Daddy, when's Thursday?

[Chi townD]

i.e. Ignore red flags, don't seek the truth even if it does leave more questions than answer because apparently, answers are irrelevant.

[Ralph79]

i.e. Ignore red flags, don't seek the truth even if it does leave more questions than answer because apparently, answers are irrelevant.

 

I think Tayla's post was a very heartwarming way to bring momentary respite to the OP's feelings. I actually think it's a beautiful sentiment.

 

However I do agree that answers are important as you've stated Chi townD. And sometimes some us can't wait for life to eventually reveal them to us.

 

Some people (myself included), are dead-horse beaters. We seek answers because we need them, not only to cope with what has happened, but to better prepare us for the road ahead. People like me, need a thorough understanding of the circumstances that led us to an end, before we can accept our reality and move on. Some of us are wired that way.

 

I personally couldn't bring myself to start building the foundations of a new relationship merely on blind acceptance of past failures. I, a self admitted dead-horse beater, need to fill every hole in the ground that was my past, before I can be reassured that what I build upon on it for the future, will withstand any hardships that come my way.

 

While I agree that negative speculation may or may not bring the OP answers he doesn't need right now, I think some posters are merely trying provide him perspective in hopes of helping him solve the puzzle he's faced with.

 

So OP, if you still seek answers we are willing to help you in your search however we can. But Tayla's words are very wise too. It really depends on how you feel.

[Tayla]

Thank you Ralph for the civil and objective way of addressing this matter.

 

Been here long enough that people tend to "project" and "cast" why someone did something. We, as online readers, have a duty to be objective in thought and empathetic in response. So Tired of assumptions that send people down a rabbit hole so to speak. The OP needs to review the past with fresh eyes , not clouded or marred with intense emotional strife. So Yes a reprieve is sometimes necessary. I wasn''t encouraging the OP to start a new romantic relationship at all. In fact a new relationship need not be anything other then re-inventing himself. Life Moments tend to beckon us to evolve.

[phoenix19]

Some people (myself included), are dead-horse beaters. We seek answers because we need them, not only to cope with what has happened, but to better prepare us for the road ahead. People like me, need a thorough understanding of the circumstances that led us to an end, before we can accept our reality and move on. Some of us are wired that way.

 

I personally couldn't bring myself to start building the foundations of a new relationship merely on blind acceptance of past failures. .

 

Totally agree with this, looking forward to when I can move on, but it's going to take a while given the above. Sucks...but that's the way it is. As I stated in a previous post, I don't want this healing to take as long as I've heard some people say getting over a relationship of 18 years can take (several years to get over).. Ef-THAT....I probably won't be able to be in another relationship for at least a year, but I do hope to "practice" as much as I can.

 

 

Life IS meant to be lived afterall.

[Tayla]

Phoenix, first year relations are rebounds, Yet who are we to stop you.

 

Based on what you have conveyed in having a daughter, I would hope you present what a genuine relationship entails. Your relationships in adulthood, forms her relations as she goes out into the world. PLease make it a respectable one. Practice being a gent and good father, it leaves a wonderful foundation for her to reflect upon. Best to you as its one step forward and two back in weaving thru the separation stages...

[phoenix19]

Tayla, I appreciate those words. I basically want a normal social life when I'm ready to start dating, I don't want my daughter to think I'm a hermit (and I hope to not BE a hermit), and she won't be meeting anyone until it does get fairly serious (obviously).

 

 

I still have a lot of hurdles to clear, I don't have any dates lined up yet. -> I don't remember how flirting works, and I can't even imagine working up the nerve to ask another woman out, and a lot of other things have changed since I last dated. ...and I probably need a makeover since my wife had input into most of my clothes.

[Wisc_divo_dad]

Pheonix19,

 

Sorry to hear what you are going through, as others have stated, I tend to agree on 2 main points.

 

1) I have gone through something very similar

2) There is likely another man involved

 

I was fortunate, I caught email exchanges my wife was having, involving genital pictures being exchanged. She wrote it off and lied about it. 4 months later, she had an apartment rented and wanted 'a 6 month break to get her head straight' and would revisit moving back in after that......

 

What actually happened...... she moved into an apartment directly across the hall from the 'man' above with whom she exchanged pics with. Within a month and a half, she was moved in with him, we hadn't even filed for divorce yet. FB was not deleted, but 16 1/2 years of memories were. As I said, I was fortunate to have learned the truth. He is a convicted child sex offender, she applied with the probation office in order to be with him, and lied. She gave her maiden name and stated she was single (2 months before she even left), and he was recently released from prison after 15 years due to a drive by shooting. 2 months later she was gone, and putting our child in front of him.

