was quite sad to read and im very sorry to hear. i know you guys werent together anymore but i imagine this still absolutely destroyed you. Its a perfect example that life is too short and you should appreciate every second you have with the people you love. This was a horrible situation where you stay with someone only because of the love you have for them even when they dont treat you right. You are obviously a strong lover and deserve the best. Have you found your mr. right yet? You are such a good person for going to spend that last time with him.

 

that sounds so hard to have done so its inspiring to hear there still are genuine people out there. Love can be the most terrible thing sometimes.

[anika99]

Thank you Xina. Even though we hadn't been officially together for about a year before he died we still talked and we had been to visit each other several times that year. We had been together for 10 yrs before he left and the year after he left I never dated anyone else. He still had my heart so it was very devastating to lose him.

 

 

I don't deserve praise or kudo's for going to be with him in the end. I didn't do it to be kind or to be thought of as a good person. I went to spend that time with him because I needed to. I couldn't have imagined not being there, not getting to say goodbye, not being able to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him. If he hadn't called me and passed away without letting me be there, that would have completely destroyed me. I wish with all my heart that he never died but I thank God for the week we got to spend together before it happened.

 

 

No mr right for me. I'm almost 50 now and I just haven't had the desire to meet anyone new. Maybe someday I will feel some need for some male companionship but right now I'm happiest being on my own. Don't feel sad for me though. I have a nice life with a great family and some nice friends. I'm thankful.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Thank you Xina. Even though we hadn't been officially together for about a year before he died we still talked and we had been to visit each other several times that year. We had been together for 10 yrs before he left and the year after he left I never dated anyone else. He still had my heart so it was very devastating to lose him.

 

 

I don't deserve praise or kudo's for going to be with him in the end. I didn't do it to be kind or to be thought of as a good person. I went to spend that time with him because I needed to. I couldn't have imagined not being there, not getting to say goodbye, not being able to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him. If he hadn't called me and passed away without letting me be there, that would have completely destroyed me. I wish with all my heart that he never died but I thank God for the week we got to spend together before it happened.

 

 

No mr right for me. I'm almost 50 now and I just haven't had the desire to meet anyone new. Maybe someday I will feel some need for some male companionship but right now I'm happiest being on my own. Don't feel sad for me though. I have a nice life with a great family and some nice friends. I'm thankful.

 

This is perfect anika. Strong, independent and happy. Everyone (including myself) thinks you need someone to achieve complete happiness but its just the feeling inside that they give you why you think you are your happiest. If you can achieve that level of happiness without companionship then life is so much better. I do believe there is someone out there for you though. Whether you take it or not doesnt matter. Happiness comes from within, not from someone else giving it to you. You inspire me to better myself

[Jonp219]

I think contacting her some time down the road is a good plan. Just beware that the reason you feel less angry now is because you're not in a relationship right now. There isn't a warm body in your presence to push your buttons. Once you get back into a relationship is really when you'll be tested. Now, this isn't to imply that your gf annoyed you and made you angry. It's not that. It's that when you're with someone, your control and anger issues come right to the surface and even the most unpredictable things can set you off.

 

My ex did this and I was fooled by it. He became calmer when we were apart, remorseful, apologetic, fun to be with, a good friend again, etc. Within a week of us moving back in together - after months of me making sure that he had changed - he was screaming at me about some small thing that wouldn't even make most people angry. I knew right then that I had made a mistake. This is why he will never get another chance with me. I had actually given him more chances than I should have and this is why I never will again.

 

As far as how I think about him, I was honestly so traumatized by our relationship that when we broke up for the last time, I forced myself not to think about him at all. I did this consciously for six months. If any type of thought about him popped into my head, I would quickly replace it with a different thought. This had a very healing effect on me. It was some years later that I could actually view the relationship without extreme emotion and pain.

 

There was a time when I could say that I still loved him and hoped we would get back together. But after that happened with disastrous results, I lost all hope for us and eventually stopped loving him. That was about 10 yrs ago and every so often I might think of something funny he would say and actually laugh about it. But it took me years to get there. I honestly am very indifferent toward him now. If someone told me that he had died, I really wouldn't care all that much. For all of my other exes, I would care. With him, not so much. He was a genius who made a mess of his life and of the lives around him. I just think what a shame it was and don't really think about it beyond that.

