Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 but clearly we're on different planes in terms of confidence right now. Wish I could go into it with the mindset you have but easier said than done. This is helps in building your confidence. Easier said than done, of course. But as I said, when it's uncomfortable, the only way to overcome it is to do it. Hiding and running away only enables it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Go on the coffee date. If you don't, you'll feel like crap afterwards because you chickened out. And cancelling at this point is ruining your chances before you even meet. If you do go, you'll feel like a million bucks afterward, just knowing you gave it a shot. Focus on that feeling. Plus, she already likes you to a certain extent. If you need to relax a bit, try valerian root. You can get it at herb shops or even the drug store. Link to post Share on other sites
JADIE Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 OP, don't postpone...I'm a female that deals with moderate social anxiety...just think about what postponing might do to the girl. Here she's been looking forward to meeting up with you, probably with some hesitation or anxiety herself, only to have you put her off...do you want to put her through that? When someone backs out or postpones on me, I go through the whole disappointment (and maybe a little relief) and wondering what I might have done to cause it and what's wrong with me bit. Very stressful. Keep the date for her sake if not your own...save both of you some stress.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Alright I texted her "Hey still up for our coffee date tomorrow?" and she replied "Yeah :)" So looks like this happening whether I want it to or not. Gonna try to go into it with a positive attitude. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Alright I texted her "Hey still up for our coffee date tomorrow?" and she replied "Yeah :)" So looks like this happening whether I want it to or not. Gonna try to go into it with a positive attitude. Baby steps! You're going to be fine! Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yeah I guess I'm hoping if enough people on here tell me not to cancel I won't haha. A coffee date might not be that big of a deal for you but clearly we're on different planes in terms of confidence right now. Wish I could go into it with the mindset you have but easier said than done. I was where you are now Chris a few months back. The first date I went on I was soooo fing nervous, but it was a great meet. Since then I've been what might be referred to as Multi-dating which is great fun:) Get over the initial meet. You need to. You also need to look at your self-confidence levels. Girls Crave Guys that are Confident. Link to post Share on other sites
kevintech Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Chris, let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Alright I texted her "Hey still up for our coffee date tomorrow?" and she replied "Yeah :)" So looks like this happening whether I want it to or not. Gonna try to go into it with a positive attitude. I am so excited for you I hope it goes super well :) Please let me know how it goes :) Link to post Share on other sites
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'd suggest decaf for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Alright I texted her "Hey still up for our coffee date tomorrow?" and she replied "Yeah :)" So looks like this happening whether I want it to or not. Gonna try to go into it with a positive attitude. Good luck Chris! A few months ago I met a man that is overly timid. He came to the coffee place and stayed in his car for 10-15 mins looking at me waiting for him at the coffee-shop door. He told me later on it was a huge battle with himself to get out of his car and come up to me but at the moment I smiled at him his anxiety went away. I think that is exactly what will happen. When you get there and she smiles at you all that pressure and anxiety will go away Have fun! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 He told me later on it was a huge battle with himself to get out of his car and come up to me but at the moment I smiled at him his anxiety went away. That's an adorable story. You must have quite the smile As someone who's spent the past few years climbing out of my own social anxiety, I'm very glad you decided to go. Cheers to moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Social anxiety can sometimes be the egotistical fear that others will perceive you differently than you perceive yourself. Be genuine all the time! You got this OP! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Meet up is in a couple hours. Really nervous right now, wish I could just go and get it over with this minute. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Chris, you did awesome by texting her to confirm the date instead of postponing it. The date will do smoothly. It will. you'll dress nice and smell good and smile and talk and listen and make a joke or 2. You'll have a coffee with her And before you know it..it'll be done and you'll be proud of yourself for going through with it. And hopefully all will go as smoothly as predicted and at the end of the date you'll indicate to her that it was lots of fun meeting her in person and that you'd like to take her out to a movie or dinner sometime the following week aaannd...then you'll come back her and stress about date #2 but it'll all be ok - cuz we got your back! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Probably shouldn't go for a kiss at the end of a coffee date right? Just a hug and invite her to do something next week? