I hate getting a crush on women and becoming infatuated.

[somedude81]

OP, I thought you were smacking her a$$ the other night during sex. What happened?

 

Not the same woman SC... SD has a FWB whose ass he smacks, and BG who he hardly knows who is his "perfect woman".

 

Yup, it's not the same woman. I haven't even kissed my crush.

 

Sex with my FWB is fantastic but we're never going to date each other. We are different people who are looking for and want different things.

 

My experience with her has also shown me that a purely sexual thing just isn't enough for me right now.

[somedude81]

I'm not following your last comment.

 

Don't you want to raise your value to that of an employed, 33 year old male?

 

 

Who would therefore have more value in general?

 

What does this even mean?!?

 

How narrow are you trying to make your options?

 

It was sarcasm that I have to put in a ton of effort to be good enough for a woman whose only qualities are that she is young and cute.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'd like to believe that's true, though honestly I'm still worried. Something tells me that even if I had a nice job Busy Girl still wouldn't be interested in me.

Probably she wouldn't be! but having your life in order including a job that supports you is a step in the right direction where girlfriends are concerned for sure!! Don't get the wrong idea of course guys and girls with great jobs still have dating and relationship problems all the time!!

[Weezy1973]

The only real negative about her, is that she doesn't like me. And that's not exactly a fault.

 

The minimum requirement of a girlfriend has to be that she likes you back. The one "negative" here is the only one that actually matters. Everything else is irrelevant.

[amaysngrace]

What do you look like? Looks are everything.

[alphamale]

Looks are everything.

indeed amaysngrace

[elaine567]

Seems to me whilst you are obsessing over the perfect girl and having your physical needs met by your FWB, then you are in a situation that protects your heart.

Are you just in fact hiding away? If no women is going to come up to the exacting standards of the pedestal you have placed BG on, then it is impossible for you to date successfully... hence you are justified in staying in your cosy little rut.

 

So whilst being infatuated by unobtainable women is not comfortable, it is a lot more comfortable than going out there and having your heart potentially broken in two, by dating real live women.

[somedude81]

What do you look like? Looks are everything.

 

Light skin, brown hair, brown eyes, 5'5, average body, slightly above average looks. I know the major hurdle is my height. BTW, she's only 5'1 - 5'2.

 

Seems to me whilst you are obsessing over the perfect girl and having your physical needs met by your FWB, then you are in a situation that protects your heart.

Are you just in fact hiding away? If no women is going to come up to the exacting standards of the pedestal you have placed BG on, then it is impossible for you to date successfully... hence you are justified in staying in your cosy little rut.

 

So whilst being infatuated by unobtainable women is not comfortable, it is a lot more comfortable than going out there and having your heart potentially broken in two, by dating real live women.

 

I'm a little confused on what you mean by protecting my heart.

 

First of all, yes my physical needs are met by my FWB. It is so relieving to not be starving for sex. I know that I'm very lucky to have this arrangement with her.

 

Despite my sex needs being met it still hurts that I am single. I want a GF and all the perks that it brings. I am very lonely.

 

I am absolutely not choosing to not date women to avoid pain. I wish I could be dating women now. Ideally I would like to be dating BG but I know that it will most likely never happen. Aside from her there are no women that I'm currently interested in. Heck the only women I'm even in contact with are BG and FWB.

 

Once I get a job I'll start putting in effort into OLD, but even then I don't expect much. I just don't think I'm physically appealing enough to succeed in the man catalog. Other than that, I don't really know how to meet women to date.

[Imajerk17]

SD if you feel that the same thing keeps happening to you it is that you keep *doing* the same thing. It is the source of a lot of your problems.

 

See, most people meet plenty of others whom are not interested. That's a part of life and dating. The difference is most others quickly move on while you seem to fixate on the girl. It hardly ever works.

 

If you really were as serious about getting a girlfriend as you say you are, you would be doing a lot more to meet more women--new hobbies, online dating, social circle, ect.

Edited January 27, 2015 by Imajerk17

[amaysngrace]

Light skin, brown hair, brown eyes, 5'5, average body, slightly above average looks.

 

That all sounds okay so maybe you need to work on your confidence.

 

First off cute younger 20-something's aren't going to be flattered that an old guy (which you are in their eyes) is hitting on them. They're more likely to be grossed out.