 

I don't like knowing that my previous post caused you to cry, and I hesitated to post it because I knew it wasn't anything you wanted to hear. But you need to know how serious it is to rage at someone, or to even make cutting, hurtful remarks. A woman needs for a man to be emotionally in control of himself; someone she can trust to never harm her or their children. When that man turns on her, the pain is indescribable. When she has to be the strong one because she's with an emotionally unpredictable man, things become very imbalanced. I want you to understand this and to stop this so that it doesn't become a pattern in your life, so that you don't harm the ones you love, and in essence, self-destruct. Only you can control your actions, only you are responsible for them.

 

There is truth to the idea of re-wiring our minds. If you stop allowing yourself to get angry at others, the hard wiring for that behavior will die away. As I said, it's in your power, and only in your power.

 

I'm so sorry that you and Anika had to go through this heartache. I'm now starting to get a glimpse of what my ex was going through with me for 4 years. Now I know that I have to change, because whether or not me and her have another relationship in the future, then at least I'll be able to have a healthy relationship with another woman.

 

I'm glad you told me that. It's something I should of heard years ago. It's something I should of learned from seeing it myself. My father was verbally abusive towards my mother and took her for granted every chance he could, until she finally left him and never looked back. I hated my father for many years after my parents divorced, but look, now i'm just like him. I've emulated his habits and used them as defensive mechanisms in order to protect my ego, and now i'm paying the price for it. Sadly it took my girlfriend leaving for me to finally take this issue seriously.

 

For now i'm just going to forget about her. I'm never going to get better if I continue to think about her, and not move on.

 

Btw Bathtub how long did you and your ex go NC after you broke up with him??

[bathtub-row]

I'm so sorry that you and Anika had to go through this heartache. I'm now starting to get a glimpse of what my ex was going through with me for 4 years. Now I know that I have to change, because whether or not me and her have another relationship in the future, then at least I'll be able to have a healthy relationship with another woman.

 

I'm glad you told me that. It's something I should of heard years ago. It's something I should of learned from seeing it myself. My father was verbally abusive towards my mother and took her for granted every chance he could, until she finally left him and never looked back. I hated my father for many years after my parents divorced, but look, now i'm just like him. I've emulated his habits and used them as defensive mechanisms in order to protect my ego, and now i'm paying the price for it. Sadly it took my girlfriend leaving for me to finally take this issue seriously.

 

For now i'm just going to forget about her. I'm never going to get better if I continue to think about her, and not move on.

 

Btw Bathtub how long did you and your ex go NC after you broke up with him??

 

That's a tough one to answer. First of all, I'm not an advocate of NC, so you'll rarely hear me talk about it. Our longest separation was about 3 mos but I think we talked here and there in between that time. Once we started talking seriously again, another several months went by before we moved back in together. I think about 6 mos.

 

I figured you came from a home where verbal abuse was the norm. Somehow, you need to switch gears and come to terms with the idea that this type of life is absolutely unacceptable. I'm really glad that your mom left your dad but apparently she didn't leave soon enough. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had the exposure to it that you did. My ex also came from an abusive home, and that's very common. I hope you understand that this is going to take concentrated work on your part to get this behavior out of your psyche.

 

One thing I will point out to you is that the reason relationships push your buttons is because there's something in your core belief that says you own the person you're with. That ownership mentality tells you that you have the right to treat that person as you choose. In a sense, they are your victim. You must do whatever it takes to remove this mind-set from your way of thinking. It is pure poison.

 

This is exactly why things were fine when my ex and I were apart, and why they fell to pieces the moment we got back together. When we were apart, in his mind, he had no ownership of me. When we were together, it was a different ballgame. It was actually my ex's gf who pointed this out to me. We weren't great friends but did speak occasionally as she had kids with my ex. When my ex and I split up only 6 mos after buying a house together, she told me that she was afraid that would happen. She said that when we lived in a house that I rented before we married, he didn't feel it was his. But when we bought a new house, all hell broke loose. In other words, the deeper level of "possession" he felt he had, the worse his behavior was.

 

It was a very twisted thing and our relationship fell apart very quickly after we married. We were married 4 yrs and only lived together 2 of those 4 years, and not consecutively. It was very tumultuous.

 

One thing I would strongly recommend to you is to read a book entitled "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It will give you a lot of insight to your own actions. This man is THE expert on abusive relationships. The other thing I would recommend is finding a therapist who specializes in, or at least fully understands, abusive behavior and the dynamics behind it. If a therapist doesn't understand it, their advice can be way off the mark. However, if you are getting help from the group you're in, that's great. I just think that the more you open yourself up to understanding this behavior, the more likely you will be to change your life.