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Probably shouldn't go for a kiss at the end of a coffee date right? Just a hug and invite her to do something next week? Hmm. A kiss on the first date kinda depends on the person, and the vibe throughout the whole evening. If she seems into you and you guys were flirty the whole time, then a kiss would be good. But if you're already nervous and worried, then ending the date with a hug and a kiss on the cheek is totally cool. Like, if she likes you - she'd totally do date #2 and be hoping for a kiss then. Go by your instincts. But if you do like her, totally mention a date #2 at the end of date #1. I love when guys do that - it shows that they're on their game. They're interested and not playin around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 She ended up canceling last minute. Said she wasn't feeling too well (which she did mention earlier in the week), apologized, and said we should do it some other time. I texted her saying it was fine and asking if she wanted to reschedule for next week but no answer yet. I'd be lying if I didn't say part of me is relieved but overall feeling pretty disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Oh boo. I'm so sorry, Chris. I was looking forward to hearing how it went. I hope you get to reconnect with her! Link to post Share on other sites
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 She ended up canceling last minute. Said she wasn't feeling too well (which she did mention earlier in the week), apologized, and said we should do it some other time. I texted her saying it was fine and asking if she wanted to reschedule for next week but no answer yet. I'd be lying if I didn't say part of me is relieved but overall feeling pretty disappointed. Sorry to hear, this might be a blessing in disuse though. It took me a while to not get excited or over think first dates. Eventually you will learn that they don't always go well, they go well but nothing comes out of it, get cancelled on etc. I am at the point here I don't pursue a different date unless the excuse is good, just not worth the time if they can't make the effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 She texted back suggesting we meet on campus some time this next week, so I might suggest coffee from the library coffee shop, maybe she'll be more comfortable in a familiar environment for both of us (today we were going to meet at a Starbucks that she may more may not have been to before). At this point I'm thinking she really isn't feeling well or was maybe as nervous as me (or more so) and ended up delaying like I was debating. Not getting my hopes up but we'll see where this next week goes. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Ironically you got what you wanted. I'm sorry your date didn't happen because I really to think you going through with it would be the best thing for your confidence. Take several deep breathes & hang in there. Given the fact that everybody seems to be battling the flu right now lets giver her the benefit of the doubt on not feeling well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 That's a bummer Chris. But the good news is - you were gonna go thru with it and also she did mention earlier on that she was maybe getting sick - so it's likely that her reason for cancelling is true. And you guys can try again next week. Hope that goes smoothly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 So we decided on a time and place next Thursday on campus to meet, we're going to get coffee at our library cafe. She texted "That sounds good I won't cancel this time, promise haha" Should I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she really wasn't feeling well? Her timing of canceling earlier made me think for sure she was just flaking but going by this she does still seem interested to meet. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 So we decided on a time and place next Thursday on campus to meet, we're going to get coffee at our library cafe. She texted "That sounds good I won't cancel this time, promise haha" Should I give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she really wasn't feeling well? Her timing of canceling earlier made me think for sure she was just flaking but going by this she does still seem interested to meet. Now now Chris, you were ready to flake on her earlier and it's not because of a lack of interest in her right? She cancelled it's ok, don't try to dissect it and be glad you already have another date set up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris715 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 So I realize I might be overthinking this way too much but what should I do about texting from now until we meet up Thursday? On one hand I've had a good time joking and teasing with her this last week over text, talking about random things going on with our day, etc. and I definitely feel like it's made her more interested in me. On the other hand I realize there's such a thing as too much texting and that she could get burnt out from it all, including having us talk so much over text that we have nothing to talk about when we meet up. I didn't respond to her last message she sent last night (it didn't really need a response, not a question or anything like that) and haven't messaged her today. Should I give it a rest and give us some space through Thursday? I hate this whole "texting game" involved with dating now. Link to post Share on other sites
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