 

I know what you are going through, and I wanted answers as well - answers that she was unwilling to provide. As another poster said earlier, there is nothing you can do to get what you want from her, learn to accept that, and life gets a lot easier.

 

I ended up with sole legal custody of our child in common, and also with placement of my step sons, as she walked out on them all and put them in danger with whom she chose as her protector. I have a no-contact order in place with him and my child, both with the probation office as well as within the final divorce terms. Mt kids are now safe from him, and from her.

 

I fully understand your need to know, but I guarantee you that you will not get the answers you are seeking from her. Your choices are to find them on your own, or accept that you won't get them, and move on.

 

Lastly, the fact that she was willing to share this information with your child, and not with you - is very telling. Divorce is hard enough, and adult in sound mind would have have agreed to sit down and discuss together with the child, in order to make the child comfortable with the coming changes. Unforgivable in my book.

Edited February 14, 2015 by Wisc_divo_dad

[LoveMyCat]

If you happen to meet a woman who would like to have dinner or see a movie...I don't see a problem with that, IF you both agree to go out as friends. I am a woman, coming out of a 20-yr marriage and do not want a new relationship, but would not mind having a male friend to have dinner or drinks once in a while, nothing more. Not sure if this is likely to happen or how I would meet such a man...but I'd like to think it could be possible.

[Chi townD]

Thank you Ralph for the civil and objective way of addressing this matter.

 

Been here long enough that people tend to "project" and "cast" why someone did something. We, as online readers, have a duty to be objective in thought and empathetic in response. So Tired of assumptions that send people down a rabbit hole so to speak. The OP needs to review the past with fresh eyes , not clouded or marred with intense emotional strife. So Yes a reprieve is sometimes necessary. I wasn''t encouraging the OP to start a new romantic relationship at all. In fact a new relationship need not be anything other then re-inventing himself. Life Moments tend to beckon us to evolve.

 

 

Hey where there's smoke there's fire. If you want to be lost in the smoke that's your gig. But, I'm not going to change who I am and contrary to your beliefs, who are you to say I'm wrong? It's just an opinion. And if you follow trends, it not beyond the realm of possibility. Possibilities that I feel your afraid that they might be reality. Holy Sh*t! God forbid women cheat!

 

 

Well, they do. And I've been here long enough to know that women cheat just as much as men. And if you follow the trends, you would be remiss to allow someone to dismiss "red flags". Is it going to change the fact that their relationship is probably over? probably not. But, I won't let someone walk around wondering what THEY did wrong. What THEY did to make the person they're in love with leave if I can point out (even if it's subjective) that it wasn't their fault if they write that they didn't do anything to warrant what going on in their life right now. That's just frickin cruel.

[lolablue17]

There are two sides of the story, and every side has it's pain and legitimacy. But sometimes you can tell a lot by a minor hint.

 

The fact that she told your daughter she's leaving home, instead of telling your daughter together with you that M & F are separating, is un excusable in my eyes. What a lame reason of "I didn't find the when and how to tell you" to justify abusing your daughter like that.

 

Every beginner psychologist will lecture you how important it to notify children together about the divorce, and not sneaking behind daddy's back and tell her that she's moving on tuesday and "don't tell daddy". It's disgusting.

 

That small incident shows a lot who she really is and her views about dignity, child feelings, basic respect and human morality.

 

Maybe you should even be thanking you Ex for waking you up, because obviously You were "sleeping while living", not identifying any of it long ago. You've lived automatically, driven by inertia. Think again and be honest with yourself - Was that the life you've wished?

 

With these thoughts, you can look at your point you are now as a gift, as a promising way with new opportunities.

Edited February 14, 2015 by lolablue17

[still_an_Angel]

There's a lot missing from the story, but she has this all planned out and might have given you (OP) some hints of the direction she's going. Maybe you chose to ignore them (?) I don't agree with how she moved out and explained to the 5yr old the big question Why? I think both parents should have sat down the child and explained what is going to happen. That said, all of this has been done so best to pick up whatever pieces you have and work on putting your life back somehow. This is not going to be easy, it will take years for things to settle, there are so many things to sort out, first would be the house as you and your W need to decide how to avoid the banks from closing in and affecting your future prospects of buying another one. And of course, all the other financial matters.