 

Very, very few abusive people change but I hope you will be determined to be a part of the small percentage that does.

Edited March 3, 2015 by bathtub-row

[Jonp219]

That's a tough one to answer. First of all, I'm not an advocate of NC, so you'll rarely hear me talk about it. Our longest separation was about 3 mos but I think we talked here and there in between that time. Once we started talking seriously again, another several months went by before we moved back in together. I think about 6 mos.

 

I figured you came from a home where verbal abuse was the norm. Somehow, you need to switch gears and come to terms with the idea that this type of life is absolutely unacceptable. I'm really glad that your mom left your dad but apparently she didn't leave soon enough. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had the exposure to it that you did. My ex also came from an abusive home, and that's very common. I hope you understand that this is going to take concentrated work on your part to get this behavior out of your psyche.

 

One thing I will point out to you is that the reason relationships push your buttons is because there's something in your core belief that says you own the person you're with. That ownership mentality tells you that you have the right to treat that person as you choose. In a sense, they are your victim. You must do whatever it takes to remove this mind-set from your way of thinking. It is pure poison.

 

This is exactly why things were fine when my ex and I were apart, and why they fell to pieces the moment we got back together. When we were apart, in his mind, he had no ownership of me. When we were together, it was a different ballgame. It was actually my ex's gf who pointed this out to me. We weren't great friends but did speak occasionally as she had kids with my ex. When my ex and I split up only 6 mos after buying a house together, she told me that she was afraid that would happen. She said that when we lived in a house that I rented before we married, he didn't feel it was his. But when we bought a new house, all hell broke loose. In other words, the deeper level of "possession" he felt he had, the worse his behavior was.

 

It was a very twisted thing and our relationship fell apart very quickly after we married. We were married 4 yrs and only lived together 2 of those 4 years, and not consecutively. It was very tumultuous.

 

One thing I would strongly recommend to you is to read a book entitled "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. It will give you a lot of insight to your own actions. This man is THE expert on abusive relationships. The other thing I would recommend is finding a therapist who specializes in, or at least fully understands, abusive behavior and the dynamics behind it. If a therapist doesn't understand it, their advice can be way off the mark. However, if you are getting help from the group you're in, that's great. I just think that the more you open yourself up to understanding this behavior, the more likely you will be to change your life.

 

Very, very few abusive people change but I hope you will be determined to be a part of the small percentage that does.

 

I'm not an advocate for it either, but honestly, I have no choice in the matter. She wants nothing to do with me so i'm going to honor her wishes and simply disappear. Even though all I want to do is talk to her.

 

I think you're absolutely right, because my dad would literally tell my mom to get out of bed and make him a sandwich when he got home. My dad was horrid, but I feel my behavior is nowhere near as bad as his, so I have hope. I will definitely check that book out so I can get more insight on the topic. I'm taking cognitive behavioral therapy at my college. My individual therapist recommended it to me and I decided to join, I hope it works.

[bathtub-row]

I'm not an advocate for it either, but honestly, I have no choice in the matter. She wants nothing to do with me so i'm going to honor her wishes and simply disappear. Even though all I want to do is talk to her.

 

I think you're absolutely right, because my dad would literally tell my mom to get out of bed and make him a sandwich when he got home. My dad was horrid, but I feel my behavior is nowhere near as bad as his, so I have hope. I will definitely check that book out so I can get more insight on the topic. I'm taking cognitive behavioral therapy at my college. My individual therapist recommended it to me and I decided to join, I hope it works.

 

I hope you'll stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.

[Jonp219]

I hope you'll stay in touch and let us know how you're doing.

 

I will, I'll probably be on here more often. People on this forum are pretty cool. I presented my thread in a general forum on another site and everyone basically told me, "Dude she's gone, move on". If only it were that easy.

 

I'm just having a hard with this all right now. I'm planning on staying NC for my own sake just so I can heal, but I want to show her how much I love her. However, chasing will only make me look more unstable and pathetic. I guess I need to take this one day at a time and keep myself busy.

[Jonp219]

This is my story.

 

Me and girlfriend were together for 4 years. Though out those 4 years we grew a lot personally. We would go through some months where we are okay, and some months were we would bicker too much.