 

So...if you want to stop being rejected try to understand the dynamic. It's not you specifically that is creeping them out but just the fact that another old guy is hitting on them is most likely what's bothering them.

 

Don't take it personally.

[somedude81]

SD if you feel that the same thing keeps happening to you it is that you keep *doing* the same thing. It is the source of a lot of your problems.

 

See, most people meet plenty of others whom are not interested. That's a part of life and dating. The difference is most others quickly move on while you seem to fixate on the girl. It hardly ever works.

 

I have quickly moved on from a lot of girls last year.

 

My normal routine has been to meet and become interested in a lot of women in college every semester. Then I quickly go through them trying to find out which ones are available. When I find the ones that are, I try to pursue them, and usually quickly give up if things don't work out.

 

But every couple of years I meet one girl who turns out to be everything I'm looking for in a woman and end up having an extremely hard time moving on from after she inventively rejects me. Currently that girl is BG. Before her it was my ex I dated in 2013. From 2009 to early 2011 it was a girl that I've made several threads about. I have pursued and then walked away from around 15 other girls since 2009. All of them were at least casual friends.

 

If you really were as serious about getting a girlfriend as you say you are, you would be doing a lot more to meet more women--new hobbies, online dating, social circle, ect.

 

I wonder how many women I actually have to meet and get to know till I can get another girlfriend? Honestly it feels like my success rate is one out of one hundred and that seems like it's way too low.

[somedude81]

That all sounds okay so maybe you need to work on your confidence.

 

I am trying to.

 

I just recently accomplished a major goal of mine and I'm finally out of college.

 

Pretty soon I'm going to have a job and start to feel like an actual adult.

 

I have regular sex with an attractive young woman in her early 20's and she does an awesome job of blowing up my ego by what she says about my performance.

 

But I still feel that something is missing. Most likely it's because I've put so much value on having a GF that few other things actually matter. That's one thing my therapist is trying to help me with, but I think I may be too much for her to handle.

[amaysngrace]

But I still feel that something is missing. Most likely it's because I've put so much value on having a GF that few other things actually matter. That's one thing my therapist is trying to help me with, but I think I may be too much for her to handle.

 

No I doubt that. But you may be onto something there. It's not wise to try to tie your happiness into being with someone. It's too much pressure for anyone to be somebody's whole entire source of happiness.

 

Women are going to pick up on that and avoid you like the plague. It's just too much weight to carry.

 

But good job on your degree and getting laid!!

[Weezy1973]

I am trying to.

 

I just recently accomplished a major goal of mine and I'm finally out of college.

 

Pretty soon I'm going to have a job and start to feel like an actual adult.

 

I have regular sex with an attractive young woman in her early 20's and she does an awesome job of blowing up my ego by what she says about my performance.

 

But I still feel that something is missing. Most likely it's because I've put so much value on having a GF that few other things actually matter. That's one thing my therapist is trying to help me with, but I think I may be too much for her to handle.

 

SD, I've been following you since I joined LS about 3 years ago, and I have to say, you've come a long way! Not only with the school stuff (although great job with that), but also with deeper things. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I get frustrated reading your posts, but overall I think you're doing an amazing job and I'm certain if you keep working at it, you'll find the things you're looking for...

[SJC2008]

I am trying to.

 

I just recently accomplished a major goal of mine and I'm finally out of college.

 

Pretty soon I'm going to have a job and start to feel like an actual adult.

 

I have regular sex with an attractive young woman in her early 20's and she does an awesome job of blowing up my ego by what she says about my performance.

 

But I still feel that something is missing. Most likely it's because I've put so much value on having a GF that few other things actually matter. That's one thing my therapist is trying to help me with, but I think I may be too much for her to handle.

 

Congrats on graduating!

 

What am I missing on this fwb? Why don't you date her?

[SJC2008]

Congrats on graduating!

 

What am I missing on this fwb? Why don't you date her?

 

 

 

My bad, I missed the part where you said you all are different people. You're still further ahead than me. At least you have a fwb.

[the tank]

Search on google : ''How to cure oneitis''.

[okc85]

Why do you go after the wrong people?

 

 

Maybe this video wlll enlighten you a bit. It sure helped me

[TigerLilly78]

This is getting tiring. 33 years old and I’ve barely changed from how I was in Jr. High.