 

 

Dating and meeting other people can come later, you need to focus on your personal & financial worries first. Best of luck OP, it took me over 2 years to get my life back on track, I do know what you're going through.

[BlueIris]

Hey where there's smoke there's fire. If you want to be lost in the smoke that's your gig. But, I'm not going to change who I am and contrary to your beliefs, who are you to say I'm wrong? It's just an opinion. And if you follow trends, it not beyond the realm of possibility. Possibilities that I feel your afraid that they might be reality. Holy Sh*t! God forbid women cheat!

 

Well, they do. And I've been here long enough to know that women cheat just as much as men. And if you follow the trends, you would be remiss to allow someone to dismiss "red flags". Is it going to change the fact that their relationship is probably over? probably not. But, I won't let someone walk around wondering what THEY did wrong. What THEY did to make the person they're in love with leave if I can point out (even if it's subjective) that it wasn't their fault if they write that they didn't do anything to warrant what going on in their life right now. That's just frickin cruel.

 

It really truly doesn’t matter to some people. OP is not fighting the divorce and has said that it is irrelevant to him:

 

Whether she's this cheating conniving biatch or not is actually irrelevant to me... of course I hope she isn't, cuz I still love her. But her leaving, the way I found out, and her current "you don't exist" attitude towards me is all on her...she chose those cards for the father of her daughter....and she's going to have to deal with me for a while unfortunately.

 

Chi_TownD, I can see focusing on cheating and weighing relative blame if you’re deciding whether to divorce someone or if there is the possibility of staying together. But if one person has decided that there’s going to be a divorce, some people really don’t care about cheating or not, and just focus on getting through the divorce and attending to their own interests.

 

There can be a downside to being overly concerned about cheating and one-sided assignment of blame. Once the divorce is over, it can be beneficial to reflect on our own role in the marriage and what we would want to do better or differently in a future relationship.

 

My exH was sure I’d cheated and I stopped denying or defending because it didn’t matter to me who was to blame or more to blame. Since I’d decided that we were divorcing, like OP said about his wife in the quoted bit above, it was all on me anyway.

[oldshirt]

I disagree with this and it's a big generalisation. Women DO move our without another man in tow. Especially when they have the financial means to do so. That is usually what holds them back, even when they are in unhappy marriages.

 

there is still some kind of stimulus that causes them to pull the ejection handle. Something made her pick "Thursday" as the day she left.

 

 

It may not be a full blown affair where she is riding off into the sunset with OM but there was some kind of 'event' that made her decide that now is the time.

 

 

Pheonix may have acted aggressive or abusive at some point. He may have said or did (or NOT said or NOT did) that convinced her his heart was not in the marriage (in her opinion anyway) and that there was no point in continuing the M.

 

 

...Or she was beginning to notice other men noticing her and she decided that she was going to leave this marriage behind and see what else was out there. This could be something as simple as some attractive man at work flirting heavily with her, or a ONS at the bar which made her realize there were other options out there and she figured she would try her luck at those other options.

 

 

My point earlier however is there is a 5 year old child involved. I don't care if some gal is downright rich, women don't pack up and leave the marital home of the father of their 5 year old without some form of abuse, addiction, abandonment, chronic unemployment or another man.

 

 

 

 

Something happened here. There was some kind of chronic trend that has been taking place over time, and then there was some kind of 'event' that caused her to take definitive action and pull the ejection handle.

 

 

A mature woman with financial means may pull the ejection handle sooner and for less drastic cause than a dependent spouse, but the process and stimulus is the same.

 

 

(I have my own hunch which I will address in the next post)

[oldshirt]

As this thread progresses, I am getting a little different vibe here than I usually do. The Force is telling me things are a bit deeper and more chronic that what it initially seemed.

 

 

 

 

In reading through Phoenix's posts sequentially, I am starting to see a man that was annoyed by his wife's planning a whole new life and taking his daughter to her new place without preplanning this with him and not running it by him first.

 

 

I am not seeing a man heartbroken and devastated by his wife of 13 years and the mother of his child leaving him.

 

 

I am not seeing a man beside himself and frantic over the assertions of many that there is another man involved.

 

 

I am not seeing a man terrified of suddenly finding himself alone and without a partner.

 

 

I am not seeing a man afraid that his one shot at love is crumbling and is worried that he will never find love again and fears a life of abstinence.