 

I've always been insecure and have had anger issues, and when I get mad I say things that I don't mean. I grew up in a verbally abusive home, and since I use to get bullied at school, I emulated my fathers behavior at home in order to hurt others with my words. Although it doesn't matter, I have never hit her physically, most I ever did was pull her away from the door when she was keeping me from leaving her house after an argument.

 

The last two months my girlfriend got her first job, and she started hanging with her co-workers alot, which included guys. I didn't feel too good about it, and every time she would ask me, "Is that going to be ok?" I would just give her a nonchalant response (where i'm obviously shielding my frustration).

 

For 2 weeks we were a little off. Friday is our day to hang out, and for those 2 week, although we did see each other, when I spoke to her before she went to work she would tell me, "Ugh, idk how i'm going to feel after work" (made me feel as if she didn't want to see me). So on the 2nd week, on our way to my area, I just lost it. It was so mad I just told her, I said i'm sick of this, just drop me off here, "I have feelings for you anymore". I told her to drop me off at the corner, I slammed the car door, and I went home.

 

We angry texted that night, and I told her what bothered me and we just went back and forth for an hour.

 

We didn't speak for a week and then I called her and she told me, "It's over, I'm not doing this anymore". During this phone call I was completely belligerent. I told her how sorry I was, I told her i'm going to change, and yada yada. Then after we hung up I wrote her a letter, I just asked her 4 questions (for closure). She basically bull****ted all the responses to string me along, so I didn't know what to think of it.

 

I called her 2 weeks later to try and reconcile again. I told her I was in therapy, that i'm learning the origins of my insecurities, and that I still love her. I was calm and collected on this call, I didn't lose my cool and I was mature. She wasn't accepting a word of it, she just didn't care, she was so cold and distant. She cried a few times, and told me she has been angry with me for 2 weeks since the break up. She told me that she has her guard up with everyone, and that she needs to heal before she gives me a chance to earn her trust again. I didn't think she was this angry still, 2 days earlier, she sent me a text telling me Happy Birthday (I didn't think she was going to send anything).

 

It's been a month and she is still re-tweeting stuff about us on twitter, seemingly she's still really upset about the break up. At the moment she can only think about the bad times, nothing good. She says she can't talk to me without walking on eggshells, and my insecurities are getting in the way.

 

I told her if we could meet up and talk, but she doesn't even want to do that. She says that she doesn't want feelings rushing back to her, obviously she still has feelings for me.

 

This is our first real break up, in 4 years (we've had others but they were short, like 2-3 days most).

 

Currently, I'm in therapy, focusing on school, and from time-to-time I just start thinking about her, and how sorry I am for the pain I've caused her.

 

P.S. I broke NC last week just to send a quick message telling her that I acknowledge the break-up and that we're not right for each other at the moment. But I want nothing more than to just to talk her, however I'm not breaking NC for my own sake.

 

I'm her first love. What do you guys think? Is there still a chance for us?

[SycamoreCircle]

I firmly believe the subconscious knows before the conscious.

 

You became very angry over something you felt. There was a reason behind it. Your girlfriend cheated on you. She had an emotional affair which led to a physical affair.

 

I don't think you need to be in therapy. I think you need to accept that, for whatever reason, most likely emotional immaturity, the relationship ran its course.

 

Continue NC. Real NC. Grieve. Heal. Move on.

[quattrob]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Jon, you’ve been asking the same question every post/threadyou make about whether or not there’s a chance for you guys to be togetheragain.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]No one knows, not you or evenher knows.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]That is why many people havetold you to treat it like there is no chance, at least for now.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]You still are longing for her even though it’snot good for you right now.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]She doesn’twant to be with you, not now anyways.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]And certainly not the way you are now, you need to improve yourself andbe happy with yourself.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]As hard as it isyou need to forget her for now and get over her.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Posting here asking the same question over and over isn’tgoing to make you feel better, it’ll just make you feel miserable in theend.[/sIZE][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][sIZE=3]So please focus on yourself and getover her.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]

[Jonp219]

I firmly believe the subconscious knows before the conscious.

 

You became very angry over something you felt. There was a reason behind it. Your girlfriend cheated on you. She had an emotional affair which led to a physical affair.

 

I don't think you need to be in therapy. I think you need to accept that, for whatever reason, most likely emotional immaturity, the relationship ran its course.

 

Continue NC. Real NC. Grieve. Heal. Move on.

 

But she didn't cheat on me. There's no way of telling that. She most likely just got fed up. She's been a mess all these weeks.

[quattrob]

Sorry for my last post, font got messed up. I'll repost again as it won't let me edit.

[SycamoreCircle]

But she didn't cheat on me. There's no way of telling that.

Your second sentence contradicts the first. She cheated on you.

[Jonp219]

Your second sentence contradicts the first. She cheated on you.

 

I'm trying to understand how you came to that conclusion. I didn't mention cheating anywhere in my story.

[quattrob]

Jon, you’ve been asking the same question every post/thread you make about whether or not there’s a chance for you guys to be together again. No one knows, not you or even her knows. That is why many people have told you to treat it like there is no chance, at least for now.

 

 

You still are longing for her even though it’s not good for you right now. She doesn’t want to be with you, not now anyways. And certainly not the way you are now, you need to improve yourself and be happy with yourself. As hard as it is you need to forget her for now and get over her.

 

 

Posting here asking the same question over and over isn’t going to make you feel better, it’ll just make you feel miserable in the end. So please focus on yourself and get over her.

[Jonp219]

Your second sentence contradicts the first. She cheated on you.

 

I'm sorry for writing the second sentence, but I do have evidence that she wasn't cheating on me. I not in denial, I've had plenty of days to think about this. In addition, she is still torn up about the break up and her defenses have been up (towards everyone), those are not side effects of someone who has been straying.

[SycamoreCircle]

I'm trying to understand how you came to that conclusion. I didn't mention cheating anywhere in my story.

A faithful girlfriend does not start to hang out with guys, does not start breaking things off with their boyfriend while acting cold and distant. Read other people's stories on this forum---these are classic signs of cheating. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm speaking from personal experience. You said you became very angry and insecure. I don't have a history of anger or insecurity. One morning, a few days before we broke up, and a few weeks before I learned the truth, I was in the kitchen making breakfast. I started laughing hysterically. Non-stop. Five minutes of continuous hysterical laughter. She came in and just looked at me dumbfounded.

 

The subconscious knows before the conscious. We all deal with heavy psychological blows differently.

[mightycpa]

The term "first love" was invented because "second loves" were so common.

 

You are not immune to the human experience. It's not going to change because you guys were special, or because you have a "get out of jail free" card that nobody else in the history of man has had. You've been dumped for the most typical of first love dumping reasons... you were immature. Whatever she thinks of you now, that's pretty much what she's going to think of you from here on out. Get used to it.

 

Welcome to the club, young dumpling. Your next task is to learn from your mistakes. After that, you should learn how to stop lying to yourself (putting her on a pedestal, love of your life, etc). After that, you need to learn how to accept your situation. Finally, you need to apply all the good knowledge you got from this experience to your next one, and hope that you learned enough not to go through it again.

 

There's really no telling about that until you try it.

 

All you have right now is you and your misery. Embrace it until you're done with it.

Edited March 3, 2015 by mightycpa

[SycamoreCircle]

Her defenses are up. She's lashing out at you publicly. Again, more signs of a cheater.

 

What did you do that was so bad? Raise your voice? Is that why her trust is so shaken?

[Jonp219]

A faithful girlfriend does not start to hang out with guys, does not start breaking things off with their boyfriend while acting cold and distant. Read other people's stories on this forum---these are classic signs of cheating. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm speaking from personal experience. You said you became very angry and insecure. I don't have a history of anger or insecurity. One morning, a few days before we broke up, and a few weeks before I learned the truth, I was in the kitchen making breakfast. I started laughing hysterically. Non-stop. Five minutes of continuous hysterical laughter. She came in and just looked at me dumbfounded.

 

The subconscious knows before the conscious. We all deal with heavy psychological blows differently.

 

Oh I see, but I don't think this is the same situation. She hangs with her coworkers in a group, most of them are girls. Plus the guys at her job are a little too young and immature for her (I know her, there are just some people she wouldn't deal with). I'm insecure and angry by default, since she wanted more space to hang out the with friends (because she rarely does) I guess she just got fed up with me smothering her. She was upset on Valentines day, and everyday after that she just posts about how conflicting her feelings have been. I stopped checking since I'm on NC now. Plus she cold and distant after the break up not during. Something's are better left unsaid, if she is then I wouldn't know at the moment, but I Hope we can mend things in the future.

[Jonp219]

Her defenses are up. She's lashing out at you publicly. Again, more signs of a cheater.

 

What did you do that was so bad? Raise your voice? Is that why her trust is so shaken?

 

Raise my voice, I called her names, didn't give her her freedom, etc