 

You anwsered your own question you need to mature and start to open your eyes to the fact that everything we see isent always what we need its immature. When you can get past the outside and get to know women a bit better before you allow your imagnation to run with it then you will start to have better chances with women..the right ones!

[TigerLilly78]

 

I'm not sure why anybody would prefer harsh reality.

 

.

 

Because its a genuine starting point to improvement rather then sitting there obsessing in fantisey land wasting time..

[JuneJulySeptember]

This is getting tiring. 33 years old and I’ve barely changed from how I was in Jr. High. I’m still getting very strong crushes on girls who have no interest in me. I’ve only ever had one woman return my feelings for her and she became my first and only girlfriend. Sadly she suddenly dumped me after six months.

 

Now here I am once again with a very strong crush on a girl who has no interest in me. Very soon she’s going to completely exit my life and just like almost all the others, with only one exception my ex, I never even went on a single date with her. I’m so tired of meeting amazing girls that I feel are perfect for me, and then they all disappear.

 

Will this ever stop? I don’t know how to break out of this loop. I feel that there is something very wrong with me because the girls I like never like me back. I’m absolutely not looking forward to meeting yet another girl that I became infatuated with, and having her turn out like all the others that came before her.

 

I'm somewhat similar.

 

I run into women I am attracted to all of the time, and the vast majority of them I have absolutely no chance with.

 

The thing to do is tone down your attraction. You will soon realize attraction is about 90% looks. So, you really like that cute girl in class who smiled at you. The really cool 60 year old woman with one eye who you had that great conversation with? Not so much.

 

We, as humans can control basically anything we do with enough effort.

 

I understand where you are coming from. It must be a pretty amazing feeling to think somebody is hot and they think you are hot back. But it's like being 6'2" to me. Not in this lifetime! You just have to deal with the cards life has dealt you.

Edited January 27, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[preraph]

The minimum requirement of a girlfriend has to be that she likes you back. The one "negative" here is the only one that actually matters. Everything else is irrelevant.

 

This is wisdom boiled down to its essential elements.

[DirtyHairy]

Well it does suck when a girl doesn't return the feelings of attraction that you have for them.

 

At the same time though I have had a few crushes on some girls since my last girlfriend left me (seems like I'm 12 saying crushes not sure why tho lol) and I kind of like it. All of them have been friends so its weird because I get these crushes on women I am friends with. I have only acted on it once and it went fairly well but in the end after a little bit she wasn't ready to commit which sucks. We still hang out as friends and she introduces me as her friend and specifically says we aren't together (she always says this for some reason lol) but anyways I still have a mad crush on her but also crushing on someone else.

 

At least when you have crushes or are getting these feelings you can either A-act on it and try for a relationship or B-you can just become friends and maybe they will somehow introduce you to someone who you can date.

Getting crushes is good. It means you can feel things. If you DIDN'T get crushes that might be a problem. It does suck when they don't reciprocate your feelings but one day someone will and then BOOM you got yourself an awesome girlfriend

[BlueIris]

The thing to do is tone down your attraction. You will soon realize attraction is about 90% looks. So, you really like that cute girl in class who smiled at you.

 

Though this is not true everyone. Personality and connection are more than 50% of attraction for many people.

 

It often seems that people who believe that attraction is overwhelmingly about physical appearance are more frustrated than people who don't believe that. It might be because if you choose by other criteria as well, or primarily, and realize that others might also be doing that, there is more neutrality and acceptance that sometimes people just don't fit, but are still good people. It might also be that people who don't choose overwhelmingly by looks and general sociability assume that it will take time before developing crushes. So it could be easier to attach only after getting to know someone one on one.

[mefisto]

A-act on it and try for a relationship or B-you can just become friends and maybe they will somehow introduce you to someone who you can date.

Getting crushes is good. It means you can feel things. If you DIDN'T get crushes that might be a problem. It does suck when they don't reciprocate your feelings but one day someone will and then BOOM you got yourself an awesome girlfriend

Its funny how experiences of the same things can be so opposite for some people. I never, not even once, could become "friend" with girls who rejected me. They all just stopped talking to me, avoided me at all costs, ignored my messages, behave like nothing happened, like i never existed in their lives. And even if they didnt have this attitude, how can you be friend? Listen to their stories how they met another boyfriend? What a horrible friendship. I hate getting crushes. They bring nothing but misery. I wish i could become senseless robot.