 

 

No we are seeing a man that is already making future plans for himself as a single and is kind of looking forward to getting out and dating again and really has no interest in peeling back any layers or looking under any rocks for what is going on with his STBX.

 

 

While he expresses that this is a disruption and an inconvenience as I am sure it is, he does not appear to be hurt or distressed by it.

 

 

I think if we were to interview Mrs Phoenix, I think she'll say that the reason she didn't discuss this with him is because he was busy with other things and that she knew he'd be annoyed when he found out but that she didn't think he'd actually be too upset.

 

 

And I think she'd also say that figured if she had all her ducks in a row and had everything all worked out and arranged on her own ahead of time, that he would just accept it without much fuss and wouldn't try to talk her out of it or try to interfere with it too much.

 

 

I think she'd say that he would say, "I can't do anything about that..." and basically let her go on about her business without too much intrusion or interference.

 

 

This was a well planned and well played exit by Mrs Phoenix.

 

 

And Mr Phoenix is basically moving on in the manner we tell BS's to move on. Only he is not in crisis where we are trying to advise someone to do something against their nature and against their initial instincts - he is doing it organically and naturally and without much prompting.

 

 

My impression at this time is that this relationship died some time ago and they just going about making all the arrangements and taking care of their own personal business.

[oldshirt]

Here are a few more random points in no particular order or relevance -

 

 

- Mrs Phoenix has expressed her dissatisfaction with the M and has what she needed to have a happy and healthy M with him, it just went over his head or under his radar. He didn't pick up on it. Now to be fair to him, she did not use the words - "I am deeply dissatisfied with our marriage and will leave on Thurs unless you start doing XYZ today." But she has said things like, " we could do more things together if you could do less ______ and do more ______ with me. and if you would help me with ________ more, we could __________ more."

 

 

I promise she has made statements to that affect at a wide variety of points. He just didn't hear them or grasp their significance at the time.

 

 

(that's how women communicate and how they express their dissatisfaction. I learned that from our counselor when we were at the brink of divorce)

 

 

- women are very affected by a concept called "responsive desire". Their desire and attraction and connection and intimacy with their man, is deeply affected by their man's desire and connection etc for them. In essence if a man is very attracted to and acts connected to them, they respond with attraction and connection to them. Conversely if a man seems detached and disconnected to them, then they will very quickly lose desire and connection to their man.

 

 

which leads into.........

- Phoenix was not as helpless as he sounded when he says, "I can't do anything about that...." in reference to his wife's probable affair (and I am lumping everything from office flirtation to an online EA to a ONS into the category of "affair" ) and her leaving the home.

 

 

he could have affected those outcomes but he was/is already so detached and disengaged from the M he has chosen not to because way deep in his mind he doesn't see the eventual outcome as being worth the effort.

 

 

- She may have even been looking for a sign from him that he was still invested and sincerely wanted her to stay. We see it all the time when women change their minds after their husbands slash their tires so they can't drive away, hunt down and beat up the OM, block her from moving her stuff out of the house etc etc etc

 

 

He basically rolled his eyes and shook his head and stomped off to watch the rest of the football game (I speaking figuratively of course)

 

 

that gave her the message he was OK with it and gave her the green light to move on.

 

 

- My advice to Phoenix is the same as from my initial posts -

 

 

Lawyer up yesterday and protect your property, assets and relationship with your daughter.

 

 

You can talk about your feelings with your therapist and work on moving on with your life once you've done all you can to protect and preserve as much of your property, assets and relationship with your child as you can.

[Ralph79]

And Mr Phoenix is basically moving on in the manner we tell BS's to move on. Only he is not in crisis where we are trying to advise someone to do something against their nature and against their initial instincts - he is doing it organically and naturally and without much prompting.

 

I got this feeling as well until I realized his breakup happened over 3 months ago. So he's had time do deal with the crisis phase. He seems like an overly sensible person as well.

 

Lastly, if he were so resigned to the inevitable breakup as you suspect without remorse, he wouldn't be here posting.

[BlueIris]

Something happened here. There was some kind of chronic trend that has been taking place over time, and then there was some kind of 'event' that caused her to take definitive action and pull the ejection handle.

 

A mature woman with financial means may pull the ejection handle sooner and for less drastic cause than a dependent spouse, but the process and stimulus is the same.

 

(I have my own hunch which I will address in the next post)

 

Sometimes it truly is only cumulative or a chronic trend, without one single event or straw that broke the camel’s back. In my marriage, what was necessary and very important to me was not important to him, not a good enough reason for divorce.

