Diezel Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 She just wants to string you along. Either the guy after you didn't work out or she is feeling lonely... whatever it is, it clearly worked and now she's got you talking to her again. Maybe if I say it again......... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I have a feeling I know what kind of responses I will get here but I'm going to post this anyway. The initial text I spoke of in this thread was on Monday the 26th. Tuesday and Wednesday went by with no interaction. Thursday she initiated contact again and once again we had about an hour long text conversation. This past Monday, the 2nd, marked the 5th straight day of her initiating contact with me. Each conversation during this time went on longer and longer each day. Very general conversations might I add however she would throw in something fun we did in the past here and there. Monday's conversation went on well past her "bedtime" and when I questioned her about it being late for her she said it wasn't a problem. She didn't text me last night and probably won't tonight, Tuesday's and Wednesday's are super long days for her at work. Since she's been initiating contact with me I truly feel like she's reaching out to me. I'm considering initiating the next contact which I know goes against a lot of the things I've read on here, I would just hate to not at least throw something out to her so she knows I'm here for her. If I don't I fear her reaction would be, WOW he totally missed the signs. Even if they aren't signs I'm willing to deal with that, but if they are signs I know I'd regret not at least feeling her out. No. Just no. Your mindset is all wrong. Not your job to chase, not your job to make her feel comfortable. She broke it, she needs to do the vast majority of the work to fix it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Males are very bothered when they think about their exs having sex with other men. Especially when they're all doing her at the same time! Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Why would she want more? She dumps you and still gets you in her life with no effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firestarter1069 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I have NOT initiated contact with her, yet we still have conversations almost daily, her initiating. In fact I've actually been on break with her a few times this week for face to face conversations which have been going very well. Granted the "let's get back together" thing has not been brought up which I wouldn't expect to happen, especially at work. She had text me Monday asking me if I wanted to join her for a smoke on her first break. During that break she gave me her break schedule, since she has changed shifts since the breakup, which I did NOT ask for. Something interesting happened during one of our face to face conversations. I was telling her a story about an "incident" that happened at the bar on my side of town we used to go to. She responded by saying "Am I going to have to start coming there again to kick some butt"? I just said, not that I need back up, but it would be nice to have some, in a joking manner. For those who don't know she told me that she was someone who would never invite herself along without being asked first. I'm wondering if this was in some way, her trying to get me to ask her to go out one night. Just had to get this off my chest, slowwwww day at work today. Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want to give you any false hope, but... I'm not sure she's playing with you. When I was confused after being dumped, I read several of those "get your ex back"-articles and they usually suggest that you begin with a short text message, such as: "Dumb Dumber is on TV and it reminds me how much fun we had when we saw it together!" This is pretty much exactly what your ex did. If I had dumped someone, I would be far too ashamed to show up at the doorstep. I don't have that kind of confidence. I would fear getting rejected. And seriously, I would be pretty freaked out if my ex suddenly knocked on my door and said "Please take me back!". I would advice NC 99% of the time, but in this case... I'm not sure. If you really want her back, perhaps you can be polite and funny, but avoid initiating contact or talking about the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firestarter1069 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't want to give you any false hope, but... I'm not sure she's playing with you. When I was confused after being dumped, I read several of those "get your ex back"-articles and they usually suggest that you begin with a short text message, such as: "Dumb Dumber is on TV and it reminds me how much fun we had when we saw it together!" This is pretty much exactly what your ex did. If I had dumped someone, I would be far too ashamed to show up at the doorstep. I don't have that kind of confidence. I would fear getting rejected. And seriously, I would be pretty freaked out if my ex suddenly knocked on my door and said "Please take me back!". I would advice NC 99% of the time, but in this case... I'm not sure. If you really want her back, perhaps you can be polite and funny, but avoid initiating contact or talking about the past? Polite and funny is exactly how I am. It's something I don't even have to try to be, it comes natural. Anything brought up about the past comes from her. I do acknowledge her saying something about it, but very quickly get back to a more generalized topic. It's going to be extremely cold this weekend in my area and she already made it clear she plans on hibernating. Knowing her, I know this means she has no plans. If this comes up in a conversation we have in the next day or 2 I might throw out a feeler about doing something together. I will just make sure my judgement is right, I don't want to push the topic. Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I agree with the others that the ball is in her court though. If she really wants you back, she won't give up very easily. I suggest that you hang out with friends or something like that instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firestarter1069 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 I agree with the others that the ball is in her court though. If she really wants you back, she won't give up very easily. I suggest that you hang out with friends or something like that instead. Which I have been doing. I totally agree the ball is in her court and I'm starting to think she realizes that. I guess only time will tell and whatever happens in the meantime happens. Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Next time she calls I would immediately ask her when she's free to get together. If she says no I would ask one more time and if it didn't happen again I would be done talking to her Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Next time she calls I would immediately ask her when she's free to get together. If she says no I would ask one more time and if it didn't happen again I would be done talking to her That's a good advice. I just want to add, that if she picks a day and later tells you that she can't make it, don't believe her. This is very common. If she does this, don't talk to her again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 She just wants to string you along. Either the guy after you didn't work out or she is feeling lonely... whatever it is, it clearly worked and now she's got you talking to her again. Again, because maybe a third time. You see, you are sitting here declaring, I DO NOT INITIATE. But you sure as hell reciprocate, so why wouldn't she initiate every single time? This is going to end poorly. You're already trying to decipher and decode language she might be talking to you in. Not a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firestarter1069 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Well the texting has continued 6 days a week, her initiating all but once. The only time I initiated was to give her information about something involving the work place which she asked me to do. About a week and a half ago I was at home and got this text, "I know you are probably out at the bar but did you ever see the movie Horrible Bosses"? I said not for awhile and I'm actually at home. Her reply was "Oh, well it's on Showtime in 5 minutes." I text her back saying I got it on. We texted throughout the movie laughing it up etc. The movie ends and she says to me thanks for "watching"....seriously. We then say our goodnights as it was rather late. A few days later we had bad weather and she text me saying that she made it home safe a co worker took her home and she was going to be taking the following day off due to not having her car. So I said to her why waste a vacation day for bad weather, if you need a ride I will swing by and pick you up. I only said this because I figured she'd say no. Well she replied back and said, "If you are serious, I will accept the ride in." So I pick her up and as we are talking she says to me, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but these past few weeks I feel like I'm getting to know you all over again, like a new person, which is a good thing." I'm not really sure how to end this post so I will end it with a question. Did me going into "ghost" mode for all that time have anything to do with this current situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Well the texting has continued 6 days a week, her initiating all but once. The only time I initiated was to give her information about something involving the work place which she asked me to do. About a week and a half ago I was at home and got this text, "I know you are probably out at the bar but did you ever see the movie Horrible Bosses"? I said not for awhile and I'm actually at home. Her reply was "Oh, well it's on Showtime in 5 minutes." I text her back saying I got it on. We texted throughout the movie laughing it up etc. The movie ends and she says to me thanks for "watching"....seriously. We then say our goodnights as it was rather late. A few days later we had bad weather and she text me saying that she made it home safe a co worker took her home and she was going to be taking the following day off due to not having her car. So I said to her why waste a vacation day for bad weather, if you need a ride I will swing by and pick you up. I only said this because I figured she'd say no. Well she replied back and said, "If you are serious, I will accept the ride in." So I pick her up and as we are talking she says to me, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but these past few weeks I feel like I'm getting to know you all over again, like a new person, which is a good thing." I'm not really sure how to end this post so I will end it with a question. Did me going into "ghost" mode for all that time have anything to do with this current situation? Bro instead of reading so much into what she is saying why don't you just tell her. "Look if you miss me do something about it, get a bite to eat with me tomorrow". If she wants to text this much then she shouldn't have a problem going out. This should be able to tell you everything. You're already talking to her you mine as well just try to get things moving along. Going NC right now isn't going to do you any good because you're still going to be telling yourself, "What if?" Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I read your other posts on this situation, and I'm not sure what exactly makes you think you were ever truly in "ghost" mode or NC at all. Sure, you didn't initiate contact at all, but when her friends would approach you, you would talk about the relationship. That's breaking NC. So is telling them that you're there for your ex, when/if she wants to talk. That's breaking NC too. And from what you've written, you'd maybe only have a few months together before she pushed you away again, so what's the point? This is just stringing you along, playing by her rules, and you getting your hopes up falsely. There's no way that your head is anywhere ready to make a logical decision about what's best for you, based on her past behavior. If it was, you'd realize that this situation is one that you need to get far, far away from for your own good. Go back and read your old posts, and ask if that's something you want to go through again. Because by you accepting her back in any capacity, you're telling her that it's OK to push you away whenever she needs to. And that you'll be there for more when she needs you to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I read your other posts on this situation, and I'm not sure what exactly makes you think you were ever truly in "ghost" mode or NC at all. Sure, you didn't initiate contact at all, but when her friends would approach you, you would talk about the relationship. That's breaking NC. So is telling them that you're there for your ex, when/if she wants to talk. That's breaking NC too. And from what you've written, you'd maybe only have a few months together before she pushed you away again, so what's the point? This is just stringing you along, playing by her rules, and you getting your hopes up falsely. There's no way that your head is anywhere ready to make a logical decision about what's best for you, based on her past behavior. If it was, you'd realize that this situation is one that you need to get far, far away from for your own good. Go back and read your old posts, and ask if that's something you want to go through again. Because by you accepting her back in any capacity, you're telling her that it's OK to push you away whenever she needs to. And that you'll be there for more when she needs you to be. Uhh what about checking their pages is that breaking NC too? =x Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl1980 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I understand why you feel hopeful after her wanting to text and what she said on the ride into work. But I feel like you might be setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Unless she outright tells you she messed up and wants you back it's just friendship or whatever you might call it....I would either talk to her about it or ask her to hang out and see what she says, or pull away to avoid being hurt anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Uhh what about checking their pages is that breaking NC too? =x Yes, definitely. That's worse than talking about it to friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yes, definitely. That's worse than talking about it to friends. Damn I haven't been NC at all then Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Damn I haven't been NC at all then No, you haven't. NC means no communication and no checking up on them, absolutely no insights into their life whatsoever. NC is meant to detach and heal and get your head straight. You can't do that very effectively if you are keeping tabs on her and know what she's up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 No, you haven't. NC means no communication and no checking up on them, absolutely no insights into their life whatsoever. NC is meant to detach and heal and get your head straight. You can't do that very effectively if you are keeping tabs on her and know what she's up to. Do you believe there should ever be a time you could/should break NC to see if you can mend a previous relationship? Even if you feel better about where you are in life? Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I would just be very causious. Remember how you felt during your lowest moment. I would take things extremely slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Firestarter1069 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have YET another question. This past Friday I made a comment about a basketball team we both root for that had just lost, and said jokingly, "maybe if I was watching with more fans of our team they would win." She texted back saying that can be arranged. Then immediately followed that text with, "sorry if that was awkward." I told her it's not awkward and no worries. Sunday we were texting again and the same team plays Wednesday night and it's actually on national TV. She said "That's awesome, too bad I have to work Wednesday or we could go somewhere and watch it." Then again followed that up with the sorry if that was awkward thing. And again I said no worries, it's not awkward. Question is why is she thinking it would be awkward, even after I told her the first time it wasn't? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 She thinks it would be awkward because she sees you as a platonic friend now, whereas you see her as a love interest. If she's in contact with you, it's so she feels less lonely and better about herself while she looks for her new boyfriend.... it's not to explore a reconciliation, sorry. Also, she LOVES the attention and ego-strokes of your romantic interest. Stop being her safety net: go NC and let her see what life is like without you! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie101 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I'd personally, just say to her I'm not your friend and im not interested in being your friend there's to many feelings there, if you wanna sort us out you know where I am and how to get hold of me the door will be open but for nothing more than that...if not we have nothing more to talk about, take care of yourself. Then go strict nc and see what happens, if nothing does then you've already left if it does then you got to assume it's cause she wants to reconcile, but that's just me, I'm a novice in this break up crap so I don't know haha Link to post Share on other sites
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