Author Jclements00 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Not that easy when I have basically no money to start. I will move ASAP cause I can't deal with her crap much longer and the sooner I'm gone the sooner I can be happy on my own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Not that easy when I have basically no money to start. I will move ASAP cause I can't deal with her crap much longer and the sooner I'm gone the sooner I can be happy on my own. Stay with a friend for a week. Save money for rent then move. Borrow money from family if you need to but be the one to make change happen. Anything else is just excuses to stay. Start asking friends. Start making plans to get out. She is toxic. Staying is a waste of your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm trying to heal now she's saying she wants me gone ASAP cause she's ready to date and can't see how financially I need time to get myself in order. Yes it's anxiety I hate it cause she's off happy and I don't deserve to be unhappy but being with her the last three years makes it very hard for me to just get over. Hate to say it but chances are she's still in touch with that guy or there's someone else. She wants you out asap and wants to date. She is done with you. Sorry that my words probably hurt but the reality is, she checked out a long time ago and never really committed to you after her A. She has detached and done her mourning of the marriage and you. She is now NOT the woman you married. She's cold, detached, mean. She doesn't care. Her words and actions show you this. The best thing you can do for yourself is move out. Stay with a trusted friend or a family member. File for divorce, get a lawyer. Join a gym and take out your frustrations on a punching bag. Seek counseling to help you cope with this so you don't go spiraling downwards into the depression pit. Be open and honest with your friends and family, you need their love and support right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 I told my parents today they are hurt by it too. I know she's different now and I know I have to move on ASAP and I will. Once I get a lil money saved up I can get away. There's a possibility my parents could lend me money as they are very well off just really want to keep that as a last option. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 If borrowing money gets you out sooner, do it. No one likes to ask...but this is important. You are in a bad situation, you have to get out of there and set up a place for yourself (and for kids to visit?) don't stay there... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 No kids would visit. The kids are hers. If it comes down to it I will ask to borrow money just will hate to until I'm sure I absolutely should. But the sooner I'm out the better off I know I'll be. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 No kids would visit. The kids are hers. If it comes down to it I will ask to borrow money just will hate to until I'm sure I absolutely should. But the sooner I'm out the better off I know I'll be. You should. Why would you stick around? There's no reason for you to stay. The kids aren't yours and your wife wants out. Staying prolongs everything and also gives you time to try to get her to stay. If you don't go you'll be the one suffering. She couldn't care less! Her heart is cold and black when it comes to you, she's doesn't care that you're hurting. Respectfully, put your ego aside and ask your parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 I really feel for you and what you are going through, but you are wasting time and energy trying to please this woman. She just doesn't care about you. End it. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 What are you waiting for? She wants you out, right? She wants to date, have her new life? You don't belong there anymore. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to face facts, ask your parents to help you, and go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Yes I know I need to leave asap. No reason to stick around feeling hurt when she's happy. I do need a lil time to find a place be able to get some furniture cause she has everything and I gave what furniture I had away. The sooner I start the quicker I can rid my mind and heart of this terrible mess and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Get into action - have you asked your parents to loan you the money for rent and a bed? No reason to wait. You can pay them back a bit each month/week. Did you look at places to rent today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Yes I looked at places need something cheap in a decent location that allows a small dog which around here isn't the easiest to find 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Did you two buy the house together? Don't you get half the house or she can buy you out if the place doesn't go up for sale? I'm sure you can couch surf at a friends house or your parents place due to the circumstances. Good thing is, you won't have to pay any child support since the kids are hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 No house together we live in an apartment. My friends and parents live a bit too far away from my work to spend the gas going and coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 She says the love is not there I haven't been her friend and being friends won't make a difference. I told her we were friends before anything else that if I can be her friend again she can't know how she will feel unless that happens. But I do think the best thing for me right now is to find ask get money quick and get out so I can heal myself move forward and put all this in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Yes she cheated in the first year and I did forgive her and did she where she changed better from it. Also she doesn't drink like she used to especially since she's working till late night now. That was just issues I put up with early on. Now she only says it's too late she's done but I still choose to better myself and talk to her more give her more attention so even at the end she will can see I changed and I know I did all I could to salvage this. Now does anyone have advice how to not be depressed through this while we live together? I have trouble eating a lot and tend to wanna sleep more which I don't want to be lazy. I also care for her so much I know when she's on her own it will be very rough for her and her three kids which aren't mine. She just started working and thinks she can support herself now which is quite silly when she makes near minimum wage has three girls and bills to pay. To try and deals with the depression. ..go out to the gym, take up a hobby, go out with friends and try and occupy your time. Spend time on YOU. Get yourself in a good place emotionally and stand strong. Cheating so early in a marriage is a sign she probably wasn't ready for the marriage and lacked maturity. Work on yourself to be a better partner for future prospects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 I do go to a gym already seems to help when I go. It's worst when I'm alone and have time to think of nothing but this. I tend to take breakups pretty bad anyway more than I should. She's being happy not worried about me it's like why can't I just say screw it and do the same. What gets me is we'll still sleep in the same bed it's just weird but I get tired enough from work that I don't have trouble falling asleep fast. I know I need to take care of me first and no one else just sucks when u deeply care for someone who feels nothing back. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 From my experience working with those that are depressed - the solution that seems to be the most effective the fastest is...volunteering a LOT for any under privileged group/organization. Try it :-) Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 From my experience working with those that are depressed - the solution that seems to be the most effective the fastest is...volunteering a LOT for any under privileged group/organization. Try it :-) I adopted a little dog...will pick her up tomorrow :) I know she will fill lots of hours and become a good companion. Plus the need to take her out for walks several times a day will be good for me, as well as for her. Sorry to off topic! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 I love my dog a lot and need to keep her with me I know she'll help some through this. Once I get taxes in about a month I should def be able to afford to move out and move on with life find someone who won't put me through all the mess my wife has. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 You should get out NOW. Tonight. Go stay at a friends, your parents, anywhere you have to other than there. It is not good for your frame of mind to wallow in the pain there. You won't be on the path to recovery till you get out. I know you don't want to borrow, but if there was ever a reason to do it this is it. Good luck and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 Thank you I am slowly starting to get to where I just don't care anymore and slowly see the bigger picture of being able to be on my own doing what I want when I want and not being with someone I won't get along with. It's hard living with her but my friends and family aren't close enough to just leave and stay with for awhile. We both know we have to deal with this till taxes come in then I can move out and if I don't have enough money then I will ask family for help financially. No this is not a situation I should stay in for even a little while longer but for my job and me personally being almost 35 I need to be able to get my own place ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 In a short update my wife wanted me to file taxes so that money could help me move out quicker and I did it online but tells me since I file married filing separately I have to mail it off. I did this yesterday and told her this. So today she blows up at me yelling that I didn't think to tell her before filing cause we might find a way to send it online. Can't file single or jointly cause she didn't work and I'm just doing what was said online to mail it off. This girl has issues that make me mad enough to actually be happy for a moment that I'm leaving! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 The level of her entitlement is just diabolical. I hope you are able to move past this soon! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jclements00 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 Yes it is I see that as last night I tried just to lay with her in bed and just conversate about the day and she really didn't much to say and got annoyed. I will keep trying to talk to her as a friend and I plan on trying to do a lot around here this weekend such as cleaning the whole place etc. and after that if she doesn't seem to open up any I will know for sure to just get out asap and forget about her cause I can't deal with someone with a stupid attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts