Really nervous about a coffee date Saturday

[d0nnivain]

Everybody has the flu right now. Assume she did too.

 

 

I'd call her -- not text -- call on Wednesday to confirm the coffee date

 

 

In the mean time learn some breathing techniques to calm your own nerves.

[Gaeta]

I didn't respond to her last message she sent last night (it didn't really need a response, not a question or anything like that) and haven't messaged her today. Should I give it a rest and give us some space through Thursday? I hate this whole "texting game" involved with dating now.

 

Yes you need to touch base with her before the next date. Don't go text silent if you were in the habit of texting. Just continue doing what you were doing. Any change in your behaviour she will interpret as a lack of interest.

[myheartaches]

We females think wayyyy too much about texting habits. If you just stop texting, we think something is wrong!! So just check up on her once a day at least, and then perhaps a goodnight text those things always make us happy!! ☺️☺️

[kendahke]

Should I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she really wasn't feeling well?

 

what's your alternative? I mean, you were on the precipice of cancelling on her 3 days ago.

 

A lot of people are sick with some bug going around.

 

I met someone last week online and went and had coffee with them on Saturday. Had such a good time that we went for a drive together and had a really good time talking and laughing. Going to meet up with him again today after work. Try just giving it a chance instead of strangling it in its crib.

Edited February 2, 2015 by kendahke

[Diezel]

This thread is TESTAMENT to why I never explain my dating life previous to whomever I am seeing. It can, and will be used against you in a court of courtship.

[JOkER2]

Ya text her back. I've been in the same boat as u Chris. Dating can make people really nervous. I also have social anxiety and have been nervous for dates but I thought the positive outweighs the negative. If u don't see her u can really upset her and make her feel bad which u don't want to do. Also when u go and u have a great time then u will b so happy. And hey maybe things get serious one day. Another good reason to text her back is because u don't want her to think That u r playing games. I hate it when I text girls and they only reply when they want to making me nervous waiting by my phone

[Chris715]

Thanks for the advice you guys. I decided it was dumb to try to act "distant" or whatever by not sending texts and ignoring hers. And like you all said I could be sending the wrong signals. Just going to be myself and not flood her with texts or anything, but at least keep our conversation going.

[Chris715]

Well, I'm starting to stress about this again, just like everyone predicted. I don't even know if I'm going to go through with it at this point. Between dealing with classes, making sure I don't fail for the semester, and finding a job I've been stressing way too much about stuff and I don't need this piled on top.

 

Honestly she probably won't even care if I cancel at this point. We texted a few times back and forth today but she's taken longer to answer over the last couple of days and even didn't both responding to a couple of my texts, I'm taking it all as a lack of interest.

 

**** social anxiety and **** depression. I really think those are my two biggest issues right now and until I get them sorted out I shouldn't be dating anyone.

[Chris715]

Yeah I think I'm going to cancel on her. Sent her a text tonight and she mistook me for another guy, basically saying "oops, I don't have your number saved and thought you were someone else, sorry!" Clearly I care about this way more than she does and it's already setting me up for failure. I just don't care anymore, can't deal with this at this point in my life. With this much anxiety maybe I'm not cut out for dating.

Edited February 4, 2015 by Chris715

[hunk]

Drop this girl my man. She sounds like an idiot. "Oops, i don't even have your number saved" I mean, come on. What is that? She hasn't even bothered to save your phone number. This needs to be dropped now. You did nothing wrong here. This will destroy you, as a fellow anxiety sufferer this behavior is just gonna send you into a horrific spiral of self loathing when in reality it's all on her. For your own good just forget about it and concentrate on yourself. If she's really interested she will come to you. No more messages, the only contact should be a phone call from now on and that's ONLY if you want to go through with this. From a completely honest perspective she doesn't sound interested, nor does it sound like she has much respect for you.

[Chris715]

Drop this girl my man. She sounds like an idiot. "Oops, i don't even have your number saved" I mean, come on. What is that? She hasn't even bothered to save your phone number. This needs to be dropped now. You did nothing wrong here. This will destroy you, as a fellow anxiety sufferer this behavior is just gonna send you into a horrific spiral of self loathing when in reality it's all on her. For your own good just forget about it and concentrate on yourself. If she's really interested she will come to you. No more messages, the only contact should be a phone call from now on and that's ONLY if you want to go through with this. From a completely honest perspective she doesn't sound interested, nor does it sound like she has much respect for you.

 

Completely agree with you. I've been thinking about this more tonight and realized the last week or so I've been acting really needy and desperate with her and it all stems from my confidence and anxiety issues which I seriously need to work on to get my life in order. Even if this did happen to go somewhere after our date Thursday I'm in no shape for a relationship. I need to be happy with myself before I'm happy with someone else. Sounds cliche and it's been said a million different times on here but I'm starting to find that it's true.

[Chris715]

Alright I deleted my OLD account and canceled my date with her, she didn't seem too bothered by it. Not sure where I'm going from here but it doesn't include dating in my immediate future, that much is clear.

[Mrin]

Brother. Just reading this thread makes me get all hyperventilate-y. I can feel your anxiety just pouring through your posts. The good news is that you know you have a touch of social anxiety and you want to do something about it. I dunno if getting out of the dating game is the right call but that's really your thing. I would suggest seeing someone or some group about working through your social anxiety issues.

 

I don't have those sorts of anxiety issues but I do a lot of public speaking and stuff where I have to be "on" for hours on end. My anxiety with that manifests itself as super high energy, rapid fire monologues and ineffective communication. I use a couple of techniques to deal with it that might be of use to you.

 

1) A few hours before I have to go "on" I will just go out to some public place and start striking up conversations with total strangers. And they have to be meaningful back and forth conversations. It settles me down and gets me in that cadence. For you it might just give you some confidence or security in talking to people you don't know in a "no risk" environment. You have no emotional investment in whether that stranger you are talking to thinks highly of you or not - you're never going to see them again.

 

2) Meditation: I also make time for at least a 30 minute meditation before going "on" if possible. I don't know if you meditate but I find it remarkably helpful is settling my mind down.

 

Best of luck!

[Chris715]

Let me be clear when I say giving up on dating I mean at least for awhile, maybe through the end of the school semester this summer. Right now I'm at risk of having to drop out of a couple of classes and failing college, without a job, and hung up on past relationships/exes that keep lingering because of my depression and anxiety, not to mention my horrible self esteem. I think most people on here would agree I'm in no shape for dating right now and need a lot of a self improvement.

 

Besides I don't think OLD is ever going to work for me. I deal horribly with flakiness and rejection and from my experience and what everyone else has said they're plentiful online.

Edited February 4, 2015 by Chris715

[losangelena]

Let me be clear when I say giving up on dating I mean at least for awhile, maybe through the end of the school semester this summer. Right now I'm at risk of having to drop out of a couple of classes and failing college, without a job, and hung up on past relationships/exes that keep lingering because of my depression and anxiety, not to mention my horrible self esteem. I think most people on here would agree I'm in no shape for dating right now and need a lot of a self improvement.

 

Besides I don't think OLD is ever going to work for me. I deal horribly with flakiness and rejection and from my experience and what everyone else has said they're plentiful online.

 

Good luck, OP.

 

Of course, flakey, rejecting people exist in real life, too, keep that in mind.

 

Also, I'm all for self-improvement, but feel like if things like a decent revenue stream is in place and you're not in danger of failing out of college, then waiting until things are "ideal" can just be another excuse not to even jump into the dating pool. There are hardly ever "ideal" conditions, and besides, those things are not guaranteed forever (like a job, or complete lack of depression/anxiety). Work on those things, yes, but don't wait for things to be perfect.