 

My exH said, “But I never cheated on you or hit you. You have a nice home, cars and things. The kids are doing well. We have the perfect life and you are destroying it.” That summed up what was important to him. Notice who’s missing there.

 

I see no better reason to divorce than that- that what you want, need and value has no value to your spouse, and worse yet, is dismissed as unimportant.

 

I’m not saying that’s what happened with OP’s wife! I don’t know. But I respect that she has her own personal reasons. That is the essence of respect and caring. Flatly dismissing a partner’s feelings and needs slams the door on that person. Some people can’t live with that.

 

Think of something that is very important to you, something that you believe is essential to your life or in a relationship. Then imagine your wife deciding that it doesn’t matter, that it isn’t important, or that it's stupid, silly, selfish or some other negative judgment or rejection.

 

Sometimes that is what has happened.

[bubbaganoosh]

that's a good question...there's a few things that unfortunately no one can answer but her...such as:

1-Why didn't we talk about what she was feeling, I'd feel better knowing we tried everything before getting to this point.

 

 

2-Why did you just quit...(which is basically related to the previous one)

 

 

3-Is there another reason why you left, I need full disclosure

 

 

4-Why are you making this harder than it needs to be by ignoring me and not wanting to talk if there really isn't anything else going.

 

 

As I said, I need closure to begin healing. Right now I'm stuck in limbo, and I realize it, and it pains me that I can't move on...as moving on will be hard enough, I'd like to get started if that's what I need to do...but I'm not convinced yet. I know that sounds bad...but I need a good reason for why this happened, assurance that it is over and that I had nothing to do with it (to regain some self-confidence), and to be on good terms with the mother of my child. I don't want to be "friends" with her if it is over, but we should be on the same page for our daughter's upbringing. I'm 42...I don't want to have to wait 2-3 years before I'm ready to start a new relationship either...

 

You want answers to your questions. Getting them will be like spitting in the wind. I'm telling you this from experience and how it took me 40 years to get the answers and when it happened, I realizes that no answer was good enough because every answer just led to more questions with useless answers.

 

All in all, my advice to you is this. Forget about finding the truth because you'll never get to the bottom line. What you have is a situation where you were blindsided, left holding the bag and your best bet is to stop worrying about the whys and what fore's and just do what you need to do to get your life squared away. That's they only thing you have in your control. Her reasons will only make matters worse.

 

As far as dating. Until you get yourself in order, don't bring another person in you life. All that does is complicate things. Why bring in someone else when you haven't got your wife out of your system. It's not fair to the new lady and sooner or later it blows up.

 

Your kid wont see you as a hermit. She'll see you as Dad and after your squared away, and you happen to meet a nice lady, keep it separated form the kid and when the time is right take it one step at a time bringing them together. I know this from experience.

Edited February 14, 2015 by bubbaganoosh

[oldshirt]

I got this feeling as well until I realized his breakup happened over 3 months ago. So he's had time do deal with the crisis phase. He seems like an overly sensible person as well.

 

Lastly, if he were so resigned to the inevitable breakup as you suspect without remorse, he wouldn't be here posting.

 

 

 

I'm not saying that he is not upset or concerned or sad or disappointed or angry etc etc. I am sure he is pretty much going through all of the same emotions as anyone who's spouse is leaving them.

 

 

 

 

I don't mean to imply that he is a heartless, insensitive jerk at all or that he is 100% OK with this.

 

 

I am saying that way down deep, he is also detached and disconnected from any strong emotional attachment to her or the marriage. This is a man who appears more inconvenienced and annoyed than devastated or broken hearted.

 

 

I'm not saying he's doing anything wrong, quite contrary, he's doing exceptionally well. So well in fact, it leads me to believe that this has been in the works for years rather the few months described.

 

 

Both of them disengaged and disconnected from each other years ago.

 

 

The difference is he was content to just keep marking time and living with the daily routine. She was the one that wanted more and realized she wasn't going to get any more under the current state of affairs and she pulled the ejection handle first.

 

 

If he had been the one to find some cutie at the office or the gym first, he would've been the one to pull it first.

 

 

But I really don't want to make this about affairs or AP's or anything at this point anymore because I do think that is all a mute point now.

 

 

Both of them are going to be dating openly and moving forward with their lives in couple months from now anyway so it really doesn't matter who did what when.

[oldshirt]

Sometimes it truly is only cumulative or a chronic trend, without one single event or straw that broke the camel’s back. In my marriage, what was necessary and very important to me was not important to him, not a good enough reason for divorce.

 

My exH said, “But I never cheated on you or hit you. You have a nice home, cars and things. The kids are doing well. We have the perfect life and you are destroying it.” That summed up what was important to him. Notice who’s missing there.

 

I see no better reason to divorce than that- that what you want, need and value has no value to your spouse, and worse yet, is dismissed as unimportant.

 

I’m not saying that’s what happened with OP’s wife! I don’t know. But I respect that she has her own personal reasons. That is the essence of respect and caring. Flatly dismissing a partner’s feelings and needs slams the door on that person. Some people can’t live with that.

 

Think of something that is very important to you, something that you believe is essential to your life or in a relationship. Then imagine your wife deciding that it doesn’t matter, that it isn’t important, or that it's stupid, silly, selfish or some other negative judgment or rejection.

 

Sometimes that is what has happened.

 

 

 

I agree with you but did you have a 5 year old?

 

 

I agree completely now that this situation was cumulative and chronic as you said.

 

 

But I do think that in her mind there was a straw that broke the camels back if you were to ask her about it.

 

 

To the rest of us, it may not seem like a big straw or something worthy of breaking up a home and family, but to her it was a resounding and deafening SNAP!

[elaine567]

I agree with you but did you have a 5 year old?

 

 

I agree completely now that this situation was cumulative and chronic as you said.

 

 

But I do think that in her mind there was a straw that broke the camels back if you were to ask her about it.

 

 

To the rest of us, it may not seem like a big straw or something worthy of breaking up a home and family, but to her it was a resounding and deafening SNAP!

 

It may just have been the availability of the sublet.

Instead of just thinking about it, dreaming about it, it may suddenly have seemed a real possibility.

She perhaps could then envisage herself and her daughter living there.

Prior to that, living in apartments, living way out of town, living in all sort of seedy places may have put her off.

With the townhouse she could see a future, a base to take off from.

[elaine567]

I believe

"lack of emotional support or connection" mentioned by MJJean is behind many marriage break ups.

Women need emotional support and connection to function well within a marriage.

I believe that anything that makes a woman feel abandoned by her spouse as regards emotional connection is bad for the marriage.

It will adversely affect sex within the marriage.

It will adversely affect how she treats him.

It will adversely affect her mental health.

It will adversely affect how she views cheating on him.

It will adversely affect how she views leaving him.

 

It seems to me some men check out of their marriages (I married you is that not enough?) and only return for food, comfort or sex, and that for most women is just not enough.

 

(I am speaking generally and not specifically as regards the OP.)

[phoenix19]

Oldshirt, I disagree with a lot of what you are saying. I'll leave it at that.

[sandylee1]

I still say that there does not have to be a replacement lined up for a woman to up and leave. That's not to say there isn't some other man in this situation. I have three friends that would leave their marriages right now, if they had the financial means and they don't have OM lined up. In fact one of them is even a BW.

 

So please with respect, don't make those generalisations about women. Anyone can be very unhappy in a marriage and decide to cut loose.

 

 

I like the fact that Phoenix is not wallowing in self pity about this as well. It's good to look towards a future separate from her. Some people are okay with a so so marriage and others are not. My cousin left his so so marriage because he wanted more and his Ex thought things were fine. She kept saying we can't be on a honeymoon forever. She was shocked when he said he wanted a D.

 

To tell your daughter before telling you was really wrong on so many levels. I would personally find that unforgivable. But in the end is best to just move on with your life. You'll need a place you can more comfortably afford, since she just upped and left. That was rather irresponsible and inconsiderate of her.

 

Keep posting and kudos for looking forward. It's the best thing here. Be the best dad that you can to your daughter. All the best.

[elaine567]

I still say that there does not have to be a replacement lined up for a woman to up and leave. That's not to say there isn't some other man in this situation. I have three friends that would leave their marriages right now, if they had the financial means and they don't have OM lined up. In fact one of them is even a BW.

 

So please with respect, don't make those generalisations about women. Anyone can be very unhappy in a marriage and decide to cut loose.

Agreed. The generalisations about women who leave, being cheating b*tches from some here on LS, gets me down too.

Financial considerations do keep women in marriages.

Take away the need for financial support and the need to find a replacement diminishes.

I also guess that women in that situation take less time to decide they are through with their marriage, so less likely to feel the need to cheat to take her out of the bad situation of her marriage.

She doesn't cheat, she just leaves.